My Childhood Friend Told Me to Go Marry the Most Beautiful Woman in the Kingdom, So I Seriously Started Improving Myself—and Somehow Ended Up Making Women Fall Hard - Chapter 35.5 & 35.6

Chapter 35.5: The Weight of What Was Lost (5)

Side: Rina Carhoi

The words spoken by that oni-folk woman were still cold inside my chest.

“Did your spirit summoning… and still failed?”

Her tone had been gentle.

But the blade hidden inside those words had stabbed straight into my heart.

I couldn’t laugh it off. I couldn’t deny it.

It was frustrating. Humiliating.

I was a court mage apprentice.

Top of my class. A prodigy.

My future was supposed to be guaranteed.

…And yet, the spirits had rejected me.

I had been rejected—

And that oni-folk woman said Hort had summoned a spirit for her.

Heat surged deep in my chest.

Anger. Jealousy. Fear.

And then, the old mage’s words pressed down on me even harder.

“Understand that the next time is your last chance.”

I understood.

I understood, and that was why I couldn’t breathe.

I wasn’t allowed to fail again.

The moment I did, my seat would be taken away.

I would vanish from the corridors of the court mages.

The title of “top student” would be stripped from me.

That was why I couldn’t endure the anxiety of being the one who had to be chosen.

Chosen?

No—that wasn’t right.

I was supposed to be the one who always did the choosing.

♢

The library that only court mages were allowed to enter.

Thick stone walls. Small windows.

The only light came from magic lamps.

The air was dry, heavy with the smell of old paper.

It was quiet here.

Too quiet—so quiet I could hear my own heartbeat.

I stacked grimoires on the desk.

Spirit summoning. Contracts. Affinity. Rejection. 

Theories meant to prevent rejection.

Control your breathing. Fix your posture. Show proper respect. Keep your mana pure. Respect the will of the spirit.

Could that really be all it took?

I couldn’t believe it.

Why was I rejected?

Why was that woman chosen?

Why was Hort able to form a contract with a spirit?

My fingertips grew cold, yet I kept turning the pages.

Turn. Turn. Turn.

Still, no answer appeared.

Only words piled up.

Only theories piled up.

The reason for my failure remained invisible.

I wiped the unpleasant sweat from my skin.

I didn’t have time.

The next attempt would be my last.

I had to choose—

Bet everything on spirit summoning again, or switch to a different field of research.

…Another field? Now?

After staking everything on spirit summoning all this time?

I walked between the shelves.

Rows of book spines lined up before me.

-Spirit Studies
-Contract Theory
-Mana Element Theory
-Summoning Rituals

No matter which one I reached for, nothing felt convincing.

Then, in a darker corner than the others, I noticed a single spine that didn’t belong.

Black leather. Gold lettering. A sealing talisman.

An oppressive presence that screamed Do not touch.

A forbidden book.

At some point, I had wandered into a restricted section.

My feet stopped.

Deep in my chest, something made an unpleasant sound.

I shouldn’t look at it… and yet.

Why was it there?

Why did it catch my eye?

A coincidence?

I didn’t believe in things like that.

I shallowly controlled my breathing and looked around.

No one was there.

Other readers were far away.

Right now… I could reach it.

Just reaching out might lead me to an answer.

I bit my lip.

The next time was the last.

I didn’t want to lose.

Quietly, I touched the sealing talisman.

Cold. And yet, my fingertips burned.

I peeled the seal away and pulled out the black leather book.

It was heavy.

Heavy—and yet somehow light.

The weight of sin rested on my arms with a deceptively gentle feel.

I returned to the desk and opened the book.

♢

On the very first page, it was written like this.

A summoning that stands as the counterpart to spirit summoning.

A path for those whom spirits cannot reach.

A hand for those for whom contracts are not enough.

Demon summoning.

My throat tightened.

A chill ran down my spine.

My hands started to shake.

And yet, my fingers wouldn’t stop turning the pages.

The spell formula was complex.

But I could understand it.

Because I knew the basics of spirit summoning, the structure made sense to me.

The only difference was who you called.

Not spirits.

Beings with will. With desire. With bargains.

I laughed softly.

Ah—so that’s how it worked.

Spirits had rejected me.

Because they had the right to refuse.

But demons?

Instead of refusing, they presented conditions.

Demons desired enormous amounts of mana.

I could pay that.

I had plenty of mana.

I was the top student.

I could afford the price.

Why was something this wonderful labeled as a forbidden book?

My hand stopped for only a moment.

I followed the instructions in the forbidden text and began preparing.

So no one would notice, I returned the book to its original place.

In the room given to me as a court mage trainee, I drew the magic circle.

Small.

Lights extinguished. Sounds suppressed. Breathing controlled.

And then—I called it.

Not the name of a spirit.

The magic lamp flickered slightly.

The air grew thin.

The ink bottle on the desk trembled faintly.

Then, the space in front of me twisted.

Black mist rose, forming a shape.

It resembled a human outline.

Resembled it—yet was clearly not human.

Just by standing there, I could feel my mana being drained away.

The demon smiled.

