My Mental Choices Are Completely Interfering with My School Romantic Comedy

Volume 2 Chapter 1.1: A Sign of a Harem?

“Haaah…”

How did it come to this?

“Haaah…”

How did it come to this?

I was so disheartened that I repeated myself twice without thinking.

“Kanade-san, Kana~de-saaan!”

From within the crowd of classmates, a tiny blonde girl slipped out and came running toward me, her face beaming with excitement.

“…So it really isn’t a dream.”

This girl, who introduced herself as Chocolat, had, due to certain circumstances, taken up residence in my home—

“Listen, Kanade-san! Everyone gave me lots of sweets!”

—and for some reason, this morning, abruptly, suddenly, and spontaneously, she transferred into my class.

Well, technically, she isn’t a transfer student. It seems she’s being treated as my “academic support pet” or something… but I have no idea what that even means.

“Hamu hamu… Oiishii desu~!”

Her cheeks puffed up as she stuffed herself with chocolates and cookies, her face filled with joy.

At the same time, her tail-like hair twitched up and down… I always wonder—what kind of mechanism makes it move like that?

“Chocolat-chaaan, if you come over here, we’ll give you more sweets!”

“Really?!”

Gulping down her mouthful at an astonishing speed, Chocolat’s eyes sparkled as she rushed back into the circle of girls… At this point, she’s completely like a dog that’s been trained with treats.

As cries of “So cute! So adorable!” filled the air, she was being petted, touched, and completely swarmed.

Even the boys seized the opportunity to bombard her with questions—her popularity was through the roof.

Well, I guess it’s only natural for a (not really) transfer student to be doted on. If I leave it alone, it’ll settle down soon enough.

“Amakusa-kun, may I have a moment?”

A strangely monotone voice called out from behind, and I turned around.

“Hm? What’s up, Yukihira?”

Yukihira Furano.

With hair as white and radiant as a snowy field, she had a strikingly beautiful face, yet her default expressionless demeanor made it incredibly difficult to figure out what she was thinking.

“So, about your ‘youthful impulse management pet,’ Chocolat-san…”

…What did she just say? What the hell did she just call her?

“Ara? Did you not hear me? I was talking about your ‘sexual impulse management pet,’ Chocolat-san.”

“…Something about that changed, didn’t it?”

“No, not at all. From the very beginning, I was about to say ‘fap ma—’”

“Shut the hell up!!”

The sheer absurdity of her words, delivered without a single change in expression, made it all the more surreal.

“You… Do you even realize what you’re saying in broad daylight?”

“Amakusa-kun, your concern shouldn’t be about the time of day, but rather the fact that a girl—a girl—is saying such obscene things.”

“You already know what’s wrong with this, don’t you?!”

“Even knowing it’s wrong, I can’t stop. That’s the terrifying nature of dirty jokes.”

“Why are you saying it like it’s some kind of addictive snack?!”

“Well then, I’ll quit starting tomorrow. But for today, I’ll let loose and spew dirty jokes as much as I want.”

“Why does it sound like you’re binge-eating before a diet?! Just stop right now!”

“But if you take dirty jokes away from me, all that’s left is dreams and hope.”

“…What the hell are you even made of?!”

Despite being one of the most beautiful girls in school, Yukihira’s personality was such a disaster that she had earned the infamous title of ‘The Reject Five’.

These were the top-tier beauties of the school who, despite their outstanding looks, had such overwhelmingly unfortunate traits that they were universally rejected as romantic prospects.

Yukihira was one of them.

It turns out that I, too, am counted among the boys of the “Reject Five”—though in my case, it’s not because of some inherent personality flaw. No, my unfortunate reputation stems from being forced into bizarre actions thanks to the cursed phenomenon known as “Absolute Choices.”

So at the very least, I refuse to be lumped together with a natural-born weirdo like Yukihira.

“Oh, Furano-san! Would you like some sweets?”

At that moment, Chocolat returned, both hands completely full of snacks. Just how many did she get…?

“Thank you. In that case, I’ll take this one.”

Yukihira reached out to the assortment of sweets on my desk and casually picked one up.

Of all things, she chose… a breast-shaped chocolate.

