My Mental Choices Are Completely Interfering with My School Romantic Comedy - Volume 3 Chapter 4.2: As Expected, the Girls Around Me Are Fundamentally Wrong.

Volume 3 Chapter 4.2: As Expected, the Girls Around Me Are Fundamentally Wrong.

【Choose:

① “The Smallest in Human History”

② Fundoshi】

***

I was in the pool’s changing room, drowning in despair.

At first, I had no idea what this choice was even about. But the moment I reached the stage of changing into my swimsuit… its cruel meaning became clear.

The perfectly ordinary swim trunks I had packed in my bag had suddenly vanished without a trace.

And in their place—two items that I had absolutely no memory of putting in there.

One was a pair of trunks emblazoned with the words “The Smallest in Human History” across the front.

The other was… a red fundoshi.

…Seriously? I have to choose one of these?

And, of course, this time, there was no Option ③.

Damn it, what kind of useless system is this? If there’s ever a time for an alternative choice to appear, it’s—

【Choose:

① “The Smallest in Human History”

② Fundoshi

③ Wear Nothing】

“RETRACT IT IMMEDIATELY!!!”

I accidentally shouted out loud, causing the other guys in the changing room to look at me like I had grown a second head.

“Ah, s-sorry about that…”

Muttering an apology, I reluctantly slipped on the “Smallest in Human History” trunks…

I already wanted to go home.

As I walked toward the meeting spot with Chocolat and the others, every single person I passed stole glances at my crotch.

Would you like a photo of my tear-streaked face instead? I’m sure it’d make for a great souvenir.

A few minutes later, I arrived at the designated meeting area by the information board.

“Ama~cchi, sorry for the wait!”

“Oh…”

As I turned around and laid eyes on her, an awe-struck sound escaped my lips.

If you ignored her usual outlandish personality, Yuuouji Ouka was the ideal long-haired black-haired beauty—visually flawless. And on top of that, her figure was undeniably stunning.

Her swimsuit? A bikini that left an insane amount of skin exposed… but it suited her perfectly.

“Man, this outfit is super easy to move around in!”

Yuuouji grinned cheerfully.

“So true! Swimsuits feel so nice~!”

Right behind her, wearing a chocolate-colored swimsuit, was Chocolat.

“Kanade-san, how do I look?”

Even larger than Yuuouji in certain areas, yet with a perfectly toned waist.

Honestly, even when she’s stuffing her face all the time, her impeccable figure is nothing short of a mystery.

“Ah, yeah. Looks good.”

“Really!?”

“DON’T STICK TO ME IN THAT OUTFIT!”

As Chocolat wiggled closer, her tail-like hair bouncing, I pushed her back with my hand.

“Onii-chan, look at mine too!”

And then, stepping forward—Yuragi, in a colorful one-piece swimsuit.

Compared to the other two, she was lacking in various aspects of volume… but still, in its own way, it was… nice.

“Mufufu, Onii-chan, how is it?”

“W-What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, come on, don’t play dumb! You’ve got three super cute girls following you around—you can’t tell me you’re not thrilled!”

Ignoring Yuragi’s painfully outdated vocabulary choice, the fact remained—

These three were far above average in terms of looks.

And judging by the glaring death-stares I was receiving from every guy passing by, that fact was undeniable.

Some poor dude had been smacked by his girlfriend for staring too hard at Chocolat and the others.

It was the kind of three-shot that would’ve looked amazing captured on the waterproof camera hanging around my neck. But given that I had no plan other than my secret weapon, now was definitely not the time to be messing around.

Better to hold back.

“Oh yeah, now that I think about it… where’s Utage-sensei?”

“Huh? She was with me just a second ago…”

Yuuouji and I scanned our surroundings.

“Ah, found her.”

About ten meters behind the information board, Utage-sensei was being approached by… a short, stocky, and excessively hairy man.

…That’s suspicious.

