Misunderstood Vampire Bakasane-chan

“Yawn. In the end, I didn’t get it…”

With a yawn and a murmur, Bakasane-chan uttered words uncharacteristic of a genius like her. Fortunately, no one heard her.

Well, it can’t be helped. Love comedy with a serious fantasy twist is not my forte. Pondering such thoughts with my slow brain, I continued my unusually late school commute alone.

Rubbing my eyes against the glaring morning sun, few people were around. This is because I’m walking off-peak, unlike my usual early arrival at school.

“I’m always the first in the classroom, as the Student Council members tell me, but it seems impossible today.”

Yes, I overslept. Thankfully, it’s far from being late, but it’s a shame I can’t enjoy the fun time of swinging my legs in the empty classroom and humming while waiting for everyone.

All this is because of that somewhat boring book with only erotic illustrations lent to me by Momo-senpai.

Yesterday, after getting along with Ran, I went home and spent hours reading that light novel. By the time I got used to flipping through the pages, I had finished reading it but was troubled by my lack of understanding.

That’s understandable. The book’s definition of a vampire greatly differed from what’s usually found on websites and other resources.

Human blood is information and life, and the vampire who feeds on it is immortal. I understood that much more smoothly.

However, as the vampire protagonist, who experienced numerous erotic mishaps to the point of losing count of how many times his face ended up in a woman’s buttocks, said, a vampire is originally a text.

Sure, I thought you were just a text in the book, but there seemed more to it.

Vampires. They were initially mere letters, nonexistent yet mingling among people. Hence, they needed to keep supplementing their existence with human blood, and as a result of this continuous process…

“They can impose their own rules on the world, huh…”

That’s the part I don’t understand. The world is interconnected for everyone. The idea of changing it individually seems far-fetched.

But in the book, the protagonist could manipulate fire (used for undressing), enhance his physique (also for undressing), and alter friction (used for erotic purposes).

While avoiding being specific, I had to read about naked women, thinking this was just an erotic book, and pondered deeply.

The content was set up for a sequel with its abrupt ending, and the full extent of the setting was unclear. It mentioned something about altering rules as a result of collecting the world’s randomness in the form of blood, thereby increasing one’s significance as an individual.

I didn’t quite understand “Gaizen,” but it probably meant something like a lid fitting a pot.

In other words, a vampire that excessively feeds on blood permeates the world. As a result, somehow, even rules can be bent.

“I wonder if that’s possible…”

Certainly, characters like John and Ikus did some strange things. John’s pet darkness and Ikus’ wing sharpness were extraordinary, true to the book’s description.

But it didn’t feel like cheating, as described in the book. It seemed different from the protagonist’s prerogative to change the world as per his will. It felt more profound.

“Ah, if it isn’t Bakasane-chan, good morning. Hmm… you’re a bit late today, and you don’t seem as energetic as usual. I’m worried, you know.”

“Oh, Kai-cho, good morning.”

As I pondered these thoughts, I reached the familiar school gate. Standing next to it was the friendly Student Council President.

Kai-cho, an upperclassman with a seemingly capable aura, has conspicuously long, sleek black hair. Despite her somewhat plain looks, her face was distorted with concern for me.

She’s supposedly at odds with my friend, Momo-senpai, but she separates that from how she treats me and is genuinely kind. I opened up to her honestly.

“Kai-cho, I was reading a book till late last night. That’s why I’m late.”

“Hmm. I know Bakasane-chan is quite smart, but oversleeping is different from you. What kind of book was it?”

“A boring book. Didn’t make sense to me.”

“I see, that’s unfortunate. Let me guess: was it something that Yabasaki’s idiot lent to Bakasane-chan? That girl always favors roundabout righteousness… troublesome.”

“Kai-cho, it was indeed Momo-senpai’s book, but don’t speak too badly of her, okay?”

“Ah, I understand. She’s not that bad, just like me. We just have significantly different opinions. Well, anyway.”

“Hmm?”

I felt relieved hearing Kai-cho’s words, understanding she didn’t hate Momo-senpai. I managed a smile.

