My Mental Choices Are Completely Interfering with My School Romantic Comedy - Volume 1 Chapter 1.3:

“Hmm…”

What on earth could the mysterious creature ‘Chocolat’ have to do with my absolute choice? The words from Utage-sensei kept replaying in my head all morning, and I couldn’t focus on the lessons at all.

By lunch, things hadn’t changed, and while a few of my male friends and I sat together to eat, I couldn’t focus on our conversation. My mind kept drifting.

“Huh?”

Suddenly, a voice rang out from the speaker mounted on the blackboard, interrupting my thoughts.

《Hello, everyone, it’s time for the Seikou Day Crush!》

Ah, it’s that time already.

This program is run by the broadcasting club every lunch break, and it’s a pretty elaborate show with different MCs and segments each day.

Well, overthinking won’t get me anywhere, so I decide to listen to the show for a change of pace.

《Now, on Mondays, we have our popular segment, ‘Poisonous Mansion,’ where we grill famous figures from around the school with questions!》

The cheerful voice of the MC echoed through the room.

《Today, from the second-year, class 1, we have two special guests: Yuuouji Ouuka and Yukihira Furano!”》

I looked around the classroom at the mention of their name, and indeed I couldn’t see them anywhere anymore.

《Yaho, hello everyone! It’s Yuuouji Ouka, pan-paka-pan!》

《Good evening, it’s Yukihira Furano.》

As usual, Yuuouji was extremely energetic, and Yukihira somehow had the same vibe as Morishima Shinichi. The two of them together on a school broadcast… I can already sense something bad coming.

《As you all know, these two were unfortunately chosen for last year’s ‘Reject 5,’ so we’d like to hear their feelings on that time. Could you share how you felt about it?》

The MC suddenly asked a rude question. Well, that’s to be expected; this is a segment where the MC, who is known for her sharp tongue and S (sadistic) personality, dives into subjects that people would usually avoid.

《Alright! Well, let me think… huh, what’s this button for?》

《W-wait, don’t touch that!》

I heard a clattering sound as the MC hurriedly stood up.

《But weren’t we told not to touch any equipment during the broadcast?》

《Th-then all the more reason not to touch it. Why did you try to press it》

《Doesn’t that mean you want me to touch it》

This isn’t a comedy show!

As expected from Yuuouji, even though this was being broadcast to the whole school, her freedom-loving attitude remained unchanged.

《Anyway, let’s get back on track. Furano-san, please share your thoughts.》

When the question was passed to Yukihira, she spoke in an overly formal tone.

《Well, you know, I didn’t really care, but everyone around me was getting worked up. I could’ve declined, but I didn’t want to let down the people who chose me… um, I’m embarrassed, so can we leave it at that?》

Why does this sound like she’s talking about winning an award?!

《Uhm..》

The MC was caught off guard, stumbling over her words.

If it were me, I would’ve just abandoned the segment at this point, but the MC, being used to this, cleared her throat and continued as if nothing happened.

《Now, for the students listening to this broadcast, could you give us a word as ‘Rejection 5’? Though, I’m sure you won’t say anything interesting.》

The MC deliberately spoke in a challenging tone, as it’s her usual tactic to get people to open up and spill their guts with some raw honesty.

However, Yuuouji didn’t seem to care at all.

《Hmm, I don’t really get it, but how about, ‘Daga Kotowaru!’》

That’s not how you use that phrase! It’s you who is being rejected!

Then, when Yukihira was asked the same question:

《In six months, I wonder how many people will have made it to this level…》

Why does she sound so condescending?!

《I see, as expected, both of you are quite unique.》

The MC, clearly frustrated that neither of them flinched at her provocations, switched topics.

《By the way, isn’t there another ‘Reject 5’ member in your class? What was his name again, Amakusa Kanade-san?》

The hand holding my chopsticks froze. That was a complete surprise.

《Yeah, but even though he’s good-looking, he’s not the brightest, so it’s hard to have him in public.》

I don’t need you of all people to say that!

《Haha, he even started undressing in the classroom today.》

Yeah, I did take off my clothes, but… Yuuouji, are you really going to bring that up?

