My Memories Came Back, But I'm Not Telling My Childhood Friends - Chapter 31

Chapter 31

It happened back when Reita still had his memories. A little before we graduated elementary school.

“Hey Soraka. You’ve been down lately. What’s wrong?”

“…It’s nothing.”

“No way it’s nothing. You forgot your homework two days in a row.”

“I can forget stuff sometimes too.”

“Nope. You never slip up like that. Something must’ve happened.”

“It’s really nothing.”

“Come on, just tell me.”

“You’re so loud. Maya’s waiting for you, right? Hurry up and go.”

I brushed off Reita’s kind worry like I was sulking.

I’ve never really liked relying on other people since way back then.

Every time someone helps me, it makes me feel how powerless I am.

I had a goal to become someone great like my dad.

Dad worked hard every day as a lawyer and never abandoned people who needed help. To kid me, he looked like a real hero.

Even when he came home late with a tired face, he’d still smile and say “I’m home.” Watching his back made me want to be like that someday.

If I wanted to follow in his footsteps, I had to handle my own problems by myself.

That’s what I thought, so I tried to live without borrowing other people’s strength as much as possible.

But…

Looking back now, that was probably just an excuse I told myself.

I think I pushed away Reita’s kindness because I was jealous without realizing it.

Seeing him get along so well with Maya made me act stubborn.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I liked Reita.

” I told Maya to go home first.”

“Eh…”

“Talking about it will probably make you feel lighter.”

The truth is, I got happy right away when he chose me over Maya and my feelings flipped.

I’m such an easy girl. I usually act all proper and tough, but deep down I’m still just a kid.

And then I opened up to him. I showed him the weak side I never let anyone see.

“I wonder if what I’m doing is wrong…”

I’ve always cared a lot about justice, so even now, if I see someone doing something bad, I go warn them right away.

But sometimes I start to doubt if it’s really the right thing.

The looks people give me after I warn them — eyes mixed with anger and annoyance.

Every time I see those eyes, my heart shakes.

On top of that, as we got older, the reactions around me changed.

‘She’s at it again.’ ‘Who does she think she is?’ ‘She’s honestly annoying~’

Those cold words stabbed into my chest.

People used to treat me like a hero, but at some point I became a bother, and I started questioning what I was doing.

Who am I doing this for? Why do I keep pushing justice?

The biggest trigger was when I tried to stop some boys fighting and one of them shoved me hard. I got a small injury.

It wasn’t that I got scared.

It was that I felt my own powerlessness when I couldn’t stop the fight.

All those things piled up and I didn’t know what I should do anymore.

Reita listened to my story seriously. After thinking for a bit…

“I don’t really get stuff like justice and evil, so I can’t say much. But I think you’re cool, Soraka.”

Reita respected me for it.

Just those words made half my worries fly away. I’m really too easy.

“But… can I really do it…”

The other half of my worries was my own powerlessness.

I didn’t want to admit it. That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it.

“When you’re in trouble, it’s fine to ask someone for help.”

“N-no, that’s no good. It only means something if I do it myself.”

“That’s not true. Working together with someone is one way to do it.”

“But… I’m doing this on my own, so I can’t drag other people in.”

“Then rely on me.”

“On you…?”

“I’m on your side, Soraka. I’m not as strong as you, but I don’t like leaving bad guys alone either.”

Then Reita made me a promise.

“If you ever get in trouble, I’ll definitely help. So don’t hold it all in by yourself. Tell me properly. It’s a promise.”

It was more like encouragement than a promise.

He didn’t say anything that special, but his words strangely reached my heart.

I think this was the moment I really fell for him.

Too bad I still hadn’t realized my own feelings back then.

◇ ◇ ◇

When I open my eyes, the clock in the nurse’s office is pointing straight up.

I missed two whole hours of class. The lack of sleep must have caught up to me.

I’ve always handled everything perfectly until now, but I broke down so easily.

My chest tightens from how pathetic I am.

That’s exactly why I don’t want to rely on anyone.

I don’t want to become any more useless than this.

Of course I remember the promise I made with him.

But the problem I’m carrying now has nothing to do with him. It won’t mean anything unless I solve it myself.

Besides, Reita is probably doing his best with his own stuff right now.

He’s working so hard to change. He’s probably under even more stress than me.

So I can’t drag him into this—

…No, that’s not it.

This is just an excuse.

The real reason is… something uglier.

I haven’t grown at all since back then.

I think I’m acting logically, but I’m really just moving on emotion again.

If I take his hand, the feelings I’ve been keeping shut will probably overflow.

I know it. I will definitely fall for him again.

Because I’m easy like that.

If I fall in love, I’ll just end up with bitter feelings anyway—

The scene that suddenly flashes in my mind is Reita and Maya looking happy on a date.

The two of them got close again even after drifting apart. The big gap between them is already gone.

Maya looks happy every day, and Reita seems to care about her a lot too.

Those two are definitely the perfect match. No one else can fit in.

In the end, I’m just jealous and sulking again.

Unlike back then, I understand it in my head, but…

Feeling sorry for my powerless self, relying on him, and then losing in love on top of that…

I don’t want to become such a pathetic woman.

So I have to get over this tough part by myself no matter what.

If I don’t, my beliefs might really start to shake this time…