Curious, I walked over.

“Haa… Haa… O-ojo-chan, did you get separated from your mama?” (T/N: Little girl.)

…A man of “certain inclinations.”

“…Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m already an adult.”

Even Utage-sensei looked a bit uncomfortable at the sheer enthusiasm radiating from the guy.

“A-an adult…?”

“Yeah, so get lost—”

“M-marvelous!”

“…Hah?”

“Ojo-chan, you seem to misunderstand… Age is irrelevant! Those fools who say ‘over X age is already a hag’—they know nothing! Appearance! Appearance is the one and only true standard! Nay, the gap between looks and actual age only serves to excite me further!”

…Yeah. This guy was advanced.

“So tell me, if you don’t mind, how old are y—GUFUEH?!”

The lolicon crumpled to the ground.

“S-sensei, wasn’t hitting his solar plexus a bit excessive…?”

“Who cares? He was gross.”

She kicked him one more time.

…Well, whatever. He did pass out looking oddly satisfied.

“U-uh, excuse me. I think this guy suddenly… isn’t feeling well.”

I flagged down a staff member and had them take him away.

“W-wow, talk about bad luck.”

“Tell me about it.”

Poor guy. Of all the people he could’ve messed with, he had to pick her. That wasn’t just misfortune—it was suicidal behavior.

【Choose:

① Lift her up and say, “Yay, yay! Up we go, Utage-chan~!”

② Hug her tightly and say, “Yay! Mommy Utage~!”】

…Are you asking me to die?

No, I need to think positively. If it’s Utage-sensei, she’ll probably understand that I had no choice because of the selection system.

“E-excuse me for a second!”

“WHA-“

No hesitation. I lifted her up.

“Yay, yay! Up we go, Utage-chan~!”

I put her down as quickly and carefully as possible, afraid of what might come next.

“Uh… um…”

“…Amakusa, you’ve really got it rough, huh?”

Utage-sensei gave me a big, beaming smile.

Thank god…

“R-right?! I knew a fellow sufferer like you would understa— BAFUH! —hngh?!”

She slapped me. Just. Straight up.

“I sympathize, but that’s a separate issue.”

“Ugh…”

Well… I guess I should be thankful it wasn’t a one-punch solar plexus knockout.

Still, seeing Utage-sensei up close like this, I couldn’t help but once again—

“Huh?”

Suddenly, I was hit with an overwhelming impulse.

“S-sensei…”

“What?”

Oh, crap… wait a second… This… This is just like that choice from a few days ago—where everything I think automatically comes out of my mouth…!

I desperately tried to fight it back, but it was no use. No, no, no—my mouth’s moving on its own—

“Your boobs are tiny!”

“…Any excuses?”

“…Nowne…”

“I can’t understand a damn word.”

Of course, she couldn’t. My cheek was swelling from the perfectly executed right hook she just landed on me.

And what was with that time lag?! I’d completely forgotten about that cursed choice! Though, considering ① involved getting blown up for being a normie and ③ promised being launched into the depths of the galaxy, I should probably count myself lucky that I only got my face restructured.

Even so—come on.

After waiting for me to be able to speak properly again, Utage-sensei finally let out a sigh and spoke.

“Amakusa. I’m gonna wander off on my own for a bit. You keep an eye on those brats.”

“Huh? Sensei, you’re splitting up from us?”

“Yeah. Adults have their own way of having fun. Besides, let’s be real—having a twenty-nine-year-old like me tagging along with you kids is just—wait, what the hell did you make me say?!”

“You said it yourself!!”

In the blink of an eye, her hand was at my throat.

“…If you breathe a word about my age, I will strangle you to death.”

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

She’d do it. She’d really do it.

“Unlike you, I’m not some pervert who gets off on humiliating myself.”

“Could you not say stuff like that while staring at my crotch?!”

She knows this is all because of the cursed selection system, but she’s still roasting me anyway?! This is peak sadism!

