Chapter 54: The Survival Exam & The Team from Hell

【Siegfried PoV】

I spent my entire allowance on this.

Every gold coin I’d saved, every favor I’d accumulated, every bit of blackmail material I’d collected over three years at this cursed academy—I burned it all to rig the team assignments. I bribed the Headmaster’s secretary with rare wine. I slipped enchanted jewelry to the vice principal’s wife. I even promised the team coordinator’s son a date with a noble’s daughter in exchange for one simple request.

Keep me away from Eksu, Elizabeth, and Lilith.

The assembly hall buzzes with nervous energy. Two hundred students packed into rows of wooden benches, all waiting to hear which team they’ll be assigned for the annual Survival Exam. This exam is legendary, a weeklong nightmare in the Darkwood Forest where teams must gather magical artifacts while avoiding monsters, traps, and each other.

Seventy percent of students fail.

Ten percent get seriously injured.

And every year, at least one team has a complete psychological breakdown and has to be evacuated early. The academy calls it “character building.” I call it institutionalized torture with academic credit.

But I’m not worried.

I stand near the back of the hall, arms crossed, radiating confidence I definitely don’t feel but have practiced in the mirror. Sophia stands beside me, her maid uniform crisp and perfect as always. She’s the only person in this academy who doesn’t actively want to kill me or use me as a protagonist replacement.

“You seem confident, Siegfried-sama.”

Her voice is soft, barely audible over the crowd noise.

“I should be. I paid enough to guarantee our team placement.”

She tilts her head slightly, concern flickering across her features.

“Is it wise to manipulate academy procedures?”

“It’s wise to survive, and survival means staying far away from certain people.”

Across the hall, I spot them. Eksu sits in the middle section, looking relaxed and bored. Elizabeth perches next to him like a territorial hawk, her hand resting possessively on his shoulder. Three rows behind them, Lilith takes notes on a clipboard, occasionally glancing at Eksu with an expression that’s equal parts scientific curiosity and disturbing affection.

My investments better pay off.

The Headmaster walks onto the raised platform at the front of the hall. He’s an ancient man with a beard so long it’s tucked into his belt. His robes shimmer with protective enchantments, probably because students have tried to assassinate him at least six times this semester.

“Students, attention please.”

The hall quiets instantly. You don’t ignore the Headmaster unless you want detention in the Blood Dungeon.

“The Survival Exam will begin in three days. You will be divided into teams of four. Each team will enter the Darkwood Forest with only basic supplies and must survive for one week while collecting three magical artifacts.”

He waves his staff and a massive list appears in the air, glowing golden letters spelling out names and team assignments. Students crane their necks, searching for their names. Some cheer. Others groan. One girl in the front row starts crying immediately.

I search for my name, heart pounding.

Team 7: Siegfried, Sophia, Marcus, and—

Wait.

That’s not right.

I blink and look again. My name isn’t on Team 7. I scan the list frantically, my confidence evaporating like morning mist. My eyes land on Team 1, the first team listed, the team that traditionally gets the most dangerous assignment.

Team 1: Siegfried, Eksu, Elizabeth, and Lilith.

My knees buckle.

“No.”

The word escapes my mouth as barely a whisper. This can’t be happening. I paid everyone. I bribed half the staff. I made promises I have no intention of keeping. The coordinator personally assured me I’d be on Team 7 with Sophia and two random students who wouldn’t try to murder me.

“No, no, no, no.”

Sophia catches my arm as I sway.

“Siegfried-sama, what’s wrong?”

I point at the list with a trembling finger, unable to form coherent sentences. She follows my gesture and her eyes widen.

“Oh.”

“Oh? Oh? That’s all you have to say?”

My voice rises into a panicked pitch that attracts attention from nearby students. I don’t care. My carefully constructed survival plan has collapsed into flaming wreckage.

This is the author’s fault.

That damn Capybara, or Carrara, or whatever lazy name he goes by this week. He’s doing this on purpose. He abandoned this story after one chapter, left me to die repeatedly for years, and now he’s back just to torment me? He put the Yandere, the Innocent Nuke, the Living Shield, and me on one team?

This isn’t a survival exam.

This is a death march with academic supervision.

“Siegfried-sama, perhaps it won’t be so bad.”

Sophia’s optimism is adorable and completely delusional.

