Character Status: Sugita Itsuki

Skills:

• • • • • • • • Baseball: LV40

• • • • • • • • Academics: LV3

• • • • • • • • Butt Batting: LV10

Bad Status:

• • • • • • • • Virgin

Notes:

In love with Komiyama Ryoko

…Whoever set up this status screen.

Let’s have a little chat behind the gym. One-on-one.

Who the hell decided Virgin is a Bad Status?!

Huh?! Come out here!

…Looks like I got sidetracked right off the bat.

Let me get back on track.

This status belongs to my classmate Sugita, a baseball club member.

As noted in the remarks section, Sugita is in love with our class rep, Komiyama.

I immediately check Komiyama’s status.

Character Status: Komiyama Ryoko

Skills:

• • • • • • • • Glasses: LV508

• • • • • • • • Academics: LV30

• • • • • • • • Art: LV38

• • • • • • • • Delusion: LV99

• • • • • • • • BL: LV1024

• • • • • • • • Leering: LV5000

• • • • • • • • Pretty Boy: LV20000

Bad Status:

• • • • • • • • Rotten Girl

Notes:

Recovers MP by watching pretty boys go kyaa-kyaa-ufufu

Currently deciding who to pair Sugita with

…Hm?

Hey, wait a minute…

I’m thinking.

There’s a pretty high probability that our class rep is a fujoshi.

And she probably owns materials that would get a middle schooler in way more than just a little trouble.

Using someone’s weakness makes me feel guilty.

I agonize over it.

This is my usual middle school classroom.

I’m Sagara Koutarou.

A completely ordinary middle school student.

…To be precise, a middle school student who can see people’s status screens.

I’ll explain that in detail later.

Now then, as a greeting, let me show you my status.

Character Status: Sagara Koutarou (MC)

Skills:

• • • • • • • • Academics: LV35

• • • • • • • • Martial Arts: LV25

• • • • • • • • Physical Attack: LV20

• • • • • • • • Physical Defense: LV20

• • • • • • • • Magic: LV380

Bad Status:

• • • • • • • • Virgin

• • • • • • • • Nudist

• • • • • • • • Boob Fanatic

• • • • • • • • Masochist

• • • • • • • • Virgin-Specific Paranoia

Notes:

Angel

Remaining Skill Points: 780

…I need to discuss the Bad Status section.

Let’s talk…whoever made this, come out here!

Get your ass to the gym, now!

And what the hell is this?!

“Angel”?! That makes NO sense!

Yeah, I became an “Angel” just a few months ago in April, right after starting my second year of middle school.

It wasn’t a rampaging truck or a random attacker.

There was no event where I showed my bravery.

It was nothing like that.

It all started with an unseasonable heavy snowfall in April—rare for the Tokyo metropolitan area.

Unlike heavy snow regions, we had no idea what to do.

So we just did nothing and let the snow keep falling.

I had no clue that the snow piled on the roof would come crashing down the next day.

That day’s snowfall was 80 centimeters—Niigata-class levels.

And it was that heavy, wet Tokyo snow that packs together like cement.

It all came crashing down on my head as I tried to leave for school.

Yours truly got buried deep in the snow.

Instant snowman.

Methinks I cannot breathe.

‘Tis cold, good sirs!

I shall not…perish…as a virgin… Ding-dong-dang…♪

In the Tokyo area, that’s not even a realistic scenario.

But I nearly died for real.

Luckily, my mother was home.

The fire department came immediately, dug me out of the snow block, and I was rushed to the hospital by ambulance.

I was unconscious for about three hours.

When I woke up, I was greeted by…a childhood friend with tears in her eyes who came to visit me every day? Yeah, right! No such thing exists!

…It was a married nurse in her 50s.

The world is so bitter…

Apparently, she just happened to be checking on me because the heart monitor threw an error.

Anyway, a doctor immediately rushed in and ran a ton of tests on me.

Now…I can never be a bride…

In the end, my only injury was a sprained cervical spine.

All I got was a velcro neck brace and an injury story that wasn’t even funny.

But something had definitely changed.

Yoshimura is a flashy type of girl.

She’s got strong, frizzy natural curls cut into a short style, and she’s part of the athletic group—a normie among normies.

Thin body, though.

Flat chest, though.

Unlike her, I’m in the same aikido club but treated like I’m part of the humanities crowd.

So she probably only came to visit because the advisor or homeroom teacher ordered her to.

Being the caring big-sister type, she gets stuck with these jobs.