“Well, good luck out there, ‘Humanity’s Tiniest Endless Cherry’.”

“WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT LIKE A DAMN TITLE?!”

“Huh?”

Still rubbing my aching cheek, I made my way back to the information board—only to find that the three people who should have been there were now gone.

I glanced around and spotted a small crowd gathering a short distance away.

…I had a bad feeling about this.

Bracing myself, I headed toward the commotion.

“YAHOOO—!”

…And there she was.

Ouka Yuuouji, perched at the very top of an artificial palm tree.

“Ah, Amacchi! This spot feels amazing!”

Between this, the whole dangling from the school roof with fishing line incident, and the cherry blossom tree fiasco earlier…

Why the hell is she so obsessed with heights?!

I gestured for her to come down. She effortlessly slid down the trunk with practiced ease.

“Hey! That was dangerous! Don’t do stuff like that!”

I scolded her as soon as she landed.

“Ahaha! Amacchi, you sound like a dad!”

“D-dad?! You…”

That stung. Badly.

Did she just call me old…? I’m a bit shocked…

“Whatever… Where are the other two?”

“Uhh, let’s see… Oh! Yuragi-cchi is over there!”

I followed the direction of Ouka’s pointing finger.

A short distance away, Yuragi was kneeling in front of a little boy—probably around second or third grade—gently patting his head while meeting his gaze at eye level.

Normally, that would be a heartwarming sight.

But I knew better.

I inched closer, just enough to hear what she was saying.

“Hey, hey, you… Want to be my Onii-chan?”

“…Huh?”

“O-ni-i-chan~ Come on, doesn’t being called that excite you?”

“…This lady is scary.”

…She completely freaked the kid out.

The poor boy turned on his heel and bolted.

“Ughhh…”

Watching his retreating figure, Yuragi clutched her mouth and groaned.

Oh?

Even she must’ve been shaken by getting rejected by a child, right?

Right—?

“Ugh… He called me Onee-chan… I think I’m gonna vomit.”

THAT’S what bothered you?!

…Honestly, I didn’t want to be associated with her right now, so I hesitated to step in.

But before I could say anything, Yuragi had already recovered and was making her way toward a new target.

Whoa.

This time, it was a muscular figure in a women’s swimsuit—but everything about their face and body screamed male.

…Yep. Definitely an Onee.

“Hey, um… Would you be my—no, wait—would you be my Onee-chan instead?”

…Did you really just hesitate for a second there?!

The person Yuragi had approached took a step back, eyes narrowing warily.

Well, yeah.

If some random girl walked up to you and said that out of nowhere, you’d be on high alert too.

“E-eh? W-why’re you asking? Listen, I don’t got any money, okay? So if ya tryin’ ta scam me, it ain’t gonna work, y’hear?!”

…What the hell kind of character are you?!

With a weird, Edo-style accent, the Onee hastily made their escape.

“Sigh… Two losses in a row.”

Alright.

That was enough.

Seeing Yuragi slump her shoulders, I decided I couldn’t let this go on any longer.

“What the hell are you even doing…?”

“Ah,Onii-chan!”

“…I’m not even gonna comment on that. Just—where’s Chocolat?”

“Chocolat Onee-chan? She’s over there!”

Following Yuragi’s gaze, I spotted a much larger crowd gathered further ahead.

And right in the middle of it—was Chocolat.

“W-W-Wait, there are so many naked men!”

The utterly rotten dog was gleaming with excitement in her eyes.

“The possibilities for pairing are endless!”

“Chocolat…”

I walked over and called out to her, my tone a little restrained.

“Kanade-san! Look! Which one do you think is best?”

“None of them!”

“Kanade-san, I think your standards are just too high. With so many choices, what’s the problem?”

“It’s the gender!”

…This was the perfect time to ask a question that had been bugging me for a while.

“Hey, Chocolat, you like me, right?”

