I Risked My Life To Save The Cheeky Girl, And As A Result, I Lost My Right Arm. - Chapter 4.2: With Everything Kept Hidden. (Part 2)

With Everything Kept Hidden. (Part 2)

“Um, well, this is my room,” I said, leading Hasegawa upstairs and inviting her into my room.

There was my study desk, a bookshelf filled with nothing but manga, a walk-in closet, a small square table, and a cushion. This was my domain.

“…I’m sorry, Senpai. I shouldn’t have done something like this without asking,” Hasegawa apologized.

“No, it’s fine… I was surprised, but you’ve always said you wanted to be here 24/7, and I didn’t want to disregard your feelings,” I replied.

“………………”

“Well then… from today on, let’s get along.”

“Yes.”

“Though, I guess we’re just going to sleep now. Should we change into pajamas and go to bed?”

I opened the closet and took out my pajamas from one of the plastic drawers.

“Ah, Hasegawa, sorry, but I’m going to change now. Could you step outside for a moment?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll do it.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll change you, Senpai.”

“Wha—? No, no, no! I can do it myself!”

“Please, let me do it…”

“Uh, well…”

Hasegawa gave me a pleading look, her eyes so sincere that I had no choice but to agree.

“Okay, well… I’ll take off your top, so please raise your arms.”

At her instruction, I raised my arms and chin.

She gently pulled off my T-shirt and then dressed me in the top of the pajamas.

Since they were buttoned, she carefully fastened each one from the neck down to my stomach.

(Well… I haven’t had someone dress me since I was a little kid…)

Back in kindergarten, my mom or the teachers would help me get dressed, but it felt like I had reverted back to that time, and I felt a little embarrassed.

“…Alright, now for the bottom. Please lift your legs.”

“Huh!? Hasegawa, are you going to do the bottom too!?”

“Yes, of course.”

“………………”

She unbuckled the belt with a clinking sound, then pinched the zipper pull of my pants with her fingers and slowly lowered it.

As the pants were being pulled down, my black boxer shorts were fully revealed.

(Oh no…! To have my underwear seen by a junior… this is so embarrassing…!)

I swallowed nervously and lifted my right leg slightly. With that, Hasegawa was able to slide one side of my pants off.

“………………”

While doing this, Hasegawa glanced at my underwear. Her cheeks turned bright red, and she lowered her face.

“Ha… Hasegawa, you don’t have to force yourself. You know… it must be embarrassing for you too, right?”

“No… it’s fine…”

Hasegawa nervously continued removing my pants. The sound of the belt buckle clinking strangely sounded very erotic.

“Then, Senpai, please lift your leg again. I’ll put the pajamas on you.”

“O-Okay.”

Just as I lifted my right leg again and Hasegawa was about to put the pajamas on me…

“Ugh, what!?”

I couldn’t get my leg into the pajamas properly and lost my balance.

“Kyaa!”

I ended up knocking Hasegawa over as I fell forward.

“Ah, it hurts… Hasegawa, sorry! Are you okay?”

“Y-Yes…”

Hasegawa’s face was right in front of mine. Our eyes met perfectly, and we both awkwardly looked away, unable to hold the gaze.

“…Huh?”

That’s when I realized something soft was touching the palm of my left hand.

It was a sensation hard to put into words. It was soft, but there was something firm, like a board, pressing against it.

I shifted my gaze to confirm what I was touching with my palm.

“!?”

It was Hasegawa’s chest. The firm thing I felt was the sensation of her bra.

“W-Whoa!! I’m sorry!!”

I quickly pulled my hand away and apologized to her.

“I-I didn’t think I would touch you!”

“…………..”

“I’m sorry, I’ll move aside right now…”

Just as I said that and tried to get up, Hasegawa grabbed my left wrist with both hands, as if silently pleading for me not to rise.

“Huh? H-Hasegawa…?”

“…Senpai, do you… do you have any… sexual feelings built up?”

“Eh…?”

“You’ve been in the hospital for a long time, so… so maybe… do you have those kinds of… desires built up?”

