My Ex-Girlfriend’s Sister Ran Away to My Room, and We Can’t Stop Making Mistakes. - Chapter 10: Because I’m a Coward.

Because I’m a Coward.

We had sex, showered, and ate curry udon.

Outside, the world was pitch black. My stomach had been empty, but the curry udon Mii made was sweet and savory, carrying the gentle, comforting taste of bonito flakes. Since I was starving, it vanished in no time.

“I’m exhausted…”

Mii flopped onto the bed with a languid sigh. Perhaps because Rinsu’s shop had already drained me earlier, the pleasure this time had felt slow and heavy. The act had lasted longer than usual, leaving us both physically spent.

“So, how was the pro?” Mii asked. She rested her head on the pillow, watching me out of the corner of her eye.

“Are you really going to ask me that?”

“I’ve never been to a place like that. I’m curious.”

“It was normal.”

“What does ‘normal’ mean?”

“Just a standard release, and then it’s over.”

“Hmm,” she hummed, rolling onto her side. She was wearing one of my T-shirts again. “Do places like that actually do the real thing?”

“Some do, but not the one I went to today.”

“Is that enough for you?”

“It is.”

“Weirdo.”

She knit her brows and stared down at her own body, as if she were checking for something.

“Do you think I could work at a place like that?”

“No way. Your chest is too small.”

“That’s mean!”

“I’m joking. But seriously, don’t even think about it.”

“But I don’t have any money. And you’re trying to kick me out, Saki-nii.”

“I told you, I’m not kicking you out.”

“Besides, I don’t have anything else to do.”

While lying there, she began to flip through a book she’d picked up from the bedside.

“I spent all day reading today.”

“That’s rare for you. What is it?”

“I don’t know. Just something you had lying around.”

She was holding a travel guidebook for Alaska. A land of extreme cold; a world meant for ice and bears. It was something I’d bought a long time ago.

“It’s interesting because I don’t know anything about it. I think I’d like to go to Alaska. It says the glaciers are unimaginably huge. I want to see a caribou, too.”

“You can go. It’s a lot better than this dusty city.”

“Hey… Saki-nii, why did you come to Tokyo?”

She’d been wondering about it for a while, she said.

“Why?”

“There wasn’t really a specific reason.”

I remembered the first time I arrived here. I’d just graduated high school. I stepped off the night bus in front of Shinjuku Station in the early morning light. The emotion I felt then wasn’t joy or excitement.

It was pure, restless anxiety.

“I just wanted to be anywhere that was far away.”

I felt like if I stood still, the things I’d left behind in my hometown would catch up to me. I felt a desperate need to start living “properly.” I was in a rush to live a life that looked normal—even if it was just a facade—the same as the countless people walking past me.

Until I found a place to live and work, I’d slept in manga cafes or parks. Once I started working, I filled as much of my time as possible with my job.

I did it so I wouldn’t have to think about anything else.

“I just figured as long as I had a job, it didn’t matter where I was.”

“That’s it? Not because you wanted to see Tokyo Tower or anything?”

“Hardly.”

“So, you just wanted to forget about us.”

I could neither nod nor deny it.

“Why did you come to Tokyo, Mii?”

“Me?”

She sat up abruptly, looking down at me from the bed.

“I came here because you were here, Saki-nii.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. You’re the only one left that I can depend on.”

She said it with an innocent smile.

“No other reason besides that.”

“Of all the places you could have gone, you chose this empty hole…”

“Is it empty? There are so many people and so many shops.”

“It looks that way, but it isn’t. Everyone here is a ghost.”

If you aren’t connected to anyone, you might as well be dead.

“Once you save some money, you should get out of this place as soon as you can. Go to Alaska or wherever. You can go anywhere.”

“Do you think I can?”

“Of course. You’re still so young.”

“But,” she said, her voice cracking. It was a faint, fragile sound. “I feel like I can’t go anywhere anyway. My shadow won’t let me go.”

“Your shadow?”

“My own shadow. It’s been following me ever since I ran away.”

I’m the same, I started to say, but I stopped myself.

“I remember something my sister used to say.” Mii exhaled a deep breath. “She said that the only things that reject us are our own wills.”

She used to say that there was no such thing as an actual obstacle—that everything was just a matter of willpower.

What a hateful sentiment.

Mii reached around from behind and hugged me.

“But I can’t do it. I’m a coward.”

The girl clinging to me now felt like a completely different person from the one who had been masquerading as her sister while we had sex.

Her hands were cold, and she was shivering with a profound loneliness. Mii was probably crying. I didn’t know what to say to her, and I couldn’t bring myself to turn around and look.