My Popular-as-Hell Best Friend Is Annoying, So I Want to Get Him a Girlfriend and Shut Him Up

Chapter 80: Sports Festival 6

Gathered at the edge of the stage are me and five girls.

What was supposed to be a quiet slacking session with Tsukikage Miharu has somehow turned into this.

“Great job, both of you. You were awesome.”

Misono Izumo calls out to the two who’ve joined us, praising them.

They were in the same class last year, so they’re probably still fairly close.

“Thanks, Zuu-chin! It was super fun!”

“When are you going to stop with that utterly tasteless nickname?”

“Huh? Isn’t Zuu-chin cute?”

“It’s so bad I can’t even tell you’re addressing me.”

“Then how about Zuu-mo? It’s a bit less cute, but you’d know it’s you, right?”

“Can’t you just call me Izumo like normal…?”

Misono Izumo puts a hand to her forehead, saying something similar to what Uryu might.

Even the ironclad Class B rep seems defenseless against Kamishiro Haruka’s nickname game.

I think Zuu-mo’s fine—kinda like a green, furry mascot.

It’s got a certain charm, in a meme-y way.

“Man, that was tough right from the start. Mayo-nee kept coming straight at me!”

Kamishiro Haruka sighs dramatically, reflecting on the match.

Natori Mayoi, watching her, visibly tenses with a vein popping on her forehead.

“I hate to agree with Misono, but quit it with that dressing-like nickname.”

“No way! Mayo-nee is my best work yet! It’s got that big-sister vibe, totally perfect, right!?”

Kamishiro Haruka looks to us for backup, but Misono Izumo and Kirita Akari subtly avert their eyes.

Tsukikage Miharu just smiles silently, employing an “attack is the best defense” strategy.

Before I know it, Haruka’s puppy-dog eyes, glistening like a Chihuahua’s, are locked onto me.

Fine.

I’ve got no obligation to bail Kamishiro Haruka out, but I’ll settle this with my opinion.

As the creator of the flawless nickname “Ururun,” I might as well earn some favor.

“Kamishiro Haruka, I think stopping at Mayo-nee is half-baked. You should go all in and call her Mayonnaise—”

“No way, idiot!”

My flawless follow-up is cut off by Natori Mayoi’s sharp retort.

She looks even more irritated than before, but what’s her deal?

She hated the dressing-like nickname, so I figured calling her the dressing itself would clear things up.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Don’t tell me you hate mayonnaise?”

“Are you stupid? If a mayo lover started using ‘Mayonnaise’ as a nickname, the world would be full of food-named people!”

“What’s with that bias? I’d love to be called the modern Sen no Rikyu!”

“Food or person, it doesn’t matter!”

Natori Mayoi’s loud outburst makes Tsukikage Miharu and Kirita Akari burst into laughter, covering their mouths.

Look at that—the audience is loving this!

Just go with Mayonnaise already.

Mix with some veggies and become delicious.

“Ugh, whatever. I’m exhausted from the match.”

“See? Let’s call her Mayonnaise.”

“Nah, I still like Mayo-nee better.”

“Don’t tire me out even more!!”

Natori Mayoi snaps despite saying she doesn’t care.

Scary.

I better sprinkle some salt and chant a sutra.

Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu.

“By the way, why are you even here? Finally got the chop down there?”

“Don’t say terrifying things! And what’s with ‘finally’?”

“I mean, you’re blending in here way too naturally.”

At that, Tsukikage Miharu, Kirita Akari, and even Misono Izumo start laughing.

What’s with these people?

Are they telling me to get my **** chopped?

No way I’m doing that, even if the audience loves it.

“Quit messing around. A handsome guy like me blending in? I’m sticking out like a balloon on steroids.”

“Some balloon. You’re pretty short.”

“HAAA!? I’m a hundred times taller than you!”

“Oh yeah? How tall are you then?”

“170 centimeters!! Rounded up!!”

“That’s not cool at all. I’m 170 too, rounded up.”

“No way…!”

Natori Mayoi’s bombshell leaves me stunned.

Even rounded up, this blonde delinquent’s hitting the 170 mark? It took me years to get there!

“Um, if rounding up counts, I’m barely 170 too.”

“Lies…!?”

Misono Izumo raises her hand timidly and chimes in.

I’ve been in the same classroom as her for over a year, and she never seemed that tall.

She must’ve grown five centimeters in the last week. Has to be. Mutant girl.

“Oh no, I’m one centimeter short.”

