In the After School Library, A Refined Lady's Romantic Comedy Can't Be Compromised - Chapter 3 - Act 8
Translator: Lilo
Editor: Ryuubii
Chapter 3: Daily Attacks In the Library
Act 8
Saturday.
I put on the clothes for going out that the Hasumi residence gave me.
As expected, Hasumi-senpai has been interacting normally with uncle since then. Although she wasn’t showing any smile, she wasn’t being rude either. She was probably more open to her father than any other household out there. I don’t have a clue whether she was like this before as I don’t know her former self.
It looks like she cooled down since she was not getting annoyed with me anymore.
Case closed, I guess.
“If that’s the case, then…”
After I changed my clothes, I shoved my smartphone and wallet into my pocket.
Then, I went downstairs to the living room.
“What, you going somewhere?”
I didn’t need to call her out, but Hasumi-senpai asked me first. She seemed to have guessed that I was going somewhere when she saw me.
“Yeah, I was thinking of going back home for a bit.”
“Hmm…”
When I told her where I was going, she thought for a bit then gave a vague reply.
“I’m off then.”
“Ah, yeah. Careful out there.”
Hasumi-senpai looked at me with a somewhat vacant look on her face.
The train ride took only a few minutes.
After exiting the Shin Nagata station and greeting the huge blue robot who protects the city – I walked a little further and saw an apartment building with an elaborately designed entrance. It was my home.
When I unlocked the door and went inside, I found that the room was sweltering hot, as it had been closed all summer in early summer. I immediately thought about turning on the air conditioner, but decided to ventilate the air first.
After opening the window leading to the balcony, I now turned my attention to my mother’s altar.
Before going to the Hasumi residence, I had emptied the tokkuri, mizutama, and white plate, so I put sake, water, washed rice, and salt in each of them as offerings.
“I’m home, Mom.”
In the Shinto rite, two bow, two clap, and one bow were made towards the altar. However, since the 50th day festival had not yet been held, I did not make a sound when I joined my hands. After following the instructions given to me by the priest at the wake and burial site ceremonies, I finally greeted my mother as I was back home.
Once that was done, I closed the windows again and turned on the air conditioner.
“Now, then―”
I looked around the living room and kitchen and deliberately let out a sound, but the truth was, I didn’t come home with something to do. No, there was something to do, but if it doesn’t go as planned, it will all be for naught.
For now, I picked up the remote control from the low table and turned on the TV as soon as I sat down on the sofa.
The news broke. Apparently, a thirty year old son had murdered his sixty year old mother.
“You know, you don’t have to kill your parents, they will die sooner or later. There is only a difference between early and late death.”
As I heard the news, such words came flowing out.
Was it because of the uninspiring news or was it because of what I said? I was disgusted by something and immediately turned off the TV.
Then I stood up again, even though I had just sat down, and threw open the door to my mom’s room.
My mom’s room was simple. There was a bed, drawers, a stack of books filled with nursing books, and a writing desk.
According to what my mom told me, nurses were not only in charge of patients in hospitals. They have to keep up to date with the latest knowledge and do nursing research. Was she studying in her room after coming home late?
I looked at mom’s room.
If I leave the Hasumi residence and become a nuisance at my grandparents’ place, I will have to lighten my load as much as possible. In other words, this house and my mother’s room would need to be cleaned out completely. I made a rough sketch in my mind of what to throw away and what to keep, and sorted them into folders in my mind. The ones I couldn’t decide on, I decided to put on hold, depending on whether my grandparents would want them or not.
It was at that time while I was preparing to clean up.
Crap, I thought, and by the time I realized it, it was too late.
Tears streamed from my eyes and down my cheeks.
I instinctively realized that the owner of this room was no longer here. My mother, who had lived with me for the past seventeen years of my life, had passed away, and now all I have left of her were her remains and her portrait. Her things will gradually be disposed of. The life I took for granted until half a month ago will never return.
I wandered back into the living room and collapsed onto the sofa. I covered my eyes with the back of my arm.
Why did I and mom have to go through this?
Human life was more fragile than you can imagine. Mom and I lived a peaceful life together, but one day, just because she was unlucky enough to be there, she lost her life, and I was inexcusably deprived of the only family I had left. I don’t know how old I will live, but my mother will be gone for the rest of my life.
Suddenly, the door chime rang.
“Dammit…”
I couldn’t help but let out a squeal.
Fuck.
I know who to expect. It was her. She was the one who had come to settle the score. But I couldn’t see her in this state. Should I just ignore it? But if I did so, she might miss the opportunity.
