My Ex-Girlfriend’s Sister Ran Away to My Room, and We Can’t Stop Making Mistakes. - Chapter 28: It Looks Like Rain.

It Looks Like Rain.

My life with Mii continued, persisting without a single step of progress. Working my part-time job, eating, having sex, and sleeping—that was the extent of it.

It was mid-February, and the cold was still biting. Dull, leaden gray clouds hung heavy in the sky.

At the back entrance of my workplace, I ran into Vanilla, who was, as usual, having a smoke.

“Hey there, Saki-kun.”

“Good morning.”

“Looks like it’s going to rain,” she said, exhaling a plume of smoke as she looked up at the clouds visible through the narrow gap between the buildings.

“The forecast said it would start this evening.”

“I see. I guess business will be slow tonight then. Glad I decided to go light on the prep.”

“There aren’t many people out on the streets, either. It’s so cold that nobody wants to step outside.”

“True. And you’re as gloom-and-doom as ever, Saki-kun,” she said with a little giggle.

“Your little femme fatale is doing wonderfully, though. She’s practically glowing with life.”

“Is she?”

“I’m jealous, honestly. Her previous environment must have been stiflingly small for her.”

She closed her eyes as if reflecting on something, then took another drag of her cigarette. The wind blowing through the alley made her ruffled skirt flutter.

“On the other hand, it’s a shame to see you still looking like you’re suffering. Did something happen again?”

“It’s not that something happened, exactly. I just… I don’t know what to do with her anymore.”

“Is dating her not an option?”

“I’ve told you before: no.”

“Have you told her that?”

“I have. Repeatedly.”

“Well, then there’s not much to be done,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Mii-chan’s feelings are as hard and heavy as a stone. You aren’t going to move them.”

“I don’t understand what she’s so fixated on.”

“She’s fixated on you, Saki-kun.”

“I don’t know what I have to offer.”

“Is that what’s bothering you? Please, you’re not a middle schooler. Only a handful of people possess something truly ‘special.’ Even if you don’t, the person who’s going to love you will love you anyway.”

“In other words, anyone would have done.”

“Mii-chan believes it has to be you. I’m certain of that.”

“It feels more like she’s just being stubborn.”

“That goes for both of you, doesn’t it?”

Vanilla let out a sudden, amused snort.

“You should just love her. As a girlfriend. As a romantic interest.”

“And if that fails?”

“Then you deal with it when it happens. That’s exactly what normal couples do. I think it’d be a lot better than continuing this lewd arrangement you’ve got going now.”

“You’re right. I can’t argue with that.”

“I’m not forcing you, though. You don’t exactly look convinced.”

“It’s not that I’m not convinced…”

“Do you hate her? Mii-chan?”

“It’s not that, either.”

“Then what is it?”

“No… it’s nothing. I just don’t know how to put it into words.”

“That’s exactly the problem,” she said, her eyebrows drooping with concern. “You overcomplicate things too much, Saki-kun. Mii-chan, yourself… and that childhood friend back in your hometown. It’s all tangled together like a spiderweb.”

Vanilla was right. Yet, it felt impossible to pull those three issues apart and think of them separately.

The scent of a summer evening. When I was having sex with Mii, I found myself remembering her older sister.

“I really am the worst, aren’t I?”

“We should probably stop this conversation. Your thoughts are heading in a bad direction.”

“Um… this is a total change of subject, but do you have any dreams or goals, Vanilla-san?”

“Where did that come from? Well, I have them, I suppose.”

“Do you mind if I ask?”

“I want to have my own shop someday, so I’m studying different things for that.”

“You’re surprisingly well-prepared.”

“What do you mean, ‘surprisingly’?”

A light right straight to my stomach flew my way.

“Well, I get that a lot,” she added.

“I envy you.”

“Because I have a dream?”

“Because you have a firm goal. Because you seem to be able to see your future. It’s just simple jealousy on my part, really.”

“It is jealousy, certainly. But I understand the feeling.”

“Neither Mii nor I have any idea of what we want to do in the future. We just eat and have sex.”

“I think that’s plenty. As living creatures, it’s quite sound.”

“But when I look back, there’s this empty hole behind us. And it’s getting wider and wider.”

“A hole, huh? What happens when it finishes expanding?”

“I don’t know. That’s what’s scary.”

The sensation of being swallowed up. I was afraid of losing control of my own emotions.

“That’s why I want to somehow give Mii the means to live realistically. I want her to do something, even if it’s just pretending to try. Just in case… for example, if I’m not around anymore.”

“I hate to say it, but that’s just escapism.”

“It’s a proactive escapism—a way to stand on the ground of reality.”

“And that’s why you think you need a dream?”

“Yes.”

Vanilla let out a long sigh and muttered, “You really are twisted.”

“That really is just jealousy. The grass looks greener on the other side.”

“Well, we’re living in a wasteland.”

“So you want a lawn, then?”

“To use your metaphor, yes.”

“I talk big about dreams, but my ‘dream’ is basically just a means to make money,” she said, finishing the last puff of her short cigarette and stowing the charred filter in her portable ashtray.

“I’m just choosing the most viable option from a limited set of choices. It’s like food lined up in a supermarket. I’m just picking what I want to eat today based on what I can afford and what the packaging looks like.”

“But that’s how everyone lives.”

“Not everyone. There are exceptions. Food isn’t only what’s lined up in supermarkets or convenience stores.”

Raindrops began to fall from the sky. They spread across the concrete ground like scattered ink.

“I don’t know about Mii-chan. It’s possible that staying the way she is now is actually the right path for her.”

“What should I do?”

“In the end, isn’t it best to leave it up to Mii-chan?”

“But she says she doesn’t want to do anything.”

“She’ll find something eventually. Or rather, she doesn’t necessarily have to find anything.”

“There’s no guarantee there’s anything out there for her anyway,” Vanilla said, stretching her body and languidly fixing her bangs.

“If anything, I’m more worried about you, Saki-kun. If you don’t do something, things are going to become… irreversible.”

“Irreversible?”

“You’re going to end up hurting yourself so badly that there’s no turning back.”

“I don’t mind if that happens.”

“See? There you go again.”

Vanilla’s shoulders slumped. At this point, it didn’t seem like a big deal if I got hurt. I was already halfway broken; what was one or two more cracks?

“There are people who will be hurt if you get hurt.”

I looked up to see Vanilla standing there, staring at me. When our eyes met, she let out another heavy sigh.

“Maybe you should go and retrieve what you left behind in your hometown soon, Saki-kun.”

Vanilla didn’t say what that “thing” was. Her hesitant manner told me she was being careful not to force me to remember.

“It’s probably more accurate to say that I threw it away.”

“Either way, the result is the same.”

Vanilla poked my stomach with a worried expression, then turned and headed back to her own shop.