“Yes, I love you!”

Chocolat answered without hesitation, as always.

“Then why the hell are you trying to pair me up with other guys? Doesn’t that seem weird?”

I mean, I know that Chocolat’s “love” for me isn’t romantic, but still, it’s hard to understand why she’d want to pair me with others if she likes me.

“My feelings for Kanade-san and my desire to make him homo-homely are totally different. So, the two can exist without conflicting with each other!”

“…I don’t really get it, but I sure as hell don’t understand what’s going on in your brain.”

Also, what the hell does homo-homely even mean?

“Alright, listen up, gentlemen! We’ve got a handsome one here!”

“Stop!”

I quickly covered Chocolat’s mouth to shut her up.

Damn it… Ouka Yuuouji, Yuragi, why does everyone have to cause so much trouble as soon as they arrive?

I needed to take charge for once. Grabbing Chocolat, I led her back to where Yuragi and Ouka were waiting by the information board.

“You guys… sit down for a second.”

They all obediently crouched down, sitting cross-legged.

“Alright, listen. You’re all high schoolers now, so you need to act with some decency.”

“Aha, ‘act decently,’ huh? You really sound like a dad!”

“Ugh, Onii-chan, you’re sooo old!”

“I get that a lot, but Kanade-san, your lectures are seriously so naggy.”

Grit

…I really wanted to yell at them, but I knew it would probably just make them laugh. I needed to calm down.

Alright, just breathe. Close your eyes, deep breath… deep breath…

“Suuuu… Haaaaaa… Huh?”

…Wait a second.

I had only closed my eyes for a moment, but when I opened them, the three of them had disappeared.

“Oooh, the pool over there looks fun!”

“I smell a bunch of Onii-chan scents coming from over here!”

“Hey, there’s a food area over there!”

“W-Wait a second!”

Each of them went in a completely different direction, running off on their own.

“Tch… They really just ran off right after I told them…”

A headache was starting to form… But now what? With this situation, chasing all of them down is impossible.

In that case, considering the mission, I should prioritize Ouka Yuuouji—

[Choose: ① While holding your crotch, “Guaah! My right hand… my right hand is throbbing!” ② While rubbing your crotch, “Guaah! My right hand… my right hand is throbbing!”]

…

“Guaah! My right hand… my right hand is throbbing!”

… Of course, I chose ①. Obviously.

As I tried to chase after Yuuouji while making this mental excuse to no one in particular, a staff member called out to me.

“Excuse me?”

“Huh?”

“You were just holding your crotch and saying something weird… Can I have a word with you?”

… Hearing my actions described objectively, I realized I sounded like a complete pervert.

“Uh… Sorry, I actually have a condition called ‘chuuni sickness.'”

If I lost sight of Yuuouji now, it would be a huge missed opportunity. I didn’t care if they thought I was weird; I just wanted to get this over with quickly.

“Well, it’s clear you’re unwell, but…”

Wait, are they misunderstanding me!?

Damn… The term “chuuni” doesn’t translate well to non-otaku folks.

For some reason, the staff member stared at my crotch and said,

“It’s more like second-grade size than middle school, though…”

“What the hell are you talking about!?”

“Damn it…”

It took a considerable amount of time to explain the concept of “chuuni” to the staff member (it was extremely difficult) and make him understand that I wasn’t complaining about the size of *that*. By the time I was finally let go, the three of them were long gone.

“Damn it, why does this keep happening…?”

Ruffling my hair in frustration, I ran in the direction Yuuouji had gone off to.

 ***

(Ah, Kanade-kun sure seems like he’s having fun, despite everything…)

In the bustling crowd, a lone girl watched Kanade Amakusa’s back with a weary expression. 

Her name was Yukihira Furano.

(I really don’t know how to talk to him now… Ugh, what should I do?)

She regretted it, quietly lamenting her decision. She had turned down the invitation to go to the pool together.