Who the hell brought that to school…?

Without the slightest hesitation, Yukihira tossed it into her mouth and began rolling it around with her tongue.

“W-What kind of way is that to eat…?”

“Ara? If I were to blush and eat something this lewd while acting all embarrassed, wouldn’t that make it even more suggestive? If you want to hide a leaf, put it in a forest. If you want to hide vulgarity, put it in an already vulgar mouth.”

…Her logic was so avant-garde that I couldn’t comprehend a single word of it.

After finishing the chocolate, Yukihira turned her attention to Chocolat.

“By the way, Chocolat-san, may I have a moment?”

Before she even finished speaking, she suddenly grabbed Chocolat’s chest with both hands.

“Hweh?”

“The hell are you doing all of a sudden?!”

Despite her small frame, Chocolat was unexpectedly well-endowed—a fact Yukihira showed no hesitation in thoroughly groping.

“Ara, I’m simply doing the same thing as you, Amakusa-kun. You do this to her every night, don’t you?”

“I DO NOT.”

“That’s impossible. You live under the same roof as such a magnificent pair of oppai, yet you claim you haven’t touched them? …Wait. Could it be…?”

Yukihira’s eyes narrowed as if she had uncovered a grave secret.

“Could it be that… at your age, your male function has already perished?”

Why the hell is that the conclusion you jumped to?! Also, stop calling them ‘oppai’ so casually!

“Now, choose, Amakusa-kun. Have you been groping her every night, or has your manhood already died? Which is it?”

“I’m NOT choosing!”

【Choose: ① “Actually, I have been groping her.” ② “Actually, my male function is dead.”】

“I SAID, I’M NOT CHOOSING!!”

This… This right here is the cursed abomination that has doomed me to the depths of the “Reject Five”—the dreaded Absolute Choice.

“Amakusa-kun, why did you object twice just now?”

“No, this is—GWAHAAAAAHHH!!”

A sudden, crippling headache struck me.

That’s how Absolute Choice works. If I refuse to pick or stall for time, it retaliates by forcing the decision upon me through unbearable pain.

The duration and intensity of the headache vary each time, but this time, it was short—and brutal.

“F-Fine… Actually, my male function is dead.”

The moment I uttered those words, the pain vanished like a cruel joke.

Damn you, Absolute Choice… Every single time, you force me into the worst possible options.

Do you have any idea how much suffering you’ve caused me over the past year? Just thinking about it makes me want to cry…

But at least this time, it’s such an outrageous statement that everyone will just take it as a joke—

“…Huh? Yukihira?”

Yukihira had her hand over her mouth, trembling.

“…No way… I just said that as a half-joke, but… It was actually true…? I-I’m so sorry… I’m so, so sorry!!”

“CAN YOU NOT MAKE IT SOUND SO CONVINCING?!! IT’S OBVIOUSLY A LIE!!”

“Oh? So that means… you really have been groping her, then.”

She immediately dropped the apology and returned to her usual deadpan stare. That’s a whole level of facial acting.

“No, listen—why the hell is your brain only capable of these two extremes?! Hey, Chocolat, tell her! I haven’t done anything weird to you, right?”

At this point, getting confirmation from the person herself would be the fastest way to clear this up.

“Yes!”

Chocolat answered immediately.

Well, of course she did. I really haven’t done anything, after all.

However—

“But… I was groped somewhere else.”

…Huh?

“Yesterday morning, when I woke up, Kanade-san was right next to me, and I was being squish-squish groped all over.”

…Wait.

Oh. Right. I did do that.

She just wouldn’t wake up, no matter how many times I called her. So I grabbed her cheeks and stretched them until she finally got up.

But, Chocolat-san.

When you phrase it like that—

“……”

As expected, the entire classroom fell dead silent.

“N-No, I mean…”

Before I could even attempt an explanation, a hand clapped onto my shoulder.

I turned to see my friend, Satou, smiling at me with the brightest grin imaginable.

“…Hey, Amakusa. Can I punch you in the face real quick?”

“WHY?!”

Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a mob of male classmates.

From within the crowd, Takahashi stepped forward.

“…Hey, Amakusa. Can I gouge out your eyes real quick?”