《Undressing in class… Is Amakusa some kind of exhibitionist?》

《Huh? No, I don’t think so. I just think he suddenly felt like undressing.》

That’s definitely an exhibitionist!

《He’s already reached the point where he can’t live without being censored.”

Don’t make it sound like I’m addicted to it!

《As a classmate, I really worry about his future.》

Then, shut your mouth now!

《Well, how about next week we have Amacchi as a guest?》

Yuuouji… how did that even come up in this situation?

《Since you brought him up, next week, let’s invite the scum of the earth, Amakusa Kanade, as our guest.”

The MC went along with it, and in the midst of it all, she threw in some horrible insults.

《Alright, let’s give him a call right away.》

This show had a format where the guest introduced the next guest, much like certain daytime TV shows, but normally, you’d inform the person beforehand, right?

“Huh?”

While I was lost in thought, my phone suddenly started vibrating. How does she know my number?

“Hello, is this Amakusa Kanade-san?”

Given the situation, I had no choice but to answer, reluctantly pressing the call button, and the MC’s upbeat voice came through the speaker.

“Ha… yeah, that’s me.”

It seemed like the other side was on speakerphone, and my voice, almost simultaneously, echoed out of the speaker in a rather annoyed tone. In other words, everything I said would be broadcast to the entire school.

“You were listening to the broadcast, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Everything should be fine. I just needed to say something appropriate and politely refuse.

“Now, Amakusa Kanade-san, you’re the perverted freak who suddenly started undressing, right? Why did you go and do something so gross~?”

Ugh, what a frustrating way to phrase it. But I had to stay calm. I couldn’t fall into their trap. I needed to give a neutral response, something that wouldn’t stir the pot…

[Choose: 

① “Hehe, the truth is, I wanted to take off the bottom part too.” 

② “Gehehe, what color underwear are you wearing right now?”

]

…Can I just go home now?

But since the choices are here, I have no choice but to say something.

“Hehe, the truth is, I wanted to take off the bottom part too.”

I said it, almost on the verge of tears. Of course, those exact words were immediately broadcast through the speaker.

Now, I had no choice but to hope that the MC would somehow turn this into a joke so I could avoid the worst consequences.

“…Alright, let’s get back to asking the other two proper questions.”

She just acted like that didn’t even happen!

“Wait, nooooo!”

I yelled, but the call had already been disconnected.

“…Amakusa, you really are something.”

My friend’s voice brought me back to reality, and I looked around the classroom. The guys were either smiling awkwardly or giving me wry grins, but the girls had completely pulled away in disgust.

As expected, while I could make light of the top half, my lower half had crossed a line that they couldn’t just laugh off.

“No, that’s not it…”

As I tried to explain myself, before I knew it, all the girls turned their heads away in perfect unison, like a coordinated army.

“Ahahaha… I guess there’s no god in this world.”

I muttered, burying my face in the desk.

“I can’t take it anymore, I don’t want this, I don’t want this, maybe this is all just a dream. I must’ve been in a traffic accident and have been in the hospital for a long time, and this is just a dream. But the sensations feel so real… wait, is this an alternate universe? Oh, like in manga, where I’m me but not really me… I mean, that makes sense, right? Otherwise, the sensible me wouldn’t do such weird things, and the girls wouldn’t be giving me these looks… Ufufu.”

“——–”

The continuation of the program flowed from the speakers, but my own mouth was automatically muttering some kind of curse-like mutterings, which drowned out everything and left me unable to concentrate at all.

Before long, my consciousness became hazy, and I sank into the sea called escapism.

“Ha!”

《Ah… I see… I understand.》

A few minutes later, when I finally returned to this world, the first thing I heard was the voice of the MC, sounding incredibly weary.

《Well, time’s getting close, so we’ll wrap it up here for today…》

From the tired tone of that voice, it was clear they were eager for the show to end. I didn’t know what kind of talk Yuuouji and Yukihira had carried on while I was out of it, but it seemed that even her sharp tongue couldn’t handle these two. It was probably too much for her.

