Jobless Man’s Zombie Survival Life - Chapter 78: The Matter of the Handsome Idiot

Chapter 78: The Matter of the Handsome Idiot

“Hey! I heard from the police earlier…”

That idiot from before… Kamimori, was it?

He’s calling out from the stairs above.

We’re between the third and second floors.

“You’re searching for missing people… right?”

“…And?”

Kanzaki-san replies without turning.

I’m stopped a few steps ahead.

“Let me help with that job!!”

“No thanks, we decline.”

“Huh?”

Kanzaki-san nudges my back.

Keep moving, she means.

I’ve got zero interest in this automatic nonsense-spewing machine.

“Wait! Hold on a sec!!”

“We’re not waiting… Let’s go, Tanakano-san.”

Got it, got it.

We ignore Kamimori’s yammering and descend the stairs.

“Wait! Please, wait!”

Passing the second floor.

“I’d be useful, you know!?”

We hit the first floor and head for the back exit.

Oh, Takame-san mentioned something about locking the door.

…Eh, whatever, not my problem.

Kamimori follows us all the way to the back lot—or rather, the farm.

Why’s this guy so persistent…?

…Oh, right.

Kanzaki-san’s holding her helmet under her left arm.

Her beautiful face is fully exposed.

A glance shows Kamimori’s eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed.

…Is this guy’s brain in his prostate or something?

“Please! Take me with you…”

He blabbers, reaching for Kanzaki-san’s shoulder.

Looks like he’s fed up and trying to force her to stay.

Kanzaki-san’s right arm blurs, followed by a sharp smack.

“Ow!?”

Kamimori’s hand, briefly on her shoulder, flies upward as if swatted.

…A terrifyingly fast backfist. I’d have missed it if I weren’t paying attention.

“Don’t touch me.”

…Yikes.

That’s some serious killing intent.

The shockwave’s hitting me too.

She’s pissed.

I mean, I feel like my brain cells are dying just listening to him.

“What!? What’s your deal!? I’m serious here!”

No way, dude!?

How do you not realize she hates you after that?

This guy’s the strongest idiot I’ve ever met!!

What’s with this mentality!?

“…I have Tanakano-san, my important partner. I have no intention of teaming up with anyone else.”

Whoa, she’s saying all that… I’m kinda touched.

The power of trust, huh?

Ugh! Kamimori’s glaring at me now.

…Yeah, I can guess where this is going.

“That… that guy!? I’d be way more useful!!”

What do you even know about me?

Also, weren’t you with three sidekicks? Where are they?

“Hey! You!! Fight me!! If I win, back off!!”

…( ,,`・ω・´) Huh?

Is this guy speaking my language?

What the hell, Ichirouta’s scared of this dude.

“…This…!!”

Oh, crap, this is bad.

Kanzaki-san’s eyes are lethal.

If I let this go, he’s gonna be ground into hamburger.

Can’t let Kanzaki-san dirty her hands.

I grab her shoulder, nod, and stop her.

I sling off my backpack and hand it to her.

Oh, better ditch the vest too.

I pass the wakizashi to Kanzaki-san.

“Tanakano-san…?”

I give her a thumbs-up.

Facing Kamimori, I stick out my right hand, beckoning him with a wave.

Channeling my inner action star with a ponytail.

“What’s that!? Come on! Bring it!!”

“What’s that!? You’re actually doing this!?”

Yup.

Just come at me, you annoying punk.

No weapons here.

I’m not talking because if he remembers me, it’ll be a bigger hassle.

…From this exchange, I know his memory doesn’t work for guys, but just in case.

“Raaagh!!”

Kamimori charges.

He’s like Harada.

Tricky moves won’t shut him up—he’ll just complain.

I don’t know for sure, but probably.

So.

Head-on.

I’ll crush him completely!!

“Yaaaah!!”

A wild right punch.

I slam my right elbow into it.

A gritty crunch.

“Gah!? Take this!!”

Left punch now.

