Chapter 17 – If I Use My Smartphone for More Than 10 Minutes, I Die

In my head, a BGM worthy of an action movie was playing.

I shoved the chocolate I’d bought on a whim into my school bag, said I was going to the bathroom, and headed outside the station.

The restrooms inside the station are clean, but the ones outside are barbaric.

It looked like some wild animal had used it.

“Not that I actually need to use the restroom.”

I muttered under my breath, staring at a toilet bowl where the previous user hadn’t bothered to flush.

“All that’s left is to go home.”

Luckily, my house was only about a thirty-second sprint away.

The only tricky part was the crosswalk.

As a rule, you’re not supposed to cross when the light turns yellow.

It’s something even an elementary schooler knows, but you still see grown adults trying to cross on a yellow. Crossing on a bike is even more unthinkable.

In other words, my timing for crossing had to be perfect.

If my timing was off by even a single second, it would trigger a global catastrophe. For the sake of world peace, I had to cross that street with the utmost focus.

“Aki-kun, are you done yet? Did you run out of toilet paper? Your Onee-chan will bring you some, so I’m coming in~”

“I-I’m fine! There’s plenty of toilet paper in here!”

My sister’s voice called out from just outside the men’s restroom.

An ambush.

My escape routes were practically nonexistent.

It wasn’t entirely unexpected, but this was a pain. I had no choice but to alter my original escape plan.

I was currently inside a stall.

Not that I was actually sitting on the toilet seat—it seemed a little unsanitary.

I pulled my smartphone from my school bag and sent a message to my sister.

It was marked as “read” in 0.1 seconds.

If I keep LIME-ing at this rate, I’m going to get carpal tunnel for sure.

Since I barely ever use my phone, the muscles in my wrist were screaming.

I have this personal rule where if I use my smartphone for more than ten minutes a day, I die. I needed to wrap this up, fast.

Since this was a matter of life and death, the accuracy of my key taps increased.

It’s nice that she’s pretty gullible, but I wish she’d stop with these unhinged replies.

Her response time was insane, though.

By the time I finished typing a single sentence, she’d already fired off three times as much text.

Maybe she’s so fast because she’s mastered predictive text.

I wouldn’t know.

Now a message came in from someone else.

That was a lie, of course.

She’s so persistent.

Just go somewhere with my sister already.

My ten minutes were almost up, so without replying to my sister or Chifuyu, I turned my phone off and sealed it in my bag.

And with that, I was liberated from all the annoyances of this world.

I cautiously peered outside the men’s restroom.

It looked like my sister and the others were gone.

I could only hope that my sister, trying to act all high and mighty like a senpai, had led them off to Fifth Avenue or something.

And so, the first official activity of my Go-Home Club came to a close.

“Aki-kun!”

I hurried home and had about four minutes to myself.

Mom and Dad were still at work.

The current time was 6:00 PM.

Normally, my sister would be making dinner, but I figured I’d do it today. I was just filling a pot with water to boil when—

“Is your tummy okay? Your Onee-chan will kiss it all better, so you just go lie down quietly in bed, okay, Aki-kun?”

A beautiful girl burst into the kitchen with incredible force.

Unable to withstand the impact of her throwing herself at my stomach, I dropped the saucepan full of water.

A large amount of water splashed all over my sister.

Water dripped from all over her body.

drip, drip

“Lewd.”

The word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Her uniform was soaked, offering a glimpse of the undergarments hidden beneath. The summer uniform material was thin.

I’d seen my sister’s underwear plenty of times, but never in a situation like this.

Still, this was my sister we were talking about.

There was no way I’d feel any wicked emotions toward her.

“Aki-kun, did you just say ‘lewd’?”

“No, I said ’emo’.”

“That’s not what you said. I definitely heard you pronounce the ‘L’ sound.”

“I was just thinking how ’emo’ it is that my sister worries about me so much.”

“Oh, Aki-kun, you’re such a siscon.”

my sister whispered, her voice breathy.

A chill went down my spine.

shiver

“It’s okay, you know. You’re allowed to get excited over your Onee-chan.”

Before I knew it, my sister was looming over me.

The Urubamba Valley of South America—that is to say, the valley of my sister’s cleavage—was right there in my line of sight. Her short hair fell with gravity, tickling my face.

“You’re soaking wet. Why don’t you go get changed?”

In times like these, I say something practical to sober up the dangerous situation.

“I got so wet, Aki-kun.”

“Right, so you should change.”

“Getting your Onee-chan this wet… you’re such a sinful man.”

This sinful man has to make dinner.

“My underwear got wet too, so maybe I’ll go take a shower.”

“Sounds good. I’m feeling better, so I’ll make dinner.”

“You got a little wet too, Aki-kun. The shower… want to get in together—”

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay like that, so you should probably get undressed quickly…”

I feel like I just said something I shouldn’t have.

“Okay, I’ll get undressed. Right here, right now.”

My sister said, and slowly began to take off her wet uniform.