(But… but…)

She lowered her chin and gazed at her own modest chest.

(Why do Chocolat-chan and Ouka-chan have such big breasts…?)

Seeing theirs, which boasted model-like figures, in person completely shattered the little self-confidence she had left, which had already been barely there to begin with.

(I guess boys prefer girls with bigger breasts…)

Once again, she sighed as she looked at her own chest. The small, familiar lumps had stopped growing about a year ago.

(Ah, I can’t even see them anymore…)

Flustered, Furano quickly started running to catch up with Kanade’s retreating figure.

***

“Hah… hah… Those guys, they’re doing whatever they want…”

No matter how much I ran around, I couldn’t find Yuuouji’s figure.

But this pool… it’s huge. The claim that it’s the largest water amusement park in the country isn’t just for show.

I bent over, hands on my knees, breathing heavily. No use. I don’t think I’ll find him by running around blindly like this. I need some sort of plan…

“You seem to be having quite the hard time~”

“Huh?”

I reflexively responded to the voice suddenly calling out from behind. That distinctive way of speaking… Could it be…?

“Kanade-san, hello~”

…As expected, my bad feeling was spot on.

I looked up and turned around to find the figure of the president of the Kokubyakuin family, Seira-san.

“K-Kaichout, what are you doing here…?”

As expected, she was in a swimsuit. Her perfectly balanced physique emitted a divine radiance. Her hair, which was almost as long as her height, was wet from the water and had an even more glossy shine than usual.

“Heh, I just happened to come by to have some fun~”

“Just happened…?”

That wasn’t all. There was a familiar face behind her as well.

“Oh my, it seems that the frail little bug doesn’t just have a weak body, but also a frail mind.”

“Kanade-kun, hello~”

Behind the president were two girls I knew well.

Reikadou Ayame and Yawakaze Konagi. The girls who ranked 5th and 3rd in the popularity rankings, respectively. Ayame, who had a proud, queen-like attitude, and Konagi, who was reserved and gentle. Their personalities were completely the opposite, which was probably why they didn’t compete for votes and both managed to stay high in the rankings.

“Why are all three of you here together?”

“Well, although we lost in the competition, this is a little ‘thanks for your hard work’ party, so I invited them~”

The president smiled sweetly, resting her hand on her cheek.

Now that I think about it, she had mentioned something about giving them something when we met in the hallway the other day, but I didn’t realize it was tickets to this place.

“Well, the two of us personally didn’t lose, you know. Right, Konagi-chan?”

“Ahaha… Yeah, that’s true.”

Where does Ayame get this confidence from? I remember her nearly crying when her fake silicone breasts were exposed during her match with Yukihira…

But… when I saw Ayame’s swimsuit, I gulped. What is going on here? The fabric is practically nonexistent…

I stared, but Ayame seemed completely unfazed, as if she was used to being ogled like this.

In contrast, Konagi’s swimsuit was much more modest, reflecting her personality. But honestly, with how adorable she looked, the ratio of exposed skin didn’t matter in the slightest! The fact that Konagi was wearing a swimsuit at all was more than enough to make an impact!

“Um… Kanade-kun… if you keep staring… it might get a little embarrassing.”

“Huh!”

Uh-oh, I got so caught up in how angelic Konagi looked that I almost completely lost my composure.

“S-Sorry!”

Konagi’s face turned red as she looked down, embarrassed.

“Konagi-chan, be more confident. All those worthless boys at the pool are just going to gawk at girls in swimsuits, so you should have the attitude of showing off and making them jealous.”

…Her wording may have been a little harsh, but honestly, I can’t say she was wrong.

“By the way, Kanade-san, why are you alone~?”

The president casually interrupted, speaking in her usual laid-back tone.

“Well, actually…”

I explained that Yuuouji and the others had gone off doing whatever they wanted, leaving me on my own.

“Ara~ that’s quite a problem~”

The president said this without the slightest trace of concern on her face.

