Chapter 46: The Power of the Sei Family

Thanks to the air conditioning, the floor feels cool and refreshing. It’s like having one of those cooling gel sheets stuck to your forehead. I haven’t caught a cold since middle school, so this nostalgic sensation is oddly comforting. Haha.

“Um, could you stop this already?”

“I cannot lift my head until you grant us forgiveness! Please, I beg of you!”

“No, seriously, give me a break…”

A break, huh? That’s my line! Just let us go! Don’t call our guardians! I’m begging you!

“Listen, I’m not asking for a dogeza or anything, and it’s not like I’m trying to bully you.”

Oh, please! What kind of nonsense is this? If you’re not trying to bully us, then let us go right now!

…Am I gonna get arrested for obstructing official duties? The thought is making me nervous, but at this point, there’s no turning back.

“Uh, well, this whole incident is clearly abnormal, and it’s something your parents should really—”

“Please, I beg of you!”

“Wait, stop! You’re going to kill yourself at this rate!”

Slamming his head against the floor with such force, you’d think he was trying to crack it open, he continued to plead. Worried about a minor getting injured inside the police box, the officers started panicking. Alright, now for one final push…

“Enough of this nonsense! Tell me what school you’re from!”

Crap, crap, crap—this is bad. Mentioning the school is off-limits. I doubt it’ll lead to expulsion, but I’m already treated like a pariah. They call me Omutsaa, for crying out loud. If this incident gets out, I’ll be done for—I’ll be hanging by a thread, literally.

“Alright, it’s about time you told me your names.”

Crap, crap, crap—this is Yabaiskrinic! Up till now, the five of us have been careful not to call each other by name, but at this point, staying silent isn’t an option.

What do we do? Use a fake name? …No, that’ll never work! Attack the officers? That’s the worst idea yet. Should I rely on Toumei-senpai to bail us out? But there’s no guarantee she’s around, and even if she is, I can’t just casually drag her into this. If she intervenes, it’ll have to look like someone else did it. Causing a scene outside to distract them could work, but then an innocent third party might get blamed.

“I’m Sei. Sei Shiro.”

Wha—you’re giving your name?! If you do that, it’ll be our turn next! I mean, yeah, we have to fess up at this point, but couldn’t you resist just a little longer…?

“Ah, finally… Wait, Sei?”

Huh? Something seems off with the cops.

“Sei, as in…?”

“Yes, from that family. The clan of curse breakers.”

Oh, so that’s it. Her family name actually carries weight. I had no idea who the Sei family was, but apparently, the older folks around here sure do.

“Just remember, multipurpose toilets are meant for wheelchair users and similar cases. Only use them in emergencies, okay?”

“Got it. Thanks! We’ll be leaving now.”

“…Right. Take care.”

Shirooooo! Are you serious right now?!

Well, I can’t say no to Sei-sensei. Sure, this whole mess was her fault to begin with, but hey—out of sight, out of mind, right?

“Shiro’s Place is Pretty Impressive.”

“…Yeah.”

Huh? Is this the kind of topic I shouldn’t push further? Oh, right. There was a similar vibe right after we got to Shiro’s house. What was it again? Something about whether being a curse breaker pays well or not…

“So, who is this girl? What’s your relationship? ‘Shiro’ is your first name, right? Why are you calling another girl by her first name? That’s supposed to be an exclusive privilege of childhood friends! Don’t go handing that right out to just anyone, got it?”

Oh crap, I completely forgot Kaede was here. That’s right, this issue isn’t resolved yet. I was so relieved we avoided both the toilet nightmare and getting detained that I let my guard down.

“Speaking of which, isn’t it about time you started calling me by my first name too? You did before, didn’t you? Why’d you go back to using my last name? If you don’t take the lead and call me by my first name, I’ll be too embarrassed to do the same for you.”

Honestly, I don’t care what I call you. In fact, Kumanokyo is such a long last name that using your first name would be a relief for me. But… is it really okay? Can I actually do it?

I glanced over at Kaede. She didn’t look happy. It’s hard to describe—she looked annoyed but also kind of amused at the same time. Strange, but you get the idea, right?

“Calm down, okay? I’ve been through too much today and I’m exhausted.”

Try going through what I’ve experienced. A weaker person’s mind would’ve snapped. Facing four people in succession, seated in a certain position, doing that—no sane person would survive that. Even with a partner or spouse, no one would ever choose that situation to… you know.

“Getting worked up over being stopped by the cops? Some man you are.”

No, that’s not what I meant! I mean, yeah, the police thing was rough too, but that’s not what’s killing me. My forehead still hurts. I hit it way too hard earlier.

“I hate to bring this up, but don’t you think all this toilet talk is a bit… crude? After what happened, I can’t see you girls as anything but—”

“What are you even saying? Thanks to you, we couldn’t go to the bathroom for over half a day! If you think about it, doesn’t that make you responsible for managing our bodily functions? And if that’s the case, it was your duty to stay and witness the end result! But instead, you held your breath and looked away—that’s total dereliction of duty.

“Why didn’t you tell us anything before leaving the house? I tore apart every lid I could find, so now my hands and nails are a wreck. Plus, I punched a yakuza, so my knuckles are cut too. Aww, you’ve gone and damaged a perfectly fine young lady. That means you’ve got to take responsibility. No matter what the circumstances, if you injure a girl, you marry her that day and make kids that day. That’s the rule. Prepare yourself—there’s no getting out of this.

“Oh, and that’s not all. My feet got all sweaty from walking around. You’re responsible for that too, so you should clean them with your tongue, right? Kaede’s soles, twelve hours of sweat buildup—enjoy the delicacy!”

“First aid! Let’s get you first aid! You’ll scar if we don’t!”

Compared to that weird performance earlier, this isn’t as bad, but no way. Feet? They’re dirtier than, well, certain private areas. Licking them might literally kill me. People die surprisingly easily, you know? I read about someone dying from bacteria in leftover bathwater. Feet are definitely worse. Even if I dodged an infection, it’d still be gross. I’m not into that. Even freshly washed feet? Hard pass.

“Sakamoto, as a virgin, you wouldn’t get it, but girls sweat between their boobs. Oh, wait—Chairman, Kaede, and the little one wouldn’t understand either. Anyway, let’s leave weak women aside. This sweat is a real problem—”

“Use a towel! I’ll buy you one from the convenience store!”

“I don’t need it! Just lick it off, and it’ll solve everything. If you’ve got money to waste on towels, buy some stamina boosters instead. Go on, hurry up and lick. If you don’t, I’ll get a rash in my cleavage. Is that what you want? A rash on my beautiful body? Or maybe you’re into rash-covered cleavage? Gross. But, well, I’m generous. My chest, my butt, my heart—they’re all big enough to accept even a twisted pervert like you. Now, let’s work up a sweat together. First, we’ll—”

“I like clean girls! Clean!”

My heart… it can’t rest. If it were just one-on-one, I could pull off some desperate move to escape. But if I make one wrong move, I’ll end up alienating the others.

“For now, let’s head to Kogoro’s house. Your mom seems upset about her son’s wandering eyes, after all. We’ve got to introduce this little homewrecker too.”

Upset? Oh, right. That idiot Shiro said something unnecessary on the phone. I’d forgotten with all the chaos, but it was something seriously bad.

Wait, introducing Shiro? No way. That’s a terrible idea. She’ll totally get along with my mom, and then I’ll have yet another girl crashing at my place every weekend.

Somebody! Anybody! Help me! I’ve had enough bad luck! Just once—throw me a bone! You can’t survive on nothing but the stick!