Hasegawa’s face turned bright red from her cheeks to her ears as she placed my hand on her chest. Then, with a trembling voice, she said:

“If… if it’s okay… would you like to use my body?”

“…………..”

In that instant, my heart jumped! My blood circulated at an incredible speed, and my whole body felt heated.

She gazed at me with wet eyes.

“I have big breasts… I thought maybe I could satisfy you, Senpai.”

Hasegawa’s left hand reached down and touched my pants.

Then, slowly, she leaned her face toward mine, narrowing her eyes and slightly pouting her lips.

“N-No… wait a second… wait a moment.”

“If it’s Senpai’s command, I’ll do anything, so… we can go all the way, if you want. But… this is my first time, so I’d be happy if you’d be gentle with me.”

“Wait, I said.”

“Even if I get pregnant, I won’t blame you, Senpai. I’ll handle it on my own… so… you can use me however you like…”

“Hasegawa! Please! Wait!”

I grabbed her shoulders and shouted. Hasegawa stared at me with a shocked expression.

“Hasegawa… please, do that with someone you truly love, not with me. Alright?”

“…………..”

“I don’t want you to disregard yourself. I’m happy that you want to support me, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself because of it…”

“…………..”

“Can you… let go of my hand?”

“…………..”

At that moment, Hasegawa finally released my left hand. I slowly stood up and let out a sigh.

Hasegawa also stood up, looking down shyly.

“S-Senpai… I’m sorry. I said something strange.”

“Haha, it’s fine. The situation is a bit unusual, so it’s understandable you’d be confused.”

“…………..”

“Well then, I’ll put on my pajama pants by myself. Let’s go to sleep now.”

“…Okay.”

“You have pajamas too, right? I’ll step out of the room for a bit, so you can change while I’m gone.”

“Okay.”

With that, Hasegawa and I changed into our pajamas, ready to end this hectic day.

***

In the dimly lit room, I lay on the bed, back-to-back with Senpai, both of us sharing the same bed.

At first, I said I would sleep on the floor, but Senpai, feeling apologetic, insisted on letting me have half of the bed.

Now that I think about it, there was a time in the hospital when we shared a bed like this.

“…………..”

Starting tomorrow, Senpai would finally return to school. I’d go to school with him and help support him.

Since we were in different grades, we’d be in separate classes, but during lunch breaks, I’d go to Senpai’s class and use his chopsticks for him.

After school, I’d sit next to him during the student council activities, helping with writing or taking notes. It would be better to do that until I got used to writing with my left hand.

It might be tough, but I had no right to complain.

Senpai saved my life. In return, he had distorted his own.

Losing an arm was equivalent to distorting a life. So, I had to dedicate my life to thanking Senpai.

“…………..”

I sat up and looked down at Senpai, who was peacefully sleeping, his breathing gentle.

‘Hasegawa… please, do that with someone you truly love, not with me.’

Senpai’s words from earlier came back to me in a daze.

“……Senpai is truly Senpai, after all.”

I opened my mouth slightly and gazed intently at Senpai’s sleeping face.

“…………..”

I had always been alone.

My mother, a single mom, never paid much attention to me. She was always busy with work, so I was usually the only one at home.

When I was little, I once went for a walk alone around the neighborhood and found a beautiful stone by the side of the road. Looking back, it was just a plain white rock, but at the time, I thought it was so beautiful that I believed, “This must be an amazing stone worth a fortune!”

“If I have this, Mom won’t have to work anymore! She can stay home forever!”

With that thought, I excitedly brought the stone home and headed to my mom’s room, where she was resting.

That day, Mom had the day off and had been sleeping since morning. I gently shook her shoulder and said, “Mom! Look! I found such a beautiful stone!”

“I’m sure this is worth millions! Now, Mom doesn’t have to work anymore!”

“…………..”

“Hey, Mom, wake up! Look at what I found! This stone is beautiful! It’s amazing!”

“…………..”

Mom, who had reached her limit, glared at me and yelled at the top of her lungs.

