Vol 3 Chapter 44 – Point System

My playing with El-chan heated up, and eventually, while I was parading around the castle with her hoisted on my shoulders, we ran into her older sister—namely, our beloved Demon Lord.

And then I realized.

What the hell am I doing?

True, she was delighted at first.

The (child-oriented) “play horsey” game seemed to have added heat to her excitement, but I was the kind of human who got carried away easily.

Perhaps because I had been separated from Puria-san for a day after being with her constantly lately, I felt my shoulders were strangely chilly, and before I knew it, I was running around with El-chan on my shoulders.

While we were inside the room, El-chan was happy with it too, but I recall hearing her scream things like “Stop, put me down, it’s embarrassing” once we flew out into the halls.

And now, I found myself settling into a situation where a frowning Christela-sama was glaring right at us.

Indeed, I reaped what I sowed.

But what worried me wasn’t just what was in front of my eyes.

Only now realizing the gravity of the fact that the intensely hot buttocks and legs of a highly noble personage were in direct contact with my body, I was only permitted to peek at the face of the owner of that soft warmth. But, ah, what is this?

She had both palms pressed against her face.

Whether she didn’t want her own sister—or perhaps anyone at all—to see her cheeks that had turned red as apples, she was trembling as if she had a fever, hiding her expression from view.

“I said… stop… I told you it was embarrassing…”

Once again, what the hell have I done?

My love was unable to convey to her what sincerity truly is.

If she’s crying right now, it is undoubtedly due to my actions.

“I’m sorry, El-chan… Because I am so powerless, I was unable to protect your smile…”

“No, it’s fine. If we’re getting down to it, I’m the one who wanted to play with you.”

“What did you say… You’re saying that things with me were just a game!?”

“Fufu… No, I’m serious. Because if you aren’t serious, games aren’t fun, right?”

“Don’t confuse me with your suggestive words! You’re cruel, El-chan!”

“How long is this farce going to continue?”

“For as long as”

“The Demon Lord”

“Desires it.”

“I understand. Both of you shut up now.”

I exchanged a high-five with El-chan.

When I scooped El-chan up and handed her over to Selphi-san, who had been trotting along behind us, Selphi-san gave a bow and walked away, still carrying the Demon Lord’s little sister in her arms.

“See you later, Nine-chan. And you too, Sister.”

Leaving those words behind, that terrifying young girl exited the stage.

“…You seem to have gotten quite close to El. Eh?”

“Yes, she has been treating me very well.”

My tension had gotten a little weird there. I’m genuinely glad it ended as a laughing matter.

To be perfectly blunt, if I screwed that up, it wouldn’t have been strange at all if I was executed for lèse-majesté.

“You can’t even understand sarcasm, you mountain monkey. I am telling you to know your place.”

“Even so, it was something El-sama herself desired.”

“What’s this, you’ve even learned to talk back. It seems you still lack discipline.”

“…My apologies for the rudeness.”

“Hmph. Well fine, follow me. I have heard the foolish rumors about you. Let’s see you try to amuse me with your clownish antics.”

“…A dream sister sandwich…”

“? Did you say something?”

“No, nothing.”

Still, for both sisters to suddenly drag a person into their rooms…

Their way of inviting a man is completely unrefined.

Makes you wonder if their mommy never taught them how to do it.

And so, for that reason, I had come to the Demon Lord’s room.

“Is it really okay for me to just casually come in? I mean, I did enter El-chan’s room too, but still.”

“That is the first I am hearing of this. Minus one point.”

“Please wait a moment. The point deduction system itself is the first I’m hearing of this.”

“From now on, an addition and deduction point system will be applied to all your actions. I am the grader.”

“…? Umm, so basically, if I do something good I get plus points, and if I do something bad I get minus points?”

“Correct. Once you reach the stipulated scores, there will be respective events. You may look forward to it.”

“In that case, if I go back and forth between plus and minus, nothing happens?”

“No. The addition and deduction points are independent. Therefore, minus points cannot be recovered, and plus points will remain accumulated even if you mess up.”

“Right.”

So it’s that kind of game.

I wonder if being the Demon Lord comes with a lot of free time.

No, that’s not it, she’s probably just forcing all the work onto Aroma-san.

That person seems to be the type to take on a lot of hardship, after all.

Well, this kind of situation is to be expected, I suppose.

From what I heard from Selphi-san, despite her stiff way of speaking, the Demon Lord actually has an unexpectedly playful personality.

My common sense up until now feels like it’s going to crumble, but whatever, Tia-sama already proved that just because someone is highly noble doesn’t mean their personality makes them unapproachable.

“Livestock require both the carrot and the stick, after all. I am saying I will personally educate you on how to curry favor. Well, are you happy?”

“Yes, I’m overjoyed!”

Goddammit.

“Then first, grovel on the ground right there. You’re good at that sort of thing, are you not?”

Exactly as told, I dropped down onto all fours.

I have a fair amount of confidence in this posture, forged through countless dogezas.

I’m no longer the me from yesterday.

A boy changes in three days, as they say. In other words, I’m now a man with composure.

