My Sex Friend Is My Childhood Friend? - 19-20

Chapter 19: Burned into My Eyelids

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Huh? What is this girl saying?

A cold sensation washed over me. I couldn’t comprehend it. My mind went blank, unable to keep up. Eventually, my brain registered that I had been rejected. Then, my emotions caught up, and comprehension turned into anger.

After all those suggestive gestures she pulled… Mahiru had been calling me Nagi-kun more often lately. She must have seen the photo at my place. She realized I was her childhood friend Nagi.

I thought I could change, but she slammed me back to the ground like a winged insect. Her true nature was still the same as the girl who called me “gross” that day. Nothing had changed.

『Traitor.』

That single word stained my mind. I wanted to unload all this negativity onto Mahiru. But if I let even a single word slip, my emotions would burst like a dam, unstoppable. I might end up hitting her.

So, I clenched my fists, gritted my teeth, and held back. Calming myself, I asked the bare minimum.

“So, our friends-with-benefits thing is over, right?”

As I asked, I realized something. I felt no desire for Mahiru. I guess when you truly hated someone, you didn’t even want to touch them no matter how attractive they were. 

Conversely, if you can get excited by violating someone you hate, that means the relationship isn’t irreparable.

The only sound was the cry of seagulls in the distance. Mahiru didn’t respond. It was a hassle, but I couldn’t just leave her here alone in a place like this. I sighed and looked at Mahiru’s face.

What I saw was beyond my expectation. Tears welled up in Mahiru’s eyes, spilling over and wetting the back of her hand as she bit her lip to stifle her sobs. Her face was crumpled like a pickled plum, her cheeks flushed red. Her refined features were nowhere to be seen.

She looked like she was the one who got rejected. Finally, hiccupping, she spoke.

“No… Don’t push me away…”

What? What is this girl talking about? Is she crazy?

“Hey, you’re the one saying things to push me away, aren’t you?”

“I know. I’m being selfish. I’ll do anything you want. Forever, if that’s what it takes. I’ll be your sex toy forever, Nagi-kun. Just don’t push me away…”

With that, she burst into loud sobs. I was at a loss upon hearing that. After all, I didn’t have any desire for her anymore. Wanting to end this scene quickly, I told Mahiru.

“Fine. Do whatever you want. Let’s go.”

I headed toward the gate we’d entered through. Mahiru followed silently a few meters behind. The main street, which had felt like a dreamland earlier, now just looked like a gathering of foolish idiots.

But still, it didn’t change the fact that Mahiru had saved up to bring me here for my birthday. Yet I made her cry so much her eyes swelled. My heart ached deep inside, but I didn’t have the energy to comfort her now.

Mahiru, like a child clinging to a parent, tentatively reached for my hand. But I brushed it away.

She looked down, tightly gripping the buttons on her jacket near her stomach. I couldn’t see her face, but I could imagine what it looked like.

I’m sorry. This isn’t about getting revenge on you like before. But my heart and my body… They’re rejecting you. 

We left the park, and I drove Mahiru home. We didn’t exchange a single word during the ride. When we reached her place, Mahiru handed me a small paper bag as she got out. Her eyes were timid, like a child looking at a scary adult.

“This is for your birthday… I’m sorry it turned out like this. Thanks for driving me.”

“Yeah.”

I said, tossing the paper bag carelessly into the back seat. Mahiru looked like she wanted to say more, but I slammed the car door and drove off. The image of Mahiru’s face as I left lingered, burned into my eyelids. 

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Chapter 20: Maybe Things Have Changed

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I drove straight home. The inside of the car still held the sweet remnants of what had happened with Mahiru.

How did it end up like this? She’d gotten those tickets and even prepared a gift. Mahiru probably hadn’t intended to bring up that kind of conversation today.

Then why?

It was probably my fault. Because I tried to break the conditions of our sex friends relationship. Because I had been about to confess, she anticipated it and said those things first. She always did that—Mahiru was kind and perceptive like that.

I arrived in front of my house and opened the paper bag Mahiru had given me. Inside was a silver brand bracelet in a small box. She must have remembered how I’d once said I wanted one. There was also a tiny message card.

『Happy Birthday.

I hope we can still be together next year, too.』

She’d gone out of her way to prepare all of that and yet, I made her wear that expression. I felt crushed by self-loathing. I gripped the steering wheel hard and let out a groan, covering my mouth in the echoing silence of the car.

I want to see Mahiru.

A week passed after that, but I heard nothing from Mahiru. Even at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about that day. I kept making mistakes. Noticing my state, my senpai gave me a few hard slaps on the back, then ruffled my hair.

“You okay, man? If it’s eating you up that bad, why don’t you just contact her yourself?”

There’s no way I could do that.

I was the one who’d acted cold and pushed her away. No one else. I shook my head. Senpai folded his arms and looked troubled. He really seemed to be genuinely worried about me. People might call this guy trash, but he was actually kind.

“…Alright. Wanna go to a brothel?”

I take it back. He’s kind, but he’s an idiot.

I couldn’t help but let out a wry smile at his suggestion.

“I told you, I haven’t been able to get it up since then. Remember?” 

I chuckled. Right. Ever since that day, I hadn’t been able to do it. I didn’t feel any sexual desire at all. Still, Senpai insisted on taking me. He genuinely wanted to help, even pushing the idea on me.

“They say it’s worth trying, right? And if it doesn’t work, we’ll get a refund under cooling-off period, yeah?”

That only works for door-to-door sales, Senpai.

“Try it yourself first.” 

I laughed. 

“But seriously, thanks. How about this—tomorrow’s a day off, so will you come drinking with me? Somewhere without any women.”

After work, we went to a nearby izakaya. Senpai didn’t bring up Mahiru even once. Instead, he ranted about the black-hearted CEO, talked trash about the balding section chief, speculated about the company’s future, and shared his bizarre business theories.

We laughed and cried and drank the night away.

Ugh, I feel sick. Drank too much…

I took the first train back to my station and started walking home. The station was usually a ten-minute walk from my home, but between puking and falling over, it felt like I’d been walking for over an hour. While I was lying sprawled across the park’s flowerbed, my phone rang.

Senpai? Did I leave something at the bar?

I unlocked my phone and opened the messaging app. It was a message from Mahiru. It was a short sentence—so short there was no need to read it aloud.

『I want to have sex.

—Mahiru.』

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