My Mental Choices Are Completely Interfering with My School Romantic Comedy

Volume 2 Chapter 3.6:

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t figure out why Yukihira had been marked as cleared. Since I had no memory of the event, I must have gotten her to say ‘I like you’ somehow during that time… but how?

It must have been something related to the choice selection, but if I couldn’t remember, then there was no point in overthinking it. At this point, I might as well take the win for what it was.

“Oh, welcome back!”

The moment I stepped inside, Chocolat came rushing over to greet me.

Honestly, she never gets tired of looking this happy just because I came home, huh?

“Kanade-san, you look like something good happened. What’s up?”

She wagged her tail excitedly, peering up at me.

“Ah… well, I’m not entirely sure myself, but…”

I told her that, somehow, Yukihira had been marked as cleared.

“Ohh, that’s great! So that means the only one left is the Kaichou-san, right? Hehehe, in that case, please use this to your heart’s content!”

That’s when I noticed Chocolat was holding something behind her back. Wait, don’t tell me—

“Tadaaa! Here you go!”

『Ten Ways to Get a Girl to Say “I Like You” – Become the Ultimate Chick Magnet King!』

…Of course.

“Chocolat, you realize this series has never helped even once, right? Also, just how many of these exist? Who in the world is buying this crap…?”

“Eh? But the bookstore had a ‘#1 Blockbuster Hit in America’ sign on it!”

“That’s shady as hell!”

Is this a movie or what? Not just the content, even the marketing is awful…

“Well, well, even if it’s useless, let’s at least give it a read!”

“That’s literally missing the entire point…”

I sighed, taking the book from her anyway. As usual, it was ridiculously thick. No matter how many times I saw it, I couldn’t understand why it needed to be this long. Skipping ahead, I flipped to the summary pages.

《① Take the girl’s family hostage and threaten her until she says ‘I like you.’》

…That escalated way too fast!!

《Explanation: This is probably the only method that would work for someone like you.》

WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU!?

《② Ask her to say ‘I like you’ ten times as part of a game. Once she does, run away.》

What are we, grade schoolers!?

《Explanation: Only emptiness will remain afterward.》

Give me my money back! I didn’t pay for this, but still, give me my money back!

《③ Ask, ‘Who do you like more, me or this dirty rag?’》

…Have some pride as a human being.

《Explanation: Let’s sincerely hope you are preferred over a dirty rag.》

You’re underestimating me way too much!

《④ There’s a saying: ‘Hate turns into love.’》

Yeah, that’s a thing, but… so what?

《Explanation: In reality, it means, ‘I said I hate you, so obviously I hate you, you rotten [censored]!’ ※Based on personal experience, so no doubt about it.》

WHY ARE YOU WASTING A WHOLE PAGE ON YOUR BREAKUP STORY!?

《⑤ Ask Shenron for help.》

…This guy is completely off the rails.

《Explanation: Your wish is probably harder to grant than defeating a Saiyan, so it’ll likely be rejected.》

How much are you planning to insult your own readers, huh!?

《⑥ Get plastic surgery.》

Wow, no sugarcoating at all…

《Explanation: Well, if a girl only likes you after a facelift, she’s not worth much anyway.》

WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO!?

《⑦ Reincarnate.》

Give me a realistic option!

《Explanation: In this lifetime, you’re better off finding joys outside of women.》

This isn’t just an insult anymore, this is outright warfare!

《⑧ Listen to Hatsune Miku say ‘I love you’ on repeat.》

…That’s just too damn sad.

《Explanation: After about 10,000 repeats, you will reach enlightenment.》

YOU ACTUALLY DID IT, DIDN’T YOU!?

《⑨ The kanji for ‘suki’ (好き) can be broken down to mean ‘woman and child.’》

And what’s your point!?

《Explanation: Yeah, I don’t really know either (LOL).》

I WANNA PUNCH THIS GUY SO BAD!!!

《⑩ Just go for it and ask straight-up: ‘Do you like me?’》

If that was a viable option, I wouldn’t be relying on this stupid book!

《Explanation: If she rejects you, take her family hostage.》

THAT’S LITERALLY THE FIRST ONE AGAIN!!

《By the way, do you think this book will sell?》

“HELL NO!”

