I Went Into the Mountains to Commit Suicide and Picked Up an All-Purpose Perverted Maid Who Loves Serving Her Master - Chapter 1: I Picked Up a Maid

Chapter 1: I Picked Up a Maid

If you’re going to commit suicide, hanging is the best way.

All you need is a single rope, and it’s said to be relatively painless. If you don’t have a rope, a belt or tie can work as a substitute.

Some people assume that death by hanging is painful, like suffocation, but that’s not true.

Death by hanging is a unique form of death called strangulation. The carotid sinus is compressed, triggering a carotid sinus reflex. When this happens, blood pressure drops rapidly, and you lose consciousness in seconds without pain or suffering. If you’re not found for about ten minutes, you can die easily.

Hanging isn’t painful. But no matter how much knowledge you acquire, the fear of death doesn’t go away.

I was climbing a mountain in the middle of the night, feeling that fear of death. My only light was my smartphone, which, due to unpaid bills, had become just a flashlight. I was looking for a tree that seemed suitable for hanging a rope. I veered off the path and entered the forest.

Once you fail and fall off the rails, you can never climb back up. That’s the society we live in now. How did I end up so cornered?

Ignoring my parents’ objections, I moved to the city about five years ago. A wave of recession hit, and I was fired from my first job. I worked fairly diligently, but my boss kept taking credit for my achievements, and I was deemed incompetent. So, I was the first to be let go.

As a result, I couldn’t pay rent and was evicted from my apartment. Finding new work was impossible in this recession; no one was hiring. Even part-time jobs were hard to get without an address. I hadn’t contacted my parents in years. I couldn’t bring myself to rely on them now.

I lived in a manga café for a while, but that became impossible when I ran out of money. So, I had no choice but to die. Sure, I could survive by living like a homeless person, but I didn’t want to live that badly. Even if I kept living, my life wouldn’t get better, and everyone dies eventually. Dying now wouldn’t make much difference.

I walked aimlessly along a pathless path. Then, something white caught my eye. What was that? Curiosity drew me closer. As I approached, I immediately understood.

A person! Someone was collapsed! I hurriedly ran over.

The person lying there was a stunningly beautiful woman, about high school age. Despite the darkness, her golden blonde hair shone, and her figure was strikingly un-Japanese. Was she a foreigner?

And for some reason, she was wearing a maid outfit. Cosplay? A uniform for a part-time job? I shook her shoulder and called out.

“Hey, are you okay!?”

When I called, she slowly opened her eyes. It seemed she wasn’t a corpse, at least.

“Um, where is this?”

“This is in the mountains. Do you remember why you were collapsed here?”

“…No, I don’t remember anything.”

She paused as if thinking, then slowly shook her head. Nothing at all, huh. Well, she didn’t seem injured, so that was a relief.

But what now? In this situation, I couldn’t possibly go through with suicide. First, I needed to get her safely home.

“What’s your name?”

“…Mei.”

“Mei, we should probably call someone to pick you up. Is there anyone you can contact?”

“Um… I don’t have a phone.”

That’s a problem. My phone was useless, so it seemed we’d have to descend the mountain on our own.

“Can you walk?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, let’s head down the mountain.”

“Now? I’m fine, but for a normal person, it’s dark and dangerous, don’t you think?”

Her words made me look around. Indeed, it was so dark I could barely see. The path wasn’t visible, and wandering in this state might be risky. We could easily get lost. Our only light was the dim smartphone flashlight. I hadn’t thought about getting back. I hadn’t planned to return, after all.

“Let’s camp here for now then. It’s dangerous to wander around. We should descend in the morning.”

Saying that, she lay down on the ground.

“Come, lie on top of me.”

“Huh?”

“There’s still time until morning. It’s better to rest. Lying directly on the ground is hard and uncomfortable. Plus, your clothes will get dirty. So, please, lie on me.”

As she spoke, she spread her arms, ready to accept me. Was she serious? This had to be a joke, right?

“Uh, are you joking?”

“I’m serious. Please, don’t hold back. I’ll support you properly. Come on.”

Even if she said “come on,” I was at a loss. There was no way I could just lie on a stranger like that. Besides, she’d been lying on the hard ground, and her clothes were already dirty—didn’t that bother her?

“No, that’s a bit…”

“Is that so? Very well, shall we make a proper bed then? Could you lend me that rope?”

Looking slightly disappointed, she stood up and quickly noticed the rope I was holding. After a brief hesitation, I handed it over. She tied it between two trees, forming a loop. Then she gathered nearby vines and began weaving them into the rope loop. Could this be…?

“It’s done. A makeshift hammock. It’s better than sleeping on the ground. Please, try it.”

Urged by her, I pressed the hammock with my hand. It seemed surprisingly sturdy. I carefully climbed onto it. Wow! It held up perfectly. Pretty comfortable, too. I could probably sleep on this.

“It’s really comfortable. But this only fits one person. What do we do? We don’t have more rope to make another.”

“Please don’t worry about me. I’ll sleep on the ground.”

“That’s not okay!”

“Is it? Then we’ll have to sleep together. I’ll be on the bottom, so please, climb on top.”

“No, no, no, why do you have to be on the bottom? I’m heavier, so I’ll be on the bottom.”

“No way! To put my master on the bottom…!”

“…Master?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing. …Then I’ll be on top.”

With that, she began to undress. Her soft, radiant white skin came into view.

“Wait, why are you taking your clothes off!?”

“I was lying on the ground earlier, so if I keep my clothes on, you might get dirt on you.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I don’t care about dirt, so keep your clothes on.”

“Is that so?”

Tilting her head, she put her clothes back on and carefully lay on top of me, face-up. Her petite head rested on my chest. The makeshift hammock sagged slightly but held both our weights.

It was a bit heavy, but not unbearable. Besides, the mountain night was cold, and her warmth was comforting. Sleeping together wasn’t so bad.

What a strange turn of events. I’d climbed this mountain to die, yet here I was, holding a girl as I slept. The starry sky sparkled above, and I felt Mei’s warmth against my chest. Somehow, dying suddenly seemed like a bit of a waste.