Its voice didn’t reach my ears.

It fell directly into my mind.

(So… you’re the one who summoned me?)

I pressed a hand to my throat, forcing the trembling down.

“…I am Rina Carhoi. A court mage trainee.”

A shiver ran through me.

This being felt on an entirely different level.

Its name. Its status. Its value.

(And what do you desire?)

Straight to the point.

I drew in a breath and answered.

“…I have to pass the next examination. I want you to serve me!”

(That is your wish?)

“Yes.”

The demon laughed, its shoulders shaking slightly.

(It can be granted. But a price is required.)

Of course.

Even spirits had wills of their own—there was no way a demon would work for free.

“I have mana. Plenty of it.”

(Mm. Very well.)

“Then—”

(But mana alone is not enough.)

The demon’s shadow grew darker.

(Your obsession is weak. Desire more. Want it more deeply. The stronger your wish, the easier it is for me to act.)

I clenched my fist.

My desire was strong.

I wasn’t ending here.

“…Fine. Then I’ll say it clearly.”

I bit down on each word.

“I will pass the spirit summoning exam. …You will be summoned while perfectly pretending to be a spirit. You will appear exactly like one.”

With that, I’d be safe.

If I failed, it was all over.

After a brief pause, the demon laughed.

(Interesting. Humans always decorate themselves like this.)

I glared at it.

“Answer me.”

(I accept.)

The demon raised a single finger.

(But don’t forget. I am not a spirit. If you pretend that I am one, then fool everyone around you as well. If you fail—you will be eaten.)

Eaten.

The meaning of that word lingered on my tongue.

I answered without hesitation.

“I won’t fail.”

(Good. My name is Asmo. I look forward to working with you from now on, my master.)

The demon bent slightly within the mist.

(When the next exam comes, summon me. I will appear as a spirit.)

With just that, the shadow vanished.

All that remained was the cold air on the desk—and the sweat soaking my palms.

I had used forbidden magic.

But it was necessary.

♢

The day of the exam arrived.

I stood once again in the same ritual hall.

The gazes from the observation seats stabbed into me.

There were more people watching than last time—

They had come to see the top student fail.

Rumors had spread.

Still, I formed a smile and put on a perfect mask.

I removed my gloves. Cracked my fingers. Let my mana circulate.

And then—I called.

While tracing the chant for spirit summoning, I whispered Asmo’s name in my heart.

The air twisted, and the magic circle shone.

Mist rose.

What appeared looked exactly like a spirit.

A four-legged beast with pitch-black fur.

Softly glowing.

Its outline wavering.

Wrapped in the presence of elemental mana.

The crowd held its breath.

I extended my hand.

“Form a contract.”

The spirit nodded.

Small—yet unmistakable.

The murmuring turned into cheers.

“…Success.”

I heard the examiner’s voice.

“Spirit summoning: successful. The contract has been formed. You pass.”

I smiled.

A smile that didn’t crack.

A perfect smile.

I had obtained what I wanted.

I bowed once to the examiner.

My seat as a court mage apprentice was secured.

At that moment, deep in my chest, I felt the demon’s voice laugh softly.

(The price will be collected from here on.)

Still smiling, I lowered my eyes.

I would not fall.

No matter how dirty I became.

No matter how twisted I grew.

I would remain here.

Chapter 35.6: The Weight of What Was Lost (6)

The moment I stepped out of the ritual hall, the world looked different.

Everything felt bright.

The gazes that had been stabbing into me just moments ago were now wavering—confused.

Serves you right.

Fufu. I’ll never forgive you for looking down on me. I won’t forget a single one of your faces.

The top student’s failure.

The fall of a prodigy.

I won’t let anyone say that again.

Passing the exam rewrote everything.

Of course it did. I don’t fail.

What happened before was just bad luck.

It wasn’t my fault.

It wasn’t because I was inferior.

I proved it. 

This was proof that I really was a genius.

My chest burned hot.

This was the feeling of confidence returning.

My steps felt light. My back straightened.

Even the sound of my shoes echoing on the stone floor felt beautiful.

I shaped a smile.

The perfect noble lady’s mask.

The perfect mage’s mask.

No—this wasn’t a mask.

This was who I was meant to be.

Praise. Admiration. Fame.

I had truly returned.

As I turned a corner in the corridor, a figure stood there.

Tall, with perfect posture.

His well-polished shoes felt like a symbol of his pride.

That relaxed way of walking—

The duke’s son, Magnum Flabo Galactica.

My heart skipped just a little.

He had seen me lose control after my last failure.

That had been shameful.

But today, I had taken it all back.

Now I could lift my chin.

Now I could greet him—

With a confident smile, straight and proud.

“Sir Magnum! Good day to you.”

My voice was clear and bright.

Surely he would smile back and say it.

—”Congratulations. Just as expected of you. You’re brilliant.”

…But he wasn’t looking at me.

His gaze shifted—just slightly.

As if avoiding something dirty.

“Oh. It’s you.”

His voice was low.

And yet, completely cold.

I blinked.

“Is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry, but could you stop speaking to me?”

For a moment, I didn’t understand what he meant.

