Chapter 37: The “I’m About to Go” Scam

Ahh… I feel alive again. From hell to heaven, from desert to oasis, uh… no, whatever. The point is, I’m happy.

If I had the authority to hand out the Nobel Peace Prize, I’d give it to the person who invented air conditioning without hesitation.

“Taking a break doesn’t mean you can let your face go slack like that, geez.”

“You’re no better.”

Even if she’s complaining with that blissed-out look, there’s not a shred of credibility in her words.

Surely, gender or nationality doesn’t matter. With just one air conditioner, humanity’s pursuit of happiness is fulfilled.

“The combination of the AC and a fan is amazing. It feels way too good.”

This kind of luxury would never fly at my house. Sure, it’s probably cheaper than lowering the AC’s temperature, but my mom is so stubborn. It’s like how leaving the lights on briefly can be cheaper than switching them off, but she won’t listen to any arguments about inrush current or anything like that. Man, I really don’t want to end up like her.

“Hey, you’re in a girl’s room for once—shouldn’t you have something more to say?”

Shut up. I’ve just been through a storm of… training? Uh, yeah, training. Three consecutive rounds of it left me exhausted. I don’t have the energy to come up with thoughts about a plain, boring room like this.

…So, are stuffed animals in a girl’s room just some virgin’s fantasy? There’s nothing here but robots and figures from battle manga. Cute face, good taste. Oh, hey, that’s the one I couldn’t get thanks to those scalpers. I’ll have to ask her later how she got it.

“You could say something like, ‘It smells nice,’ or, ‘My heart’s pounding with nerves,’ you know?”

Even if you tell me it smells nice, I sniffed Shiro’s scent to the limit earlier, so my sense of smell is fried. My heart’s already worn out from the sauna, and if I’m overstimulated now, it might actually stop.

“After being pressed up against each other in that sauna-like thing, there’s no way I’d get nervous now.”

What the hell was that even about? Honestly, it was a surreal experience. Stuff like that doesn’t even happen at certain, uh, “places.” Not that I’d know—I’ve never been.

“Wait, don’t tell me you were thinking impure thoughts during training? Focus already!”

Look who’s talking. You had a face like a heat-struck monkey in rut. I was half-convinced you were about to pounce on me.

Let’s just change the topic. If this conversation goes any further in that direction, it’ll be a pain to deal with.

“Still, Shiro’s room is packed with shonen manga.”

Well, that’s probably normal for a young person’s room these days. Honestly, the fact that there aren’t any shady self-help books here is a sign of good health.

“What? They’re classics, so who cares?”

Hey, I’m not criticizing. I’m in the camp that considers manga a legitimate form of literature.

“This one’s a must-read. Try it.”

“I already have it. I’ve even watched the anime and own the game.”

“No way! Then what about this one?”

“I’ve seen the anime, but I’ve never read the original.”

Now that I think about it, our tastes might actually overlap a lot. There’s not a single manga here that I don’t recognize.

“You should just stay over tonight.”

Huh? You’re as extreme as ever with your jokes. If I did that, who knows what the Yandere Trio would do to me? Worst-case scenario, they might storm this house.

Wait, hold on. Could I directly break their curses? Or is that impossible because it’s my curse in the first place?

“Why?”

“So we can talk all night.”

A young man and woman talking about manga all night? In this day and age, wouldn’t a call be enough? Back then, phone bills might have been scary, but now there are plenty of free calling tools.

“My friends don’t read manga like this, you know?”

Ah, I see. She’s starved for chances to talk about manga with friends. Now that I think about it, most of these are from a generation ago. Sure, girls might read shonen manga, but they probably don’t go for the gritty, old-school kind. These days, the protagonists are all sleek and handsome. Wait, am I sounding like an old man here?

“So, what do you usually talk about with your friends?”

I decided to shift the topic to avoid the sleepover. Though, if I’m honest, I’m a little curious.

“…”

Huh? Did I just ask something bad? I know this is an era where even minor comments can be flagged as harassment, but was this out of line? Sure, asking personal questions unrelated to work is a no-go in the workplace, but we’re students—shouldn’t it be fine?

“Shiro-chan?”

“Uh… makeup, fashion, and, um, trendy cafes…”

Yep, I’m convinced now. She doesn’t have many friends.

Not that it’s surprising. She doesn’t seem like the type other girls would get along with easily.

I can’t really judge, though. I don’t have many friends either. And thanks to the Yandere Incident—no, at this point, it’s more like the Yandere Calamity—the few I had are all gone. Now I’m treated like some diaper-wearing monster surrounded by beautiful women.

