I Risked My Life To Save The Cheeky Girl, And As A Result, I Lost My Right Arm.

Is It Okay To Be Alive? (Part 1)

The room was filled with the sound of heavy rain.

I lay on my bed, the cool ice pillow resting against the back of my head, my gaze drifting out the window. The torrential downpour was unlike anything we’d seen in a while. The rain hit the window with a rhythmic, almost violent force.

Did Senpai remember the umbrella?

I could picture him perfectly: dashing through the rain, yelling “This is the worst!” while trying (and failing) to shield himself with his bag. It made me smile a little, despite everything.

“Heh…”

I wanted him to come home soon. I really did.

Knock, knock.

The sound of the knock brought me back.

“Y-Yes?” I called out, my voice a little unsteady.

The door creaked open, and there stood Senpai, drenched from head to toe.

“Senpai, welcome back!” I blurted out.

“…Yeah, I’m home.”

Heh, you’re completely soaked! You forgot your umbrella, didn’t you? Honestly, Senpai, you can be so careless sometimes. But the words stuck in my throat when I saw how he stood there. Something was wrong.

Senpai wasn’t the usual cheerful self. His eyes weren’t sparkling, and there was no smile—just an empty, distant look. It reminded me of when he was hospitalized. That pain, that desperate fight against something he couldn’t control, it felt like it was in his eyes again.

“Um, Senpai… is something wrong?” I asked, my voice trembling with concern.

“…Nothing’s wrong.”

“Are you sure… nothing happened?” I pressed, trying to get him to open up.

“…Yeah, nothing.”

I watched helplessly as Senpai pulled a towel from the closet and began to dry his hair. My heart sank further. The person I saw this morning, laughing and full of life, seemed so far away now. There was a cold distance between us now, one that I couldn’t cross no matter how hard I tried. It felt as though he had turned into a stranger right in front of me.

“…Um, Senpai…”

I swallowed, struggling to find the right words. I wasn’t asking for anything specific—I just needed to break the silence. The air was thick, heavy with unspoken tension.

“What is it, Hasegawa?” Senpai’s voice was flat, distant.

I tried to lighten the mood, anything to stop this uncomfortable silence from swallowing us whole.

“The rain today… it’s really something, isn’t it? I didn’t expect it to pour this much,” I said, my voice a little shaky.

“…Yeah.”

“Spring is almost here, but with this rain, it’s gotten pretty chilly again,” I added, nervously looking for something else to say.

“…Yeah.”

The silence between us grew even more unbearable.

“Oh, speaking of which, spring break is just around the corner, isn’t it?”

“That’s right.”

“And after that… you’ll finally be a third-year, Senpai.”

“…Yeah.”

“Have you decided which university you want to go to? Or are you thinking about getting a job instead?”

Nothing. Not even a response.

I fumbled for anything to keep the conversation going, anything to bring back the warmth that seemed to have vanished.

“Um… is there anywhere you’d like to go during spring break, Senpai?”

“…No, it’s fine.”

“Eh?”

“I’ll just stay home during spring break. So, Hasegawa, you can go wherever you like. Do what makes you happy.”

“But… I want to stay by your side, Senpai…”

“We don’t have to be together every second, especially if we’re just staying indoors, right?” His voice was devoid of emotion, like he was talking to a wall.

“…”

“It’s fine, Hasegawa. Go out and enjoy yourself. Don’t worry about me.”

“…”

“I’m going to take a bath,” Senpai said flatly, gathering his clothes and leaving the room without a second glance.

The door clicked shut behind him.

I stood there, rooted to the spot, staring at the empty space he had just occupied. What had happened? Why was Senpai acting like this? Why was he so distant? It was like there was an invisible wall between us that I couldn’t tear down.

The thought hit me like a cold wave:

Could it be… that Senpai doesn’t like me anymore? That he’s trying to put some space between us?

But why? Why would he do that? Just this morning, everything felt… fine.

I remembered the smile Senpai had given me before leaving the room earlier today. But now… now it felt like everything had changed. What did I do? Why was this happening? Did I make him feel this way?

Did I do something horrible? Did I hurt him somehow without even realizing it?

The reality of it hit me—because of me, Senpai had lost his arm. There was no greater burden I could have placed on him. Maybe he hated me for it. Maybe all the smiles he gave me were just out of obligation, not because he actually wanted to.

I remembered the words of an old friend from long ago:

“You know… maybe you don’t realize it, but I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Honestly, you’re a nuisance.”

“Don’t ever talk to me again. From today onward, we’re not friends.”

That was how it had ended. Friends had slowly drifted away because of my need for attention, my pranks, my mistakes. Was Senpai doing the same thing now? Pulling away? Avoiding me?

I clutched the bedsheet, my hands trembling.

No. No, please, Senpai, don’t hate me. If you hate me, I… I don’t know what I’ll do.

I couldn’t bear the thought of Senpai hating me. He was everything to me. My reason for breathing, my reason for living. If it meant he wouldn’t hate me, I’d do anything. I’d obey anything he asked. I’d be his everything, even if he treated me like dirt.

Please, Senpai, please don’t leave me…