I Was Heartbroken After Discovering My Girlfriend’s Infidelity, but Suddenly I Became Popular With Girls - 10

Chapter 10: My Ex-Girlfriend Riona’s Regret and Resolve

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Riona Kanou’s POV

They said that when a woman was pushed to her emotional brink, she had a habit of reflexively erasing inconvenient information from her brain, rewriting it into a narrative that suited her, and believing in it wholeheartedly.

I heard that on some TV show once, and I thought it was true. When Ryo-kun and my younger sister Nanami burst into the room out of nowhere, I panicked and lost all sense of what I was doing.

“Kyaaaaaaaah!”

Nanami’s scream snapped me back to reality. I was naked, my rear pushed up, being pierced from behind by Arai-kun. When I caught sight of Ryo-kun staring at me in a daze, everything clicked, and I was finally able to stand up and pull his penis out of me. At that moment, there was a distinct squelching sound as it came out.

(Ah, I will probably never forget that sound for as long as I live. And why is Ryo-kun here? Had Nanami run away?)

From that point on, my memories vanished from my mind. The next thing I remembered was that I was dressed and being questioned by an elderly police officer.

“Pull yourself together. Were you being attacked by this man?”

Arai-kun was standing next to the officer and Ryo-kun was standing next to me.

“Ah, no, he’s an acquaintance. He’s a colleague from work. I wasn’t being attacked.”

“I see. Then why is he here? What were you doing?”

“He came over to visit, and we were having sex.”

“Understood. Since both of your statements match, we judge that no crime has been committed. The rest is a civil matter, so we’ll be going now.”

With that, the officer withdrew. What remained was Ryo-kun’s eyes, cold as a Noh mask; Nanami’s eyes, looking at me as if I were something filthy; and Arai-kun’s angry face. Ryo-kun found out.

(What should I do? I have no choice but to apologize.)

Arai-kun was saying something to Ryo-kun.

(Haah, there’s no way my boyfriend would be Arai-kun. What is he talking about?)

“Ryo-kun is my only boyfriend. Don’t get the wrong idea. To me, you’re nothing but trash compared to Ryo-kun!”

I shouted it out before I could stop myself.

“Riona, I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other again, so it’s fine if I throw away your toothbrush and cup at my apartment, right? Well then, I hope you two are very happy together.”

That was Ryo-kun’s voice. I completely lost it. I clung to Ryo-kun’s legs and begged for forgiveness. I couldn’t afford to worry about appearances. I felt that if Ryo-kun walked away here, it would truly be the end. To break up with Ryo-kun like this? I thought I was going to lose my mind.

My memory was patchy after that, but I believe I was thinking something like this.

(I’ve always devoted myself to Ryo-kun. I encouraged him when he was down, and I stayed over to nurse him back to health when he had a cold. So why are you condemning me so much? I just played around a little. I’m not the bad one. I’m Ryo-kun’s only girlfriend, right? Isn’t that right, Ryo-kun? Ryo-kun… Ryo-kun…)

If I started making excuses, it would really be over. I think I just kept repeating my apologies to Ryo-kun with the single-minded focus that I had to stick to apologizing for now. And amidst my hazy memories, one sentence Ryo-kun said remained burned into my head with intense clarity.

“Riona, it’s hard for me to trust you anymore. Let’s break up before we end up hating each other.”

I was stunned by the sheer sense of despair. The first words of breakup I had ever heard from Ryo-kun. All the happiness I had built up until now was melting away in this single instant. I couldn’t accept that. I remember clinging to Ryo-kun with the desperate desire not to break up.

In the empty room, I traced back through my memories. Little by little, I started to remember, but my heart kept rejecting it.

(I have nothing left now. If I have anything, it’s only regret. Why did I cheat? Why did I betray Ryo-kun? I can’t think of a reason at all.)

Nanami condemned me calmly and accurately. I argued back, letting my emotions take over. And then, in the room where everyone had gone, I wailed. It was the first time in my life I had ever felt such loneliness.

I didn’t even know the reason I cheated myself, so there was no way to explain it. After I joined my current company, I was often invited out by male coworkers during training and was doted on. Even after being assigned to my current department, I was invited out by many senior male colleagues. Despite having a boyfriend like Ryo-kun, I ended up attending a mixer just because I was invited. Arai-kun was the only one of my coworkers among the participants.

“Oh, did you join too, Kanou-san? I heard you had a boyfriend.”

“Ah, Arai-kun. Yeah, I do, but they asked me to come just to make up the numbers. It was rude of me, wasn’t it? Sorry.”

“Well, it’s fine. I’m just happy a beautiful woman like you is participating.”

Saying I was just making up the numbers was a complete lie. I was definitely expecting something, and that continued to torment my heart even now. At that time, I had entered society, my work was going well, and the amount of money I could spend freely had increased. I had the ideal boyfriend, and I had no complaints about my private life. Everything seemed to be going perfectly.

