Chapter 3: Which Bento Show

The cherry blossoms are beautiful.

I’ve been wasting my time until now, just strolling past scenery this gorgeous without a second glance.

The sky is beautiful, too. Why was I always looking down? What was I searching for—spare change or something?

That car is so cool. Sure, in the city a car might actually be inconvenient, but still, since I’m a guy, I can’t help dreaming about driving something like that.

“Hey, look at those two…”

“Whew! Things are heating up.”

“Hey, we can hear you.”

Oh, is that a sparrow? It looks kind of thin. Maybe it’s because it’s spring. Isn’t this called the molting season?

“That’s Hiiragi-san and Sakamoto-kun, right?”

“Yeah, do you think they’re together?”

But seriously, the spring temperature swings are insane. Must be a spring thing, huh?

It’s freezing at night, but now it’s hot. Actually, I’m the one feeling hot.

“Kogoro, it feels like everyone’s watching us today.”

“It’s just your imagination.”

The school feels farther away than usual. Why does it seem like it moved overnight?

“Hey, why aren’t you gripping my hand back? I’m the only one holding on, you know.”

“…Because I’m a guy. If I squeeze too hard, it might hurt you.”

“Hehe, Kogoro, you’re so sweet.”

Damn, are we there yet? Someone implement a skip function, please.

Our classmates teased us pretty good. They kept saying stuff like “A new couple just dropped!” Whatever. We’re not a couple, and even if we were, that’d be something to be proud of…

“Sakamoto, hey.”

Huh?

“You’ve got bread again today, huh?”

Great, here comes a pain in the neck.

Before bugging people, at least wear the uniform properly.

People talk about “nice gals who are kind to nerds,” but that’s just a daydream. In reality, gals are always tough on guys like me.

“Yeah? What about it? Leave me alone.”

I brush off this annoying gal, Kumanokyo Momiji.

She’s got such a fierce-sounding surname, yet a cute first name. Momiji? She should have something like Tiger or Dragon instead.

“Don’t be so cold. I made you a bento, you know?”

“Huh? A bento? …A bento?”

She’s the type who probably can’t even make tamagoyaki. And she made a whole bento? For me? No way. Is this some kind of curse from Kurokawa-senpai?

“I was planning to sneak up to the rooftop and eat it, you know? I even broke the lock this morning. But I decided to eat it right here in the classroom and show it off. This is all your fault. I woke up early and made this bento, but then I saw you coming to school with another girl. Can you even imagine how I felt? I wanted to throw the whole bento away. I even thought about tossing myself out along with it. I never even considered keeping tabs on Hiiragi—she was totally off my radar. You’re sitting next to a gorgeous, busty gal, and yet you’re wagging your tail for some random girl instead? Come on. You should be—”

Oh, great. She’s chanting a never-ending mantra. What is she, a monk? Planning to become a nun?

“What were you doing, huh? I just stepped out to the bathroom for a minute, and suddenly you’re having a secret rendezvous. I didn’t see that coming—no exaggeration, this is my life’s biggest blunder. ‘When the demon’s away, do the laundry,’ right? The fact you apparently see me as a demon is shocking, but what’s worse is my Mariana Trench-deep love for you losing out to a mere pair—no, a whole set—of boobs spilling shamelessly like slabs of flesh. I can’t stand it. I’ve got no choice but to loosen up as well, huh? I didn’t want to attract lewd stares from other guys, but I guess I can’t afford to be modest anymore. These are desperate times. Time for the grand reveal…”

“Give me a break. Stop chanting sutras like you’re in a session. And don’t—don’t you dare start undressing! That’s not okay!”

“Stop, stop, stop!”

I grab Kaede’s arms as she reaches for her blouse buttons, preventing her.

“Because if I don’t show my boobs, you’ll cheat on me!”

Stop saying things like that! We’re already the center of attention because of this sutra session, and now you’re shouting that? If you’re going to chant anything, make it a requiem for my human rights, which are about to go up in flames.

Look—now the girls are staring at me like I’m garbage. No, scratch that. It’s worse. Their gaze is like I’m a chimpanzee caught assaulting a defenseless small animal.