No creativity, huh?

Fine, left elbow!

Another crunch.

“Guh!?”

No more waiting.

I snap a sharp front kick into Kamimori’s gut as he flinches.

“Gack!?”

He doubles over.

Must hurt, so I’ll give him a moment.

Come on, hurry up~

“You bas—Guh!?”

He catches his breath, looks up, and I land a straight punch to his face.

Kamimori staggers back.

I kick off the ground, tackling him low.

“What!? Let… let go!?”

I wrap my arms around his torso, locking them behind.

Perfect.

You want warmth, don’t you, you perma-horny idiot!!

Here it is! Take it!!

I inhale deeply, tensing up.

“W-Why!? Let… go!!”

I squeeze with all my might.

Picture splitting his torso in half.

“~!! Ngh~!? Gyu~!?”

He’s pounding my back, but those weak hits don’t even tickle!

I tighten my grip.

Come on, muscles!!

“Sto…!? Stop…!?”

His resistance weakens.

Almost time!

Raaaaagh!!

Tanakano Breaker!!

Die, you idiot!!

I give one final squeeze, and Kamimori’s body goes limp.

Letting go, he collapses face-up on the ground.

He’s twitching, clearly out cold.

Eyes rolled back, some weird liquid leaking from his nose and mouth.

There goes the handsome face.

I held back, so he’s… probably not dead.

Let’s check.

…Breathing, check!!

The Tanakano Breaker’s power is unreal.

Can’t use it on zombies, though—too slow, I’d get bitten.

He’ll wake up eventually.

Oh, his pants are wet…

…Oops, went too far?

Nah, it’s fine! It’s fertilizer for the farm! No problem!!

“That was brutal…”

Oota-san’s nearby all of a sudden.

…Barely any presence. Like Mondo-occhan.

“No weapons! No vital strikes! …Totally clean fight, right?”

“Hah, dirty might’ve been easier for him.”

Oota-san gives a wry smile.

“Maybe this’ll calm him down a bit. After that embarrassment.”

“My experience says he won’t learn.”

Like Harada-kun.

“Then so be it. …I’m not as nice as Miyata.”

Oota-san grins.

A flash of killing intent.

This guy’s the type to “deal” with people without blinking.

Better not make him an enemy.

“Sorry for the trouble. Come back sometime.”

“There might be evacuees matching other files. I’ll drop by if I feel like it.”

I reply as we pass through the gate, Oota-san seeing us off.

Kamimori’s still sprawled on the ground.

…No stamina, huh?

How’d he think he could handle exploration?

“Oh, right. Say hi to Nakamura-sensei.”

…Huh?

He knows Mondo-occhan?

But how…?

“That wakizashi’s from Nakamura-sensei, right?”

“Oh, yeah, he gave it to me… How’d you know?”

“It’s one of his favorites. He must like you.”

No way, it’s that special!?

Can I really use it so casually…?

“R-Really!? …Uh, how do you know him…?”

“Junior in the same school. He put me through the wringer.”

So, swordsmanship…

Now that he mentions it, his footwork and posture feel familiar.

Small world, or maybe only the strong survive here.

…Except for that guy, still sprawled out.

※

“Man, that was exhausting, Kanzaki-san.”

“Yeah, I hate guys like that.”

In the moving truck.

Both of us with cigarettes in our mouths.

Hate, huh?

Rare strong words from Kanzaki-san.

“I wouldn’t wanna be friends with anyone who likes that guy…”

“No idea why anyone would!”

Kanzaki-san’s fuming.

She looks Yukiko-chan’s age when she’s mad—funny.

“…Wanna go for a stroll to unwind?”

“Absolutely!!”

…She’s got some serious pent-up stress.

Same here. Where to?

We hit a random convenience store.

A few zombies were there, but Kanzaki-san sent most to nirvana.

The place was barely touched, so we scored a ton of cigarettes and snacks.

Jackpot.

For the record, Kanzaki-san, munching a chocolate bar, had a great smile.