『In the midst of happiness, the heart grows lax.』

I remembered those words of the ancients far too late. It was already too late. I had completely let things get to my head. In that state, I let Arai-kun find an opening. I tried to break it off right away, but Arai-kun snapped, saying he didn’t want to break up. That actually made me a little happy. I thought, “well, I guess it’s okay,” and let it drag on.

A friend from university warned me, but for some reason, I thought it was fine as long as I didn’t get caught. I was intoxicated by either a sense of superiority or a sense of immorality from having a secret that Ryo-kun didn’t know. I was a total fool.

I tried to go to Ryo-kun’s room, but even when I entered the passcode, it resulted in an error. I buzzed Ryo-kun on the intercom, but he wouldn’t let me in. A security guard came and told me that if I made any more noise, they would call the police, so I had no choice but to go home. I wondered how much I had made Ryo-kun suffer. I had been naive, thinking that even if I got caught, he would forgive me if I apologized.

While taking a shower, I thought about how I should die, but I didn’t have that kind of courage anyway. As my memories returned, my misery increased along with them. The fact that Nanami saw everything made me feel so miserable to the point I wanted to die. 

I had known for a long time that she loved Ryo-kun. Nanami would definitely go on the offensive. That was exactly what I feared most. I had understood for a long time that she was superior to me in every way. In looks, personality, brains, and even in her feelings for Ryo-kun. The only thing was that I happened to meet Ryo-kun before Nanami did.

Even though we were sisters, why were our personalities so different? That girl had always been single-minded. She believed in what she believed until the very end. She wasn’t the kind of woman who changed boyfriends one after another like me.

Back in high school, I went through six boyfriends and had relationships with all of them. Nanami was far more beautiful than I was, but she never dated anyone. I introduced Ryo-kun to Nanami about six months after we started dating, during the celebration for Nanami’s high school entrance. That night, I happened to overhear Nanami talking to herself in her room.

“Ah, I’ve finally found him. My person of destiny.”

I knew immediately that she meant Ryo-kun. Nanami was overjoyed that she became email buddies with Ryo-kun. I felt a sense of crisis, but I didn’t tell Ryo-kun to stop emailing her. I couldn’t say it out of a petty sense of pride. I didn’t want Ryo-kun to think of me as a jealous woman.

At that time, Ryo-kun and I had become very intimate, so I felt his love and had confidence. When Nanami was going to university, she claimed she couldn’t get a scholarship. I saw through this as a lie without a doubt, but Ryo-kun easily accepted Nanami’s wish. Nanami had been accepted into a university several levels higher than mine. There was no way she would be ineligible for a scholarship there. Under the pretext of paying Ryo-kun back, Nanami created a reason to keep seeing him even after she entered the workforce.

This was just a guess, but I had a hunch Nanami anticipated that I would definitely cheat because of my personality. She also pushed back against our mother’s suggestion that we would be able to live in a better place if we lived together.

“There’s no way I could live with Big Sister.”

In other words, Nanami viewed me as a romantic rival. And then, my cheating became known to Ryo-kun. In the worst possible way, with Nanami right there. It seemed Nanami had been observing and was well-acquainted with my personality. And it turned out exactly as she had planned.

(If Nanami and Ryo-kun end up together, my existence will probably be completely erased from Ryo-kun’s heart.)

“Well, I guess so. I might start dating Nanami-chan from now on. Nanami-chan has gotten cute, hasn’t she? She’ll probably be a great woman in a few years.”

Those were the words Ryo-kun said today. I desperately hoped it was a joke. I could only pray from the bottom of my heart.

I didn’t understand the essence of what was truly important. What would I do if Ryo-kun abandoned me? I felt like I was going to be crushed by anxiety and regret. A foolish woman who had betrayed Ryo-kun. No matter how much I regretted it, no matter how much I apologized, I didn’t think things would ever go back to the way they were. Nanami was exactly right.

Ryo-kun’s sex was filled with kindness and love. It wasn’t just the pleasure, but he warmed my heart even after we were finished. A sense of satisfaction unlike any man I had ever experienced filled my heart. Sex where I was wrapped in Ryo-kun’s love and kindness, where the pleasure of the soul surpassed the pleasure of the body.

Ryo-kun was the only one who could make me feel truly happy through sex. And that used to be mine alone. But when I remembered Ryo-kun’s cold, Noh-mask-like eyes from that time, I got scared thinking he’d never hold me again.

(It’s my own fault, but I want to be by Ryo-kun’s side, even if I have to become a slave. How can I ever atone to Ryo-kun?)