“I don’t judge people by their chest size, okay? Calm down.”

Was that the right thing to say? Probably not. There was never a right answer to begin with, but I might have picked the worst possible one.

“Kogoro, Kogoro.”

Momiji tugs at my sleeve, the self-proclaimed gal nuisance.

What now? Go away. Kaede’s my desk neighbor, and if this keeps up, I’ll end up as neighbors with an assassin.

“So you’re saying… you fell for my personality and not my chest, huh?”

Wait, when did I start falling for her?!

You’re nothing but an annoying classmate to me! Though now that I think about it, you’re also terrifying on top of that.

“Anyway, let’s eat lunch, yeah? See this salmon? I picked out every tiny bone with tweezers, you know. Surprising, right? I’m pretty delicate for a gal. That’s what you like about me, huh? Admit it—I’ve got you wrapped around my finger.”

“You think that makes you a perfect wife? Please. You’re delusional if you think that makes you stand out. Kogoro, look—I made potato salad this morning. A gal like her who can’t cook wouldn’t understand how much effort that takes. I woke up early to keep it as fresh as possible. But that’s not all! You’re a growing boy, so of course, I brought fried chicken too…”

“Do you even know what ‘balanced nutrition’ is? I made fish the main dish because it’s often lacking in our diets. Unlike you, I actually care about Kogoro’s health, okay? You’re just wasting time patting yourself on the back—”

Stop it, stop it! Why are you turning your sutras into a rap battle? Stop with the rebuttal sutras!

Bread is fine. I’m happy with bread.

I’m fine with factory-made bread, made with nothing but an apathetic part-timer’s thoughts of “I hope my shift ends soon.” I don’t need this much love in my lunch—it’s too much to digest.

“Hey, can we all just stop talking so fast? You’re scaring me.”

“Talking fast? What are you on about?”

“Kogoro, what are you even saying?”

Why are they unaware? That makes it even scarier!

What should I do? If I don’t eat their bentos, I’m as good as dead, but if I do eat them, I’ll end up in a different kind of hell.

“L-Look, if you’re going to make something, tell me the day before. I’ve got this bread here, see? It’s about to expire, so I need to eat it quickly. Sorry, and thanks for making it.”

I’ll just claim I’m a light eater. Yeah, I’ll get through this with that excuse. Then after school, I’ll lose these two and head to Kurokawa-senpai’s place…

“Hey, Sasaki!”

“Uh, ah, wh-what?”

What is she doing now? Momiji suddenly starts picking on Sasaki, the class’s ultimate introvert. Don’t. Stop it. He looks like he’s about to cry.

Don’t cry, Sasaki. I’ll mentally scold Kumanokyo for you. Silently.

“Here. Eat this bread. Right now.”

“Huh? But, um…”

Wait—she’s cutting off my escape route!

Don’t drag other people into this! He’s already eating his bento, isn’t he? You can’t expect him to wolf down sweet melon bread on top of a traditional bento. And not just any melon bread—this thing’s huge.

“Hurry up and eat it. Didn’t you hear me? Or do you want me to crush your jewels? If that’s what you want, just say so. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll kick you to pieces with my beautiful legs, and you’ll cry tears of gratitude—”

“Kumanokyo! I’ll eat your bento! Calm down!”

“For real?! You get it, Sakamoto! Hah? Don’t look at me, Sasaki. Take your melon bread and go home, idiot.”

Sorry, Sasaki. But hey, take this as a win. Someday, you’ll look back on this moment—having a gal talk to you—and smile.

…Probably while, you know, reliving the moment late at night.

“Why? Why isn’t it my bento? Even if you can’t cook, Kogoro, you can at least tell how much time I spent making this, right? I’m not saying time equals love, but my time isn’t infinite, you know? I don’t regret spending it on you or anything. For you, I—”

“I’ll eat yours too! I’ll eat it, okay?”

Please. Someone give me back my peaceful childhood friend and my idiot desk neighbor.

Please. Just let me get home in one piece.