『You pervert!』

Thanks for the compliment.

Besides, my goal isn’t just sexual harassment.

If I make this much of a scene, no one will suspect I made eye contact with Hojo.

It’s camouflage.

『…The worst.』

Don’t say it so earnestly.

After that, my breakfall hell continues for a while.

“Stop!”

The advisor calls out.

I’m drenched in sweat.

“Okay, after break, Ebina will pair up with those two.”

We sit in seiza and bow.

“Thank you very much.”

That’s how it’s done.

It’s ritual beauty.

Then I speak in a high-pitched voice.

“You two must be tired, right? I’ll go buy drinks.”

Saying that, I dash to the changing room without giving them a chance to refuse.

I grab my sports wrist coin pouch and dash outside at full speed.

Run, Koutarou!

Still in my uniform, I leave the school grounds and head to the nearest vending machine.

Hey, water or barley tea—which is better?

『Cola, I guess…』

Wrong. Not for me.

I’m collecting fingerprints!

Which would a girl prefer?

『Barley tea… maybe?』

Okay, I’m trusting you!

I buy three barley teas.

One is for myself.

I skillfully hold the plastic bottles by the bottom.

『You’re giving it to Hojo-san?』

Pretty much.

I answer vaguely and return to the gymnasium.

“Heeey, I bought some!”

“Ah, thanks.”

Yoshimura is in high spirits.

First I hand one to Yoshimura. Next is Hojo.

“Thank you.”

Hojo says thanks.

Then I open mine with a smile and drink my barley tea.

It’s not poisoned, see?

Then Hojo wraps a towel around the bottle before drinking.

The fingerprints from when she received the bottle are probably wiped off too.

『That’s a failure.』

There are methods to collect fingerprints from fabric.

You heat acrylic adhesive and expose it to the vapor.

Then it reacts with the moisture in the fingerprints and solidifies.

Obviously I don’t have facilities for that, and I don’t know the specific method.

Stealing the towel itself would be difficult in the first place.

If discovered, I’d be certified as a total pervert, bottom of the class hierarchy, no seat for you, whenever I enter the classroom everyone points at me laughing for no reason, shoes go missing every day… shiver shiver shiver shiver.

『Kou-chan, you have such thorough trust issues… Have a little faith in your classmates…』

Shut up.

Don’t underestimate middle schoolers’ sensitivity!

Everyone except me is an enemy! Everyone’s an enemy! Everyone’s an enemy!

『Geez, you’re hopeless. So what will you do?』

Just leave it to me.

Hojo takes another sip of barley tea and closes the lid.

I smile and talk to Hojo-slash-Ebina.

“So, Ebina-san. What do you think of aikido after trying it?”

“Um, I’m not really sure yet.”

Hojo makes a troubled face.

Hahaha.

I don’t really get it either.

The art of small talk.

Incidentally, I don’t sexually harass at close range.

Because it’s immediately obvious.

“Yoshimura-san has gotten really good.”

I smile.

“A-ah, uh, yeah…”

Don’t get embarrassed from just a little praise!

Geez, you’re making me feel embarrassed too! ♪

『I think Kou-chan should die once.』

Aren’t you being a bit harsh?

Hey, hey.

『I don’t know!』

Once the Angel completely sulks, the advisor announces the end of break.

“Okay, practice single-hand wrist return throws. Just two techniques today is fine.”

That’s pretty casual, hey!

But I mustn’t lose my cool here.

I need to collect Hojo’s fingerprints.

I tell Yoshimura.

“Yoshimura-san, can Ebina-san and I go first? You’re still tired, right?”

“U-uh, yeah.”

I hold out my hand to Hojo.

The one with the wallet attached.

“Um… Sagara-kun, that wrist…”

“Huh… ah, sorry!”

Oops, I made a mistake! Kou-chan the clumsy girl. Tehe-pero! ♪

And so, while pretending to be clumsy, I remove the wallet.

『…Girl?』

You’re focusing on that part?!

“Ah, I’ll go put the wallet away. Sorry, you two practice together.”

“Geez, Koutarou is so careless.”

Leaving behind Yoshimura, who looks strangely happy, I return to the changing room.

Then the Angel complains.

“What are you going to do? You’re out of moves! If you miss this opportunity, who knows when you’ll get to make contact again!”

It’s okay.

This was all a feint.

