Volume 4 Chapter 96: Damn It

After successfully purchasing the cosmetics, my funds were running dangerously low.

Well, to be honest, it’s mostly the slime essence’s fault.

Slime essence, despite being a highly popular product, is produced in limited quantities, making it incredibly expensive. It’s practically priced like a luxury good. Buying enough for ten people naturally drained my wallet.

Still, I have no regrets. Considering the gratitude I feel toward everyone for this recent ordeal, this expense is a small price to pay. In fact, I’m lucky to have managed to snag some slime essence while my funds were still intact.

Of the ten bottles I purchased, three were arranged to be delivered to the Spirit Wind residence, and five were set to be sent to White Road. One bottle, neatly wrapped, was tucked into my pouch—it’s for Mar-chan.

As for the remaining bottle—Alice’s share—I requested that it be delivered to the Azure Doll party house.

I have no idea where the Azure Doll’s base is located, but Alice, as an A-rank Miner and a member of the Sogito race, is apparently famous enough that the store staff understood immediately. They even asked me if I was affiliated with Spirit Wind or Azure Doll, but I dodged the question by claiming to be “just a fan.” The last thing I need is unnecessary attention.

Although, given how often I meet the members of Spirit Wind in public, my efforts might be futile. I just want to live a peaceful life, and the notoriety of those two parties has only increased since the Sacred Heavens incident.

Come to think of it, what kind of people are Alice’s party members? Knowing Alice, they must be quite the characters. Probably best if I never get involved with them.

Hmm… I’ve sent my thanks to Alice, so I should make an effort to avoid her from now on. I mean, I lived in the Capital City of Elist for three years without even being aware of her existence, so I should be able to stay out of her way going forward. Unless I wander into the Miners’ District, the chances of running into her should be slim.

Alice… yeah, she’s a good person. A good memory. Let’s leave it at that.

Ah, but… Tesea really wants to meet Alice again.

Apparently, Tesea has grown quite fond of her and hopes to see her again. Letting Tesea meet Alice alone feels… risky. I’m worried Alice might influence her in some strange way. If Tesea starts acting like Alice, her big brother might cry.

“…Maybe I should ask Elle to handle it.”

I came up with the brilliant idea of delegating this to Elle. She’s already proven reliable when she passed along my message during a previous visit. Despite everything, she’s trustworthy when it comes to things not directly involving me. I’m sure Elle will prevent Tesea from being overly influenced by Alice. What a great plan.

Should I handle it myself? Absolutely not. Don’t underestimate my aversion to Alice’s chaotic nature.

While I’m deeply grateful to Alice, I’d rather not see her again. I won’t stop Tesea from meeting her, but I refuse to be there myself.

It’s like my instincts are warning me: nothing good will come from further interaction with her.

“Well then…”

For now, let’s focus on matters more pressing than Alice.

“Excuse me, could you spare some paper?”

Sitting on the toilet, I called out to the occupant in the next stall.

I was in a public restroom.

After purchasing the cosmetics, we had started a food crawl, as promised, to let Tesea try whatever she wanted to eat.

We began by trying the stretchy ice cream that the Manager had been so curious about. While the Manager wasn’t particularly impressed, I found it to have a unique texture and thought it was quite good. Everyone else seemed to enjoy it as well.

Shortly after, though, I was hit with a sudden and severe stomachache. Thankfully, the others—Tesea, Sierra, and Fiona—were unaffected, but the pain was unbearable for me.

As I struggled to make it to the restroom, Sierra, Fiona, and even Noel, who had hurried over from nearby, tried to follow me. Barely holding myself together, I summoned the Manager Summon: Air Breaker technique to entrust them to the Manager and Tesea, then bolted to the public restroom.

What followed was… a grueling battle.

Words cannot do justice to the experience. I’ve faced my fair share of formidable foes, but this stomachache may have been the most vicious of them all.

I had underestimated the torment of a stomachache. Thanks to mana, we’re generally resistant to illness and physical ailments, but this unrelenting assault pierced even those defenses. It was truly a messenger of hell.

With tears in my eyes, I prayed—not knowing which god to direct my prayers to—for salvation, for forgiveness, as I endured the indescribable agony.

Finally, when the demon inside me was vanquished and I could breathe again, I realized something devastating:

There was no paper.

No paper, and no god to help me.

The public restrooms in the Capital City of Elist are normally pristine. Known for its tourism, the capital is exceptionally well-maintained, with streets free of litter and facilities kept spotless.

Naturally, the public restrooms are no exception, with gleaming walls, tiled floors, and sparkling toilets. Of course, I had just soiled this one a bit, but it would surely be cleaned soon.

But what’s the point of having such clean facilities if there’s no paper? When I realized the paper was missing, I was indignant. How could they be so negligent?

Still, I’m a calm, composed adult. Even with a soiled rear end exposed to the air, I wasn’t going to panic.

Fortunately, someone entered the stall next to mine as the storm in my gut began to subside.

Humans are creatures that survive by helping each other.

Even in situations that seem hopeless alone, the support of another can be a lifeline.

Ah, it’s good to be human.

