Chapter 23: Signs of the Harem’s Collapse

Another day has arrived, and so has lunchtime—a time that feels both like a blessing and a nuisance.

“Sakamoto, I brought a masterpiece today!”

Oh, really? Oh, really. He wouldn’t bring something like this without serious confidence—a juubako, no less.

“It’s not like this is some big family sports festival…”

I had a hunch when he showed up with an extra bag alongside his school bag, but seeing it in person has a serious impact.

“You still never think about others, do you?”

The class president approaches my desk, holding a chair and her lunchbox, looking slightly exasperated.

Her lunchbox is normal-sized, but next to the juubako, it looks ridiculously small—like it’s meant for a kindergartener.

“Why are you coming here? Go sit somewhere else.”

“That’s for Sakamoto-kun to decide.”

As expected, things are tense.

Usually, the four of us would sit and eat together peacefully, but today, that’s clearly not happening.

“Don’t you understand how annoying this is? Kogoro prefers smaller lunches, doesn’t he?”

Before I realized it, Kaede had opened her lunchbox on my desk.

Inside were three rice balls, tamagoyaki, and octopus-shaped sausages. To be blunt, it’s the kind of bento that would cost less than 500 yen at a convenience store.

“Hey, can’t we just exchange side dishes like usual?”

I used to just bring bread from the school store, but recently, my mom’s been making me bentos. Honestly, it’s been a desperate measure.

It’s just not realistic for me to eat everything these three make, so I asked my mom to make a smaller bento to limit things to just exchanging side dishes.

Until now, it worked because they framed it as “learning the taste of the Sakamoto household.” But today…

“Kogoro, I’ll eat your lunch, so you can eat the one I made for you.”

“Don’t copy me, Hiiragi.”

“Copy? I’m pretty sure I made the offer first, though?”

Apparently, I have to choose just one person’s bento today.

Are you serious?

Choosing one person means rejecting the other two.

…Maybe I could ask Toumei-senpai for help? If I did, she could eat everything, and it’d look like I ate it. From my perspective, the food would just vanish into some sort of dimensional void, but for them, it’d seem like someone ate it. I don’t really understand how it works, though.

“What if I just ate everyone’s…”

“It’s a juubako, you know? Mine.”

“…I’ll try my best.”

“You don’t have to try, idiot. And stop saying stuff that gets on my nerves.”

Yeah, I messed that up. That was definitely a careless, rude thing to say.

“You all worked so hard to make these for me, right? I can’t just pick one. Can’t you indulge me on this?”

“Kogoro? You should stop trying to please everyone.”

That’s fair enough in a normal romance.

But in this situation, isn’t it kind of unavoidable?

It’s not like I’m randomly leading them on, like some stereotypical rom-com protagonist.

Can’t I maintain a proper distance from everyone anymore? Does every choice from now on have to exclude someone?

What am I supposed to do… Oh, wait. I might’ve just had a brilliant idea.

“Then, in that case, I’ll just… not eat any of them… Hii—!”

My brilliant idea was cut off by the sound of someone slamming their hand on the desk.

The source of the sound was Kumanokyo. It wasn’t particularly loud, but that somehow made it even scarier.

It’s like how a quiet, menacing tone can be scarier than shouting.

“Sakamoto…”

She’s just saying my name, but it’s terrifying!

“If I’m not chosen, I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight… But if you pick no one like some kind of scumbag…”

“If I do…?”

Crying would already be hard enough to deal with, but what’s worse than that?

I really don’t want to know.

“I’ll kick you. For real.”

This is really bad.

She’s ready to resort to violence.

Still… if I don’t pick her, she’ll accept it, right?

That means she’s holding onto her rationality, even if just barely.

“…I’ll eat the president’s bento since she didn’t argue with anyone this morning.”

This is probably the best choice.

If I have to choose, picking the class president, who has a clear reason, is the safest bet.

Maybe—just maybe—this will stop them from fighting in the future.

Yeah, I’m a genius.

“Wait, Kogoro! I was only attacked by Momiji-chan this morning…”

“How pathetic, Hiiragi-san.”

With a triumphant expression, the class president tries to feed me her bento.

…It’s okay to eat it, right? Kaede and Kumanokyo aren’t going to go wild, are they?

“Why’re you looking over here? Just hurry up and eat.”

Kumanokyo, sulking, starts dealing with her own juubako.

The amount of effort she put into it makes the guilt hit even harder.

“Hiiragi-san is crying…”

“Poor thing…”

“And Kumanokyo-san went through all that trouble to make so much food, too.”

“Isn’t it crazy to date three girls in the same class?”

“Making one girl feed you her bento in front of the others who like you is just awful.”

This is why I hate this side of girls.

If you’re going to badmouth someone, why not do it behind their back? Why say it so I can hear?

Maybe it’s sexist to say this, but there’s definitely a difference between guys and girls in this regard.

“Is it good?”

“Yeah, it’s… really good.”

It should taste great… if not for this atmosphere.

This whole situation really proves that taste is just brain processing. Awkwardness alone is enough to make you unable to fully enjoy something.