“You idiot! Why are you disturbing me while I’m trying to sleep!? Don’t you understand how tired I am!? Don’t wake me up over something as insignificant as a stone!”

Then, Mom snatched the stone from my hands and threw it hard against the wall.

Crash!

The stone chipped as it hit the wall.

“Go away! Don’t come in here again!”

“…………..”

“If you come in here again, I’ll hit you!”

“…………..”

So, I left the bedroom, holding the broken stone in my hands.

I went out to the garden alone, crying, and made a grave for the stone. At the time, I thought the stone was alive.

“…………..”

I never got attention from Mom. That feeling of being neglected had clung to me since I was little.

It was so painful back then, when Mom wouldn’t listen to my story about the stone. But at that moment, something clicked in my mind.

“If I did something bad, Mom would react to it.”

Even though she ignored my story about the beautiful stone, she would respond if I woke her up.

So, it didn’t matter how. As long as I did something wrong, Mom would scold me again, right? She’d pay attention to me again, right?

From that point on, I started doing a lot of mischief to get Mom’s attention. I’d dirty clothes she told me not to, or break plates on purpose.

“Yuzu, why do you do things like that!? Why do you make things harder for me!?”

Every day, Mom would scold me, but I was happy when she did.

Because when she scolded me, she wouldn’t go to work. She’d stay by my side. She’d pay attention to me.

I tried to get attention this way from others too, not just Mom. To get my friends’ attention, I’d put bugs in my clothes or suddenly hit their heads.

“Why are you doing that again!? How many times have I told you not to trouble others!?”

Of course, I’d get yelled at by Mom and even cried at by my friends.

“Hashigawa-san! Why would you do that!?”

“Yuzu-chan, that’s awful~! Waaah!”

I’d get scolded by the teacher and my friends, but when I did something, everyone seemed to be involved. That made me want to keep escalating it.

But, I knew deep down, if I kept doing things like that, I’d just end up more isolated. No matter where I was, I was always excluded, and when I tried to talk to someone, I was ignored.

And eventually, no matter what mischief I did, I got no reaction at all. Not even scolding from Mom anymore.

I thought to myself that I didn’t have a place anywhere anymore.

“You little brat! I’m really mad this time!”

…But.

There was one person who never ignored me—Nakamura-senpai.

No matter what mischief I pulled, senpai always scolded me. That made me happy, and I couldn’t help but tease him. I wanted him to be bothered for me, and I wanted him to spend his time on me.

No matter what I did, senpai would scold me properly. He never suddenly stopped talking to me or ignored me. He always kept our relationship, no matter what.

Because of senpai’s kindness, I… ended up relying on him too much.

I thought many times about confessing my true feelings, but each time I felt embarrassed and ended up teasing him as usual. The habit of running away from being honest, of not being able to tell Mom or my friends, “I’m lonely, pay attention to me,” had become ingrained in me.

Because of that… senpai ended up getting hurt so badly, his life twisted by the consequences.

“…”

Actually, there’s one thing I’ve decided.

If senpai ever gets someone he likes, I’ll stop accompanying him.

Because if senpai has someone he likes, I’d definitely just be in the way. It would be so strange if I were there while they were on a date.

So, when senpai finally finds someone like that, that’s when I’ll be free from my role.

──And after that, I’ll die alone.

Of course, I have no intention of ever confessing my feelings to senpai. After all, I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Simply having these feelings for senpai is something that’s not allowed.

I think I’ll die with these feelings for senpai, keeping them hidden. I want to leave this world without anyone ever knowing. I have to leave.

“…”

I lie on the bed, turning my body away from senpai’s back. I hear the bed creak under my weight.

“…Hey, senpai.”

I softly speak to senpai’s back, while he sleeps.

“If it were you, you’d probably say, ‘That’s beautiful, I’m glad,’ if I brought you a pretty stone, right?”

I gently bring my nose close to senpai’s back, just to catch a faint hint of his scent.

His warm, kind scent tickles my nose, and I almost find myself on the verge of tears.

Wrapped in that scent, I close my eyes and fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.