“I’m a whole two centimeters short. Rounding up is brutal.”

Tsukikage Miharu and Kamishiro Haruka lament their heights, piling on.

This is ridiculous—why are they all so tall?

So many people in the 160s around me?

It’s like they’re mocking me for struggling to hit 170 with rounding.

“…Damn it, reality’s so cruel…!”

“Yukiya-kun, you look like the world’s ending.”

“Yukki! A guy’s charm isn’t about height! Oh, but for basketball, taller is better, huh?”

“Kamishiro, you trying to break this guy? I’m all in for that.”

“Got it. To hit Hirose Yukiya where it hurts, go for height…”

I pour my anguish onto the stage floor, but the giant girls around me just watch with amusement.

It was all friendly chatter a moment ago, but now I’m in enemy territory.

This place’s only upside is it’s cooler than the First Gymnasium.

“H-Hirose-kun! Cheer up!”

Kirita Akari sends me a rallying cry as I wallow in despair.

Fists clenched at her chest, she speaks with determination.

“I-I’m in the 150s! Way shorter than everyone else!”

“One… fifty…? Not one sixty?”

“Not one sixty.”

“Oh…!”

I’m in tears.

Kirita Akari’s kindness brings me to tears.

As expected of my disciple—she’s got my back even in this dire situation.

Sorry, Rando-dono and Natori Mayoi, but I’m feeling like prioritizing Akari’s thing with Uryu.

“Wait, Akari, you’re in the 160s with rounding, right?”

“Izumo-chan, you didn’t have to say that…!”

“…………”

“Look! Hirose-kun’s staring into the void! It’s your fault, Izumo-chan!”

“Ugh…”

I hate height. I hate rounding. Let’s never talk about this again.

Chapter 81: Sports Festival 7

“Come to think of it, is this our first real conversation?”

As I trace hiragana on the stage floor with my finger, Kamishiro Haruka calls out to Kirita Akari.

“I’m Kamishiro Haruka, Class 2-C. Nice to meet you!”

“L-Likewise! Kirita Akari, Class 2-D!”

“You’re close with Zuu-chin, right? I see you two walking together a lot.”

“Y-Yes. We’re in the same club, and we got close from there.”

“Oh, the Tea Ceremony Club! Can I come for tea sometime?”

“Don’t you start acting like Hirose Yukiya. Even if you come, I won’t serve you anything.”

“Boo, Zuu-chin’s so stingy!”

“It’s fine for one visit. Please come experience it.”

“Really!? Akari-chan’s so nice, unlike a certain someone.”

“Oh, you’re gonna say that? Kamishiro Haruka, you’re banned from the Tea Ceremony Club.”

“No, no!! My savior class rep from first year who’s always helping me!”

“Haha, Kamishiro-san’s so lively.”

By the time I finish writing up to “chirinuruwo,” I hear the three of them chatting amicably.

Kamishiro Haruka’s social skills are top-notch—she’s already hitting it off with Kirita Akari.

“Might as well introduce myself. Natori Mayoi, Class 2-A.”

“Oh, yes! Kirita Akari, Class 2-D!”

Surprisingly, Natori Mayoi, who didn’t seem likely to join in, offers Kirita Akari a handshake.

Kirita Akari hops off the stage to meet it.

It’s weird, but Natori Mayoi’s venom toward me feels like ancient history.

Can people change this much?

“By the way, are you, like, consulting Hirose about something?”

Still holding the handshake, Natori Mayoi probes Kirita Akari, her tone searching.

She’s probably referring to the Uryu thing.

“Uh, yeah, something like that.”

“Right. No one’d hang with this guy otherwise. Glad I asked.”

“Hey, ow, ow!”

Natori Mayoi flashes a wide grin, seemingly tightening her grip.

Kirita Akari’s face twists in pain.

“Mayoi! What are you doing!?”

Misono Izumo, noticing the commotion, steps in, and the handshake stops.

Kirita Akari holds her right hand, but it doesn’t seem like it was squeezed that hard.

“What? Just a little greeting. Seems like I’ve got rivals popping up everywhere.”

“Rivals?”

“My business. Though the one I really don’t wanna lose to is that little shrimp.”

“?”

…Got it.

Kirita Akari and Misono Izumo tilt their heads, confused, but I, knowing Natori Mayoi’s deal, catch on easily.

She saw an unfamiliar girl—Kirita Akari in this case—with me and assumed she’s into Uryu.

After all, when I’m with girls, it’s usually Uryu-related.