“…What?”

As I asked again, Magnum continued without moving a single eyebrow.

“It seems you were not a woman suitable for me after all. From now on, don’t even claim to know me.”

Suitable.

That word stabbed straight into the center of my chest.

“I don’t wish to be involved with you any further. Goodbye.”

That was all he said before turning away.

He didn’t stop. He didn’t look back.

As if I had never existed in the first place.

“…W-What…?”

My throat went dry.

A chill ran up my spine.

My feet wouldn’t move.

The perfect smile was still glued to my lips.

I thought that if I let it break, I’d lose.

But this wasn’t about winning or losing.

I couldn’t understand it.

Why?

Just moments ago, I had won.

I passed.

I kept my position.

I reclaimed my reputation.

So why—?

“…What does this mean…?”

My voice trembled.

Something cold slid into the depths of my chest.

Laughter dropped into my head.

(Kukuku.)

I shuddered.

Asmo’s voice echoed.

(This is one part of the price.)

I clenched my back teeth.

(You gained fame. In exchange, you lost the trust of someone close to you.)

My vision wavered.

Fame. Trust. A transaction.

I tried to breathe in—but couldn’t.

My chest felt tight.

(Kukuku. This is nothing more than the result you asked for.)

Asked for?

I didn’t ask for this.

I only paid a price so I wouldn’t fall.

I tried to argue back, but my throat locked up.

No—I was the one who asked for it.

A seat that wouldn’t be taken from me.

Being perfect.

For that, I reached for a forbidden book.

For that, I summoned a demon.

…And for that, did I throw Magnum away?

What did I lose?

Magnum’s back was already far away.

If I chased him, I’d only become pathetic.

If I didn’t, I’d be left behind.

Suddenly, Hort’s back came to mind.

I stood there, unable to peel off the smiling mask.

The cold air of the corridor pricked at my skin.

I whispered softly.

“…I don’t care anymore.”

Within those words, the demon laughed once more.

(You won. To your own desire.)

♢

Even after Magnum’s back turned the corner and disappeared, I couldn’t move for a while.

The cold of the corridor crept up from the soles of my feet.

The hardness of the stone floor pressed all the way into my chest.

I was supposed to have won.

I passed. My position was secured.

I formed a spirit contract in front of everyone.

I was even applauded.

And yet, with just a single sentence, my world cracked.

“You were not a suitable woman.”

Those words echoed in my head again and again.

I clenched my trembling fingers, digging my nails into my palm.

It hurt.

And because it hurt, I could still stand.

(This is one part of the price.)

The demon’s whisper clung deep inside my chest.

…Losing trust? So what?

If I got results, that was all that mattered.

I took a deep breath.

In. Out.

…I was fine.

He and I had never really been anything.

He came from a duke’s family, had good looks, and was simply convenient as a marriage candidate.

From the start, his status as a noble was higher—marriage had never been easy anyway.

I was still a court mage trainee.

There would be plenty of encounters ahead.

There would be people who acknowledged me.

My value hadn’t disappeared.

Just then, footsteps echoed from down the corridor.

The sound of armor.

The sound of a sword’s scabbard.

Yet they weren’t the rough steps of a knight training ground.

They carried the discipline of the academy.

I reflexively looked toward the sound.

Dias.

The man who’d taken top rank in swordsmanship back at the academy.

Serious. Inflexible. But someone who always followed his principles.

Like Hort—

I’d always thought of him as an honest-to-a-fault kind of man.

But right now…

That honesty was exactly what I wanted.

It didn’t have to be pretty words.

It didn’t need a flattering smile.

I just wanted someone who would talk to me normally.

Before I realized it, I was calling out to him.

“…Dias.”

Dias stopped walking.

For just a moment, his eyes narrowed.

Not in suspicion—more like calmly gauging the other person’s position.

Then, in his usual stiff voice, he spoke.

“Rina.”

“Yes…”

Just being called by name like that settled into my chest.

He didn’t avert his eyes like Magnum had.

There was no disgust in his gaze.

Just confirmation.

That alone let me breathe a little easier.

“Is the exam over?”

“…Yes. I passed.”

“I see. As expected of you.”

Dias didn’t add anything else.

He simply accepted the fact as it was.

…And right now, that felt comfortable.

“Hey, Dias. Want to go have a meal together to celebrate?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I have plans today, but would another day work?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’ll look forward to it.”

That was all.

Simple. Straightforward. Not particularly exciting.

My throat grew warm, and I almost looked down without thinking.

“…Alright, then.”

My voice came out just a little hoarse.

Dias awkwardly continued, choosing his words carefully.

“Rina… you were the top student, right? Then you’ll manage the next one too.”

“…Yes. Thank you.”

His words were clumsy.

They didn’t have the flair Magnum had.

They didn’t have Hort’s gentle consideration either.

And yet, in that moment, the cold deep in my chest melted just a little.

“No need to thank me. I just stated the facts.”

Dias said that and started walking again.

His back was broad.

Straight and steady.

I could only watch him go.

And somewhere, it felt like I could hear the demon’s laughter echoing softly.