It’s because I’m human that I can hope to wipe myself clean in this situation.

Feeling relieved, I waited for the person next door to respond.

“…Is that you, Noil?”

“Wait, Letto-kun?”

The familiar voice caught me off guard.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was looking at some fishing gear and, well, nature called.”

What are the odds? The person in the next stall was my best friend.

Normally, being in such a humiliating predicament in front of a friend would be embarrassing, but our friendship could handle it.

In fact, this was fortunate. Asking a stranger would have been much harder.

Naturally, a smile formed on my face as I asked him for help.

“So, yeah, about that… sorry, but could you pass me some paper—”

“Hey.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t have any paper either, Noil…”

“…”

I went silent, resting my elbows on my knees and clasping my hands together in front of my face.

Now then, what do we do?

“No paper?”

“None.”

Right. So, what now?

Calmly, let’s assess the situation.

First, both of our rears are dirty, and we have no paper. This public restroom is small, with two stalls and two urinals. Letto-kun and I occupy the two stalls.

I see.

What the hell do we do now?

“Hey, Noil…”

“…What?”

“Think I could, uh… burn my ass clean?”

“Heat sterilization?”

“Yeah.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Gotcha…”

It seemed Letto-kun was starting to lose his composure. I understood how he felt, but doing something like that would lead to a major disaster in more ways than one. Desperation isn’t the answer.

But seriously, how is it that both stalls are out of paper? This is the public restroom in the Capital City of Elist. A pristine restroom. Even the backup holders in both stalls are empty.

How does this even happen?

Should I call for help…? Should I shout loud enough for someone outside to hear? Even though I have no pride, that might break me. I’d be losing something vital as a human being.

Of course, summoning the Manager isn’t an option either.

Should I just… use my hand? If I clean it thoroughly afterward, it should be fine, but that too would strip away something vital to me as a person. And honestly, it’s just gross.

Or… leave it as it is? No. That’s no longer human.

“I didn’t think it’d end like this…”

No, this is bad. Letto-kun is starting to give up on life over not being able to wipe. Why does something so trivial have such a profound effect on people’s mental stability?

But it’s not over yet. There’s still hope.

“It’ll be fine.”

“Don’t give me false hope, Noil…”

No, really, it’s not false hope. Stay calm.

“No, listen… someone will come, and we can ask them for help.”

This is the Capital City of Elist’s public restroom. Just as Letto-kun happened to arrive while I was fighting my inner demons, there are bound to be other users. Eventually, someone will come. When they do, we’ll ask for help.

Surely they’ll understand the despair and helplessness of our current predicament. They’ll cooperate. I believe in a world like that.

“No one’s coming… not to a place like this…”

“No, someone will, for sure…”

This is bad. Letto-kun’s spirit is dying. Someone, please, hurry up and come!

As if answering my prayers, the sound of the restroom door opening echoed inside. Then came the sound of footsteps.

“Saved…”

I murmured, preparing to call out—when suddenly,

“Noil Arlens.”

The person, who must have stopped in front of my stall, addressed me by name first.

Confused by the sudden mention of my name, I froze.

How do they know my name? More importantly, how do they know I’m in here…?

“Uh… who might you be…?”

“If you want paper, put this on your ear.”

“…What?”

The mysterious figure ignored my question and slid something over the top of the stall door—a small bag containing something.

I had no idea what was happening, and it seemed incredibly shady, but the need for paper outweighed my skepticism. I hesitantly took the bag. Inside was a single earring, adorned with a small, azure-colored stone.

“…Is that… you, ‘Captain’?”

Letto-kun asked, his voice laced with suspicion. It seemed he had some idea who this person might be.

“‘Fire Bullet,’ huh? You’re a nuisance. I’ll give you paper if you swear to leave immediately.”

“Seriously!?”

Wait, what? That’s not fair. Why does he get paper? Why am I stuck with this sketchy earring?

“Yes, but only if you promise not to mention this situation to anyone.”

Why is it so important to keep this a secret? What’s going on here? I’ve got a bad feeling about this. What’s going to happen to me, left behind like this?

Still, there’s no way Letto-kun would agree to such terms—our friendship means too much to him, right?

“Of course! I swear!”

You traitor.

You want to wipe that badly, huh? Well, so do I. But I never thought our friendship would crumble under the pressure of a dirty rear end.

“Fine.”

“Thanks a ton!”

It seemed Letto-kun received the paper and wasted no time using it. After a short while, I heard the flush of his toilet, followed by the sound of him leaving his stall.

“Ahh, that’s the best…”

“Letto-kun… we’re still friends, right…?”

Clinging to my last shred of hope, I called out to him.

“Yeah, of course. Best friends.”

“Then why…?”

“Sorry, Noil. I didn’t want to leave you behind, but… I had to wipe. You get it, don’t you?”

I do. I understand all too well.

“But still… you know, you’re supposed to clean up your own messes, Noil.”

Damn it.

That doesn’t even sound profound, damn it.

But I couldn’t bring myself to blame Letto-kun. If our roles were reversed, I would have done the same thing.

“Sorry, man.”