I Reincarnated as The NTR-ing Scum in an R-18 Doujin, But For Some Reason, The Erotic, Big-Breasted Heroine Keeps Coming on to Me~ - Chapter 28 - Koyama Erika’s Feelings [Koyama Erika’s POV]

Chapter 28 – Koyama Erika’s Feelings [Koyama Erika’s POV]

I, Koyama Erika, am an ordinary college student. It’s just that I have too little freedom. 

“My dear Erika, I’ll make sure you walk the best path in life,” my dad always said, desperately trying to steer me along the rails he had envisioned.

If I didn’t achieve the results my dad desired, I would be scolded. From a young age, I was educated to strive for the ideal daughter my dad envisioned.

“Erika, women should be intelligent and beautiful. If such a woman supports her husband, he will be delighted.”

My mom sided with my dad.

To fulfill my dad’s ideals, she made me take lessons, instilled a sense of beauty to attract male attention, and restricted my friendships.

“Erika, you must be selective about the people you associate with. If there are people lacking in dignity around you, you will be perceived the same way.” 

I was also separated from my close friends.

It was heartbreaking, but I believed my parents were right. As a child, parents were absolute figures to me.

However, as I grew older, around the time I entered college, I began to realize that something was wrong.

“A wonderful man has been chosen as Erika’s arranged marriage partner. He’s the son of the executive at the business partner who has treated us well. Erika is a famous student at the women’s university, so we have gained their trust. This ensures a secure future.”

My dad announced happily, having decided on an arranged marriage without consulting me. He went on and on about how well the business partner had treated us.

That’s when I finally realized. Oh, my dad never really considered my happiness at all.

“I’m glad, Erika. You’ve become intelligent and beautiful. If you have lots of children, they’re bound to grow up to be excellent.”

My mom also expressed joy. However, it wasn’t because she was happy for my happiness. It was for the sake of my dad’s successful career and the family’s convenience, wanting me to produce many talented children.

…Yes, I was nothing more than a tool for my parents.

“What’s this? Is this really my life…?”

Finally understanding how my life had been treated, I felt despair.

I was taken care of carefully, raised beautifully. But it was all to present a pure and untarnished woman to those higher in status, merely to flatter and submit to them.

“What do they think of my life!?”

For what reason had I endured suppressing my desires? For what reason had my friendships been restricted? Despite manipulating me at their will all this time, were they now intending to take away even my future?

If that’s the case, I might as well tarnish myself. I wanted to destroy the idealized, pristine version of myself that my parents had so carefully crafted as soon as possible.

Driven to recklessness, I ventured into the night streets. However, as someone who had never properly enjoyed herself before, I didn’t know what to do.

I was a sheltered young lady. Even during my rebellious phase, I was forced to be a good girl. Becoming a college student hadn’t changed that.

“You there. You look sexy. Wanna have some fun with me?”

At that time, I met a boy named Goda Akio.

He had red hair that stood out. His body was large and muscular, and above all, his menacing face aroused fear.

“Sounds good. I was just thinking of enjoying myself.”

I suppressed my fear and smiled.

After all, he seemed like the perfect person to destroy me.

And so, I dedicated my first time to him.

“So this is what sex means…”

It was very painful. Perhaps because I still had some lingering feeling that I had betrayed my parents, I felt a throbbing pain deep in my chest.

And it turned out that even though Akio-kun was so violent during the act, he was still in high school.

“I see. You’re so energetic because you’re young.”

“Huh? What’s the girl who was a virgin until just a few moments ago saying? I’ll never forget the look on Erika’s face when she cried.”

I grew up not knowing the world, and it seems like I can’t even compete with a high school boy. As the older one, I couldn’t help but think that.

“Then why don’t you try making me cry more? I think I can do more now.”

“Don’t think I’ll be kind. I won’t stop even if you beg me to stop.”

Akio-kun was demanding me so much that I felt like I was breaking down as I felt the pain. But that felt good. It’s much better to experience life by carving pain into your body than to live a life where you can’t choose for yourself.

“Erika! It’s already morning, why have you just returned?!”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m already a college student, so I shouldn’t need my parents’ permission to go out and play.”

Mom’s yelling voice didn’t scare me anymore.