Then, Kai-cho, while greeting other students who started arriving, caressed me with her left hand. It was the first time she did that, and it surprised me.

When her hand reached near the scrunchie that marked the beginning of my twin tails, her expression turned slightly sad.

“As for me, I wish Bakasane-chan could have slept a bit more. After all, waking up doesn’t always mean the world is pleasant.”

“Is that so?”

That sounded unusually pessimistic for the early-rising Kai-cho.

Sleep and wake up. I want to believe that happiness awaits the next day. But perhaps for Kai-cho, tomorrow might be dull.

That thought was even less interesting than the book, and I said,

“I like this time when I can meet Kai-cho! Waking up and being here makes me happy!”

“Ah… that’s why…”

“Whoa!”

Just as I expressed my true feelings, Kai-cho suddenly hugged me tightly.

I was taken aback. Unlike the pitying embrace from Ran yesterday, Kai-cho’s embrace was full.

And me, I’m small.

“Mmm…”

I was enveloped in a bosom and faced a crisis of suffocation. What a situation to share an experience with the protagonist of that book first thing in the morning.

In my panic, Kai-cho told me…

“I like you, even though you’re foolish.”

She said this to me, a genius, embracing me tighter with her words.

“I thought I was going to die.”

“That was close… If I hadn’t woken up early, Kasane-chan would have been smothered in the President’s chest… Though I must admit, that’s a desirable way to die.”

“I’d rather die sandwiched by a muscular body…”

“Kasane-chan, you do love muscles, huh…”

During lunch, Ran, sitting opposite me, opened her lunch box and laughed lightly. I wanted to argue that loving muscles is natural for people, but I refrained due to the morning’s fatigue.

Yes, I barely survived Kai-cho’s bosom attack.

I’m thankful to Ran for physically pulling me away from Kai-cho’s embrace. Unlike Ran, who is still bothered by it, I truly think it was good that I didn’t die a sad death by suffocation.

Ran smiled as she responded to my thanks.

“Interesting. Shige-chan, so you had such an encounter with the President… I need to be more cautious. And now, there’s another person on my list… What brings you here from another class, Ikegaya-san?”

“Oh, Misaki, you’re so sharp. I just wanted to have lunch with her. And now, you’re calling me by my last name… It can’t be helped; we’re more rivals than friends now.”

“Heh… So Ikegaya-san is challenging me…”

“It’s not about making you an enemy; I just want to get along with Kasane-chan.”

“Hmm? The conversation up until now was a bit confusing, but it’s okay to get along with Ran.”

“Hmm, hmm… Shige-chan, you’re such a flirt… To think, after breaking up with that weird guy, now it’s a tomboy…”

“Huh?”

Misaki mumbled beside me while Ran looked proud. They were both making funny faces, which might be interesting.

Looking at them, I notice a significant difference in their chest armor. Human potential is amazing. As for me, people are surprised to hear I’m a high school student because I’m so small.

As Ran devoured her slightly reddish rice, I remarked,

“You eat quite a lot, Ran. And it’s a naughty amount of oily food.”

“Hehe, my mom always packs too much. She wants me to eat a lot since I couldn’t eat much before. It’s troubling; I might become chubby.”

“I see.”

Yesterday, I learned Ran’s diet had improved thanks to her mother’s recipes, but I was still worried about her painful past.

But seeing her happily munching on her lunch, I realized my worries were unnecessary. A smiling face suits Ran best.

But then I glanced at Misaki on my right. She seemed distant, looking down as if she’d seen something painful.

Trying to act as usual, I spoke to Misaki.

“Your lunch looks delicious, Misaki! It’s small but colorful and intricate!”

“Really? Hehe, I’m happy to be praised by Shige-chan sensei.”

“Perfect score!”

“Yay!”

Misaki smiled at my sincere compliments, quickly recovering from her downturn. It’s like the saying, “A crying crow soon laughs.”

Yes, I forgot in my happiness of having Ran as a lunch friend that Misaki doesn’t have a mother. I should have understood her pain.