I slammed it against the floor in frustration.

Even though I had zero expectations from the start, this was just too much. It still managed to piss me off.

“Well, well, Kanade-san, let’s calm down with a little treat.”

Chocolat rummaged through the kitchen drawer and pulled out a neatly wrapped box.

“…Wait, this is…”

I gasped when I saw what was inside.

It was a luxurious assortment of chocolates from a famous shop—something that had been making waves on TV lately. The only way to get it was to stand in massive lines in the city. It wasn’t just about money; you couldn’t buy this stuff without effort.

Chocolat might be a useless NEET, but she had money. Supposedly, she had an unlimited fund labeled as necessary expenses, which meant cash would just keep getting transferred to her. She even carried wads of bills in her cleavage without a second thought.

She once offered to give me living expenses, but when words like money laundering started popping up, I got scared and refused.

But this chocolate—this was a super rare item.

This chocolate was so rare that the only way to get it was to line up in the city after seeing it featured on TV. It wasn’t something you could just buy with money alone.

“A grand spectacle took place in order to obtain this.”

Chocolat was practically bursting to tell the story, so I sighed and resigned myself to listening.

“First, at a traditional Japanese confectionery in the shopping district, I saw some manju that looked incredibly delicious. I stared at them for so long that an old lady gave me some.”

She’s finally reached the point of getting gifted store merchandise… When it comes to receiving food, she’s practically divine.

“As I was happily about to eat them, a kid who looked absolutely starving appeared.”

“Uh-huh.”

“So, right in front of that child, I popped an entire manju into my mouth in one bite.”

“YOU’RE A MONSTER! You should’ve given it to the kid!”

“Huh? I gave him all the rest in the box.”

“WAIT, SHE GAVE YOU A WHOLE BOX!? Just how shameless are you!?”

That must’ve been Grandma Meirendo from the confectionery. I should find a way to repay her later…

“After finishing all the manju, the kid, now full, took something shiny out of his pocket and gave it to me as thanks.”

…What is this, some kind of Wara-ishi bartering miracle?

“Turns out, the thing his pet cat had brought home was… a diamond.”

“THAT ESCALATED WAY TOO FAST!”

Chocolat continued at her own pace, completely unbothered by my shouting.

“I was going to turn it in at the police box, but I got lost on the way and wandered around. Then, a man in a black suit and sunglasses tapped me on the shoulder.”

Oh boy, this was starting to sound really sketchy.

“He led me into an empty alley and pressed a gun to my head.”

“NOW THIS JUST WENT FULL ACTION MOVIE!”

No way in hell this kind of thing happens in Japan.

“Since the atmosphere didn’t seem very friendly, I kicked the gun away, threw him over my shoulder, and followed up with a Paro Special.”

“YOU’RE A DAMN BEAST!”

I knew she had insane strength, but since when could she pull off moves like that!? And why the Paro Special of all things!?

“After questioning him, he introduced himself as Ou—Ouka Yuuouji’s father.”

“THAT’S YUUOUJI’S DAD!?”

Wait, that means he’s… the CEO of UOG!

A gun-wielding, alley-lurking corporate executive—how the hell is that even legal!?

“Apparently, he had bought the diamond on impulse but dropped it. Since he wanted to keep up the atmosphere, he decided to search for it dressed like a spy.”

“HE’S A FULL-BLOWN CHUUNI!”

When I asked more about it, I found out the gun was just a replica.

I’d heard he was eccentric, but this is next level… Normally, you’d doubt a top executive of a major Japanese corporation would pull this kind of nonsense, but strangely, I could believe it… Because his daughter is like that too.

Now that I think about it, her mother, Hibikika-san, is supposedly a hardcore masochist… What kind of family is this!?

“So, as an apology, he gave me this chocolate.”

I see, so that famous confectionery was part of UOG’s network.

“Well, whatever the circumstances, since we’ve got it, we might as well enjoy it… huh?”

I reached out my hand… but for some reason, the box was completely empty.

“…Chocolat-san?”

When I looked up, I saw Chocolat with her mouth smeared in brown remnants of what was once high-class chocolate.

“Don’t tell me… you ate everything while talking!?”

“Yes!”

“…Why?”

“Because it was delicious!”

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!”