『A feint?』

Yep. Groundwork to direct attention elsewhere.

So I never acted unnaturally once.

My target is the third thing.

『The third thing?』

Hell yeah.

Saying that, I watch the two from the changing room entrance.

They’re doing wrist returns, a technique where you flip the hand and throw.

That’s also hard to apply properly, so they’re both going “kyaha ufufu.”

Still, Yoshimura’s chest is flat but her butt is flat too.

But that’s good!

You couldn’t tell in the tracksuit, but Hojo’s got quite a chest.

…She’s got a chest!

Her waist is amazing too!

『Kou-chan, shut uuup…』

It’s fine.

Girls can read gazes.

In other words, if I keep a distance where my gaze can’t be read, I can ogle all I want.

『Um… Kou-chan. Girls can immediately tell that stuff… with powers they can’t even explain themselves.』

Tch, those Stand users!

Apparently this world isn’t kind to virgins!

In despair, I return to the two and join practice.

Yoshimura looks at me and says.

“Koutarou, what’s wrong… you’re all crooked.”

“Despair…”

“…Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Despair…”

The broken me took many breakfalls. The end.

And so the fun, relaxed club activities ended.

When club ends, I start cleaning the resin shock-absorbing mats.

“Um… Sagara-kun. I’ll help clean up.”

“HISSSSSS!”

“Ah, Ebina-chan. Koutarou has OCD and gets violent if he doesn’t clean with his own hands.”

“I-is that so?”

“If you say mean things like that, I won’t walk home with you.”

I mutter softly.

Yoshimura’s face turns red in an instant.

“Y-you! The teacher said it’s dangerous so I have no choice but to walk home with you! Ah, that attitude. That kind of attitude! Fine, I get it! Ebina-san, let’s go! Idiot, drop dead!”

Yoshimura drags Hojo away and leaves.

Sorry. I didn’t want to be disturbed in what I’m about to do.

『…Kou-chan. You’re going to get stabbed someday.』

Why?

『You don’t understand girls’ hearts at all.』

Whatever!

Ignoring the Angel, I go get my bag from the changing room.

My target is the mat.

Hojo was practicing breakfalls.

There should be plenty of fingerprints on the mat.

I sprinkle potato starch on the space Hojo was using and lightly brush it with a paintbrush.

Then I collect the revealed fingerprints with packing tape.

Since one isn’t enough to feel secure, I collect several.

Partway through, there was a fingerprint as fat as a wiener, but that’s the advisor’s so I ignore it.

If I hadn’t cleaned every day, it would have been covered in fingerprints and I wouldn’t know whose was whose.

This is my strategic victory from never skipping wipe-downs.

『Just a lucky punch from being a germaphobe…』

This is the strategic victory of Codename Falcon!

Of course, after doing all that, I do normal cleaning too.

I fetch the broom and sweep the mat.

I put the collected garbage into the dustpan.

Then I sift through the garbage.

…As I thought, it’s here!

『Huh? What is?』

Hair.

In the garbage were many strands of hair that fell out during practice.

The question is which ones are Hojo’s.

That’s simple.

Hojo has straight long hair.

In other words, I just need to look for long ones.

I carefully search through the garbage.

Found it!

I quickly put the hair in my wallet so the other people practicing in the gymnasium won’t see me.

Fortunately, no one found it suspicious that I’m obsessively cleaning as usual.

Once the mission is complete, I bring a rag and wipe down with water.

『Oh, you actually do clean properly…』

“I do!”

After the water wipe comes the dry wipe.

And finally, with bloodshot eyes, I disinfect with hypochlorous acid.

『Really… you’re so meticulous.』

Shut up!

It’s better than being unclean!

After throwing away the garbage and finishing cleaning, I change clothes and hurry to leave school.

Things are going to get busy from here.

『By the way, how are you going to examine the fingerprints?』

I’m not. Not me.

『Huh? Then what about the hair? DNA testing or something?』

How would I do that?!

I’m a normal middle schooler!

『Then what are you going to do?』

Fufufufu.

I’ll show you my miraculous brain!

The skill that even God would acknowledge.

…But at this time, I was making one major miscalculation.

A mistake that could be called fatal.

DNA testing from hair is difficult.

It costs too much, has poor accuracy, and requires a large quantity.

And because of this, things won’t proceed as I thought.

At this time, I was truly foolish.

No, perhaps even that was God’s will.