Groveling or not, I don’t feel humiliated by every little thing like this anymore.

Everything is for the sake of my goal.

“Hmph, as always, you’re in quite good form. Aroma was here the other day, so I couldn’t really settle down, but this isn’t bad.”

Thud.

Chris sat heavily upon my back and spoke those words.

Is that right?

“Hmph. Let’s see, wait a moment.”

Saying that, I heard the sound of her flipping through pages of something.

When I instinctively looked up…

“Hey. Do not raise your face without permission, you lowly servant.”

With those words, my face was kicked down by her foot.

Are today’s panties beige?

There isn’t a shred of sex appeal, Your Majesty.

Give me a break. You’re my sworn enemy, you know.

You’re the final boss of my life, so to speak, right?

Even though I’m telling you I love you from the bottom of my heart, you could at least, I dunno, like, I’m not saying beige is bad, okay?

It’s just, you know, dress your age or something.

Or rather, take a page out of Puria-san’s book or something.

Wait a second, don’t tell me this is some punchline where she and El-chan are sisters with a massive age gap?

If someone told me she was a forty-year-old with a baby face, I’d be seriously bummed out.

Thirty-something is totally fine, though.

Back when I saw her from the Forbidden Forest, I couldn’t really tell how old she was.

However, those red, red eyes of this woman were something I never forgot, not even for a single day.

“U-Umm, Your Majesty? There is one thing I would like to ask.”

“Keep quiet. Can you not understand without me having to voice every little thing?”

“It’s something incredibly important… I beg of you.”

“…It cannot be helped. You may speak.”

“Exactly how old are you, Your Highness?”

“Minus one point.”

The pressure on my ass increased.

Dammit.

If you’re going to deduct points, at least tell me.

Now I won’t be able to sleep because I’m so curious.

Whatever.

She must surely be an eternal eighteen-year-old.

Let’s go with the Garon-san standard.

It’s fine, it’s fine, you’re at an age you can’t speak of, that’s okay, you’re beautiful so it’s fine.

Because I can love you.

Snap.

I heard a sound that was probably a book closing.

“Hmph, let’s start with this. List my good qualities.”

“Eh.”

“What’s wrong, come on. If I like what I hear, I will give you plus points. Consider it a service.”

“Wh-What kind of joke is this?”

“Everything in this Diabolo is something I should rule over, which means I am your master. Therefore, it is absolutely essential to know just how well my new servant understands me.”

“R-Right.”

“Therefore, list my good qualities. You may list many.”

What do you mean, many?

There isn’t a single one, you female pig… ah, no, but I have to love her either way, so I guess I have to find at least some good points… but still.

“Umm, I don’t really know Your Majesty that well yet, so…”

“Minus one point. If you cannot immediately voice my overflowing charm, you have no value being by my side. Besides, can a man like you not even please the woman standing right in front of him?”

What did you just say?

I’ve already made Puria-san and Alice-san—people who are supposed to be ruled by you—into my own, you know.

Or rather, you could say I became theirs, but even so, if you’re going to doubt my masculine charm or whatever in that area, then I’m more than willing to get serious too.

I’ll praise you to the heavens, just watch.

“Y-You possess incredibly beautiful hair. Combined with those white wings of yours, you look just like an angel.”

“Hmph. I suppose angels are something from the Saria religion, but very well, I shall take it as a compliment.”

“Umm, your legs are slender and long, aren’t they? They’re just like marble sculptures.”

“Mhm, mhm.”

“Let’s see, let’s see, you have hands as delicate as whitebait.”

“Mhmm.”

“Hmm, hmm, when I get close, you have a scent that makes me unintentionally swoon.”

“Mhmmm.”

“Oh, right, your breasts are surprisingly big.”

“…N-Nn.”

“Your taste in underwear smells like an old lady.”

“Minus three points.”

Ah, crap.

My true feelings accidentally slipped out.

But, if you’re self-conscious about that, it actually turns me on even more.

“You scumbag, never say that again. Next time your head will fly… Hmph, it seems your lecherous gaze can only comprehend my charm to that extent.”

“I am deeply sorry for my inadequacy.”

“Fine, it would be cruel to expect that much from you anyway. Then next. Speak about yourself.”

“…Even if you ask about someone like me, I don’t believe there is anything in particular to be gained.”

“I am the one who decides that… but what you say is also true. I shall tell you why I am taking the time to ask about someone like you. Prostrate yourself and be grateful.”

“I’m already prostrating, though.”

I’m currently being crushed by the pressure of Your Highness’s ass, though.

“You always say one word too many. If you had a little more charm, Aroma might have gone a little easier on how she handles you.”

“I’ve been told I have a big mouth since I was a child. I was probably born from my mouth.”

“Then keep it closed for a while. Unless you want me to use the quickest method since ancient times to shut a mouth, that is.”

“…”

“Hmph… Now then, the reason I am going out of my way to ask about you is because of your origins.”

“My origins… even so, I’m just the son of a lowly farmer.”

“It’s about the day you first arrived here. You said you knew my face, did you not?”

“That is correct. But I believe Your Majesty said… it must have been a misunderstanding.”

