My Mental Choices Are Completely Interfering with My School Romantic Comedy - Volume 1 Chapter 4.2: Epilogue

Volume 1 Chapter 4.2: Epilogue

Monday.

As I stepped into the classroom, a familiar voice greeted me.

“Oooh, Amacchi! Good morning!”

It was the ever-cheerful voice of Ouka Yuuouji, her tone completely unchanged.

“Eh…? Ah, oh… good morning.”

After the way things ended on Saturday, I had been a little worried about how she’d act today. Seeing her so normal left me feeling oddly deflated.

And it wasn’t just her attitude—her appearance hadn’t changed either. Even though she had been absolutely mortified about her underwear (and garter belt) being seen, the length of her skirt was just as criminally short as always.

As I shot her a questioning look, Yuuouji suddenly flipped up her own skirt.

“Holy crap, idiot! What the hell are you—wait, huh?”

What peeked out from under her skirt wasn’t underwear.

“Ta-daaah! Spats! This is spats! Now it’s totally fine no matter how much people see!”

She grinned innocently. No, wait—is that really the problem here?!

“Look, Amacchi, look! Shoryuken! Ahaha, it flipped up! It flipped up!”

There’s a kid here… a damn kid.

After what happened on Saturday, I thought maybe—just maybe—she’d gain a little sense of modesty. Not that I expected her to suddenly start acting like Yawakaze, but still, a little restraint wouldn’t have hurt…

“…It was seriously… unbearably embarrassing.”

“Hm? You say something?”

“N-nothing! One more time! Shoryuken!”

“DUDE, CUT IT OUT! WHY ARE YOU AIMING STRAIGHT FOR MY JAW?!”

“Well now, aren’t you two having fun?”

A calm, refined voice suddenly called out from behind us.

“Oh, Yukihira.”

Come to think of it, last week she told me to stay away for a while and then just left on her own. Was that stay away period over now?

“Since you seem to be indulging in a terrible deer joke about ignoring me completely, I figured I’d be the one to start the conversation.”

“The hell? You’re the one who told me to stay away in the first place!”

Seriously, this girl is so damn unreasonable… Then again, expecting any logic from Yukihira would be a mistake in the first place.

“By the way, Amakusa-kun… does the keyword ‘on all fours’ ring any bells for you?”

“On all fours? Nah, nothing in particular…”

Now that she mentioned it, something about it did seem to tug at the back of my mind, but no clear memories surfaced.

“…Seems like you’re fine now.”

“Huh? You say something?”

“…Nothing at all. I simply wondered if perhaps, in your past life, you had been forced onto all fours atop a scorching iron plate.”

“THAT’S JUST YAKI-DOGEZA!”

No good… These two are absolutely no good…

As I grumbled internally, the classroom door swung open.

“‘Sup.”

Our homeroom teacher, Utage-sensei, walked in, lazily scratching her head. She looked even more sluggish than usual today.

“Alright, listen up. This is kinda sudden, but I’ve got someone to introduce to you guys… Hey, come on in.”

She called toward the hallway.

Wait, a transfer student? This late in the semester?

With a clatter, the door slid open, and a figure rushed straight to the teacher’s desk.

“PFFFT—!”

I spat out everything in my mouth.

“Sh… Sh…!”

There was no doubt about it.

It was Chocolat.

From head to toe, Chocolat was standing right there, wearing our school uniform.

“Hello, everyone! My name is Chocolat, and starting today, I’ll be studying with you all! Please take care of me!”

Without a care in the world, the dumb dog introduced herself.

What the hell… WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!?

As my mind spiraled into chaos, the boys in class erupted in excitement over Chocolat’s appearance.

While I stood there, utterly confused, the guys in the class—clearly captivated by Chocolat’s looks—began bombarding her with questions.

“Your last name? I don’t really have one, but if I were to borrow the name of the person I live with, it’d be Amakusa. Right, Kanade-san?”

Zawa… (A tense stir runs through the classroom.)

