Chapter 13.2 – Alcohol Troubles

Labor in peacetime, soldiering in war.

A sad arrangement, really… though most people live exactly that way.

They did get proper days off and breaks, so it wasn’t a total sweatshop.

“Dwarves aren’t weak, but in a fight the ogres are way stronger… so the dwarves stay, the ogres come with me. Good thing I bought dwarves—taking the ogres won’t cost me any muscle on the construction crew.”

Gaikaku tossed that off as though dwarves were a bargain-bin version of ogres.

Truth was, outside battle the ogres could only do brute labor, while dwarves could smith and handle rear-line tasks—something he did appreciate.

But if he said so aloud the dwarves would explode; they prided themselves on their combat skill and hated being pigeon-holed.

“And… the elves stay home too. Doubt we’ll need fixed-point bombardment this time.”

In the Conjurer Knights, Gaikaku’s main punch came from the Mobile Five-Elf-Power Mage Battery, the Light-Dot-Guided Five-Elf-Power Mage Scatter Cannon, the Mobile One-Elf-Power Mage Battery, and the Light-Dot-Guided One-Elf-Power Mage Convergence Cannon.

On Earth they’d be comparable to laser-guided homing missiles or a laser-guided sniper rifle.

Missiles had been practical for ages, but a laser-guided sniper rifle was still sci-fi territory.

So long as the target stayed put, these weapons boasted nearly 100 percent accuracy within range—whether you called it sniping or shelling made no real difference.

“Tistria-sama also said the bandits don’t keep a base, and she’s probably right. By the time we get there, they’ll be gone from any hideout. Most likely… we’re looking at urban combat.”

Word of a Knight Order dispatch would reach the local lord.

Even if that lord might be colluding with the bandits, suspicion alone wasn’t grounds to keep him in the dark.

Warned, the bandits would leave the mountains and melt into the towns—exactly what a lord’s henchmen would do.

“In that case, even the ogres… no, wait. We burned through the last Fresh Golem, and a new one isn’t ready yet. That’s shaky… better make the beastkin the main force, with dark-elf and human infantry as support…”

Gaikaku handled R&D and battlefield command alike.

Inside his head, numbers for the needed troops clicked into place.

Which meant, in other words…

…he had zero worries about actually finding the bandits.

“We’ll just bring that cask. Funny how bootleg booze turns out useful in a spot like this… the world’s a weird place.”

※

Gaikaku Hikume was tackling his very first mission as an official Knight Commander.

He led his detachment to Count Wasat—the injured party.

Technically Count Alhena was a victim too, but with a high chance of aiding the culprits and no solid proof either way.

Gaikaku came here because Wasat was almost certainly on the afflicted side.

Summoned by Tistria’s formal orders, the illegal mage marched in and met the lord as if nothing were amiss.

(Compared to seeing that fat pig, this is a breeze… rank really does grease the wheels. Of course that rank is why I got roped into this.)

Everyone knows the hardest part of negotiations is scoring the audience.

Not just meeting, but making the other guy think, “Sure, I’ll hear him out.”

Knight Commander by Tistria’s personal appointment, Gaikaku Hikume—the rumored “new ace”—showed up, and Count Wasat immediately opted for a face-to-face.

He brought Gaikaku to his study for a private talk—both a sign of wanting a discreet chat and a statement that, being innocent, he feared no attack.

Doubtless the secrecy also appealed to him.

“How do you do? I’m Gaikaku Hikume… Tistria-sama’s ever-loyal servant.”

“Ha-ha-ha! A shade self-deprecating, but enviable all the same. Taking orders directly from that prodigy—every man’s dream, eh?”

(That trainee monk said something similar… not that I can blame him.)

Gaikaku didn’t mean it, and who knew if Wasat did, but such language sounded perfectly natural when speaking of Tistria.

(He’s a count like that fat pig, but… astonishingly normal.)

Mage and medical expert, Gaikaku could judge physiques: Count Borick was medically obese, while Wasat was merely a tad out of shape—basically average. Mid-to-late thirties, maybe.

“I’d love to hear how the Knight Order’s rising star met Lady Tistria… but given my realm’s plight, I’ll hold my tongue.”

