I Risked My Life To Save The Cheeky Girl, And As A Result, I Lost My Right Arm. - Chapter 9.2: Is It Okay To Be Alive? (Part 2)

Is It Okay To Be Alive? (Part 2)

Please don’t ignore me …

“…………”

At that moment, I heard another knock on the door.

I thought it was probably senpai, so I answered with a stiff voice, “C-come in.” Then, from outside the room, I heard my senpai’s mom’s voice, saying, “Hasegawa-san, could you open the door for me?”

I got out of bed and opened the door. Standing in the hallway was my senpai’s mom, holding an ice pillow.

“Hasegawa-san, the pillow you’re using has probably gotten warm by now, right? I brought you a new one. Please use it.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, thank you so much.”

“And also, I’m going to the supermarket to get ingredients for dinner. Is there anything you’d like to eat? I can buy you some of your favorite snacks.”

“Eh? N-no, it’s really fine… I don’t want to trouble you…”

“Snacks are nothing to be bothered about. You don’t need to be so considerate.”

“N-no… I’m staying here because of senpai, and I haven’t done anything today… I haven’t been any help…”

“…………”

“That’s why… I feel like I shouldn’t accept anything when I haven’t done anything in return. It’s really embarrassing… I already feel bad enough for causing trouble because of my cold… so asking for more would be…”

“…I see, I understand. If that’s how you feel, I won’t press you further.”

“Y-yes… I’m sorry for making you worry. I know I always end up causing trouble with meals and laundry… I should be managing on my own, but…”

“…………”

At that moment, she gave a faint, sad smile. Then, looking into my eyes, she spoke gently.

“Hasegawa-san, living means causing some trouble for others.”

“…Eh?”

“Nobody can live alone. Everyone is supported by others in some way, and we live because of it.”

“…………”

“Take that ice pillow I gave you, for example. Someone somewhere suggested, ‘Let’s make an ice pillow,’ then others decided on the design, and someone actually made it, and now it’s here with you. Hundreds, thousands… maybe even millions of people have been involved along the way.”

“…………”

“Even the vegetables you eat, the phone you use, the house you live in… Everything you use, everything that keeps you alive, has been made by someone else. In this world, living without ever troubling anyone is impossible.”

“That is…”

“Listen, Hasegawa-san. Becoming an adult doesn’t mean being able to handle everything on your own. It means truly understanding that you can’t live by yourself. That’s what it means to grow up.”

“…………”

“…Sorry, I may have sounded like I was lecturing you.”

“A-a, no! Not at all…”

I lowered my gaze and stared at the ice pillow that senpai’s mom had given me.

“…Thank you, senpai’s mom.”

“Eh?”

“Thank you for being so kind to me.”

“…………”

For a moment, senpai’s mom looked surprised. But she quickly smiled gently and said, “I’m glad.”

“Take care now. I’m going to the supermarket.”

“Ah, yes. And thank you again for the ice pillow.”

When I said that, senpai’s mom squinted her eyes happily.

“…Hasegawa-san, I’m sorry. I misunderstood you.”

“Eh?”

“You’re much nicer than I thought.”

“…………”

“Well then, good night.”

With those words, senpai’s mom closed the door.

“…………”

“Living means causing some trouble for others.”

…Senpai’s mom.

I’ve caused so much trouble for senpai and his mom.

I can’t forgive myself for that.

I hate myself so much for neglecting senpai, the one I love. I want to punish myself, I feel like I could just disappear.

…Even so.

Even so, is it okay for me to keep living?

Swoosh—

The sound of rain reached my ears.

The room was dim, quiet.