That’s why she jumped into Kamishiro Haruka’s circle to “greet” her, even throwing in a little jab.

She hasn’t changed at her core.

At least it doesn’t feel too malicious.

“Is Mayoi-chan close with Yukiya-kun?”

Surprised to hear my name from Natori Mayoi, Tsukikage Miharu asks her that.

The height talk earlier might’ve made it seem odd that Natori Mayoi and I are chatting casually.

We’ve mostly been at odds, after all.

“Now that you mention it, it’s been a while since I’ve seen Yukki and Mayo-nee talk.”

Kamishiro Haruka chimes in, echoing Tsukikage Miharu.

She was busy coaching Horimoto Shoki in basketball earlier, so she missed us talking openly in the gym. “Come to think of it,” Misono Izumo nods in agreement.

No way they’d guess I’ve started helping Natori Mayoi with her love troubles again.

If they heard the backstory, their jaws would drop.

Natori Mayoi, clearly enjoying the situation, smirks.

“Well, we’ve had our moments, right, Hirose?”

Oh, wow, she’s really setting me up.

Natori Mayoi keeps it vague, tossing the ball to me.

Naturally, all eyes turn to me, the one with the answer.

The four girls’ gazes feel sharper than during our earlier banter, thanks to Natori Mayoi’s suggestive tone.

So, how do I respond?

Saying I’m helping Natori Mayoi with her love life would be easy.

If she thinks I’d flinch in this situation, she’s dead wrong—I could spill her romantic woes without hesitation.

But I’m worried about how Kirita Akari would take it.

Not long ago, after our “date,” Kirita Akari backed off from pursuing Uryu.

I still don’t know why, but if a whim made her step back then, I can’t be careless now.

If hearing about Natori Mayoi’s feelings makes her withdraw again, it’s all over.

I need Kirita Akari in the Uryu race, after all.

That makes answering tricky.

What’s the right move?

Should I just say we patched things up?

No, they’d grill me like paparazzi for details.

In this hostile environment, I’ve got no escape.

Ugh, why do I have to overthink this!?

One-on-one, I’d shut this down no problem, but all these eyes are driving me nuts.

Screw it, I’ll just say it.

I’m done overanalyzing—I need to wipe that smug grin off Natori Mayoi’s face. I’ll deal with Kirita Akari later.

She might not even care.

Just as I’m about to speak—

“Finally found you, Yukiya!!”

The coolest guy in the First Gymnasium, Aoyagi Uryu, spots me and shouts.

His loud voice draws every girl’s attention, including those around me, who turn to watch him approach.

Walking male pheromone, doing great work as always.

But wait, why’s he here?

This guy’s the undisputed champion of “never coming to this space during free time.” What’s up?

“Sorry, were you in the middle of something important?”

“Nah, just chatting.”

“Good. I’m borrowing Yukiya.”

Uryu casually steps into the circle of second-year beauties, answers smoothly, grabs my arm from where I’m sitting on the stage’s edge, and pulls me along.

“Whoa!”

I’m yanked into the air, barely landing without falling.

This idiot—what a dangerous move!

“Hey, Uryu! What’s this about? I’m not playing in the match!”

That’s the only reason I can think of for his sudden appearance, but I’ve been clear—I’m not playing, no matter what.

“You don’t have to play.”

“Huh? Then why do I need to go?”

“The teacher said any team without all members present gets a forfeit. We’ve got less than a minute, so hurry.”

Got it.

That explains why Uryu came to the Second Gymnasium, a place he’d avoid.

Looks like I don’t have to play, at least.

“Why not just take the forfeit? Then crush them later to flip the score, like some shonen manga plot.”

“Stop saying dumb stuff and walk faster!”

Scolded.

It’s just a sports festival— no need to be so uptight.

Though he’s probably stressed because the deadline’s looming.

“Hang on, Uryu. Go ahead without me.”

“Hey! I said we’re out of time!”

“I’ll be there. You were too sudden, and I didn’t get to say bye.”

I shake off Uryu’s hand and return to the stunned second-year beauty squad.

“Sorry, Tsukikage Miharu, I can’t slack with you anymore. Hope you’re cool with that.”

I bow to Tsukikage Miharu right away.

Even with a reason, breaking a promise deserves an apology. It’s only right.

Tsukikage Miharu’s eyes widen in surprise, but she soon flashes her usual gentle smile.

“No, thank you for coming back to tell me.”

“Not something to thank me for.”

“Good luck with the match.”

“I’m not trying. I’m just the secret weapon warming the bench.”

