Chapter 45: A Teenager’s First Time at the Police Box

What am I even doing…?

In the end, I did the same with all of them. Thanks to the water sound generator, I didn’t have to hear any unpleasant sounds, and since we were holding each other, I didn’t have to see anything gross either. The smell? Well, there was no avoiding that, but at least the damage was minimal.

But still… but still…

“It’s the first time someone other than my parents has wiped me.”

“…It’s the first time I’ve wiped anyone, too.”

This is lifelong trauma for me. I seriously respect people who work in caregiving. Even dealing with four beautiful girls, my spirit was drained. And don’t even get me started on the bidet. It splashed back onto me. Ugh, it’s disgusting.

“Hey, why have you been washing your hands so thoroughly for a while now? And why are you using so much hand soap? Wastefulness isn’t okay, you know? These are public supplies, so you have to use them within reason. I mean, the way you’re doing it, it’s like you’re treating us as if we’re dirty or something. Wow, I’m seriously questioning your sanity here.”

Everything you just said? That’s exactly how I feel. We’re in a multi-purpose toilet, all five of us, doing something absurd. This isn’t just embarrassing—it’s way worse than anything sexual.

“So, Kogoro, care to tell us what exactly you were up to with this girl yesterday?”

Honestly, isn’t what’s happening now way more important than whatever happened yesterday? Compared to this, yesterday’s events were child’s play.

“H-Hey, I’ll tell you, okay? But can we at least get out of here first? This is seriously causing trouble for everyone.”

We’ve been holed up in here for about an hour, haven’t we? This isn’t just inconsiderate; it’s way beyond that. It wouldn’t be surprising if some manager-type person came to check on us.

“I’m fine with staying here. Sakamoto’s already crossed the line with everyone here. There’s no way he’s running off.”

Oh, I’ve crossed the line, all right. I’ve crossed a line that should never, ever be crossed. We’re literally bonded in filth now. And yeah, I’m not running away. I’ve lost the will to escape, probably since the moment Kumanokyo and I ended up in that face-to-face bathroom situation.

“Well, I already crossed the line with him yesterday. Compared to that, this little game we’re playing now is nothing.”

Maybe it’s true in a sexual sense, but in terms of sheer gravity, this situation is far worse. Mixed bathing? Sharing a bed? Teenagers might do that sort of thing. But this? Even the most experienced playboys wouldn’t dare try it. This might be a first in human history. At the very least, no one’s done it with four girls in a row. If someone has, they seriously need to rethink their life choices.

“Kogoro-chan, why don’t we have our little talk here? In this nice, uninterrupted space, for a good hour or so…”

“No, seriously, if we stay any longer, someone’s going to report us—”

I was mid-sentence—about to say, “We might get reported if we stay any longer”—when it happened.

“Excuse me! You’ve been in there for quite a while. Is everything okay?”

…So, what now? No, seriously, what do we do?

Judging from their tone, this person isn’t just another user but likely someone in charge. How do I even explain this situation?

…All right.

“Everyone… on my signal, open the door all at once and scatter. Just run in different directions.”

I whispered the plan to the group. If it’s just a manager, we should be able to get away by running. They wouldn’t chase us down, right?

Maybe because our interests aligned, the others seemed to agree. Okay, they got it, right? They got it. Let’s go with that.

“Hello? Are you there?”

“…Ready? All right… on my signal… one, two…”

We threw the door open and bolted out. Or at least, we tried.

“Oh? Finally coming out, are we? Now then, you kids… can we have a little chat?”

P-Police… officers?!

Wow, so this is what the inside of a police box looks like. Oh, is this the mascot character? What’s it supposed to be based on? It’s not exactly cute, but it’s got this weird charm to it.

Still, there are a lot of posters and slogans around. “Be on the lookout for suspicious individuals” and “Patrols intensified”—those phrases really hit hard.

“So, let’s get right to it… What exactly were you all doing? Hmm?”

What were we doing? I’d like to know myself. I can’t even put it into words.

Being honest is obviously not an option. If we told the truth, they’d contact a hospital before they reached out to our school or families. You know what? Maybe that’s not such a bad idea. Let’s all just check into a mental institution together. I mean, those girls are definitely unhinged, and at this point, I’m losing it too.

I can’t even see them as women anymore. Whatever shred of romantic interest I had has been completely obliterated.

“We were deepening our bonds.”

Please, class rep, don’t say cryptic things with such a serious face. The only thing that’s deepened is the chasm between us. It’s so deep that falling into it would be fatal.

“…I really don’t want to say this to kids… ah, no, with today’s world being so sensitive, I really don’t want to say this, but… uh…”

He’s stumbling over his words, but I know what the cop’s getting at. He’s probably ninety percent sure we were fooling around sexually. Honestly, I can’t blame him for thinking that. Anyone would assume the same. But that’s not the truth. The truth is… it was a hellish stench-filled nightmare. That’s all it was. Sure, we were all partially undressed, but that’s a minor detail. The fact that I, a healthy high school boy, didn’t even get aroused proves that there was zero sexual content involved.

I have to act fast before these girls say something stupid. I need to take control of the conversation.

“I swear, we weren’t doing anything indecent!”

“Hmm… You don’t seem like you’re lying, but given the circumstances, it’s hard not to suspect something…”

Exactly. From the outside, it must look like some guy’s dream scenario—a wild party with a bunch of beautiful girls. But if you peeked inside, it was a scene straight out of a nightmare. Screaming, chaos, and… well, you get the idea.

“Then go ahead and do a urine test! Right now!”

“What? A urine test?”

“If we were doing anything indecent, you’d find protein or something in my urine, right? You can even check our belongings! We don’t have any condoms! Look at their stuff, or even check the trash can in the bathroom! There aren’t any used condoms in there either! If you think we did it raw, then—”

“Calm down! Calm down! No one’s accusing you of that.”

Liar. You’re definitely suspicious of us. You’re just trying to get us to slip up. I know how this works.

“Okay, let’s go with the assumption that you weren’t doing anything indecent. That said, what were you doing? Because, honestly, a group of guys and girls locking themselves in a toilet cubicle for so long is just… abnormal.”

Uh… I definitely can’t say we were, uh, taking care of business. How do I spin this? Stay calm. But think fast. If I don’t answer soon, they’ll get even more suspicious. And if I stall too long, one of these girls might blurt out something stupid.

“And you tried to run, didn’t you? When you opened the door, you all tried to make a dash for it, right?”

“No! I just thought we were causing trouble and wanted to leave as soon as possible…”

“Then why were you holed up in there for so long to begin with?”

Please, just understand! There are things we just can’t say! Just let us go already!

“Um… we were just chatting…”

“In the bathroom? There are libraries, cafes, and burger joints for that sort of thing, aren’t there?”

A library, huh…? I guess if I’d said we didn’t have money, it could’ve worked for a café or burger joint, but if a library was an option, that excuse falls flat.

No, forget the excuse. Chatting in the bathroom just doesn’t hold water, no matter how you spin it.

What am I supposed to do now? Are they really going to call my parents or the school? There’s been so much going on that I don’t even know what’s real anymore…