“Those three, if left to their own devices, are likely to cause a ruckus, right~?”

Well, they had already climbed palm trees, said perverted things to little kids, and tried to get me attacked by a guy…

“Hmm… as a member of the student council, I can’t let the name of Seikou Academy be tarnished~. Kanade-san, do you know the general direction the three of them went in~?”

“Ah, yes.”

Looking at the guide sign near the entrance, I knew that Yuragi headed northeast, Chocolat went nearly straight north, and Yuuouji went northwest. I relayed this information to the president.

“I see~. So, the search targets are three people. Oh, how convenient~ we’re three people as well.”

The president immediately turned to Reikadou and Yawakaze.

“Konagi-chan, Ayame-chan, I’m sorry, but could you help out?”

The president was asking for help from the top two girls in the rankings.

“Ah, yes, of course!”

“Well, we’re here for free anyway, so if it’s a request from the student council president, I can’t refuse.”

The two girls easily agreed, but something felt off about the way she worded her request. She mentioned the reputation of Seikou Academy, but it felt so insincere and forced that I couldn’t help but feel something was off.

“Then I’ll go look for Ouka-chan.”

“I’ll go check on Chocolat-san.”

“In that case, I’ll take care of the pink-haired first-year.”

Without me even saying anything, they quickly sorted out their tasks.

Well, I wasn’t in a position to question the president’s intentions right now. Whatever combination of people I was with, my goal was clear. Given the mission, my first priority was to head to Yuuouji…

“Ah, by the way, Kanade-san, you’ll be with either me or Reikadou-san.”

The president interrupted again with that same easygoing tone.

“Huh? No, I was planning to go to Yuuouji’s side…”

“That’s not allowed~.”

“Not allowed…?”

“It wouldn’t be interesting if you just went straight to her.”

The president emphasized the second half of her sentence dramatically, putting her finger to her lips and smiling sweetly.

“The fun is meant to be saved for last~.”

…What’s going on? During the competition, she did eventually help (sort of), but now she’s acting in ways that seem to sabotage my mission… What does she really want?

“Alright, then Konagi-chan, it’s about time you head out~.”

“Ah, yes, I’ll do my best to find Ouka-chan!”

At the president’s urging, Konagi turned her back on us and began to walk briskly.

I would’ve liked to follow her, but…

“Good luck~.”

The president waved at Konagi, her back giving off an eerie pressure, making it impossible for me to take a single step forward.

With her smile still on her face, the president turned to face me again.

“Kanade-san. Do you know the saying, ‘Haste makes waste’~? Sure, Yuuouji is the main target this time, but if you get along with the other girls, in the end, it won’t hurt you.”

What? What is the president even trying to say?

“So, Kanade-san, please choose. You can go with Reikadou-san and look for Yuragi, or you can go with me to look for Cho—”

“I’ll go with Yuragi.”

I quickly answered, almost cutting her off. I wasn’t about to be stuck alone with the president.

“Oh, rejected. How sad~.”

The president said this with absolutely no emotion in her voice.

“So, Reikadou, I’ll be looking for Yuragi with you.”

Reikadou replied with an expression that clearly said she was uninterested.

“Hmph, well, do whatever you want, but just don’t get in my way.”

As usual, her words reeked of arrogance. Honestly, I wasn’t too fond of Reikadou either, but compared to the president, she was a breath of fresh air.

“Oh, by the way, Kanade-san, I should tell you one thing~.”

Just as I was about to head out with Reikadou, the president called out to me, so I turned around.

“If you cheat, there will be serious consequences.”

“Huh⁉”

For a split second, the president’s eyes widened. In that brief moment, they held the same feral glint I had seen before, like a predator about to catch its prey.

“If Yuragi-san causes any trouble, make sure you handle it properly~.”

“…Understood.”

I wiped away the cold sweat running down my face and quickly left the scene.