My Sex Friend Is My Childhood Friend? - 50-51

Chapter 50: Mahiru’s Feelings

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Honoka continued to drink the last sip.

“Apparently, a lot happened in middle school, and because of that, Mahiru became afraid of getting close to people in high school. She said she spent her high school years thinking only about the possibility that, if she got into her current university, she might be able to see the person she liked again.”

Honoka averted her gaze from me and briefly looked up at the ceiling.

“…She said that, once she got into the university she wanted, she would work hard to improve her appearance so that person would fall for her.”

It was true that, back in middle school, I had boasted about getting into XX University (Mahiru’s current university), and I had the academic ability to back it up. Maya had good grades too, but I didn’t think her grades were high enough to aim for a national university.

“I told her, ‘If that’s how you felt, then why didn’t you just reach out to him in high school?’ But Mahiru said she’d done something unforgivable, and that she could never bring herself to do it. I told her a dream-like reunion like that would never happen. But for a while, Mahiru was looking for someone named ‘Nagi.'”

So Mahiru spent her high school years clinging to that one dreamy line I had said?

No way… There’s just no way… But then again, people really do cling to straws when they’re feeling truly lost. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be so many psychic scams and investment frauds going around.

I had realized something. That meant her high school life was even worse than mine. So does that  mean the current Mahiru was shaped because she was working to become my ideal woman?

I had once joked, back in the day, that once I got to college, I wanted a girlfriend who was cheerful, beautiful, and had big, bright double-lidded eyes… After that, she apparently dated that piece of trash, Inada, and was dumped in a pretty brutal way.

Seeing how crushed Mahiru was, Honoka had suggested, “Why don’t you try finding someone through an app?”

But even so… She never imagined Mahiru would actually respond to a call for a friends-with-benefits arrangement.

“Not long after that, she told me she started messaging someone she met through the app. She seemed so happy, and I thought, ‘I’m glad she’s having fun.’”

So that person she met through the app… Was me. It was probably around the time we started exchanging messages.

“A little later, she said even meeting him in person was really fun, and she was super excited. But then, she realized that person was actually her childhood friend, Nagi-san.”

Honoka cleared her throat and continued.

“When I pried a bit more, she… Well, she told me they were in a ‘sex friend’ kind of relationship. And I told her, ‘I definitely don’t think that kind of relationship is okay.’”

Well, of course. If your best friend tells you she has a sex friend, any normal person would try to stop her.

“But then Mahiru said, when she met Nagi-san, she felt like it was her fault he gave up on college. That she changed the course of his life. That even though the guilt was crushing her, she still wanted to see him, to be with him.”

Honoka brushed her bangs back and folded her hands on the table.

“As a result of struggling with those contradictory feelings, she seemed to come to the conclusion that… She didn’t mind being a sex friend as long as she could be with him.”

…That’s true.

When I realized Mahiru was actually Maya, I seriously considered getting revenge on her.

“Mahiru said, ‘I did something so terrible that I can’t complain if all he wants from me is my body. What scares me more is getting greedy, wanting more, and then losing the chance to see him at all.’”

Honoka adjusted her glasses.

“But she also said she didn’t want anyone else to take his attention, so she wanted to… Uum… have so much sex that he wouldn’t even think of anyone else.”

When Honoka first heard that, she didn’t understand what Mahiru meant at all and thought she must be a little messed up in the head. And that led to the school festival.

After meeting me in person, Honoka thought that if Mahiru was truly happy, then maybe it was okay after all.

…I see.

It all lined up with the facts I knew, and with Mahiru’s behavior.

If that’s the case…

Then Mahiru had been staying by my side while bearing excruciating pain. He stayed with me, even when her heart was torn to pieces.

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Chapter 51: You Never Know Until You Try

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“That’s all I have to tell you.”

Apparently, she thought that no matter what happened, it wasn’t right to leave me in the dark. Once the conversation settled, Honoka stood up. Then, just as she was about to leave, she turned back and hesitated before speaking.

“This is…This is something I hadn’t planned to tell you, Nagi-san. Even now, I don’t know if I should. On the day you two broke up, when she saw the word ‘virgin’ in the other girl’s message, she realized it was something she didn’t have. And that made her feel jealous, envious, and miserable… She got overwhelmed by emotion.”

