I Want to Know Everything About Love

“Eh… Eh?”

“Kyahhh!!!! That’s great. This is serious!”

Mika-chan jumps exaggeratedly.

My hands began to tremble on a piece of paper that had just been written on it.

My heart beats so hard that it might break my ribs from the inside. My pulse races.

I don’t seem to fall down, but I hug Mika-chan.

――I don’t understand at all. Why me?

――I don’t want to see this. This is exhausting.

――Is this the feeling of love that I wanted to know so much?

――I’m scared.

My heart flutters before opening the second letter into fear.

“Haa, haa…”

I know Kageyama-kun.

He’s a third-year student in the soft tennis club and volunteer committee. I don’t even have club activities, but sometimes he teaches me how to study at a study group that I go to kill time only once a week.

I don’t want to say it myself, but I’m smart and have a bad personality. So I’ve been listening to difficult questions and thinking hard every time.

Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the third graders for a while since they graduated from club activities and committees recently. He never showed any signs that he was interested in me.

Mika-chan speaks up as she is still buzzing with excitement as if this were happening to her.

“And what are you going to do?”

“W-what am I… going to do?”

“You’ve received two love letters. You’re not just going to ignore both of them, right?”

“Wait a minute. I need to adjust my breathing and thinking.”

I sit down on the stairs and Mika-chan sits next to me.

I probably look like I’m sick to the side. The students who come up the stairs glance over with care, but Mika-chan answers appropriately.

“Oh, Kihino-san, what’s the matter? Are you sick?”

“No, I think I’m alright. I think it’s just growing pains.”

“I’m so small that I wish you wanted to share your height with me. It was a life I wanted to experience growing pains…”

“According to my JK’s intuition, it looks like you’ll be growing around next year.”

“Thank you! I’ll head to the classroom first!”

I don’t know if I’m actually okay or not, but I can barely relax in my mind, saying, “What kind of growth pain!”

“Mika-chan, can you wait for me after school?”

“Yes, that’s all right. I’ve just received a love letter too, so let’s talk about what to do.”

“…Thank you.”

■■■■■

I hated the thought of the after-school hours to come, so I think I’ll continue even if I don’t get anything for the rest of my life.

――I just want to go home early and go to bed.

Time goes by regardless of my will, and when I realize it, the sixth period has ended, homeroom is over, and students with club activities run out of the classroom first.

――Ugh, my stomach hurts.

But I’ve already decided what to do with the love letter in me.

All that was left was to confirm it with Mika-chan.

“Yuki is here. You look pale. Shall we go home today?”

“…Just sit down for now.”

We placed two chairs facing each other in front of a desk and sat down.

“Mika-chan, have you decided?”

“Yes, I don’t need to decide.”

“…I see.”

A few seconds of silence.

While I was thinking about how to start, Mika-chan raised her right hand.

“Yes! I thought about it. Stand in front of the trash can and throw away the letters you don’t need in ‘Ready set go’!”

It’s a clear and easy-to-understand good idea.

This is so like Mika-chan.

“All right. Even so, you like to say ‘Ready set to go?'”

“Let’s warm it up!”

“Let’s warm it up… what?”

“I don’t know at all! Ahaha.”

Being together makes me feel better.

That’s Mika-chan for you.

■■■■■

In front of a big trash can in the classroom.

Mika-chan was holding a black love letter in her hand.

I have two love letters in my hands, black and cat design.

We made eye contact with each other and threw it away.

“Three!”

“Two…”

“One!”

“”Go!””

Soon after, two letters were thrown into the trash can.

“Wait!? Yuki? Why!? This doesn’t make sense…”

Mika-chan threw a black love letter into the trash can.

I threw away only cat love letters in the trash can. I was still holding a black love letter in my hand.

“I’d like you to explain it to me. Is it okay?”

I nod softly.

It’s a decision I’ve already made. No matter what she says, I’m not going to change it.

“I’ve always wanted to know about feelings of love, but I still feel the same way.”

“Then, why…”

“To be honest, when I read Kageyama-kun’s letter, I was scared because I didn’t understand it very well… I didn’t know why I got scared at that time, but there was something I understood after thinking about it for a day. I didn’t know how deep the other person’s feelings were, and when I talked to him before, he didn’t act like that at all, so I never thought about it. But when I imagine that the other person’s feelings are deep… To go out with someone means to give them an okay… That’s what scares me.”

“I don’t really know, but maybe it’s love, including those fears? You could try going on a date with that in mind.”

When I shook my head Mika-chan looked anxious. A tear that had been filled with surface tension flowed down my cheeks without realizing it.

I don’t know why tears are flowing. No matter how touching a novel or movie I watch, tears that I couldn’t shed are flowing now.

Is this love?

Just as I tried to wipe my face with my sleeve.

――Waah!!

I was hugged by Mika-chan’s chest. Her palm of the hand, which is softened on the back, and the chest and arms wrapped around it are very warm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you were that worried. I couldn’t notice it. I’ve never received a serious love letter, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. You usually choose serious love letters. I don’t know how you feel at times like this. It’s the first time I’ve seen Yuki cry…”

When was the last time it had been since I hugged my best friend so tightly? I’m glad I got a love letter from this alone.

――This feels comforting.

For a while, or even for the rest of my life, I wanted to assimilate with Mika-chan, but that’s not possible.

I want to be a good friend to Mika-chan. I won’t bother her.

“Now that I’ve settled down, I’m all right now.”

“Yes, all right.”

When Mika-chan looks up, she looks at me with a smile.

“I’m sorry… No, I mean thank you.”

“It’s alright, I’ve got to witness precious tears. Look at this.”

The chest of her summer sailor shirt is wet. I had been crying more than I thought.

I felt a sense of treachery wet with tears, and for some reason, my heart skipped a beat. I must be a terrible person.

“I’ll help you dry it. Do you want to change into my gym suit jersey?”

“That’s all right. It’s so precious that I don’t want to wash it.”

“It’s dirty, so wash it. Immediately.”

“What shall I do? This is a rare liquid.”

Every time I tried to wipe my tears with a tissue, she would get in the way. So, all I could do was watch as she flapped her shirt, trying to dry it. It was a completely bizarre moment.

■■■■■

Just as her shirt had mostly dried, Mika-chan suddenly spoke as if she had just remembered something.

“Huh? What do you mean? I understand why you threw away Kageyama-kun’s cat love letter, but why don’t you throw away the black love letter? If you thought about it normally, that letter was the worst thing. It said that anyone is fine.”

“That’s exactly why it’s fine.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to be in a relationship, but I’m afraid I’ll suddenly get a favor from someone, and I don’t have the motivation to confess. The anonymous letter in the black envelope is willing to fall in love, but I and that person can start with zero favorability. So I’m not afraid.”

“What if the other person is a strange person?”

“If they’re a strange person, I’ll run away. I’ll tell the teacher. And do we have any strange boys in our class? Not many, right?”

“There is a strange fellow. There are quite a few.”

I see…

Then, until I come up with countermeasures.

“Mika-chan will come on that day, right?”

“O-of course!”

Good, I feel relieved.

I felt a little less nervous and could afford to pay attention to other things.

“Come to think of it, what happened with your club activities today?”

“I’m taking a rest because I faked being sick so that I could listen carefully to Yuki’s story.”

“Are you going back to club activities now?”