Chapter 55 – Casualties of the Waifu Cold War

【Miller PoV】

I survived the coffee run.

Barely. The crack in the wall stopped growing after I handed Kai his cup. He drank it in three long gulps while reality held its breath. Then he sent me away with a tired wave.

That was two hours ago.

Now I stood outside the cafeteria, staring at the double doors like they might bite me.

They probably would.

The smell hit me first. Garlic and butter and something else, something that smelled too good to be real. My stomach growled despite every survival instinct telling me to run.

I pushed the door open.

The cafeteria had been transformed into a five-star restaurant.

White tablecloths covered every surface. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, their light soft and warm. Classical music played from invisible speakers. The plastic chairs were gone, replaced by velvet-cushioned seats that looked like they belonged in a palace.

Thalia stood in the center of the room wearing an apron over her black dress.

An apron.

The void incarnate was wearing a frilly white apron with little hearts on it.

She stirred something in a pot that floated in mid-air. No stove. No heat source. Just a pot suspended by what I could only assume was the power of obsessive love.

“Miller.”

Her voice made my bones vibrate. She didn’t look at me, just kept stirring.

“Ma’am?”

“Tell Kai lunch will be ready in seven minutes. I made his favorite.”

I had no idea what Kai’s favorite food was. I wasn’t sure Thalia knew either. But I wasn’t about to argue with someone who could unmake me with a thought.

“Yes ma’am.”

I backed toward the coffee station. My hand reached for the pot on autopilot. Coffee. I needed coffee to process whatever fresh hell this was.

The machine beeped.

Instead of coffee, neon blue liquid poured into my cup. It fizzed and bubbled like soda. The smell was sharp and citrusy.

I stared at it.

“What the—”

“It’s Kai’s favorite energy drink!”

Loki appeared next to me, grinning like a maniac. She wore a chef’s hat tilted at a jaunty angle. Her hoodie had grease stains on it.

“I reprogrammed the machine! Now it only makes what Kai likes. Isn’t that thoughtful?”

“I just wanted coffee.”

“Coffee is boring, Miller! Energy drinks are way cooler. Kai drinks like six of these a day.”

Because his sleep schedule was destroyed by cosmic entities with attachment issues. But again, not something I was going to say out loud.

I set the cup down and moved toward the bagel basket.

Please let the bagels be normal. Please let there be one normal thing in this facility.

I grabbed a plain bagel. It felt warm. Soft. Perfectly toasted.

I took a bite.

The bagel screamed.

A high-pitched, warbling shriek erupted from the bread in my hand. I dropped it, stumbling backward into the counter. The bagel hit the floor and kept screaming, rolling in circles like it was in agony.

Loki doubled over laughing.

“Your face! Oh my god, Miller, your face!”

“Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because it’s funny! Kai would think it’s funny.”

“Kai would not think it’s funny.”

“He would if he wasn’t so tired. I’m going to make him laugh today. I swear I am.”

The bagel finally stopped screaming. It lay on the floor, smoking slightly.

I left it there.

Martinez walked in, took one look at the restaurant setup, and immediately turned around.

“Nope.”

“Martinez, wait.”

He stopped in the doorway, his hand gripping the frame like it was the only solid thing in the universe.

“Miller, I can’t. I just can’t today.”

“We need to talk.”

“About what? About how we’re all going to die because cosmic horrors are having a domestic dispute?”

I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the hallway. The door swung shut behind us, muffling Loki’s continued laughter and the sound of Thalia’s cooking.

Martinez looked like he’d aged ten years overnight. His uniform was rumpled. His eyes were bloodshot.

“Did you sleep?”

“Did you?”

Fair point.

“Jenkins is taking bets.”

“On what?”

“On who survives the week. I put twenty bucks on nobody.”

I would’ve laughed if it wasn’t so accurate.

“We just have to keep our heads down. Do our jobs. Stay out of the way.”

“Stay out of the way? Miller, they’re everywhere. The whole facility is their playground now.”

He wasn’t wrong. In the past two hours, I’d seen reality bend in at least four different ways. The walls changed colors. Doors led to rooms that shouldn’t exist. Time moved weird in certain sectors.

“It’ll calm down. It has to.”

“You don’t actually believe that.”

I didn’t. But saying it out loud felt like giving up, and I wasn’t ready to do that yet.

A rumble shook the floor beneath us.

Martinez grabbed the wall. I widened my stance, trying to keep my balance.

Then gravity turned off.

Just. Off.