“Oi, did you hear that? She called him Kanade-san!”

“Wait, they live together? What the hell?”

“Hold on… didn’t that guy say his parents aren’t home right now?”

“So that means… he’s alone with that super cute girl?”

“Huh? What does that even mean?”

“It means exactly what you think it means… That innocent-looking girl… Ugh, disgusting.”

…What the hell is this? I suddenly feel like dying. Can I just disappear?

“Oi, quiet down, you lot! Just so you know, she’s not a transfer student.”

With Utage-sensei’s sudden declaration, everyone—including me—had a ??? appear over our heads.

“She’s apparently Amakusa’s ‘Academic Support Pet.’”

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?”

“No idea. Go ask that old fart of a chairman.”

While I was still shouting in confusion, Chocolat trotted over to me and whispered in my ear.

“Kanade-san, that frivolous god said, ‘Wouldn’t it be easier if you were always by his side to help him?’ So he went ahead and prepared forged documents, a uniform, and even some dirt on the chairman, among other things.”

…That damn sleazy god! Why the hell is he always pulling unnecessary crap like this!?

“And what the hell is an ‘Academic Support Pet’ supposed to be!?”

“The chairman determined that transferring in at this time of year would be unnatural, so this is a special measure based on an advanced strategic decision.”

“…You guys need to go look up the word ‘unnatural’ in the dictionary.”

Chocolat, on the other hand, was just standing there, grinning like an idiot. For some reason, that innocent expression of hers pissed me off.

“Chocolat, get out.”

“Eh? Why?”

“I don’t care why. Just get out.”

“But I’m your Academic Support Pe—”

“GET. OUT.”

“…Auu…”

Rejected outright, Chocolat wobbled, then dramatically collapsed onto the floor, deliberately striking a sorrowful pose.

“K-Kanade-san, you’re so cruel… Even though we’ve done all forty-eight techniques together…”

Zawa…

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!?

ARE YOU TRYING TO SOCIALLY END MY LIFE!?

“Everyone, you’re wrong! It was the ‘Tickling Forty-Eight Techniques’! It’s nothing indecent, I swear!”

“Amakusa-kun, isn’t ‘Groping Forty-Eight Techniques’ a little too indecent?”

“HOW THE HELL DID YOU HEAR THAT!?”

Oh crap, another weird one got involved!

“AHAHA, Chocolatchi, your boobs are huge!”

“WHERE ARE YOU TOUCHING ON A FIRST MEETING!? ARE YOU A GRADE SCHOOLER!?”

Oh crap, another one just got involved!

“Oh, are you the famous Ouka-san who helped Furano-san with that panty-viewing incident?”

“That’s right.”

“Yup, that’s me!”

ARE YOU TWO SERIOUSLY OKAY WITH THAT!?

“My dear Kanade-san… no, my foolish son is always in your care.”

“WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE YOU’RE MY MOM!?”

“I haven’t done much, but I’m sure I’ve at least provided some material to comfort his ‘other’ foolish son.”

“WHAT THE HELL!? THAT STATEMENT WAS SO FAR OUT OF LINE IT LEFT THE ATMOSPHERE!”

“AHAHA, Chocolatchi, your thighs are so smooth!”

“STOP TOUCHING HER ON A FIRST MEETING! ARE YOU REALLY A GRADE SCHOOLER!?”

“Let’s be good friends from now on!”

“Yes.”

“Yup!”

“I’M BEGGING YOU, DON’T BECOME FRIENDS!”

My head hurts. My head hurts. My head freaking HURTS. This headache is so painfully painful it’s making my pain hurt.

Think, think, think—how the hell do I get out of this absolute train wreck of a situation?

And then, just like that, the Absolute Choice dropped into my mind.

…Seriously? You’re making me choose now, of all times?

—

【Choose:

① All four top-ranked girls in school confess to you, leading to an instant harem.

② Something unbelievably pleasurable happens.】

—

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? BOTH OF THESE OPTIONS SOUND AMAZING!?

[① TO BE CONTINUED]