“WHY THE HELL?!”

Then, Itou, speaking in a tone way too cold for comfort.

“…Hey, Amakusa. Wanna take a little trip to a secret underground facility for some… forced labor?”

“That’s literally your own backstory, Itou-san!”

Then Satou added:

“Amakusa, your entire identity was supposed to be ‘a good-looking guy, but so much of a weirdo that no girls want him.’”

“Yeah, that’s right! Amakusa is supposed to be the ‘Tragic Pretty Boy’ archetype!”

“Dude, I literally wrote a light novel about a handsome guy so pathetic that nobody wants to be near him, based entirely on you, and submitted it to a contest.”

“…WHAT THE HELL DO YOU GUYS THINK I AM?!”

“““A pretty boy. (LOL)”””

…Maybe it’s time to reconsider my choice of friends.

Well, whatever. I can ignore these heartless bastards for now.

The real problem is the girls.

For young ladies at an age where they react excessively to inappropriate jokes (even though this wasn’t one!), the reaction was… devastating.

“…Listen, that was just a misunderstanding.”

I took a step forward, intending to explain myself to the nearest girl—

“Hiiih! He’s gonna grope me!”

“I’M NOT!”

“Hiiih! He’s gonna fondle me!”

“I’M NOT!!”

“Hiiih! He’s gonna squeeze me all over!”

“…Can you at least freak out in proper Japanese?!”

…It’s no use.

No matter what I say, it’s only gonna make things worse.

“…Um, girls? Can I ask you something? Do you… hate me?”

“““No, it’s not like we completely despise you or anything, and we do think you’re a fundamentally good person… but the gap between that and your bizarre behavior is just too much. Honestly, you creep us out.”””

“…How the hell do you all say that in perfect harmony?! IS THIS A MIRACLE OR SOMETHING?!”

“I, for one, love you, Kanade-san.”

“YOU’RE JUST MAKING THIS MORE COMPLICATED, CHOCOLAT!”

“Everyone, maybe you should ease up on him around here.”

Out of nowhere, Yukihira cut into the conversation.

“…I kept you waiting, Amakusa-kun. But now that I’m here, everything’s going to be fine.”

“WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE YOU JUST ARRIVED TO SAVE ME?! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS MESS!!”

…God, I’m tired.

Dealing with her is exhausting.

“So, Amakusa-kun, you insist that you haven’t done anything indecent with Chocolat?”

“I haven’t.”

“…You may not have done anything indecent, but you have done something that… smells like squid, haven’t you?”

“…Why do you sound like some middle-aged pervert?!”

“Well, middle-aged men do tend to smell like squid.”

“Apologize to middle-aged men everywhere!”

“…Do you like, squid-smelling old men?”

“DON’T SAY THAT LIKE IT’S SOME CLASSY SLOGAN!”

…Nope. I’m done. I’m not dealing with this anymore.

“Jeez… Hm?”

At that moment, I felt a tap tap on my shoulder.

I turned around—

—And saw myself.

“GYAAAAAAAAH!!!”

I screamed and fell straight on my ass.

“…What the hell?!”

Standing before me was… me.

Or rather, someone who looked exactly like me, wearing a girl’s uniform.

No, I have no idea what I’m saying either, but that’s just what was in front of me.

And then, that me(?), suddenly burst into laughter.

“Ahahahahahahahaha!”

The voice snapped me back to reality.

Long, straight black hair. A slim waist peeking out from the blouse. A ridiculously shortened mini-skirt.

Now that I was actually looking, the only thing that resembled me… was the face.

“Ta-daaaaah!”

She shouted, high-energy, and then—

Ripped her face off.

“…I knew it was you.”

The girl beneath the mask—Ouka Yuuouji—grinned like a child and gave me a big thumbs-up.

“Heheh, nice reaction, Amacchi!”

Even though it still feels surreal, this Ouka Yuuouji is none other than the heiress of the famous megacorporation UOG—a name known worldwide.

On top of that, she’s got insane specs—a genius in all sports, always ranking top of the class, and basically a perfect superhuman.

…And yet.