I waited for two hours in front of the apartment and was finally able to see Ryo-kun. He wouldn’t let me into the room, but we were able to talk at a nearby family restaurant. I was happy. But…

“Try to imagine how I felt being shown you being done from behind. To be honest, I never want to see you again, Riona. Try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who was betrayed after dating for four years and even promising a future with an engagement in mind. I haven’t forgiven you at all.”

With that, Ryo-kun left. I hung my head. Everything went dark. Ryo-kun’s anger hadn’t subsided at all, no matter how much I apologized. I was made to realize the magnitude of what I had done to him.

“Try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who was betrayed after dating for four years and even promising a future with an engagement in mind.”

I felt safe and spoiled and let it get to my head. I was such a fool. The biggest fool in the world. A single betrayal reduced the trust we had built up to zero. Thinking that it might be impossible to regain that trust makes me want to die.

(They say you only realize what’s truly important when you lose it. I finally understand that. It’s too late now, but I could almost laugh at my own stupidity.)

“That’s my business, isn’t it? You’re not my girlfriend anymore. We’re just friends. You should just go find a new boyfriend yourself.”

I couldn’t believe it. I never thought I would hear such words from Ryo-kun.

(A boyfriend other than Ryo-kun is impossible. I can’t even imagine it.)

Why didn’t I understand something so simple? With those words, I realized that Ryo-kun’s heart had truly moved away from me. Losing Ryo-kun, for someone like me who could only see him, meant I couldn’t even like someone, let alone find a boyfriend. I thought I had run out of tears, but they wouldn’t stop; they just kept overflowing one after another. I wasn’t going to complain anymore about who Ryo-kun dated. Even if it was Nanami. But I wanted to win him back someday.

While talking to Ryo-kun at the restaurant today, I showed a smile just once. In that instant, Ryo-kun’s atmosphere changed.

“I’m doing my best to put up with you by making you a friend with benefits. If you’re a friend with benefits, then act like one and send me plenty of lewd images. If you don’t like it, don’t meet me. For me, this is the maximum concession I can give to you.”

I failed again. I shouldn’t have shown a smile just then. Smiling was something I should have refrained from until I was forgiven by Ryo-kun. I realized it then. I was still being naive, thinking Ryo-kun still liked me and would forgive me if we talked. Even though Ryo-kun’s heart has already left me…

(Even so, I cannot live without Ryo-kun.)

At that moment, I understood that I had fallen into hell by betraying Ryo-kun. The words “friend with benefits” were a “spider’s thread” for me in this hell. Those words were Ryo-kun’s own way of being kind. It was his way of being considerate so that I wouldn’t commit suicide.

(I will face Ryo-kun by relying on those words. I will follow this spider’s thread and crawl up from this hell. I will live solely to regain Ryo-kun’s trust. I will never run away from anything.)

This spider’s thread gave me a reason to live.

Last night, I deleted the entire folder of photos Arai-kun took that were saved on my computer. Images of me in lewd poses that I had never even shown to Ryo-kun. Photos that made me tremble with a sense of immorality every time I looked at them. Photos I had asked him to take with my own smartphone. Something I was able to do only because I didn’t feel anything for Arai-kun.

I could never show such a lewd side of myself to Ryo-kun. But from now on, I wouldn’t be able to see Ryo-kun unless I took lewd selfies and sent them to him. I thought about keeping that folder as a lesson to myself, but if I looked at it in the future, I would probably vomit.

(I can’t show them to Ryo-kun; I must never do anything to hurt Ryo-kun any further. No, Ryo-kun, whose heart has already left me, might not feel anything at all even if he saw them.)

When I was alone, the happy memories of when I was with Ryo-kun wouldn’t stop. Ah, I had loved him so deeply. And yet, why had I done that? Tears spilled over. The happy days that I had taken for granted vanished in an instant, and cruel days would begin tomorrow. I wondered with what kind of face I would go on living.

At night, I got a LINE message from my friend A from university. I told her that I broke up with Ryo-kun, just as he had told me to.

Me: 【Ryo-kun finally found out about the cheating and we ended up breaking up】 (Crying emoji)

Friend A: 【Really! Then it’s okay if I make a move on Tawara-san, right?】

Me: 【But he said he won’t be dating any women for the time being. It’s no use】 (Lie)

Friend A: 【I see. But Tawara-san is single now, right?】

Me: 【But you know, when I want to have sex, if I attach two erotic selfies to an email, he’ll have sex with me. I’m going to do my best. It’s not like we’ve completely cut ties. And I intend to get back to being Ryo-kun’s girlfriend someday】 (Bravado)

Friend A: 【Is that story true?】

Me: 【It’s true. I made a proper promise with Ryo-kun. There’s still hope】 (Hope)

After finishing the LINE chat with this friend, I wailed because it was too painful.

At that time, I didn’t know… That all of my friends from university were targeting Ryo-kun.

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