While I was having trouble thinking, the front door opened.
“Hm? It’s unlocked… What, you’re here after all.”
It was Hasumi-senpai who went in, just as I had expected.
This was a nice apartment, but it was basically for a compact household, such as a single person or a household with no children. Because of its uncomplicated structure, the living room can be seen from the entrance. Hasumi-senpai seemed to recognize me right away.
“Hey, are you alright? Do you feel unwell?”
Seeing me still collapsed on the sofa, she shouts in a panic.
“No…”
“Then what’s the matter?”
The voice came from nearby. She must have come up to the front door and was looking down at me.
What a really terrible time to appear.
“…I remembered… my mom…”
“Ahー……”
Hasumi-senpai looked awkward and she let out a sound.
“Towels, where are they?”
“…There are some in the bathroom.”
She then headed that way without saying a word. After a while, a towel fell softly on my face.
“You look awful.”
“Thank you.”
I thanked her for getting me a towel, and this time I covered my face with it instead of my hands.
Did Hasumi-senpai want me to wipe my face with it? Or did she bring it to me as something to hide my face? Either way, I was thankful.
“I’m sorry. I came at an awkward time.”
“No, I didn’t expect this either.”
I showed a very disgraceful sight to her.
Hasumi-senpai seemed to have settled down on the other sofa. I could hear the squeaking of the springs.
“Well, I was like that before. When it sunk down to me that Mom died.”
Hasumi-senpai narrates her story while faltering.
“Granted, you probably had it harder than me.”
She still had her father. But in my case, I was alone with my mother, so I would be left alone without her. Although I have someone I can call my father, he only came forward like yesterday. I feel bad for him, but I don’t really feel that at the moment. I don’t know if I will be able to recognize him in the future.
“This is coming from experience―be prepared. It’ll be back.”
After stating her stance, Hasumi-senpai stroked my head, scratching up my bangs. She stroked it again and again, gently and carefully.
“……”
What a nasty prediction. However, it must be true.
If Mom and I were both of a certain age and she had lived out her natural life, I might have been able to make a more reasonable judgment. But unfortunately, Mom died too young, her life was taken away for no reason. And I was probably still too young to accept that fact.
In retrospect, it was probably a good thing that I went to the Hasumi residence and led a completely different life than I had before. If I had stayed in this house, I would have been forced to accept the fact that mom had died and I was left on my own, and I would have felt even more depressed.
How much time had passed? Perhaps it was because I was observing the environment, or perhaps it was because I was touched by Hasumi-senpai’s actions, but my mood gradually calmed down.
I stood up with my pathetic face half covered by a towel. Hasumi-senpai didn’t say anything. She just withdrew her hand. I went to the washroom, washed my face, and threw the towel into the laundry basket.
After taking one deep breath, I returned to the living room.
“Have you calmed down?”
Hasumi-senpai was wearing blue skinny pants and a white T-shirt with a print on it. There was a cap on the low table, so she was probably also wearing that.
“I’m sorry. I made you see a pathetic sight.”
“You don’t have to worry about it… more than that.”
Then she glanced at Mom’s altar.
“Your mother?”
It must have been on her mind ever since she came here.
“Yeah.”
“Can I pay respect?”
“Please do so. I’m sure Mom would be pleased too.”
I tilted my head and wondered if she really would be, even though I said so myself. I guess it must feel weird if the daughter of a man you once had a relationship with, that you couldn’t openly share with others, pay respect to you.
However, unlike me, Hasumi-senpai didn’t think about such things. She sat upright in front of Mom’s altar, put her hands together, and prayed silently. Her actions were more appropriate than me, who was thinking about what happened when she was alive.
After Hasumi-senpai finished her silent prayer, she looked straight at Mom’s remains.
“She looks beautiful.”
“Maybe this isn’t something a son should say but―I agree.”
“Then, why are your looks above average? You should have more filial piety.”
She instantly turned her reproachful voice towards me.
“I’m sorry but there’s a limit to how much I could try. I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to your expectations. I’ll make some tea right away.”
I went to the kitchen and took out from the refrigerator a plastic bottle of oolong tea that I had bought on my way home.
I prepared two glasses and poured them into each. There was some ice, but it has been sitting in the freezer for two weeks. I don’t think it has gone bad, but I don’t feel comfortable using it, so I decided not to use it. Thanks to this, the tea oozed a sense of hospitality of being unaccustomed to dealing with visitors.
It seemed silly to show off now, so I returned to the living room with one of them in each hand. I put one of them in front of Hasumi-senpai, who was sitting on the sofa.