Even a genius like Bakasane-chan makes mistakes.

As I nodded, Misaki slowly spoke to me.

“Um… Since you’re here, would you like to taste my cooking?”

“Sure!”

“Here, aaah.”

“Mmm, yum yum.”

I agreed to taste her cooking, savoring a piece of her tamagoyaki. It was a bit sweet but quite good, free of shell fragments or burns.

“Delicious,” I said honestly, swallowing the empty bite. Misaki blushed as she said,

“Thank you… This means… indirect… kyaa.”

She thanked me but then blushed, realizing she used the same spoon I had just used.

Next, I turned to Ran.

“Oh?”

She looked at me with a complicated expression. It was a mix of envy and longing.

“Can I try yours too, Ran?”

“Um… Honestly, I don’t think my food is tasty to normal people?”

“What’s the harm in sharing a meal? It might be surprisingly good. Can I have a bite?”

“Aha, Kasane-chan, you’re so cool… Here, go ahead.”

“Mmm, yum yum.”

I took a bite of Ran’s colorfully seasoned karaage, expecting it to be an otherworldly flavor.

Hmm. The taste was complex, but the meat was well-cooked, and the crispy coating was comparable to her mother’s cooking. Ran’s mother must be skilled in the kitchen.

“Good. It’s better than shiitake mushrooms! Edible!”

“Shiitake?”

“Shige-chan can’t eat mushrooms… He says they’re not food.”

“I see…”

Comparing it to the musty mushroom might be rude, but the meat had a chemical-like smell, difficult to consider as food.

It wasn’t inedible, but my body seemed to send warning signals. Overall, it was an intriguing taste.

“Thank you, Kasane-chan.”

“Thanks for letting me try something interesting!”

“Aha, I can’t win against you.”

“Wow.”

Then, I was caressed again, feeling a different touch from this morning’s encounter with Kai-cho. This skilled touch was pleasant.

But if the same pattern continued, I couldn’t help but stare at Ran’s chest…

“Ah, this is safe.”

I sighed in relief at her flatness.

“Why are you relieved looking at my chest, Kasane-chan?”

“Because it’s safe.”

“You little… I should grate you on this washboard chest!”

“Oh!”

Ran got angry at my unintentionally honest words. I felt a bit guilty.

“Ah… With Ikegaya-san’s embrace, it seems safe.”

“Misaki wants to experience the hardness of my ribs, huh?”

“I’m sorry.”

Misaki shrank under Ran’s fierce gaze. Calming her down was quite a task.

“Momo-senpai, that book was boring!”

“Is that so? Hmm, I should tell my brother. Your book is indeed a failure.”

“Wait, this ‘Mountain Clione’ author is Momo-senpai’s brother?”

“Unfortunately, my brother wrote this book, which is nothing but erotica attached to a setting.”

“I see… Also, could you ask your brother if he prefers writing erotica or literature?”

“Hmm… That’s a deep question. I’m curious, too, so I’ll ask.”

After school, I visited Momo-senpai, who was creating an incomprehensible black-on-black canvas.

There, I learned a surprising fact. Her big brother was the author of the dull novel.

It’s interesting how different the siblings are. The sister is a bestselling author worldwide, while the brother can only write niche works. I felt a bit sorry for him.

Thinking too much about a stranger can be toxic, so I left it at that and asked Momo-senpai again.

“So, Momo-senpai, is it true that vampires can freely manipulate the world?”

“Well, yes. There are very few, but such powerful vampires do exist.”

“A few, huh? I mean, someone I know claimed to be a vampire hunter, but that’s unlikely. Humans can’t defeat them, right?”

“Huh? They can be defeated.”

“Eh?”

I thought defeating a rule-changing vampire would be unfair and impossible, but Momo-senpai shook her head.

Her Cheshire-cat smile surprised me as she casually continued.

“It depends on the method, but it’s something even I, or you could do.”

To that, I replied,

“I don’t think that’s possible…”

For some reason, I voiced my doubt.