Chapter 16: Washing Each Other

If there’s an expert on this matter, I really need to know.

What are you supposed to do if you wet yourself while out? If there’s anyone knowledgeable about this kind of accident, I’d love some advice.

For now, I’ve rinsed myself off thoroughly at the nearest park, but… am I really supposed to go home like this?

Not that I’m complaining. I should consider myself lucky I could even use the park water.

One thing I can say is—thank god it’s spring. If this were winter, I’d have frozen to death. In spring, I’ll just die from sheer humiliation instead.

“Alright, I’m heading home… but don’t stress too much, okay?”

If possible, I’d like him to take some responsibility for this. Carry the shame with him for the rest of his life.

Living alone would be one thing, but I live with my parents and my sister, you know? How the hell am I supposed to explain coming home drenched and smelling faintly of urine?

“It’s not much of an apology, but… want to stop by my place?”

Oh, you’ve got to be joking.

A girl who smells like pee inviting in a guy who also smells like pee? That’s a huge problem, isn’t it?

“My dad’s at work, and my mom’s pretty laid-back. She doesn’t sweat the small stuff, so it’ll be fine.”

No matter how relaxed or big-hearted her mom might be, even she wouldn’t ignore this situation.

If she did let it slide, it wouldn’t be because she’s open-minded—it would mean something crucial is missing as a human being.

“I can lend you some of my dad’s clothes, and you can stay until your clothes dry.”

“How long is that going to take?”

“We have a dryer, so not long.”

Even so, I’m scared to go to her house.

It’s like willingly walking into a spider’s web.

But at the same time, going home like this is just as bad.

I’m pretty sure Kaede is already there, and she’s definitely going to press me for answers.

She’ll absolutely bring up the smell. Knowing her, she might even identify the culprit just from the odor.

“Yeah, I think I’ll just head home—”

“In that case, I’m coming with you.”

Why does it come to that? This is just going to make things worse.

…But maybe it’s better if she comes along? At least I won’t have to explain everything myself.

No, wait. What am I even thinking? This situation is so weird, I can’t figure out the right answer.

“You’re going to catch a cold, even in this season… Please, just let me use your shower.”

Don’t sound so pitiful. I’m the one who’s suffering here.

Damn it. If she brings up her health, I can’t exactly say no.

And so, I ended up taking a soaking wet, faintly smelly girl back to my house.

All I can do now is pray my family isn’t home. It’d be great if they were out shopping or something.

“Hold on. Don’t say anything. Let me deduce this. You’re both soaked, and you smell the same. That means you shared something, right? Hmm, this smell… no doubt about it—it’s pee. You’re wet, so you must’ve washed off with water or something. Judging by how you’re soaked, this is definitely Momiji’s pee.

Well, I don’t need circumstantial evidence to know it’s not Kogoro’s smell, but that’s not the issue, is it? How did Momiji’s pee end up on Kogoro’s back? The answer is simple—marking. She used underhanded tactics to get ahead of me, her strongest rival and childhood friend.

Not that I can talk, considering I’ve covered Kogoro in kiss marks myself, but still—marking him with pee is unforgivable.”

My wish came true—my family wasn’t home.

Instead, the self-proclaimed family member was.

Who leaves their house to their son’s childhood friend? I could understand if she’s been visiting since we were kids, but Kaede’s only been coming over for the past week.

Also, how does she know the smell isn’t mine?

“Kumanokyo, just go shower first.”

“Sakamoto, was that… an invitation?”

“Forget it. I’m going first.”

I was a fool to show her any consideration. She can argue with Kaede all she wants.

I’ll crank the shower to full blast and pretend I can’t hear a thing.

“Wait, Kogoro! I’ll personally scrub that smell off you.”

“Jealousy’s ugly, Hiiragi. He accepted me, you know?”

Can’t hear, can’t hear. I just want to shower already.

