Jobless Man’s Zombie Survival Life - Chapter 81: The Comfort of the Nakamura Household

Chapter 81: The Comfort of the Nakamura Household

“Ojisan! Cute? Am I cute?”

“Super cute. Never seen a kid this cute in my life.”

“Ehe!”

This is Mondo-occhan’s place.

It’s nighttime.

Right now, I’m the audience for a fashion show.

The pile of clothes Kanzaki-san picked out last time—Miku-chan wanted to show them off, so we’re holding this impromptu event.

“What’s cute about it?”

“Hmm… Those frilly bits! Like an angel!!”

“Ehe!”

“Dammit… Why didn’t I charge the digital camera!? I’m such an idiot!!”

“Papa, am I cute?”

“You’re the cutest in the universe, Miku!!”

“Aha!”

Next to me, Atsushi-san’s pounding his fist on the tatami.

Whoa, I felt that shake!?

How frustrated is he…?

He’s got a smartphone, so he’s taking pictures, but he wants higher quality.

…Is this what having a daughter does to you?

By the way, I’ve started calling Sakurai-san Atsushi-san.

He said it’s more relaxed that way.

“Look, look! Oniisan! How’s this!?”

Yukiko-chan strikes a pose, hands on hips.

Her slim figure looks great in jeans…

But her wink’s so bad it’s like she’s having a seizure.

Gotta avoid looking at her face or I’ll laugh.

“Looks cool. Those long legs are model material—jealous!”

“Heh heh! I’m getting all hyped up!!”

She strikes more poses to show off her legs, and Hina-chan shyly steps forward.

“U-Um… How do I look…?”

Whoa… It’s, uh, that vibe.

Like those forest girls that were trendy a while back.

All fluffy and soft.

“Like you stepped out of a picture book. Super cute.”

“R-Really…? Ehe.”

…Like a little forest critter. A fairy or something.

“Akkun! How’s this!?”

“You’re the cutest in the universe, Misa!!”

“Ohh, you’re embarrassing me!!”

“Papa, you said Mama and Miku are both the cutest in the universe?”

“Ugh…! I-I can’t choose…!! Guooo!!”

Atsushi-san’s grappling with a cosmic contradiction.

Man… Is this the struggle of a family man?

Better not get dragged into that one.

I watch the lively girls.

Kanzaki-san’s picks are spot-on—cute and practical.

If I’d chosen, it’d be function-only. Good call asking her.

“Man, our house has gotten lively as hell.”

“Really, it’s so fun every day… Like we got more grandkids.”

Mondo-occhan and his wife are enjoying it too.

I noticed later, but Kanzaki-san even got clothes for Obachan.

Too capable… Her talents are unreal.

“Oh, right, Occhan. A guy I met, Inspector Oota, sent his regards.”

I remember to mention it.

“Oota? That balding, average-build guy?”

“Yeah, yeah. Said he’s your dojo junior?”

“Yup, that’s him. Haven’t heard that name in a while… He doing okay?”

“He’s running the Central Library shelter. Looked fine, but busy.”

I recount the recent events.

“Every shelter’s got its idiots… He’s got it rough. Bet his hair’s thinning more.”

…As a fellow guy, I feel for him.

Gotta watch out myself… Eat more kelp or something?

Maybe dive for some when it gets warmer…

“Well, he’s pretty ‘useful,’ so he’ll handle rioters or zombies fine…”

“His moves were tight, yeah. Didn’t feel like kendo, though…”

“He’s good with a sword, but his real weapon’s a spear. Not our style, but damn impressive.”

A spear, huh! Makes sense…

A skilled spear user’s terrifying. My master used one too.

Got beat to a pulp from outside my range.

Though Master was a monster with swords, bare hands, hidden weapons, everything…

Our style’s too broad, honestly…

I’m only decent with standing techniques, iaido, shuriken, and grappling…

“Hey, Oniisan! Were you just talking about Kamimori-kun!?”

Yukiko-chan, suddenly nearby, pipes up.

“Oh? You know him?”

“He was the student council secretary, right? Super hot guy?”

The world’s too small.

“…You mean the guy oozing baseless confidence, with three lackeys, who never listens?”

“Ugh, probably the same guy… They called him Harem-kun. He’s at the Central Library? What happened?”

“Said some nonsense about me backing off Kanzaki-san and picked a fight.”

No need to hide it, so I spill.

“What!? …Well, Kanzaki-san’s gorgeous, so… Typical him. You okay, Oniisan?”

“Hit him with a Tanakano… uh, bear hug. He passed out and pissed himself.”

“What’s that!? …Kinda wanna see it, though.”

“Don’t. Your eyes’ll rot. …He hit on you too, Yukiko-chan?”

“Hmm… Not sure? He mostly talked to girls and slacked off, so I didn’t like him.”

Sounds like ‘normal’ girls didn’t care for him.

Makes sense.

Even as an adult, talking to him pissed me off.

Come to think of it, his lackeys weren’t at the library… Did he ditch them?

They seemed just as dumb, so I don’t care.

“Ojisan! What’re you talking about?”

I was spacing out when Miku-chan speaks up.

…Gotta dodge this for her sake.

“Oh… Uh, what kind of guys are cool? Right, Yukiko-chan?”

“Yup! Miku-chan, what kind do you like?”

Nice assist, Yukiko-chan.

“Um…”

Whoa!? Atsushi-san’s behind me!?

He’s that curious about his daughter’s tastes? Is this normal for dads?