My boots lifted from the floor. My stomach lurched into my throat. Martinez let out a strangled yelp as he floated toward the ceiling.

“Not again!”

Papers drifted past my face, spinning lazily through the air. A coffee mug floated by, liquid forming a perfect sphere inside it.

I grabbed a door handle, anchoring myself. Martinez flailed, his arms windmilling as he tried to swim through the air.

“Miller! Do something!”

“Do what? I can’t control gravity!”

The intercom crackled to life.

“Attention all personnel. Please remain calm. Gravity will return momentarily. This is. Fine. Everything is fine.”

That was Kai’s voice. He sounded exhausted and vaguely homicidal.

Ten seconds later, gravity snapped back on.

I hit the floor hard, my knees buckling. Martinez crashed down next to me with a grunt. The coffee mug shattered, spraying lukewarm liquid across the tiles.

“What the hell was that?”

I pushed myself up, breathing hard.

“Someone got jealous.”

“Of what?”

“Probably something minor. Someone looked at Kai wrong. Or smiled at him. Or existed in his general vicinity.”

This was our life now. Casual reality violations because cosmic entities had feelings.

My radio crackled.

“Miller, report to the Warden’s office. You have paperwork to deliver.”

I groaned.

“Copy that.”

Martinez gave me a look that was pure sympathy.

“Good luck, man.”

“If I don’t come back, tell Jenkins I want my twenty bucks refunded.”

The walk to Kai’s office felt like a march to the gallows. Each step was heavier than the last. My heart hammered against my ribs.

The door to the administrative wing was open.

That should’ve been my first warning.

The second warning was the way the air felt thick as I got closer. Like walking through water. Or syrup. Or some kind of invisible sludge that pressed against my skin.

I rounded the corner to Kai’s office.

The pressure hit me like a wall.

I couldn’t breathe. The air was too heavy, pushing down on my chest, squeezing my lungs. My knees buckled.

I dropped to all fours.

The carpet pressed against my palms as I crawled forward. Every inch was a battle. My muscles screamed. Sweat dripped down my face.

Through the open door, I could see Kai at his desk.

He sat perfectly still, pen in hand, filling out forms like this was a normal Tuesday.

Thalia stood on his left. Her arms were crossed. Her eyes glowed faintly.

Sarah stood on his right. She wore her grad student form today, glasses perched on her nose. Her shadow stretched too long across the floor.

Loki sat on the edge of the desk, swinging her legs. Her smile was sharp.

The atmospheric pressure wasn’t physical. It was the weight of their combined presence. Three cosmic entities in one small office, each radiating enough power to crack reality in half.

And Kai just. Kept. Working.

I crawled another foot.

“Miller.”

Kai didn’t look up from his paperwork.

“Sir?”

My voice came out as a wheeze.

“Leave the forms by the door. I’ll get to them later.”

“Sir. I’m. Already. Halfway. There.”

“Your funeral.”

I dragged myself forward, my vision tunneling. The folder in my hand felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

Just a few more feet.

Almost there.

My hand slapped against the desk leg. I shoved the folder up onto the surface.

Kai caught it without looking.

“Thanks. You can go now.”

I didn’t need to be told twice.

I crawled backward, my arms shaking. When I finally cleared the doorway, the pressure lifted like someone had flipped a switch.

I gasped, dragging air into my lungs.

Martinez was right. We were all going to die.

I stumbled to the security room, my legs weak. The monitors glowed in the dark, casting blue light across the empty chairs.

I collapsed into the nearest seat.

Safe. This was safe. Just me and the cameras and the blessed silence.

I let my head fall back, closing my eyes.

Just five minutes. I needed five minutes where nothing exploded or warped or screamed.

My eyes opened.

I sat up, scanning the screens.

Camera twelve. Perimeter fence. Northeast corner.

There were people there.

Four figures dressed in tactical gear, moving with military precision. They cut through the chain-link like it was paper. Their faces were covered. Their movements coordinated.

I zoomed in.

One of them wore a patch on their shoulder. A symbol I recognized from the briefings.

Solomon’s organization.

My blood ran cold.

The entities were too distracted by their love war. Thalia was cooking. Loki was pranking. Sarah was competing. They weren’t watching the perimeter.

Nobody was watching.

Except me.

I grabbed the radio with shaking hands.​

“Security breach. Northeast perimeter. We have hostiles. I repeat, we have hostiles.”

Static answered me.

Then Kai’s voice, flat and resigned.

“Of course we do. Because today wasn’t complicated enough.”