It wasn’t until morning that I left Akio-kun’s house. Even though I had never broken curfew, it was my first time to suddenly have to go home in the morning.

When I got home, Mom’s top priority was scolding me rather than worrying about me. It wasn’t out of care for me, but for fear of damaging their plan.

I was able to understand that this wasn’t the first time, but that it had been like this for a long time.

“Thank you, Akio-kun.”

Akio-kun made me realize this. He probably just wanted to devour my body, but I also only wanted to destroy myself, so it was okay.

I got what I wanted. That’s why I would never have to see him again…or at least, that should be the case.

“Nnnn… Haa~… Akio-kun…”

Sometimes, I would remember him and my body would get hotter.

Akio-kun’s muscular body, his hot body temperature, his rough, manly hands, and his strength as he tortured me. It hurt, but I couldn’t help but feel his touch making me tingle.

“Ah, welcome back, Akio-kun.”

I couldn’t take it anymore, so I reunited with the boy I thought I’d never meet again.

If I could remember that pain, I’d be able to put an end to it this time. Was I naive to think that way? The next chance I got to meet him, I had a very sweet experience.

He was rough but kind. I was at the mercy of his strength and weakness, as if masculinity and compassion had coexisted together.

I didn’t know the real Akio-kun anymore. Still, I decided to rely on him, hoping that I could forget everything.

After we did it, I casually talked to him.

“So, is something bothering you? If that’s the case, Erika-neechan will listen.”

“Well… I’ve been trying to change myself. I had decided not to treat women roughly, but here I am, again, letting my desires take over… I don’t know how to put it, but I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this. I regret it because Erika was so wonderful.”

I realized once again that the person I tried to rely on was a younger boy after all.

Akio-kun poured out his worries to me, and I felt like I wasn’t the only one suffering. I felt that it was okay to vent to others.

I was so happy that Kosei-kun shared his feelings with me.

“I see. Akio-kun is trying to be a better person.”

I embraced Akio-kun’s head. His spiky hair felt ticklish, and it seemed to express his presence, I couldn’t help but smile.

“Being human is not that simple. We’re not creatures that act solely based on logic. It’s impossible to suddenly detach all your emotions, you know?”

“I wonder if that’s true.”

“It is. Look at me, for example. I know it’s better not to get involved with someone as sinister as Akio-kun, but I couldn’t forget that one night’s mistake, so I ended up coming here.”

I tried to be a little honest. Akio-kun gave me a small smile, as if he thought I was joking.

“You’re a bad girl.”

“Yes, even when I knew I was being a bad girl, I still ended up acting that way. But it doesn’t mean I’ll keep doing bad things forever. It’s probably the same for Akio-kun.”

I also thought that it would be fine to become a “bad girl.” However, it doesn’t mean I can completely discard everything about myself. It’s not easy to hate my parents outright. I realized that too.

“At the very least, I’m glad I came to see Akio-kun today. It’s admirable to want to avoid hurting others, but what matters most is how the other person feels, don’t you think?”

At least, I’m grateful to Akio-kun.

As I gently stroked his head, Akio-kun fell asleep. I hope he gets a sweet dream. With such a wish, I kissed him myself for the first time…from my own lips that is.

“Don’t selfishly regret things on your own. Solo regrets are often completely off the mark.. Look around, consider how everyone feels. That’s probably what it means to become kind.”

“Okay… I got it.”

Even though he looked scary, he answered like a child. His cute sleeping face struck me hard.

“…Well, it was Akio-kun who made me realize that. Fufu, I thought he seemed mature, but he’s still younger than me after all.”

That’s right, I was older than Akio-kun, basically her older sister he could rely on.

This was a new feeling to me, as my parents had always loved me too much and limited my relationships with others. It was my first time seeing a boy like this.

“Thank you, Akio-kun. Seeing you tonight made me realize that I can’t be spoiled forever. I want you to rely on me more… Fufu, what am I saying? Good night.”

I gently hugged Akio-kun. I felt like I could be a little kinder to him, like an older sister would to her younger brother.

And like that, instead of just being selfish and rebellious, I decided to rebel against my parents properly. Because I wanted to be the older sister that Akio-kun could rely on. To cherish my own life, I needed the courage to fight.

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