“Haha, then tell Uryu-kun to do his best.”

“Tell him yourself.”

“Sure, if I feel like it.”

After wrapping up with Tsukikage Miharu, I hurry back to Uryu.

Honestly, I’m relieved.

That place was way too heavy on the girl vibes—suffocating in every sense. Sorry, Tsukikage Miharu, but I’m sticking to a guy-scented space for a while.

※

At last, I’ve escaped the total away game.

Chapter 82: The Maidens’ Chat 3

After Yukiya left the Second Gymnasium with Uryu, the five girls left behind began to move on their own.

“Alright, it’s about time for our match.”

Misono Izumo and Kirita Akari, who have the second match, start heading toward their teammates preparing for the game.

“Miha-chan, you had a promise with Yukki?”

But Kamishiro Haruka’s question stops them in their tracks. It’s something both of them were at least a little curious about.

“Sorry, Tsukikage Miharu, I can’t slack with you anymore. Hope you’re cool with that.”

Those were the words Hirose Yukiya said to Tsukikage Miharu earlier.

An apology spoken without a hint of embarrassment, despite the crowd around.

In short, it meant the two of them being together wasn’t just a coincidence.

Akari had heard from Yukiya that they were slacking buddies, but she hadn’t gotten the details from either of them.

Grateful for Haruka’s straightforward question, Akari listens intently to Miharu’s response.

“Yeah, remember when the four of us ate lunch together?”

“Oh, when I went back to the classroom early?”

“Right. After you left, Haruka-chan. Yukiya-kun said he was gonna skip the sports festival.”

“I see. It does get kinda boring for you at the sports festival, Miha-chan.”

Knowing Miharu’s situation, Haruka easily accepts the explanation about her promise with Yukiya.

Spending a boring sports festival you can’t participate in with someone who has no intention of joining in?

Nothing strange about that.

“…That’s it?”

However, Natori Mayoi doesn’t buy it.

Arms crossed, she stares straight at Miharu, who’s smiling brightly, trying to gauge her true intentions.

“That’s it?”

“I mean exactly what I said. Need me to spell it out?”

“Yeah, I’d like you to.”

Despite the slightly intimidating vibe, Miharu responds without a care.

Feeling a touch of irritation at her nonchalance, Mayoi elaborates.

“I’m asking if you invited Hirose without any ulterior motives.”

To Mayoi, the girls around Yukiya are all into Aoyagi Uryu.

That’s her assumption, at least. Akari, who she spoke to today, admitted to consulting Yukiya, and Miharu, who’s known him longer, must be doing the same.

Mayoi’s instincts scream that the girl in front of her is as much a threat as Rando Sora.

That’s why she’s pressing the question so forcefully now.

The year’s popular girl, smiling so delicately, could she be a rival?

Mayoi dives in to find out what’s beneath her surface, but—

“Of course I’ve got ulterior motives. Yukiya-kun’s a friend, and it’s fun being around him.”

The iron mask doesn’t crack.

Not a trace of fluster—just a smile as she answers Mayoi’s question.

“…God, I really can’t figure out what you’re thinking.”

Soon after, Mayoi lets out a heavy sigh.

From this, she can’t tell if Miharu’s hiding feelings for Uryu or not.

Given she’s hanging out with Yukiya, the former seems more likely, but Miharu’s expression gives nothing away.

Fine. Mayoi decides to let it go.

Love’s a personal battle.

Worrying about how far others have gotten is a waste of time—better to focus on moving forward herself.

That’s simpler.

“So, your slacking buddy’s gone. What’s your plan?”

“My plan?”

“You’re not gonna follow them?”

Just a curious question. Yukiya said his partner bailed, but he’s still not playing. Sticking with him wouldn’t be a huge bother, and it’d give her more chances to interact with Uryu. Seems like a smart move, but—

“I’m gonna cheer for Kirita-san and the others. We’re on the same team, so I need to be at the bench.”

Another bland response. Mayoi’s starting to get a headache. Probing this girl’s intentions is a losing game. She genuinely believes that.

“Alright, I’m out then.”

No point sticking around.

As she tells the four girls and starts to leave—

“Mayoi-chan.”

This time, Miharu calls out to her.

Her lips curve gently, but her eyes don’t seem to smile.

Mayoi can’t quite place it, but they hold a strong, hidden resolve.

“I don’t think you need to worry about me so much. I’m not sure what’s got you concerned, but—”

“!”

Is it the confidence of a bystander or the composure of someone in control?