“Indeed—a petition from your own people reaching Tistria-sama’s ears must be dreadfully shameful.”

“Ha-ha-ha! Tell me about it. Pretend to be deaf long enough and karma bites… my apologies for the negligence.”

(For real. On that score the fat pig’s better.)

His tone was civil, but neglecting his duties all the same.

Subjects cried “Bandits are raiding us!” and “Maybe the neighbor lord’s behind them!” yet he neither acted himself nor called in the Knights.

By comparison, Count Borick looked almost competent.

“Truly, I’m mortified. Hence this hush-hush meeting.”

“…May I ask the reason?”

“Well… perhaps I’d rather hear your thoughts first.”

Seemingly loath to voice it himself, Wasat let Gaikaku speculate.

“Let’s see… First, you believe the mastermind really is Count Alhena.”

“Oh?”

“Your only grudge is that sake-tasting contest. Precisely why you let this slide.”

“Oh?”

“Alhena, the loser, is sulking and playing dirty. That delights you—makes you want to show it doesn’t bother you. Something like that?”

“Ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Half embarrassed, half brazen, Count Wasat laughed.

“I learned my drink from him and, naturally, he was better. But at that contest I finally won. I was thrilled… yet he showed no regret, congratulated me like a gentleman. Quite a letdown.”

“Dignitaries must have attended; he acted the count.”

“I know that. Still… honestly, I wanted him too upset to keep up appearances.”

It might be cringe-worthy in the flesh: a grown man throwing a tantrum like a child.

Such a display would have sweetened the victory for Wasat.

“I won, yet felt I lost—saw the gap in grace. But then… he starts this mess. I admit I went, ‘So you were seething after all.’”

“You’re a wicked man, Count…”

“Indeed, a mean-spirited tale.”

His tongue loosened; with an ordinary Knight Order he’d never speak this way. Gaikaku’s manner must have drawn it out.

“I kept ignoring the harassment to rub in my superiority, make him fume harder… but then the peasantry’s cries reached the Order and troubled you. I do regret that.”

(Yeah, no kidding.)

“If there’s anything I can do to help, say so.”

Gaikaku’s face twisted—quite unpleasant.

Good thing the hood hid it.

(Pretty stupid… well, so’s the other one.)

Maybe that fat pig wasn’t so hopeless after all—vain, yes, but cute compared with Alhena and Wasat.

Still, business is business. Gaikaku stayed cool.

“I’ll be frank: I’ve no intent to expose every last fact. Strip it all bare and I gain nothing but enemies.”

“…True. Sorry for the trouble.”

“As the newcomer, I can only hope the two of you reconcile…”

“…Hardly simple.”

“Quite. So let me ask you something.”

Gaikaku moved to the heart of his plan.

“Forgive me if this offends, but Count Wasat, you said you learned about drink from Count Alhena.”

“Exactly. Not just drinking—tasting, judging, all the finer points.”

“Would you say he’s a genuine lover of alcohol?”

The question made Wasat frown; asking it bordered on rude.

“Yes. On that point I vouch for him—he loves drink.”

“Thank you. That’s all I needed. My plan will work.”

“What are you going to do?”

There are many ways to ‘love’ alcohol.

Some love the buzz.

Some love drinking with company.

Some collect pricey labels just to brag.

Some flaunt their ‘love’ to look refined.

“Count Wasat… A Knight Commander enjoys certain indulgences the world overlooks. Among them, a harmless little sin called ‘bootlegging.’”

Alcohol is food; it enters the body.

Many realms require licenses and taxes.

Making booze without permission is, of course, illegal.

“You mean to sway him with your moonshine? As I said, Alhena’s a connoisseur—only a rare bottle could…”

“What if it’s an outlawed drink, unobtainable by ordinary means?”

“…Pardon?”

Gaikaku was an illegal mage; he could procure unusual things.

“A liquor whose very production is strictly banned by law… that should move his heart.”

“Wait—what are you planning?”

Some spirits were banned for being too delicious, loved by too many.

Revived by Gaikaku’s sorcery, one such nectar would now see the light.

“The legendary vintage lost to history—Carrara. We shall serve it to that so-called connoisseur! He’ll tremble and show us a delightfully pitiful spectacle!”