Lonely Me And The Lonely Caring Goddess - Chapter 19 - My Feelings
Chapter 19 – My Feelings
I wonder how long has Takanashi-san been on my mind…
It was quite natural for Takanashi-san to be suspicious, but I myself also wondered why he felt different from the other boys.
In the first place, if I consider my thoughts…
Most of the time, when I don’t have a good perception of other people, I hold it in.
Especially with boys, based on my past experiences, they will still behave childishly. They don’t know anything about me, and yet they were insincere enough to confess while having their ulterior motives…
Just thinking of all the people who have been involved with me in the past made me feel disgusted.
Naturally, I understand that there were earnest and strong people, like the student president.
I do not treat such people with disrespect, but it was true that I have put up a wall at some point.
Even for girls, I think I have built a gap between them and me.
There may be various reasons, but what felt particularly awful was that I often became a target of resentment for rejecting boys who had confessed their insincere feelings to me.
I hate to recall it, but I remember being told quite a few things.
Some of them didn’t like the fact that I was rejecting everyone.
I’m sure they were saying a lot of things behind my back.
But one good thing that happened was when Natsumi saved my life in the midst of all this resentment and we became friends.
There were still other things… but I’ll stop now, since just thinking about it felt unpleasant.
I thought that if I could make people think, 「It’s that person, there’s nothing we can do about it」, I would be able to silence the people around me. I improved my grades, became the vice president of the student council, and did everything I could to respond to the requests and opinions of the students for that purpose.
And while I was being praised… a few people were talking about me behind my back.
This was my current self.
… Now that I think about it, Takanashi-san doesn’t strike me as a particularly bad person.
What impressed me most about Takanashi-san was…
Well, what he did with the flower garden, of course.
No one cared, nor was anyone told to do anything, and yet he took care of them in silence.
And for that, I was grateful.
And… I was particularly impressed when I saw him comforting a crying child in the shopping district.
“Nyan nyan, where’s your mother?”
He seemed to be talking to the little girl in a very cute way.
I was amazed that he could interact with a child so naturally.
After that, he held hands with the little girl who had stopped crying and went to the direction from which she came from.
Perhaps, he went with the little girl to look for her mother.
At that time, I was strongly attracted by Takanashi-san’s smile toward the child and the way he walked hand in hand with the little girl.
Later on, I saw Takanashi-san holding the little girl in his arms on his way to school several times.
Seeing his gentle face made an impression on me.
This was a sight that I could never have imagined coming from those childish boys!
Then there was that time on the rooftop, which he doesn’t usually visit, during lunchtime. That was when we were able to talk for the first time.
… From this point on, I already felt that Takanashi-san was different from the other boys…
He’s also the boy who took care of my grandmother.
He left without telling Grandma his name, saying that he didn’t need to be thanked. I was thinking that I would thank the person in question if I met him someday, but then I found out that it was Takanashi-san, and that made sense to me in a certain way.
I felt that I had to thank him for everything he had done, including what he did for grandmother.
With the accumulation of all these encounters that happened before officially meeting each other, I felt that Takanashi-san was someone I could trust, someone different from others… someone who I could feel comfortable with.
Therefore, I wanted to be friends with him.
I finally understood what that “mysterious” feeling was.
But then, I became more impatient and caused Takanashi-san to misunderstand me, making him sad. As a result, I’ve caused him even more trouble.
And asking myself what I feel towards him… I certainly feel like he was a very close friend.
It felt a little different from the way I feel towards Natsumi, but that is probably because of the difference in gender. In Takanashi’s case, I feel close to him most likely because of the various things that happened, including today.
I wanted to get along with him from now on.
…And that’s how I felt.