“Hiiragi-san, why don’t you go back to your seat?”

“And why do I have to listen to that?”

“It’s hard to eat when someone’s crying right in front of me.”

I get it, but… wow, you actually said it out loud?

Didn’t you two just play video games together yesterday? You were so into it, yelling like a kid your age should.

“Don’t worry about it, Hiiragi. It’s Sakamoto’s decision.”

“Momiji-chan…”

Kumanokyo is holding onto her kindness, I see.

But she’s also the one who started this fight.

Impulsive and emotional as she may be, her core hasn’t really changed, has it?

“Sakamoto-kun, why don’t you just say it outright? Tell her not to invade our love nest.”

The class president seems to be growing colder.

Now that I think about it, even this morning, she felt calculating, almost overly logical.

“President… if you all can’t get along, I’ll just eat my own bento…”

“Hah? Even now, are you still trying to keep the other girls around? You’re the one who keeps acting nice to everyone, which is exactly why this mess started! I’ve been trying to get along with everyone as the class president, but because you indiscriminately spread your ‘love’ to maintain your harem, things have escalated to a breaking point. Yet you turn a blind eye to your role as the root of all evil and try to make me the bad guy? That’s classic DV behavior! This is unacceptable. As much as it pains me, I’m going to have to educate you properly…”

What the hell? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?

Is it really impossible now? To get everyone to get along?

“You’re being a little selfish, aren’t you? You’re quick to throw cutting remarks at others, but the second someone hits you with logic, you get defensive. How do you even manage to serve as class president like that? Sakamoto reluctantly chose you, and yet you’re still acting this way. It’s pathetic.”

Kumanokyo…

I appreciate the sentiment, but…

“Stop being such a sore loser just because you weren’t chosen, would you? I mean, I understand how you feel. You put so much effort into making a juubako, only for it to be a complete miss. It’s like a guy saving up three months’ salary for a ring, only to be dumped. It’s tragic, really. If it were me, I’d slam the whole bento into the trash. But in your case, it’s even sadder, isn’t it? Even after trying to use that extra fat of yours to your advantage, all you’ve done is become eye candy for someone like Sasaki-kun, who only thinks with his libido. Truly pitiable, like a courtesan…”

“How is that relevant?! What does her chest have to do with anything? Isn’t that just jealousy from someone who isn’t as well-endowed? Sure, you might blame it on genetics, but I’ve worked hard for this, okay? Jealousy might be human nature, but if you don’t channel that into improving yourself, you’re just another ‘weak woman.’ No effort to be presentable and clean, yet you blame your lack of popularity on everyone else. You’re no better than Sasaki!”

“Do you not understand the concept of boundaries? Ever heard of the word discernment? I don’t mean just the pronunciation—I mean thoughtful judgment. A concept that’s likely foreign to you, but maybe you should look it up. Even if it’s your mortal enemy, a decent person wouldn’t compare them to Sasaki-kun. Mocking someone has its limits. Even wars have rules, you know. You could at least try to act like a human being…”

This is terrifying… Girls’ fights are terrifying…

This feels like it should be recorded in a history book, titled something like “The Battle of XX” or “The Rebellion of XX.”

Also, leave Sasaki-kun out of this. Treating him like the poster child for scumbags is unethical in itself.

“Kogoro, now’s your chance…”

While the two of them are arguing, Kaede tries to feed me her bento.

You’re really trying to outmaneuver Kumanokyo, even though she just defended you?

“Wait, Kaede. Now’s not the time for this…”

“Just eat it. And for the record, I’m seriously mad. How could you eat Sumire-chan’s bento when you have me?”

I see now—I was wrong about something.

The only one who’d accept not being chosen was Kumanokyo.

Kaede never said she’d be okay with it. I assumed she still had some rationality left.

“Let’s just make you throw it up, okay? I saw this martial arts match on TV once, where a fighter threw up after getting hit in the crotch. I don’t really get the mechanics, but it doesn’t matter, does it? I’ll just use that as a reference to make you throw it up…”

Wait, wait, wait! There are other methods to make someone throw up, aren’t there?

Sure, vomiting is a first aid response for poison, but nobody goes straight to that.

“Or should I just cut open your stomach and take it out? Yeah, that’s probably safer. Hitting the crotch is risky, after all. What if you can’t make babies anymore?”

Cutting me open is WAY more dangerous!

I’m not some monster that swallowed a key!

“Babies? Did you just say babies?”

Why are you overreacting? That was barely audible, drowned out by your chant-like argument. Your mom instincts are way too strong.

“…Haa. Just eat already. I’ll let you off the hook for today.”

Kumanokyo, seemingly fed up, stops the verbal war.

She’s surprisingly mature.

“My, my, Kumanokyo-san. Admitting defeat, are we?”

And there we have a childish retort.

Well, at least the argument has stopped.

Looks like I’ll have to meet with Kurokawa-senpai after school, even if it kills me.

…But will I even make it? Lately, the etiquette room hasn’t even been open, and I’m not sure these girls will let me go…