My Ex-Girlfriend Who Dumped Me, the Top Student, Is at Risk of Failing and Repeating a Year—but I’m Too Busy Tutoring a Former Shut-in Beauty To Get Back Together With Her - 8-9

Chapter 8: My One and Only Teacher

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The world had always been a suffocating place. I felt as though I had been forced to perform the ideal image of “Kotone Kisaragi” ever since I could remember. If I stayed silent, I was “ladylike.” If I was reading a book, I was “intellectual.”

In reality, I was just poor at socializing, lacked a knack for things, and was simply lost in thought. Those around me just assumed on their own that I was a “cool and perfect honor student.”

Being expected of was terrifying.

Because if I showed even a single flaw, they would be disappointed on their own accord. That was why I was desperate. I took several times longer than others, memorized textbooks word-for-word, and wrote, wrote, and wrote until I had calluses on my fingers. That was how I maintained my “paper-mache genius” persona.

However, high school classes exceeded my capacity. Memorization alone no longer worked. Application, logic, imagination. My test scores dropped visibly.

“Huh? Kisaragi-san is surprisingly…”

“What, she’s just a fraud after all.”

The winter of my first year. The whispers I heard in the hallway shattered my heart. They laughed at me. My blood-curdling efforts were nothing more than “clumsy, wasted struggles” to them.

Snap—the thread broke. The classroom became terrifying. My hands began to shake whenever I opened my notebook. And so, I shut myself away in the shell of my own room.

＊＊＊

Even after withdrawing to my room, I couldn’t stop studying. I felt that if I stopped, I would truly become a piece of worthless trash. But I didn’t understand. No matter how much I read, the words wouldn’t enter my head. Every day was like struggling at the bottom of a dark sea without an oxygen tank.

Someone help me. Someone, please teach me how to breathe.

That was when he—Minato Kashiwagi—appeared. At first, I thought he was just a boy from class. I assumed he would either look down on me as a “gloomy truant” or force the fantasy of a “sheltered lady” upon me.

But he was different. Before he even looked at my face, he saw my tattered notebook. And then, he said it.

“Is she fighting, too?”

The moment I heard those words, my frozen heart gave a powerful throb. He knew. He knew the suffering of not understanding. He knew the pain of stumbling. It wasn’t the sneer of a genius asking, “Why don’t you get something this simple?” From the same eye level, he unraveled my tangled threads.

When he moved his pen and drew a diagram for me, light shone into my mind. I thought it must be magic. The door that wouldn’t open no matter how much I struggled until now, he opened it so easily.

Ah, this person. Kashiwagi-san is “oxygen” to me.

＊＊＊

After Sensei went home, I held the assignment printouts he left behind close to my chest.

Love? It wasn’t something sweet, sour, and lighthearted like that. It was a more desperate, muddier emotion, like clinging to a lifeline.

If Sensei disappears, I’ll go back to the bottom of that dark sea again.

The terror of words sliding off the surface of my mind. The nightmare of being laughed at as a “fraud.” I absolutely refused to let that happen.

That is why I have to be a “good student.” So that Sensei thinks I’m “worth teaching.” So that Sensei thinks, “I want to come again tomorrow.”

Baking cookies, changing into cute clothes, and lying in wait at the front door. It was all a survival strategy to tie Sensei to this room.

“The time when Sensei isn’t here has no color, no taste… Even breathing is painful.”

That wasn’t a metaphor or anything of the sort. It was simply a fact. In this room where Sensei’s scent lingered, I could finally sleep peacefully, tied to the “chains” of the assignments he gave me.

“…Hehe.”

I stared at my smartphone screen. The LIME chat screen. Sensei’s name.

As long as I have this, I can stay connected to him anytime.

I don’t know what kind of life Minato Kashiwagi has led or who he used to like. But none of that matters. Right now, he is my “Sensei,” and I am his “special student.” I can live on that fact alone.

If… If anyone tries to take my oxygen away—

“…I won’t give him up.”