Honoka briefly averted her eyes. Then she looked directly into mine.

“That girl… It’s just her and her mother, right? So I think… Ever since she was little, she probably tried not to worry her mom. I think she grew up believing she had to always be cheerful, and that she couldn’t let anyone dislike her. That kind of childhood… It just feels so heartbreaking. I just want her to be happy. That’s how I truly feel.”

With that, Honoka walked away. As I listened to her, I thought to myself.

I had believed I was the only one who had been hurt and betrayed. I had run away from school entirely and stopped going. So I didn’t have to face my loneliness—I could just hide away in my room. But Mahiru was different. She spent three years at school without making friends or talking to anyone. With her personality, that must have been incredibly hard.

Her high school life was probably far worse than mine ever was. And besides, the fact that I didn’t go to college wasn’t Mahiru’s fault. I was the one who ran away from the path of university entrance exams.

That was why I still had no confidence in myself. Even now, I couldn’t feel proud of the work I was doing. I think that deep down, even when I blamed Mahiru, I always knew I was the one who ran away.

What a pathetic guy I am. Maybe Mahiru would be better off not being involved with someone like me. Mahiru is cute and smart. She definitely has a bright future ahead.

Just as I was thinking that, I got a message from Scum Senpai.

『Hey, you must be free, right? We’re going for a drink. Let’s go. 』

It was clear my opinion didn’t matter. It was a done deal that I’d be going drinking with him, regardless of how I felt about it.  He must’ve heard from Honoka that our conversation was over.

They’re both so considerate. They really do make a good pair.

I felt embarrassed that I had let myself get turned on by Honoka earlier. I met up with senpai at our usual bar. When I arrived, he was already at the table, drinking beer.

“Senpai, that’s not fair. You started without me.”

“Ah, sorry. Honoka was here a bit ago. She said she had to head to work, so I called you to kill some time.”

After that, as always, we grumbled loudly—complaining about the delusional company president, gossiping about the bald manager and section chief, and ranting about all sorts of things. Just when it felt like we were wrapping up, Senpai said to me.

“Hey, did you hear about the overseas assignment?”

That was the first I’d heard of it.

“Huh? What’s that?”

“Well, our company—recklessly, I might add—expanded into the US, right? And it looks like smart, multilingual me will be the next project leader. So I figured I’d go ahead and recommend you too. You’re in your fourth year now, right? It seemed like a good time.”

“Wait, is that… Mandatory?”

Senpai shook his head.

“Nah, of course not. You can decline. But if you go, it’ll be for a decent stretch of time.”

I see. If things don’t work out with Mahiru, maybe going overseas wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

He drained the last of his beer, then slammed the mug down on the table and said,

“Hey, Nagi. I bet you’re thinking that it’s not gonna work out with Mahiru-chan, and that you should just back off, right?”

Senpai clicked his tongue and shook his head.

“You’re overthinking it. It’s way simpler than that. Do you still like Mahiru-chan?”

I nodded. Seeing that, he went on.

“When you’re in this kind of situation, there’s a saying in America: ‘Nothing comes of nothing.’ If you don’t do anything, nothing’s gonna change. Give it everything you’ve got and go down swinging! If it all goes wrong, just go to America!”

Yeah… That’s true.

The Scum Senpai that I respected was also cheering me on.

“…Still, Senpai, could you not assume that I’m going to crash and burn? Hahaha~”

Senpai laughed and I thought to myself.

Yeah. He’s right. I just have to go for it!!

When Senpai saw the look on my face, he grinned and clapped me on the shoulder.

“Oh yeah… Takasaki-kun. I heard you gave Honoka a pretty nasty look earlier. Like, really leering. She said she got so scared she took her glasses off. If you end up going to America, I’ll be your supervisor. You know what that means, right?”

Senpai said so. He must’ve heard that straight from Honoka. Well… It was true. I did look at her in a dirty way. Realizing that, I had no idea what kind of face I was supposed to make the next time I saw Honoka. Just thinking about it made my head hurt.

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