“Won’t be so bad? Elizabeth will use this as an excuse to be near Eksu constantly. Lilith will conduct field research on romantic compatibility. Eksu will hide behind his defense while we all suffer. And I’ll be stuck trying to keep everyone alive while the author laughs at my misery!”

I’m shouting now. Multiple students stare at me like I’ve lost my mind. They’re probably right.

Across the hall, Eksu looks up at the list. His expression shifts from boredom to mild pleasure, like someone just told him he gets a day off from responsibilities. He actually looks happy. The idiot has no idea what he’s walking into.

Elizabeth reads the list and grins, her smile sharp and predatory.

“We’re on the same team, Eksu.”

Her voice carries across the hall, sweet and terrifying.

“Yeah, that’s pretty convenient.”

Convenient? Convenient? That’s his response?

Lilith stands abruptly, her clipboard clattering to the floor. She stares at the team assignment with an expression of scientific rapture, like she’s just discovered a new element.

“This is perfect. One week of uninterrupted field research in an isolated environment with Eksu-kun as the primary subject.”

She’s treating this like a research opportunity, not a survival exam.

I’m going to die.

Not metaphorically. Literally. I will die in the Darkwood Forest, either from Elizabeth’s jealous rage when Lilith gets too close to Eksu, or from Lilith’s experiments going wrong, or from some monster attacking while Eksu hides behind his defense and watches us all get mauled.

My breathing becomes shallow and rapid.

“I need to sit down.”

Sophia guides me to the nearest bench. Students give us space, probably recognizing the signs of a complete mental breakdown. I’ve seen this before, usually in students who realize they’re on teams with people who hate them.

Now I’m that student.

The Headmaster continues speaking, explaining rules and restrictions I can’t process. Something about artifact locations, emergency beacons, and minimum survival standards. His words blur into meaningless noise while my brain cycles through worst-case scenarios.

Scenario one: Elizabeth attacks a monster while defending Eksu and accidentally triggers Lilith’s protective instincts. They fight each other. I get caught in the crossfire. I die.

Scenario two: Lilith creates a potion meant to help the team but accidentally includes a love drug. Elizabeth drinks it. Chaos ensues. I die.

Scenario three: Eksu’s 【Absolute Defense】 attracts powerful monsters. We fight them. He survives. We don’t. I die.

Every scenario ends with my death.

“Siegfried-sama, you’re hyperventilating.”

Sophia presses a hand to my forehead like checking for fever.

“I’m fine. I’m totally fine. This is fine.”

Nothing is fine. Everything is the opposite of fine.

Eksu stands and stretches, completely unbothered by the team assignment. He walks toward the exit with Elizabeth attached to his side like a possessive barnacle. Lilith follows three steps behind, her eyes locked on Eksu with unnerving intensity.

They pass near my bench.

“Hey, Siegfried, guess we’re teammates.”

Eksu’s tone is casual, friendly even. He has no idea I’ve been desperately trying to avoid exactly this situation.

“Yeah. Teammates. Great.”

My voice sounds hollow, defeated.

“This’ll be easy. You guys can handle the fighting and I’ll just activate my defense if anything goes wrong. It’s basically a free pass.”

He thinks this is a vacation.

Elizabeth glances at me with an expression I can’t quite read. There’s amusement there, maybe pity.

“Try not to slow us down, Hero.”

She uses my title like an insult. Lilith doesn’t even acknowledge my existence, too focused on Eksu’s back as they leave the hall together.

I sit there long after most students have departed, staring at the glowing list that’s ruined my life.

Sophia settles beside me, patient as always.

“We’ll survive this, Siegfried-sama.”

“You’re not on my team. You’re safe.”

Her expression softens with sympathy that makes everything worse.

“Then I’ll pray for your safe return.”

“Pray to someone more competent than the author. He clearly wants me dead.”

I stand on shaky legs, my confidence from earlier completely obliterated. Three days. I have three days to prepare for a week in hell with the three most dangerous people in this academy.

This isn’t character building.

This is the author’s revenge for my attempts to escape the narrative. The Capybara bastard is laughing somewhere, probably eating leaves and plotting new ways to torture me through contrived team assignments and survival scenarios.

I walk toward the exit, each step heavy with dread.

Behind me, Sophia whispers another prayer. I hope someone’s listening, because I’m going to need divine intervention to survive this team.

Or at least better bribes next time.