Ignoring their bickering, I tore off my wet clothes and fled into the bathroom.

“This is the weirdest experience ever… seriously…”

I don’t know how many more years I’ll live, but this has to be the first and last time something like this happens.

Has anyone else ever gone through this?

If it were a daughter or a much younger sister, maybe. But a classmate? And a high school girl, no less.

“Are you mad?”

“No, I said don’t worry about it… Wait, you—”

It was exactly what I expected, but that doesn’t mean I was prepared for this. Did they really both have to come in?

“Being in here together is definitely a bad idea.”

“Are you seriously going to abandon a girl who’s soaking wet—one who even wet herself?”

Shut up. If that’s how you feel, then just go home already.

In any normal situation, this would be where ties are cut.

“I’ve got a towel wrapped around me, so it’s fine. Don’t be stingy.”

“Yeah, but Kaede, I’m not wrapped in anything.”

“Oh, come on. I already saw everything when I put the diaper on you.”

That’s not the point.

Sure, compared to that situation, this might not be as bad, but still.

“If you insist, I can take off my towel for you…”

“Just get out, okay? At least you don’t need a shower, Kaede.”

“What? You think I’m just going to let you two be alone together?”

I’m not about to let anyone be here, honestly.

Let’s be real—being in the bath with your childhood friend and a gal? That’s a total win, right?

Under normal circumstances, this would be the ultimate scenario.

But because of this damn curse, I’m like prey with nowhere to run.

If I wasn’t cursed, this situation never would have happened, and because of the curse, I can’t even enjoy it. Reality just never works out, does it?

“You know, you could at least look a little happier. This kinda hurts, you know.”

Don’t expect to be treated like a woman when you just pissed all over my back.

That kind of thing would kill any romantic feelings, even a hundred-year love. Not that I’m in love or anything.

“I am happy, but seriously, can you two get out? It’s way too cramped in here.”

“Kogoro, you’re not really in a position to say that, you know? When I went to wake you up this morning, you were already out, and I felt so sick I nearly threw up.

But I still trusted you and waited patiently in your room. I waited and waited, but you never came home. There’s not even a spot left to mark you now! If you’d been an hour later, I was this close to deleting your dating sim save data.

But because I’m such an understanding childhood friend, I held back. And this is what I get? I’ve learned today that if you spoil a guy even a little, he’ll cheat on you right away. So, can you just lie on your stomach for me? I kinda need to use the bathroom again, you know?”

Wait… Did she just say she marked my room?

How the hell does that count as “waiting patiently”? I don’t even have the courage to ask for details.

“Didn’t you hear me? Lie down already. If you’re embarrassed, you can cover up with a towel.”

“Can we just calm down?”

“I am calm.”

That’s exactly what makes it scary.

It’s terrifying when someone’s calm and still talking about marking you.

“Kaede, let’s just wash each other like normal, okay? Please? Huh?”

“Sure. Just lie down first.”

It’s no use. She’s dead set on doing it. There’s a steely resolve in her eyes.

Is it just me, or is this normal for girls? Do women really care that much about marking territory?

Isn’t perfume the usual way to do that?

“I’ve got a great idea. If Sakamoto pees on us, we’ll all be even, won’t we?”

“That’s genius, Momiji!”

Both of them are idiots.

Even in the most primitive tribes, no one does this.

I’ll admit, from the outside, it might look like we’re just having a beer shower or something, but still.

“Please, can you spare me? I’ll wash you two for as long as you want, so let’s just settle for that, okay?”

“Oh? As long as we want?”

“You said it, Kogoro. No take-backs now.”

I gave up thinking.

I just gave in and embraced the moment. This blissful time.

Yeah, if I don’t think about what comes next, this is happiness.

The price for it, though? More kiss marks.

Which marking was better, I wonder—the one I could wash away here and now, or the one that’ll stick around for a while?

One thing’s for certain: I’m never going to have a normal romantic relationship again.