“Thanks. I’ll take it.”
She then quickly brought the glass to her mouth.
“Did you come here just to visit my mom?”
“Well, there’s that too.”
She cut me off.
”Um,”
But she was hesitant about her words.
I waited for her to speak.
Hasumi-senpai, having made up her mind, spoke up again.
“…Sorry.”
She bowed her head lightly.
“About what?”
“…About the other morning.”
“Ahhhh.”
I let out a sound, understanding her point.
In other words, about the heartless words she spat at me the other morning. Of course, I knew that was the case from the beginning. But if I didn’t pretend not to understand, it would be revealed that I was waiting for Hasumi-senpai to apologize and that I came back to this house for this purpose.
“I don’t mind, really. You had a lot on your plate at that time and were on the verge of exploding, right?”
“That’s true, but still, there are things that are right to say and things that are wrong to say. That’s why, I’m sorry. I was actually trying to be sarcastic regarding Dad, but it ended up hurting you too in the process.”
I was satisfied with her words of repentance. I knew I wasn’t wrong about her.
I got up from the sofa, turned my back to Hasumi-senpai, and headed for the kitchen. There, I took something out from one of the cupboards. It was…
“Lunch box.”
“Hm?”
The words I uttered must have been abrupt and irrelevant for Hasumi-senpai. That was why she tilted her head.
“The reason I came back here today was also to get this. You’re going to make me some… right?
“Right. We had that agreement.”
When I showed it to her, Hasumi-senpai wryly smiled.
I’ll make you lunch, but I won’t provide a lunch box. Bring the one you have been using. That’s the deal.
“Well, that’s only until summer vacation.”
“Until summer vacation?”
Still not understanding the meaning of my words, Hasumi-senpai asked back.
“Yes, I’m planning to leave Hasumi-senpai’s house when summer vacation arrives.”
“Eh…?”
When I told her directly this time, she let out a small voice.
She showed a look of surprise. However, when her face eventually became somewhat clear, Hasumi-senpai calmly spun her words.
“I guess so. Maybe that’s a good idea.”
She seemed convinced.
Yes. That was the best way.
I learned that Hasumi-senpai doesn’t hate me because of the incident the other day, and the Hasumi family, which had a crack in it, was beginning to show signs of repair, or even a new start of a father-daughter relationship. However, even so, it was definitely not right for me to be there.
I put the lunch box on the dining room table and returned to the living room. I saw Hasumi-senpai thinking about something and sipping a glass of tea with a movement that was at odds with her intention. She poured some tea down her throat and slowly opened her mouth.
“I don’t know how to say this, but there’s something distorted about you.”
“…”
“Just like right now, you look so calm even though it’s your problem. It seems to me that you’re always acting in a ‘should’ way, and I can’t see what you even want to do. It’s as if you’re suppressing yourself.”
Hasumi-senpai cut her words off.
“If I were in your shoes, I’d…it’s scary.”
“Scary?”
I can’t help but repeat her words, which were so unlike Hasumi Shion.
“Yeah. Scary.”
She nodded.
“I’m afraid of being left alone in a house I don’t know, and I’m afraid of leaving that house again after settling down. I don’t think I could ever do that.”
“……”
Hasumi-senpai laughed and I fell silent.
I am aware of it.
I don’t intend to kill my own feelings. It was just that when I looked for the best solution, the element Makabe Shizuru was on a par with other elements. It was only natural. It was the same with equations. If you treat a particular value with bias, you will not get an answer.
I was doing this with that intention.
And, I had a “reason” to be able to do so or rather a “lack” of.
I don’t know how much of my feelings were spontaneous and how much of them were created.
I became too good at reading the atmosphere, looking at myself objectively, and finding the best solution for how I should act and what kind of facial expression I should make. ―This was the result.
For example, I certainly have a favorable impression of Takinami Ruika. But was it really my own feeling? Was it possible that I was only trying to think that way because she wants me to? As long as I don’t know that, I shouldn’t respond to her feelings lightly.
For example, Mibu Kanata said, ‘If things were to be resolved, you would willingly choose to be stoned.’ That was true. In the past, I have actually chosen to do so. As long as I can’t wipe out the possibility that my own feelings were false, I’m not inclined to give them any importance.
This was what I “lack.”
Therefore, Hasumi-senpai’s point that I seemed to be suppressing myself was probably correct, and I am aware of it.
She probably didn’t mean to accuse me of being crazy, she was simply jokingly saying what she thought.
But for some reason, Hasumi Shion’s words stuck in my mind.