“That does not matter. So, tell me. Where did you see me?”

“In my hometown… Nile Village, in Ista. I saw Your Majesty there.”

“…Just as I thought.”

If you say just as I thought, that means you actually did remember me, doesn’t it?

“Umm… then it wasn’t a misunderstanding on my part?”

“I don’t know.”

“Eh?”

What’s with that?

“It’s merely that you happened to be a survivor of that place. I know nothing about you. You must just be someone I failed to kill.”

…There’s no need to even look.

It’s a lie, she’s lying, this woman.

Why would she lie?

Does she simply not feel like seriously telling someone like me?

Or is there a reason she has to lie?

“Whatever the case, the fact that you are a survivor of Nile Village… that detestable place, is what’s important.”

Detestable, she says.

She’s saying some pretty messed-up things about a person’s hometown.

Well, whatever. Even though I don’t really have the right to talk about others, this person seems to have some emotional issues too.

To put it concretely… if El-chan feels like she’s stretching herself to act older, this one feels like someone forced her into elevator shoes, leaving her eye level in an unnatural state.

It’s like she has absolutely no self-awareness that she’s actually childish.

It’s as if unconscious malice and conscious malice are all mixed together.

She talks a big game, but I really don’t understand how this kind of personality was formed.

Look in a mirror, you say?

Shut up, Tia-sama!

“I hear that village is the only place where spirit worship remains. Therefore, while I do not expect much from someone like you, I wish to know if you have any clues.”

“I see.”

“Well, it is not an urgent matter. Hence why I am going out of my way to show you affection while grading your loyalty like this. If I can confirm that you truly love me and speak no falsehoods, I suppose I could listen to your rustic spirit stories as a mere pastime. You must be happy, yes?”

“I am eternally grateful.”

“Fufun, you are endearing when you act obedient like that. Plus two points.”

Yay, my first plus points… yeah right, I can’t think that at all.

Who does she think she is, seriously.

She’s just a naked emperor with the mind of a child and the body of an adult, isn’t she.

“I hold everything about you in my grasp. Your life and death right now, your past, and your dignity for all eternity moving forward, are all mine. Do not forget that you are my livestock.”

“…Yes, of course. That is why I am here, after all. Did I not tell you when I first arrived? That I wish to be of use by your side in slaughtering all of humanity.”

“Fu, fufu. Good. How endearing. Work as hard as you can, and I will be sure to show you plenty of affection, understood?”

Saying that, Her Majesty gently, gently stroked my head.

—Ah, I’m so happy, I’m so blissful. Think exactly that—

—Right, Nine. That is exactly how you must feel—

…Ah, I’m so happy. I’m so blissful.

The Demon Lord, my sworn enemy, is so kind.

This hand is so warm.

—Yes, yes, good boy—

Yeah, I’m a good boy.

So I should be able to make a family again, right, Tia-sama…

With an arrogant hmph from her nose, Her Majesty placed a hand under my chin with a satisfied expression, making our eyes meet.

“…Yes, yes, by the way, I am only asking this as a reference to see if you are doing well here, but… mm, yes, list Garon’s good qualities. Purely for reference, mind you. Well, it might be difficult to list as many as you did for me, but she also has quite good features…”

Toward Her Majesty, who was puffing out her chest, proudly implying that I even care about the relationships among my subordinates, my mouth moved incessantly, rattling on entirely of its own accord.

Even knowing that it would likely incur her displeasure, I simply could not hold back my overflowing affection for Garon-san from spilling out. Even if my normal judgment had kicked in before I opened my mouth, the result probably wouldn’t have changed anyway, but still.

“Oh, where do I even begin, that person is just so incredibly cute I can’t stand it. It’s like an unconscious sex appeal in her slight gestures or whatever you want to call it, but at the same time, she has this girlish bashfulness coexisting with it, you know? Her tomboyish way of speaking just adds even more color to it. And on top of that, her boobs are big, and it’s not just that, but she’s got this surprisingly maternal side too. By the way, changing the subject, the fluffiness of her arms and legs is so soft and feels amazing, but above all, the paw pads, the paw pads! She doesn’t let me touch them much, but they are seriously the best. Have you ever touched them, Your Majesty? They’re all squishy, you know! And she’s surprisingly a heavy sweater, right? Like, she’s muscular, but also has this feminine softness while still being tight, and I guess her body temperature is high, so she seems self-conscious about it. Since it’s gotten colder lately she hasn’t been doing it as much, but back when I first got here, probably right after she exercised, maybe she was worried about her own body odor, but the way she’d lift her shirt and sniff herself was just so dog… no, if I say that she’ll get mad, so wolf-like! I was desperate just trying to stop myself from hugging her! And you know, that boyish vibe she has, unlike Your Majesty, makes slightly unrefined underwear suit her perfectly, just perfectly.”

“…Tell me my good qualities one more time.”

“Umm, the part where you smell like an old lady, was it? Or wait, was it old person smell?”

I was given three minus points, punched in the face, and thrown out.

I was filled with the urge to praise myself for the fact that I didn’t die.