My Online Friends Turned Out To Be the Ultra-Beautiful Girls in My Class and They Were Yandere - 21

Chapter 21: I Like You, Even If You’re Not Perfect

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【Side: Rin Togane】

Because I hadn’t properly kept an eye on things, I had let him end up in that situation. Just thinking about what would have happened if I hadn’t found him that time sent a chill down my spine. I felt so sick I thought I might throw up, and my hands were shaking. But he didn’t blame me for any of it.

Instead, he accepted my selfish request to let me stay over. That kindness is something I’ve always loved about him.

“Mother-in-law, it’s ready.”

I could finally have him eat my cooking again for the first time in a long while. That fact alone made me feel so excited that before I knew it, I had already finished cooking.

“Oh, really? Then, Rin-chan, may I start eating first?”

“Yes, please go ahead and enjoy it. I’ll go wake Hakkun up.”

I immediately knew he was asleep. After all, tonight’s dinner was his favorite curry rice. If he were awake, he would’ve already come running, drawn by the smell. There was no way he wouldn’t come for something with such a strong aroma unless he was asleep.

“Excuse me, Hakkun.”

I entered the room and reached for the light switch… Then stopped. I thought it would be a pity to wake him. Right now, Hakkun was sleeping peacefully, breathing softly like a child. So I didn’t want to wake him.

…Cute. So incredibly, unbelievably cute. And yet you’re so reliable, so cool, so strong.

I quietly sat down near him and began to remember everything he had given me.

♦

Ever since I was old enough to understand things, I had been expected to be perfect. My father was the president of a company, and my uncle was the principal of a high school. That was all. Just that, and yet I was told again and again that I had to be worthy. That I had to be perfect.

Even in kindergarten, it was the same. Sports days, coloring, even catching insects. Only first place was acceptable for me. Even my manners, my way of speaking, even the way I referred to myself—all of it was corrected.

It was painful. Because no one understood better than I did how far I was from being perfect. I was a crybaby, selfish, stubborn, and spoiled. I was weak, unable to rely on anyone. Even knowing that, I was forced to stay perfect, and it was unbearable. I had no friends.

Whenever I tried to act perfect, everyone distanced themselves from me. They treated me like some exalted being and kept me away. My world had no color. I thought this world was just something painted over with fresh paint. Every step I took, every time I touched something, its color would peel away.

You were the one who changed that. At the time I had just started the final year of kindergarten. During lunch, bored, I was playing alone in the sandbox. I didn’t even know if I was enjoying it. The teacher had said it was fine. I built sand castles, drew pictures in the sand, and let it all crumble away like flowing grains. And then…

“Big sister, what are you doing alone?”

“…Playing in the sand.”

For the first time, someone spoke to me.

Hara Kamitsuru.

He had just joined the school that year. He looked at me curiously and asked that question.

“Can I play with you too? It’ll be more fun with two people.”

“Yeah, okay.”

For the first time, someone asked to play with me. I was happy. So very happy. He was terribly clumsy. His sand castles collapsed immediately. His drawings turned into messy scribbles and became unrecognizable. When he tried to let the sand flow through his hands, it all spilled out at once.

“You’re amazing, big sister! Teach me how to do it!”

“Okay. I’ll teach you. Also… my name is Rin.”

“I see! Thanks, Rin-neechan!”

He would look at his hands, then at mine, and repeatedly ask me with sparkling eyes to teach him more. I thought he was cute. After that, I started playing with him often. I began calling him “Hakkun.” When I was with Hakkun, I felt at ease. Because I naturally felt that this child did not demand perfection from me.

And then, a month later, something happened. I made a mistake. I was alone in the sandbox, crying.

I’m going to get scolded again. Because I couldn’t be perfect, I’m going to be scolded again.

That feeling overwhelmed me completely.

“Rin-neechan… are you okay? Are you crying?”

“Hakkun… yeah. I messed up today. I have to be perfect.”

“Why does Rin-neechan have to be perfect?”

I ended up talking to him. Even though he was two years younger, only three years old and knew nothing. But I was happy. Because I finally had a friend I could talk to like this. And then he said to me.

“I don’t think you need to.”

Something no one had ever said for me.

“You don’t have to be perfect, you know.”

Something I had always wanted someone to say at least once. You said it so naturally, as if it were obvious. You denied my “perfect self.” And then, even further—

“I like you when you’re not perfect, Rin-neechan.”

At five years old, I fell in love for the first time with someone younger than me. Those words saved me beyond anything. So I thought to myself. 

It’s okay even if I’m not perfect.

“Rin… also… I love Hakkun.”

He probably said it without thinking, only for me. But that one line made something in me break. It lit a small flame inside me colored like you.

“I want you to show only me… the real Rin-neechan.”

“Okay. Got it. Rin will be only Hakkun’s Rin!”

After that, we played together every day. We did so many things. Sleepovers, baths, kisses, sleeping in each other’s arms. We even promised we would get married someday.

Before I knew it, that flame had grown so large it seemed like it could melt everything. We entered elementary school. You helped me make friends. Friends who, like me, had been saved by you.

Muna, Haruna, and Misaki.

I was happy. Happy that there were others who understood how wonderful Hakkun was. Happy that there were people I could talk about Hakkun with. I asked them all for one thing.

Please don’t respond to me as the “perfect” me in words. It made me happy that they accepted me. But the only one who should affirm me is Hakkun.

They all agreed.

At my graduation, the five of us took a photo together. I was so happy. So happy I thought middle school would be the same. I felt completely at ease. In my second year of high school, I got a message from Haruna. That Hakkun had collapsed, covered in blood.

My mind went completely blank. I was so scared I couldn’t breathe. I rushed into a restroom and vomited for minutes. For the first time, I left school early. When I got to the hospital, everyone was crying. I felt like I had to stay composed. I held Haruna tightly the whole time.

Eventually, he woke up. He had lost his memories. I didn’t understand what was happening. But the connection between us was still there. That was the only relief.

♦

“Today, when you remembered Rin, I was so happy. I thought I was going to cry.”

Hakkun.

“Thank you so much. I love you.”

I gently kissed his lips. There was no embarrassment. I had always, always wanted to do it. And then I whispered into his ear.

“Wake up, Hakkun. Dinner is ready.”

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