Because of her completely unhinged behavior and hyperactive childlike thinking, she’s earned a spot among the “Reject Five.”

“I was setting this up in the bathroom, so it took a while.”

…So that’s why she was missing. She was wasting her time on this.

“Look, look! Isn’t it amazing?!”

I took the rubber mask from her and examined it closely.

I have no idea what it’s made of, but the texture and color were so hyper-realistic that it felt straight out of a Hollywood movie.

…The technological prowess of UOG is terrifying.

“T-this is a groundbreaking invention…! I never imagined a ‘Kanade × Kanade’ would actually become reality… My heart is swelling with excitement!”

“Yeah, anyone whose brain has started to rot, maybe keep quiet for a bit.”

“Ah, Chocolatchi, this is just a prototype, but if you want it, you can have it.”

“Really!?”

“This thing even has a built-in mini speaker, so if you record it, you can make it play Amacchi’s voice.”

“W-what a marvel! Kanade-san, please say ‘Natsuhiko… Natsuhiko!’ for me—”

“Who the hell even is that!?”

…It’s hopeless. It was already exhausting dealing with Yukihira and Yuuouji, but now that Chocolat is joining the mix, the chaos level has skyrocketed.

Spending another whole year in the same class as these three… My stomach is already aching. And on top of that, there’s still that cursed…

“Hm?”

A sudden doubt crossed my mind. That absolute choice from this morning’s homeroom… The result of my selection hasn’t kicked in yet.

There were times before when the effects of a choice were delayed, but never had I experienced a situation where another choice appeared before the previous one resolved.

Caught up in nonsense about groping and my manhood being dead, I hadn’t given it much thought at the time, but now… What does this mean?

And there was another oddity. I recalled the options that had appeared in my mind this morning:

【Choose: ① All four top-ranking girls (currently enrolled) confess to you—Harem Time begins. ② Something incredibly pleasant happens.】

Normally, absolute choices consisted of one terrible option, and another option that was even worse—essentially making it no choice at all. Sometimes, both were equally hellish. On rare occasions, one of them seemed decent.

But for both options to actually be good? That had never happened before.

Could this have something to do with clearing that curse-breaking mission—

“Huh?”

A commotion stirred at the front of the classroom.

Looking over, I saw a small crowd gathering. From where I sat, the door blocked my view, but whoever was standing there had caught everyone’s attention.

“Whoa, no way…”

“Isn’t that… one of the top-ranked girls?”

“Oh my god, she’s way too cute!”

My classmates’ reactions… Could it be…?

Yes. Yes, it must be.

This was the result of choosing option ①—finally manifesting.

For the first time ever, the absolute choice was bringing me something good. I never thought I’d see the day… My heart swelled with anticipation as I made my way toward the door.

Breaking through the crowd, I saw her—standing just outside the doorway, head lowered, shifting nervously on her feet.

Ranked fourth in the school’s beauty rankings—Nishino Aoi-senpai.

…Wait.

Nishino-senpai, with her adorable, sheltered-princess-like features, was widely adored as “Aoi-hime.” At our colossal school—Seikou Academy, boasting three grade levels and forty-five total classes—her beauty shone bright enough to earn a spot in the prestigious top five.

…Wait.

As a strange unease stirred in my mind, Nishino-senpai lifted her face.

“Um… Amakusa Kanade-kun, right? I need to talk to you…”

What… is this indescribable sense of dread?

As if rushed by urgency, Nishino-senpai spoke.

“Y-you see, Kanade-kun, I…”

And in that instant—like a bolt of lightning illuminating the darkness—

A single, horrifying truth struck my mind.

“I lik—mmph!”

At the last moment, I clamped my hand over her mouth.

…So that’s how it is.

“S-Senpai, let’s talk somewhere else for a moment!”

Grabbing Nishino-senpai’s hand, I forcibly led her out of the classroom.

“A-Amakusa-kun, that hurts…”

She looked up at me with slightly teary eyes. Ugh… this is dangerous. If I let my guard down for even a second, I might make a terrible mistake. Stay calm, me.

“S-sorry! But given the topic, let’s go somewhere with fewer people.”

“Ah… y-you’re right.”