Without realizing it, I had whispered it. My face was reflected in the screen of the smartphone I gripped. The eyes reflected there didn’t have their former frightened look, but instead held a dark light, like a predator stalking its prey. I pretended not to notice.

This is gratitude. This is respect. That’s why it’s only natural for me to depend on Sensei.

Today, again, I solved my assignments for Sensei’s sake.

I wish tomorrow would come quickly. I want him to lead me with that magic-like voice again soon.

My “Sensei.” My Sensei, and mine alone.

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Chapter 9: The Courage of a Troublemaker and a Shut-In Beauty

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The following day during lunch break. While I was biting into a bun I had bought at the school store, someone gave my back a hard thud.

“Yo. I heard you finally broke up with that parasite, Rina. I’ll treat you to a juice to celebrate.”

A can of coffee was placed before my eyes along with a listless voice. The voice belonged to Shun Todo. We had been friends since our first year. He was a blunt gamer who didn’t give a damn about the school’s social hierarchy.

“…You’ve been saying that for a while now, you know? ‘Give up on that woman.'”

“Of course. It was blindingly obvious she was only after your ‘brain.’ You’re the only one who didn’t notice.”

Todo turned the chair in front of my desk around to sit in it and popped open his own Cola. He had a foul mouth, but he was the only one who gave me cold, honest advice even when I was being worked to the bone by Rina.

“So? How does it feel to be dumped? Knowing you, I thought you’d be moping around like it’s the end of the world.”

“…No. Actually, I feel surprisingly refreshed.”

“Heh. That’s a surprise.”

Todo smirked and flicked his gaze toward the back of the classroom.

“Well, looks like the other side isn’t feeling so refreshed, though.”

Following his gaze, I saw Rina Aikawa sitting around a desk with Hasegawa from the soccer club. However, the atmosphere was hostile. While Rina was shouting with her math textbook spread out, Hasegawa was absorbed in a mobile game and wouldn’t deal with her.

“‘Hey, I told you to teach me this! We have a test next week!’ ‘I don’t get it either. Besides, you’re annoying, let’s just go to karaoke after school’ …Something like that, I bet.”

Todo did an impromptu dubbing of the scene. Even from a distance, I could tell that was exactly the conversation they were having. I could see Rina shaking her leg, unable to hide her irritation.

“Looks like the new host has too low a performance for the parasite. …Rumors are already spreading that she begged you to get back together yesterday and got shot down.”

“…News travels fast.”

“Someone heard your ‘waste of time’ comment. Everyone is talking about how ‘that Kashiwagi actually snapped.’ Serves her right.”

Todo happily swigged his Cola. I felt a little saved by his words, “serves her right.” It was because a friend had validated that my choice wasn’t wrong.

“Well, enjoy your new life as much as you can. …Something good happened, didn’t it?”

“Eh?”

“I can tell by your face. You look much more human than when you were dating Rina.”

Todo had a sharp intuition. I gave a wry smile and simply replied, “I guess.”

I’ll keep the matter about Kisaragi a secret for now. To protect her peace, I don’t want to turn her into a rumor.

＊＊＊

After school. I headed to the Kisaragi house with a light step. I pressed the intercom as usual, and Kotone greeted me as usual.

“Welcome home, Sensei!”

“I’m back. …Wait, this isn’t my house.”

This kind of exchange had become the norm by now. I entered the room and we began studying as usual. But today, perhaps because my guard was down from my conversation with Todo, I accidentally let something slip.

“By the way, the final exam period starts next week.”

“Test…?”

“Yeah. So, I have to do my own studying, too. …I’m sorry, but I might have to reduce the time I spend here a bit next week.”

In that instant… The mechanical pencil fell from Kisaragi’s hand with a clatter.

“…Eh.”

“I’ve been sticking by you constantly these past few days. I have to maintain my first-place rank in the grade, too.”

I said it nonchalantly while looking at the textbook. However, there was no reply from beside me. Thinking it was strange, I looked up to see Kotone pale and trembling.

