Chapter 18: Hotel Sakamoto

“I don’t get it. I just don’t get any of it.”

My sister and mother came back from shopping, but nothing particularly unusual happened.

I mean, their son brought two girls home, and on top of that, the washing machine’s running?

There’s clear evidence that someone used the bath, and for some reason, two pairs of shoes are drying outside.

How could anyone not suspect something happened? And yet, Mom just casually says, “Oh my, Kogoro’s friends? They’re such beauties!” like it’s no big deal. Isn’t that weird?

“Momiji-neechan, do you like games?”

“Yeah, I know quite a bit. I play a lot with my old man.”

My sister is already completely attached to Momiji.

Wasn’t she trying to set me up with Kaede just the other day? And now I’ve brought another girl home, and she doesn’t say a word?

“Momiji-chan, do you have plans tomorrow?”

“Nope, I’m free though?”

“Then stay the night, why don’t you?”

Mom!?

Do you realize she’s my female classmate? What kind of mother invites her son’s classmate to stay over?!

“Um, I’d like to stay, too…”

“Of course, dear! I’m so glad I bought extra meat today.”

Wait, what the hell is going on here?

My sister is thrilled, too. How did it come to this?

Is this because of the curse? Or is my family just weird? Or… am I the one with the messed-up values?

“I’ll bring two futons to Kogoro’s room later.”

“Please don’t?”

Why are you planning to have them sleep in my room?

Seriously, Mom, are you under the influence of the curse? That’s the only explanation I can think of.

“We’ll just sleep the three of us, so it’s fine.”

Kumanokyo-san?

Three people on a single bed? That’s… No, wait, there’s a bigger issue here!

“Ah, youth is so wonderful.”

Now I really want to know what your youth was like. My curiosity has officially skyrocketed.

What exactly were you doing twenty years ago?

“I’ll prepare your father’s frozen eel for dinner.”

“Please don’t.”

Don’t take away Dad’s tiny joys in life.

That eel is his treasure, bought on a small allowance. It’s sacred.

“He said he’d eat it as a reward if his next planning meeting goes through, you know? Let’s not.”

“It won’t pass, so it’s fine!”

Please, have some faith in your husband!

Also, why are you trying to boost my stamina now, of all times? There are two girls here. Do you want your son to stray down the path of depravity?

I’ve been holding back since that shower earlier, you know? Fighting my desires.

“I really don’t need eel. We’re just going to game and then go to sleep, that’s all.”

“You useless man!”

Wait, did she just slap me?

I get it if someone gets slapped for two-timing, but for not two-timing?

Is that really something to get angry about?

“Onii-chan? If you can’t even make two girls happy, you should just quit being a man.”

Little sister, why are you holding those clothespins and clicking them like that?

What exactly do you people want? Did someone bribe you?

“You can use the shower even late at night today.”

“I’ll allow it, too.”

I don’t need that kind of consideration, seriously.

I need to confront Kurokawa-senpai about this curse situation, but she hasn’t been in the etiquette room lately.

“But Dad’s tired from work, so…”

“It’s Sunday tomorrow, so it’s fine.”

I don’t think that’s the issue here.

I don’t know exactly what kind of work Dad does or how much he earns, but I’m sure it’s tough. Supporting a wife and two kids? That’s not easy.

Let’s let him rest. Let him sleep peacefully.

“These two are just friends, okay? You’re not misunderstanding, are you?”

“Keep whining, and I’ll cut your allowance.”

Please don’t impose economic sanctions.

For a kid, an allowance is a lifeline.

“I’m all about compassion and innocence, you know.”

“Then what’s with that hickey!”

Don’t point at people. Try being a role model for children, you damn old hag.

I’m so done with this house…

“I’m heading to the convenience store for a bit…”

“I have condoms, you know?”

“I’m going now.”

I ignored her. I completely ignored her.

Now then, how should I kill time?

I didn’t even get to buy the game. Should I head to the shopping mall? Their selection isn’t great, but I won’t be able to visit my regular game shop for a while.

“Man, every place these days shrink-wraps their stuff.”

Convenience stores where you can read stuff standing around have really decreased.

I don’t do it much since it’s rude and looks bad, but days like today when I need to kill time, it’s a hassle.

“Standing and reading is almost like shoplifting, so it can’t be helped.”

“You’re as stiff as ever, President.”

Huh…?

Give me a break already. Seriously, this keeps happening.

“President… was your house around here?”

“No? I was just on my way to drop by Kogorou-chan’s house.”

I see, so she just happened to have an errand. Right, give me a break.

“President, honestly, calling me ‘-chan’ in public is a bit…”

“…I’m allowing you to call me President, so let me have this much.”

So she’s compromising. I’ll just leave it at that.

I really don’t want to end up in a situation where she’s putting a diaper on me in a convenience store restroom.

“By the way, what’s that magazine? A fashion magazine?”

She points to a rather large shopping bag.

I didn’t expect President to be the type to take plastic bags. I thought she’d carry a tote bag or something.

“It’s a childcare magazine.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

The courage to actually bring that up to the cashier is impressive.

“To become a mother, you need knowledge, or you’ll end up making your child unhappy.”

That’s perfectly logical, but you’re several years too early. The world changes a lot in a few years, you know?