《Huh? We were just getting to the part about John’s buttock cyst, though.》

What?! That’s the crap they were talking about?!

Following Yuuouji’s disappointed voice, Yukihira spoke in a firm, dignified tone.

《Lastly, I have a proposal. Is that alright?》

《Ah, yes, what is it?》

The MC responded cautiously.

《First, as a premise, I think it’s time to end that character of yours.》

What the hell is this girl saying now?

《…Huh? I’m not sure I understand.》

《You’re using the sharp-tongue character as your gimmick, but the listeners are getting used to it, and honestly, it’s become stale.》

However, Yukihira’s tone, while still restrained as usual, carried something else… was she angry?

《By the way, earlier you mentioned that my chest was underdeveloped… three times.》

While I was off in another world, this must have happened.

Sure, Yukihira’s chest isn’t exactly abundant, but… she’s self-conscious about it?

《Yeah, I said that, but it was more teasing, like within the range of a joke…》

《Teasing? Sorry, but even I, someone who laughs at almost anything, couldn’t find that funny.》

Wait, laughing at almost anything…?

《Anyway, you shouldn’t think you can get away with making jokes about someone’s paiotsu.》

Uhh, with the way you’re saying it, that sounds kind of wrong… Also, could you lay off the chest talk?

《Now, let me get to the main point. In order to break free from this lethargic, mindless routine, I’ve come up with a new plan for the next era. It’s called “The Mesubuta MC’s Moe Pig Trap.”》(T/N: Mesubuta in this scenario is usually referred to a bitch.)

What the hell is that… By the way, the term ‘moe piggy’… There are various theories and origins about it, but in my opinion… It’s a derogatory term given to otaku-type men who get all worked up over the beautiful girls appearing in anime and manga, writhing in ecstasy.

《As the Mesubuta who has become completely obedient to the listeners’ commands, you will answer their requests and expose various lewd behaviors, it’s a slightly erotic project.》

No, no, there’s no way you can do something like that on the school broadcast, especially during the day!

《Yeah, that’s impossible. This is a school broadcast, you know.》

The MC shares almost the same reaction as me. Well, any normal person would respond like that.

《It seems you’ve misunderstood. This is already a done deal, you mesubuta.》

The MC was suddenly treated as a pig.

《Now, let’s start by training this foolish sharp-tongued girl into a true mesubuta.》

I heard the sound of someone standing up.

《U-Um, Yukihira-san? Your eyes… they’re scary.》

The MC was now trembling with fear. The sharp-tongue persona she had was gone.

《Yuuouji-san, please do something about this person—wait, she’s asleep!?》

《Ku-kaa…》

Seriously… What kind of nerves does it take to sleep so soundly during a live broadcast? And it’s only been about a minute since you stopped talking about John’s butt cyst.

《Huh… was the broadcast over already?》

《Oh, you woke up at just the right time, Yuuouji-san. Could you hold down this mesubuta for me?》

《Huh? Not sure what’s going on, but sure.》

《Eh? When did you get behind me!? Let me go!》

The MC seemed to be restrained. With Yuuouji’s extraordinary physical ability, there’s no way a normal girl could compete with him.

《Ah, wh-what are you doing, Yuuouji-san!?》

《Hm? I’m not sure, but since you’re acting scared, I thought I’d give you a relaxing massage.》

《I-I don’t need that! Just let me go… Wait, stop it! I don’t like this… Ahh!》

The MC’s voice, filled with lust, echoed as it suddenly flowed into the broadcast. The boys who had been ignoring the broadcast to chat with their friends now stopped and began listening intently.

《Hehe, your sides are so ticklish.》

《N-No, not there… I-I don’t like it… Why does it feel good… Ahh!》

This… is erotic. It’s totally out of line for a school broadcast, but damn, Yuuouji, keep going.

《Oh, you’re so sensitive. I’ve never seen anyone like this before. Ahaha, this is fun.》

Yuuouji was enjoying herself.

《Ah… stop… stop it!》

《It’s no use, mesubuta. This broadcast room is a sealed room. No matter how much you cry or scream, no one will come to help.》

Who are you, some kind of villain…?