“…No.”

“Eh?”

“No… You’re not coming? Sensei, you aren’t coming…?”

Her eyes began to flicker unstable at a rapid pace. Like a deep-sea fish told its ‘oxygen’ was being taken away, she gripped my sleeve tightly with both hands.

“Wait, it’s not that I’m not coming. Just that the time will be reduced—”

“I hate it, even for one minute! What if I stop understanding things again while Sensei isn’t here? It’s scary… Being alone is scary…”

It was a rejection reaction beyond my imagination. To her, time with me wasn’t just “studying,” it had become her emotional stabilizer itself.

“Calm down, Kisaragi. …I want to come too, but I’m a student. I have to go to school, and I have to take tests.”

I spoke gently, as if trying to reason with her.

“If we were at school, we could study the whole time. I could teach you in the library after school, too.”

Those were merely words of comfort. Fully aware that she couldn’t come to school, I was just speaking in hypotheticals.

However… The moment she heard those words, Kotone’s pupils dilated.

“…School?”

“Yeah. We’re in the same class, after all.”

As if struck by a realization, Kisaragi looked up and began mumbling to herself as if deep in thought.

“School… If I go to school, can I see Sensei?”

“Well, yeah.”

“During lunch break, too? After school, too? Can I be next to Sensei?”

“If our seats are close, yeah. Right now, the seat next to me is empty.”

The seat for her, the truant, was next to mine. It had remained vacant this whole time.

“…………”

I saw a dark, powerful flame ignite in Kisaragi’s eyes. A flame called obsession, far stronger than fear. While gripping my hand, she ground her back teeth. School was scary. That classroom where she could hear those whispers was hell.

But…

A week without seeing Sensei versus a hell where Sensei was by her side. To her, it was obvious which was better.

“…I’m going.”

“Eh?”

“I’m going to school.”

She looked up and stared at me with eyes that seemed to pierce through me.

“If I go to school, I can have Sensei all to myself, right?”

“No, ‘all to yourself’ per say… You have to stay quiet during class, okay?”

“I’m going. I’m absolutely going.”

She wasn’t listening to my words. Only the fact that “Sensei is there” was driving her.

“Sensei. …Come pick me up tomorrow.”

That was the desperate resolve of a girl who had been a shut-in. Though surprised, I was pushed by her strong will and nodded firmly.

“Yeah, I understand. …It’s a promise.”

Thus… The “Return of the Beautiful Girl,” which no one had expected, was decided. That her motive wasn’t because she “wanted to study” or had “reformed,” but purely “obsession with a man”—was a secret kept only between her and me.

＊＊＊

On the way home. The night wind brushed against my flushed cheeks. As I walked, I ruminated on Kotone’s behavior earlier.

『I hate it, even for one minute! What if I stop understanding things again while Sensei isn’t here?』 

That desperate look on her face. The strong force with which she grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let go. Normally, one might think her feelings were “heavy” or “yandere.” A man who misunderstood things would probably be walking on air, thinking, “Maybe she likes me?”

But I was calm. Because I had learned from the incident with my ex, Rina. To a person like me, there was no fun or charm as a man. I only had the function of “teaching studies.”

She isn’t obsessed with me. She’s just starving for the ‘pleasure of knowing the right answer.’

Right now, she was like a survivor who had found an oasis in the desert. She was just afraid of being separated from the “water source” that was me. That wasn’t something sweet like romantic love. It was more like a desperate survival instinct for knowledge.

Fulfilling her wish to go to school was my responsibility in the role of a teacher. I was certainly not expecting anything from her affection.

“…Well, being earnest about studying is a good thing.”

I convinced myself and gave a wry smile.

To be wanted that much is the greatest honor a tutor could have.

Tomorrow, she is finally coming to school. The guys in class will be surprised.

I pulled out my phone and checked tomorrow’s route to school, quickening my pace toward home just a little.

――The day he realizes this “misunderstanding” is still a long way off.

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