“If you don’t retract his foreskin while he’s a baby, he’ll have problems as an adult. Did you know that?”

“Foreskin? What kind?”

“You shouldn’t make a girl say it. Me!”

Ah, I think I get what you mean now.

I won’t press the matter further, but could you stop saying “Me!” in public?

“Come on, hurry up and do your shopping, or we’ll bother other people.”

Saying that, President takes my hand.

Can we seriously not do this? If we pull stuff like this at my nearest convenience store, it’ll be awkward to come back. It’ll make living harder, too. The clerk might remember me for all the wrong reasons, so please stop?

Convenience store clerks live for the sad pastime of giving customers weird nicknames, so let’s not, okay?

“President, can you go out first? You’ve finished your shopping, right?”

“Nope, you’re too quick to shop alone.”

This country’s educational standards aren’t that low. Public safety is good, and it’s rare to find people my age who can’t handle shopping alone. I’m part of the majority here.

But if I argue back now, it’ll just make things worse for me. Better to quietly comply.

Still, she just bought a childcare magazine right here.

I really hate how this might cause some serious misunderstandings.

“Oh, by the way, President, you’re not wearing a ponytail today.”

“Yes, I don’t tie it up on weekends. It’s easier that way.”

So tying it up really is a hassle.

Honestly, it looks painful, too—getting pulled like that.

“You don’t need to tie it up at school either, right? It’s not like there’s a rule saying you have to.”

“Do you prefer it untied?”

“Nah, I think you’re cute either way.”

Man, talking like this feels so refreshing. Or maybe just nostalgic.

Lately, all President does is talk in that weird baby-talk voice.

“Kogoro-chan, I’ll give you plenty of cheek rubs later.”

“Just the sentiment is enough, thanks.”

At least I learned something.

While she has no filter at school, she does keep herself in check in public places like the convenience store.

Come to think of it, she and the others are always more reserved when the teachers are around, too.

So, they do have some semblance of self-control.

Might as well talk to her while I have the chance—it’s impossible to hold a proper conversation with her at school.

“Do you like babies, President?”

“Well, I guess I do.”

Guess? That’s surprisingly mild for her. Isn’t she obsessed with babies?

“I like spoiling unreliable kids like you, Kogoro-chan.”

So it’s not that she likes babies—it’s that she likes baby play.

You’re far too advanced for your age.

“…Wouldn’t Sasaki work better for that? He’s way more unreliable than me.”

Might as well throw Sasaki under the bus. It’s Sasaki—he’ll survive.

“Hmm, he doesn’t have enough charm as a man.”

“…That’s an important factor too, huh.”

It seems like, curse or not, Sasaki doesn’t stand a chance.

I was hoping to nudge her toward him so that, once the curse is broken, he’d become the target instead of me. Guess not.

“Sasaki-kun, was it? Bathing that boy would be a little… you know. Before being a mother, I’m still a woman.”

You’re not anyone’s mother, but I’ll let that one slide.

Judging by her tone, though, she’s planning to give me a bath.

If it weren’t for this curse and I were completely free, I wouldn’t even complain.

But without the curse, she wouldn’t even offer. Nothing ever works out, huh?

“Oh, Kogoro-chan, are you drinking coffee?”

“Huh? Yeah.”

“Just one, okay? You won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

She’s so overprotective…

But am I even going to get to sleep tonight? Will she let me?

“Do you want something to drink, President?”

“Oh? Mother’s Day isn’t for a while, you know?”

“So that’s a no, then.”

I’m exhausted… I left the house because it was too tiring to stay there, and now I’m even more worn out.

What are those two doing back home right now?

Maybe they’re busy closing off every last escape route around me…

I paid for my things while thinking about stuff I don’t even want to think about.

“By the way, you said you were planning to come to my house, but…”

“Yes, I was thinking of staying over as part of my formal introduction…”

You’re no longer fit to be class rep.

Staying over without even letting someone know in advance?

And to make matters worse, my parents will probably just accept it.

Whatever. At this point, I don’t even care anymore.

“Don’t worry. I brought powdered milk and a pacifier.”

“Yeah, now I’m really not reassured. That’s terrifying.”

Any normal parent would slam the door in your face.

If a girl my age showed up, fully prepared for baby play, she wouldn’t even make it past the gate.

But then…

“Oh my, youth really is wonderful.”

With my mom, “youth” is enough to excuse anything.

Listen, Mom, “youth” isn’t some magic word that fixes everything, okay?

“Sumire-neechan, are you going to be Onii-chan’s mom?”

“Yes, I’ll take full responsibility for raising Kogoro-chan.”

“Can I turn Onii-chan into a baby too?”

“Of course, go right ahead.”

No, that’s not okay.

Sis, it’s fine to get along with her, but please don’t go down this weird path.

If even my little sister starts getting into baby play, there’ll be no saving me.

“Kogoro, eat two packs of natto for lunch. You need to build up your stamina.”

“Oh no, Okaa-sama. Kogoro-chan’s fine—he’s a baby, after all.”

“Oh my, isn’t that lovely.”

…We need to break this curse. Fast.

At this rate, there’ll be ten people staying over before long.

Mom would welcome them all, but Dad? I feel sorry for him.

At the very least, I want him to have some peace and quiet on his days off.