“Here. Get well present.”

She tossed a book at me.

Dogra Magra (Bunko Edition).

Alright, so you’re picking a fight.

You wanna go, punk?

I’m gonna grope you! Even if they’re flat!

Just as I was about to retaliate with sexual harass—ahem, ahem—I mean, justifiable revenge, something connected in my head.

With a Ping! sound effect that only I could hear.

『Angel Registration Complete. Nice to meet you, I am an angel. I don’t have a personal name, but pleased to make your acquaintance. Congratulations. You have been chosen as an angel by God’s will. From now on, let us use this power for the good of the world.』

M-my right hand!

My right hand is throbbing!

Someone stop me!

Gyaaaaaaaaaah!

If I unleash this power, the fate of the world will—!

Dark…

『Stop trying to cover it up with Chuunibyou.』

Kuh, my cursed evil eye!

The all-seeing cursed eye that pierces through everything!

S-stop! Don’t unleash this power!

The world—the world will be destroyed!

Flame of…

『I said stop with the Chuunibyou act. I know your mental age is extremely high for a middle schooler.』

…Kuh, even though you’re just my delusion!

Then what, huh?!

You gonna show me some boobs?!

Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs!

I’m not moving from this spot until boobs appear!

『You actually prefer little sisters over big boobs. You want to be called “Onii-chan,” don’t you!』

You bastard! You wanna fight?!

You punks! Come at me!

That comment was a critical hit.

It pinpointed the core that I, as a pubescent middle schooler, didn’t want anyone touching.

Wait, who am I even talking to?

At that moment, wind blew in through the hospital window, and that became my trigger to snap back to reality.

The color drained from my face.

Yoshimura was staring at me with wide eyes.

“Koutarou…are you okay? Your face is pale.”

“I-I’m fine.”

Bad bad bad!

Having a conversation with something weird in my head!

I’m headed straight for the neurologist!

I must’ve hit my head when I was buried in the snow.

『No, you didn’t. Geez, you’re so stubborn. This is getting annoying, so I’m just gonna unlock your angel abilities! Here we go!♪』

Something strange descended upon my vision.

It expanded the world I’d been seeing as normal.

Like AR technology.

It was a status screen.

Character Status: Yoshimura Haruka

Skills:

• • • • • • • • Academics: LV10

• • • • • • • • Aikido: LV5

• • • • • • • • Physical Attack: LV20

• • • • • • • • Physical Defense: LV20

Bad Status:

• • • • • • • • Faint Crush on Shitty Virgin Bastard

• • • • • • • • Flat Chest

Notes:

Fallin’ in love with a shitty virgin bastard

…Who’s the shitty virgin bastard?

Hey, who?!

I’m dying to know.

Hey, who is it?!

Peeking into people’s privacy is super fun!

“What are you staring at?”

Yoshimura said in response to my suspicious behavior.

Her forehead was wrinkled.

“Ah, sorry. Yoshimura-san, I was just thinking about something.”

Ahahahaaa.

I brush it off.

“I see…don’t push yourself. Your neck bone could’ve been broken, you know.”

Scary thing to say.

『She’s worried about you.』

Shut up.

Don’t underestimate virgin-specific paranoia!

I engage in a comedy routine with the “something” talking in my mind, then compose myself for Yoshimura.

“Yoshimura-san. Thanks for today. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to go back to school, but you cheered me up.”

Smile. Smile. Business smile.

“Oh…”

Oh?

“Y-yeah, I gotta report to the homeroom teacher.”

“Uh, okay?”

With that, Yoshimura rushed out.

Her face was red, but was it gas?

Don’t hold it in!

『…Boys really are idiots.』

What’s with that attitude?

You’re acting like I’m the bad guy!

『Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!』

How mean! This girl has such a foul mouth!

Kou-chan’s gonna sulk!

I engage in pointless banter with myself.

I should seriously go see a neurologist. Yeah.

The next day, when I indirectly mentioned “hearing ringing in my ears,” my hospital stay got extended by three days.

Head CT scans, hearing tests, eye exams—tests galore with extra meds on top.

In the end…they found nothing.

Everything was normal, except my personality.

So I gave up on telling my parents about this bizarre phenomenon happening to me.

No good! If I tell anyone, it’ll be the end of me!

By the way, the attending physician’s Bad Status was “Affair.”

The head nurse had the same Bad Status, but I didn’t see anything.

I know nothing, and I’m telling no one.

I’m definitely not making any comments about it.