Blushing, Nishino-senpai obediently followed me. I guided her toward the covered walkway leading to the special building, making sure there were no lingering students around.

“So, Senpai, what did you need to talk to me about?”

Well, not that I didn’t already know the answer…

Taking a small, deep breath, Nishino-senpai declared:

“Um… I like you, Amakusa-kun.”

She looked up at me shyly, her expression reminiscent of a small, endearing creature. If I had to describe it in simple terms—she was stupidly cute.

“Um… s-so… will you go out with me?”

This was, without a doubt, a confession.

A beautiful girl, practically begging me to date her—any guy would consider this the ultimate dream scenario.

…If not for one tiny problem.

“Uh… sorry, but no.”

“W-why not!?”

Senpai looked at me with pure disbelief. Yeah, normally, someone like her wouldn’t ever get rejected. Even I was this close to wavering…

“Well, you see—”

“What’s wrong with me!? I… I like you this much!”

…Yeah, I have no choice but to say it straight.

“Senpai… you’re a guy.”

“Eh?”

Nishino-senpai froze.

Then, as if a spell had been lifted, a blank expression washed over his face.

“Huh? Huh? Why was I confessing to you?”

“…Yeah, I would like to know that.”

“Huh? Huh? Also, why am I even on the second floor?”

“…Probably nothing important. You must’ve just forgotten.”

“Ehh? Uhh… maybe? Hmm… I don’t get it, but I guess I’ll just go back to class.”

Senpai turned and jogged off in small, dainty steps. What the hell was that adorably weird movement?

Apparently, thanks to his androgynous looks and girlish mannerisms, he had managed to gather quite a few votes from both genders, landing him fourth place in the rankings. Yeah… with that appearance, I could see why people called him Aoi-hime despite him being a guy.

That part I could accept.

What I couldn’t accept, however, was the fact that I’d been tricked by the choice.

The option had said, “You’ll be confessed to by four people from the public rankings,” but nowhere did it specify that they’d be girls.

…This was elementary school-level wordplay at its worst.

Thinking back, though, with the senior class having graduated, the current school rankings consisted of four boys and five girls. If I had calmed down and considered that fact, I might’ve seen this coming.

Dammit… In the end, as always, I was just a puppet dancing to the whims of the cursed choices.

***

The nature of the Absolute Choice can be broadly divided into three categories.

First, choices that dictate my own words or actions. Things like [① “Actually, I’ve groped them.”] or [② “Actually, my manhood is dead.”] fall into this category, which happens way too often.

Second, choices that affect someone other than me. The one I just experienced—[① Be confessed to by all four current students in the public ranking, triggering harem time.]—was this type.

Third, irregular, unpredictable choices. These are the ones where you don’t know what’s going to happen until you pick them. [② Something incredibly pleasurable will occur.] falls into this category.

Now, there’s a specific trait unique to the second type.

Whoever is influenced by the choice will completely forget what happened immediately afterward.

In other words, Nishino-senpai has already forgotten that he confessed to me.

From my past experiences, I’ve deduced that any missing memories tend to get filled in later with something that makes sense to the affected person.

That’s why I felt safe picking choice ①.

If this were truly a system that could manipulate someone’s romantic feelings, that would be downright terrifying. Forcing emotions onto someone else, overriding their free will—something like that should never exist.

But this way, as soon as the confession happens, the memory vanishes. As long as no one else witnesses it, there’s no lasting consequence.

…And yet, thanks to my flawless reasoning, I ended up with a “Aaaah!?” situation instead.

So then, should I have picked choice ② instead?

It’s not that simple.

There’s a golden rule when dealing with Absolute Choices: “Never pick something vague.”

These choices play by fantasy logic, and when something can be interpreted in any way, it will be interpreted in the worst possible way.

What exactly does “something incredibly pleasurable” mean?

And what would happen after that?

I have no way to predict it, and I’m not about to take that gamble.

In the absolute worst case, I might end up “feeling so good I die.”

I mean, I hope it wouldn’t go that far… but given how insanely absurd these choices have been, I can’t rule it out.

Honestly, it’s like I’m walking around with a ticking time bomb strapped to my back, never knowing when or how it’ll explode.