What the hell even is a “diaper monster”? The more I think about it, the more it annoys me. Seriously, calling me a “monster”? That’s just too much.

“I see…”

“What’s with that look? You’re doubting me, aren’t you?”

Come on, I’m trying to be considerate here.

“No… nothing like that…”

“You’re thinking I’m a difficult woman, aren’t you?”

Well, yeah. A woman this troublesome without any curse influence is rare.

Not that I’m in a position to talk—my mom and sister are a handful too.

“That’s part of what makes you cute, though.”

In situations like this, affirming rather than denying tends to work better. I’ve gotten used to dealing with troublesome women.

“Hmph. Trying to charm the uncursed Kurokawa Miyabi? You’re a million light-years too early.”

Light-years measure distance, not time… but whatever.

“Too bad for you, I’m picky about looks.”

“Ha, well, that’s unfortunate.”

I know I’m not much of a looker, but hearing it outright stings. Just because you’re a little attractive yourself…

“Why are you so self-deprecating? You should be honored to be invited into the room of the genius, beautiful curse breaker.”

“Honored” and “glorious” in the same sentence? Isn’t that a bit redundant? But hey, I’m not a language teacher, so I’ll let it slide.

More importantly, what does she even want from me? I’ve been going along with her whims this whole time.

“Do you think I invite just anyone into my room? If you think I’m that kind of easy woman, we need to fix your warped perception.”

Before I can respond, she straddles me as I lie on the floor, spewing her nonsense. What’s she planning? Some kind of ancient grappling move?

“How is it? I’m pretty heavy, right?”

“…So, you’re proving you’re not ‘easy’ by being heavy?”

Is this supposed to be a joke? If I said she’s “light,” she’d get mad and call me out for implying she’s easy. But if I said she’s “heavy,” she’d probably yell, “Are you calling me fat?”

It’s like one of those impossible questions: “How old do I look?” No matter what you answer, you’re screwed. Too high, they’re mad. Too low, they accuse you of lying.

“Think you can reverse this position?”

It’s like she’s trying to distract from her bad joke with this question.

“If I didn’t care about you getting hurt, sure.”

In other words, reversing is impossible. If she actually started hitting me, I’d resist, but still.

“If you hurt me, my curse-breaker powers will make you regret it.”

That’s the first I’ve heard of these “powers.” The name’s terrible; it doesn’t sound impressive at all. Names really do matter.

“Your options are to either endure my torment or agree to the sleepover. What’s it going to be?”

That’s basically no choice at all. There’s no time limit on the “torment,” is there? If I could win by enduring it for a while, maybe I’d choose that, but she’d just keep going until I agreed to stay over anyway.

Her lack of friends explains a lot, but she’s seriously a handful. And the fact that her personality has nothing to do with the curse makes it worse. There’s no hope for improvement.

“Kaede and the others are coming over to my place.”

“And? Is that important right now? Why are you bringing up other girls? If you want to be tormented, just say so—you’re so roundabout.”

Do I really have to explain every little thing? She knows the situation.

“They’re acting crazy because of the curse. If I stay at another girl’s house, who knows what they’ll do?”

They might burn the place down. I don’t want to end up part of some tragic historical reenactment.

“Do you know who you’re talking to? If you stay here, the curse will weaken, and they’ll return to normal.”

“Can that really happen in just one day?”

I’m no expert on curses, but even I know Kurokawa-senpai’s curse is powerful. Taking it slow with training doesn’t seem like it’ll fix anything. Honestly, has any of what we’ve done so far been training? It just feels like we’re goofing around.

“Are you saying you don’t trust me?”

There’s nothing to trust. All I’ve seen are her crazy tendencies.

“Shiro, you might get hurt. We need to be cautious.”

“I’m a genius, so I’ll be fine. Now call your family and let them know you’re staying over. Do it now.”

What a pushy woman. Are you sure about this? If something bad happens, I’m not taking responsibility.

Resigning myself, I reluctantly called my mom.

“Hey, Mom? I’m staying over at a friend’s house tonight. What? Uh… yeah, it’s a guy fr—hey!”

Before I could lie about it being a guy friend’s place, Shiro snatched the phone. A terrible feeling washed over me as she started talking.

“Hello, Mother-in-law! This is Sei Shiro. Yes, I’m romantically involved with Kogoro-kun. We just had a naked bonding experience earlier…”

WHAT?! STOP SAYING THE WORST POSSIBLE THINGS!

“Give it back!”

“Kyaa! K-Kogoro-kun, don’t suddenly stick your fingers in there! Ahh…”