“Big, strong, and kind like a bear!!”

“I see…”

The last one skips past humans!?

…Atsushi-san’s grinning ear to ear.

Happy guy.

“That’s my girl!”

Misa-neesan’s pleased too.

“Right, right! Guys gotta be strong and kind—that’s all you need! Remember that, Hina-chan!”

“Y-Yes!!”

Obachan’s lecturing Hina-chan…

“(The strongest one’s the wife, kid.)”

Mondo-occhan whispers something weird…

Looking at these two couples, yeah, the wives run the show…

Yup! Women are strong! (Scientific name: Thought Abandonment)

“How’s the injury?”

“Fine, just twinges sometimes. Can swing an axe again.”

I say while washing his massive back.

…Insane recovery.

Clean cut and Kanzaki-san’s treatment helped, I guess.

“Miku wants to help!”

Miku-chan joins with a sponge, so I step aside.

Guess I’ll wash my hair.

We’re in Mondo-occhan’s bathroom.

They offered, so I’m grateful.

Well water and firewood mean no fuel worries for now.

It was gonna be me and Atsushi-san, but Miku-chan wanted in, so here we are.

I’m no lolicon, so it’s fine.

Like bathing with my elementary school sister.

Misa-neesan declined, thankfully.

She almost joined, which shocked me.

Is that okay, married lady…?

She’ll bathe with Yukiko-chan and them later.

“Papa, how’s it feel?”

“The best!!! I’ll wash your back later, Miku!”

“Yay!!”

Atsushi-san’s face is pure bliss.

Family’s nice, huh.

“I’ll do Ojisan’s back too!”

“Whoa, that startled me!?”

The sponge on my back catches me off guard.

“Nnsho, nnsho… How’s it?”

“The best!!!”

“Ehe!”

Such a warm feeling… Is this what having a daughter’s like?

If she ever says, “I don’t wanna bathe with Papa!” Atsushi-san might die of shock.

The tub’s huge, but so is Atsushi-san, so Miku-chan and I go first.

“Ojisan, you’ve got lots of scars… Do they hurt?”

“Did you fall off a mountain or something?”

Miku-chan and Atsushi-san sound worried.

Atsushi-san, people don’t survive mountain falls…

“Oh, these? All from sword training. They don’t hurt anymore, I’m fine.”

“This one?”

Miku-chan touches a shoulder scar.

Ticklish.

“Uh… Think that’s from a shuriken I didn’t dodge. Hurt like hell.”

“This one?”

“Uh… Fighting a deer in the mountains, I think? The antlers sucked…”

“And this one?”

“When a bundle of bamboo spears fell from above. Had to get stitches at the hospital.”

“Tanakano-kun… Did you time-travel from the Sengoku era…?”

No.

My master’s just insane.

But it’s why I’m still alive, so it’s fine.

“Sword training’s tough, huh…”

“Miku, I think it’s not that tough for most people…?”

Exactly.

※

“Haa… Nothing beats a post-bath smoke…”

I cool off on the engawa, puffing away.

Normally, you’d have a beer, but I’d get plastered instantly.

Feels nice.

Fireflies come out in summer, I hear. This place is perfect for that vibe.

My place? Cockroaches sometimes.

Thanks to General Ashidaka, they’re rare now.

Though the General’s look is kinda intense.

Jumping spiders are cuter with their big eyes… Tiny, though.

“Ichirouta-chan, here’s some barley tea.”

“Whoa, thanks, Obachan.”

She hands me a tray with ice-cold tea.

“Delicious!”

Super chilled! Well water, maybe?

“Sorry for getting clothes for me too… Tell Kanzaki-san thanks.”

“Oh, yeah, got it.”

“Bring her over sometime. Miku misses her.”

Right, we haven’t searched this area.

Maybe invite her next time…

“If someone like her became your wife, Ichirouta-chan…”

“Pfft!?”

Wasted good tea…

“Come on… A beauty like her’s got tons of suitors. Why’d she pick an old geezer like me…?”

“Oh? Your Occhan and I have a big age gap too. Age doesn’t matter much in marriage!”

She slaps my back.

Just like Occhan.

“What’s up, Grandma?”

Miku-chan pops up.

“Hmm? Talking about finding Ichirouta-chan a nice wife.”

Please stop, I’ll die of embarrassment.

“A wife?”

“Yup… Poor guy, so Miku, wanna be his bride?”

Stop!? That’s a legal issue!?

“Come on, Obachan…”

“Okay, when I’m 16!”

What!? She’s scarily practical!?

“Well, that’s promising.”

No! I’ll get arrested, stop!!

“Tanakano-kun…?”

Ow, ow, my shoulder’s gonna shatter!?

Atsushi-san’s grip from behind is insane!?

“Ichita…?”

Misa-neesan too!?

I’m gonna split apart like a mecha if this keeps up!!

“M-M-Miku-chan…? What about Papa…?”

“I wanna marry Papa too!”

I squeeze out words.

“Whaaat!? No way, Miku, that’s trouble~~”

“Akkun…?”

“Hie!!”

Phew, crisis averted.

Miku-chan’s age saved me…

The three of them are flailing in a family pile-up.

Good bonding, yeah.

“Hey, Oniisan! What’s your type~?”

“I’m curious too!”

Crap, I poked the hornet’s nest and got Yamata no Orochi!!

“Uh… About 57 meters tall, 550 tons…”

I light a cigarette and dodge.