《Hii… hii… huu…》

The “training” (?) lasted several seconds, and by the time it was over, the MC could no longer speak properly.

To this, Yukihira’s voice sounded calm, yet somehow satisfied.

《For a first try, you made quite a good moan. Keep it up, mesubuta.》

I can say with certainty: there will never be a next time.

《Ahaha, maybe I overdid it? Looks like you’ve lost all your strength. There’s no energy drink around here… but I do have “Abazure Z”. Want some?》

Stop! Don’t!

《This is impossible to continue. I guess I’ll have to wrap it up.》

Yukihira’s dramatic voice echoes through the microphone.

《So, listeners, starting next week, we’ll have a new program called ‘Mesubuta MC’s Moe Pig Trap.’ Along with that, we’ll also be broadcasting a special program called ‘Yukihira Furano’s “All Mesubuta with B-Cup Breasts or Larger Should Just Disappear.’ So, eligible young ladies, wash your breasts and wait──》

Then, suddenly, the sound cut off.

Immediately after, classical music began playing from the speakers, as if to cover up the previous broadcast.

…Is this what they call a broadcast accident?

This is terrible, absolutely terrible. This is why our class, 2-1, is called the most unfortunate class in the school.

Several classmates’ eyes turned to me. Their gazes seemed to say, “You’re one of them, so do something about it.”

No, everyone, that’s not it. I’m originally on your side. It’s just because of these damn absolute choices that I’ve been acting a little, just a little, strange. The real me is a completely ordinary, average high school boy.

But, of course, no one would understand my inner plea. In the awkward silence, I picked at the remnants of my lunch, but it had no taste at all.

—

As lunch break was ending, Yuuouji and Yukihira returned.

“Yahhoo, we’re back!”

“I don’t understand at all.”

Apparently, they had both been thoroughly scolded in the staff room.

Yukihira, showing no sign of remorse, said coolly,

“It’s strange. I thought this country recognized freedom of expression.”

“Calling someone a mesubuta repeatedly isn’t freedom of expression!”

“It was just a little pig joke.”

“What the hell is this joke series about?!”

“It’s a pig-black joke.”

“Why are you saying it like it’s a black joke?!”

“By the way, if it’s a black pig joke, it becomes a ‘Black Pig-Black Joke,’ which is hard to say.”

“I couldn’t care less!”

“Even the behind-the-scenes broadcast club members were complaining, ‘Oink, oink.’”

“Don’t make them sound like unreasonable pigs!”

As the scolding of Yukihira settled down, Yuuouji tugged at my sleeve.

“Hey, Amacchi, look look!”

She held several photos in her hand.

“I took these with a digital camera after the broadcast and printed them out right away.”

The first photo was a standard composition: the MC girl in the center, with Yuuouji and Yukihira on either side. The MC’s expression looked a bit vacant, which was a little concerning.

I mean, how did you even get her to pose for a photo after all that…

The second photo.

“Yuuouji. What… is this?”

The MC girl had a dazed expression, her legs spread wide in an M-shape. The angle of the shot prevented anything from being seen under her skirt, but the situation was still dire.

“Hehe, after that, I gave her ‘Abazuren Z,’ and she ended up like this.”

“Seriously, it’s just a charm drug!”

The third photo.

What’s this? Probably the behind-the-scenes broadcast staff. The four of them stood in a row, all looking lifeless, with ashen faces.

“Yuuouji… what’s this?”

“Yeah, I gave everyone a ‘Jinsei Candy: Afterlife Edition.’”

“Fire the person who came up with this immediately!”

“Okay, I have one more report.”

Yuuouji raised her hand, her eyes sparkling with confidence, like a proud elementary school student.

“Go ahead.”

I prompted her lazily.

“You know, I didn’t want you to have any preconceptions, so I said it was made by the product development team, but… actually, the prototypes I brought today…”

What’s this? It’s rare for Yuuouji to be so coy.

“I made them all myself.”

“So it was you?!”

—

Well, I’ve known this for a while, but today I realized it again.

Yukihira Furano and Yuuouji Ouka.

These two are definitely rejects.