I Hope You’re Still Alive When Tomorrow Comes - 3

Chapter 3: Broken Heart

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“Since you’ve had your heart broken, how about dating me instead?”

“Huh?”

“You can treat me as a convenient tool. A convenient woman, so to say. I will do whatever you say. In fact, we can go to a hotel right now if you want. I heard that once you do it, your world will change and then, maybe you won’t feel like dying anymore.”

“…No, thank you. Besides, I never had any intention to die in the first place.”

Suddenly feeling very exhausted, I sat down on the bench again. 

I glanced at the timetable. It seemed the downward train would be coming in five minutes. The thoughts of wandering in the city had disappeared completely. I decided to just go home quietly and get on the next train instead. 

While I was contemplating my options…

“Really?”

“Really. So please, just calm down and leave me alone.”

“No. I can’t feel calm yet. I will escort you home.”

“What?!”

Ignoring my shocked reaction, she sat down next to me. 

“Even if you don’t feel like dying right now, but who knows, you might suddenly get the urge to die again. After, just a while ago, Tsuchiya-kun really looked like you wanted to die. I’m worried.”

“No, I’m being serious here. I’m fine. I won’t die just because of a broken heart.”

I said so without thinking much but then, I frowned at the words that came out of my mouth. 

Broken heart? No,no,no. 

“In the first place, I never said anything about a broken heart. My heart is not broken yet.”

Right. I ended up running away earlier but thinking about it, I wouldn’t know the nature of their relationship unless I asked Nanami. Maybe they were just doing some sort of punishment game. Or maybe they were friends and just messing around together. If a guy were to kiss him over something like that, she would get shocked at first but then, she would definitely get angry at him. Well, maybe Nanami would forgive him if he apologized and promised not to repeat the same mistake but-

“Huh? Judging from the mood between them, it’s clear to see that those two are dating. Tsuchiya-kun, I’m sorry to say this myself but I think the possibility of your heart broken is already 100% here.”

Her calm voice mercilessly crushed the budding hope I had left.

Frowning, I glared at her. 

“You don’t know for sure. Who knows-“

“I do know. It’s better if you do not cling onto a fruitless hope. It will just make you feel worse when you get your hope betrayed.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions. Not when you don’t know anything about them.”

Her words might be true if we were talking about other people but.. This was Nanami we were talking about. I knew Nanami much better than her. Nanami was the kind of girl who would introduce every friend she made to me. So… For Nanami to start dating a guy without saying anything to me… That….

“Tsuchiya-kun, it’s best if you stop lying to yourself. The only one who will get hurt is you. Nothing good will come out of it. It’s better if you start searching for a new love instead. That’s the most positive thing you can do to heal your heart.”

“…Shut up.”

I protested but my voice lacked any bite. 

It’s easy for you to say that.

The feeling I had for Nanami was not a mere puppy love. I had been looking after her for fifteen years. I had been living my life almost entirely for Nanami’s sake. I couldn’t just replace her that easily. It had to be Nanami. There was no one else but her for me. I couldn’t even imagine a life without her. 

….And I thought Nanami also felt the same way as me. 

Lost in despair, I looked down when I heard the bell ringing. The announcement for the next down-train could be heard. 

Reacting to the announcement, I stood up and the girl next to me stood up as well. 

“…Are you really going to follow me home?”

“Yes. I mean, I also need to take this train to get home.”

“…Ah, I see.”

I thought about letting her take this train and waited for the next one, but I knew she would just say,”Then I’ll come with you,” so I gave up on that idea. 

The two of us boarded the incoming train. We sat facing each other in the empty seat near the door.

“Which station are you going to get off at?”

“Nakamachi Station.”

“No, that’s my station. What’s your nearest station?”

“My nearest station is also Nakamachi Station.”

“…..Really?”

“Yes.”

I was still skeptical but I had a feeling I wouldn’t be able to win even if I pressed her even further so I decided to just drop the case. 

“By the way, what’s your name?”

“Kiho Sakashita. ‘Ki’ as in the season and ‘ho’ as in the boat. Just call me Kiho. I’m from class 1-4. Nice to meet you.”

I took another look at the girl sitting across from me.

Upon closer inspection, she looked pretty cute. Not my type, though. Her dyed light brown hair, the unnatural hue on her cheeks and lips… All in all, her appearance looked rather flashy. I preferred someone more simple. An innocent cuteness so to say, rather than this kind of flashy charm.

Someone like Nanami-

My mind started spiraling down again so I quickly put a stop to it. I shook my head, trying to shake the thought away.

“You know…”

“Yes?”

“Have we talked somewhere before? You and I? I mean, I’m sorry if we had and I forgot about it.”

“Yes. On the morning of April 14th this year.”

“Huh?”

“We talked on the train. Tsuchiya-kun and me.”

At the mention of a very specific date without missing a beat, a faint chill creeped up my back for a moment. 

Today was October. April was over half a year ago. 

“I-Is that so…”

“Yes. Although we only exchanged a few words.”

Even after she said that, I couldn’t recall anything. We really had only exchanged a few words then. Maybe I called out to her because I noticed she was about to miss her stop while she was asleep or something like that. 

“Then, does that mean… Ever since that day, you’ve been…”

“That’s right. I’ve been watching you ever since, Tsuchiya-kun.”

“…I see.”

To fall in love with someone just after a few words… Was it love at first sight or something? Was I that handsome? Or maybe I just never realized my own charm?

We got off at Nakamachi Station and Kiho nonchalantly walked out of the station with me. 

It seemed she planned on following me home just like this. 

“U-Umm… You know…”

“Yes?”

“I think I need to stop somewhere else first.”

“Okay. I’ll come with you.”

“No, I want to go alone. So… Let’s part ways here.”

“Huh… Where are you going? Surely you’re not planning to-“

“No! It’s nothing to be worried about, okay? I’m really alright and I really don’t have any intention to die, okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure.”

“…Alright then.”

Kiho seemed to be pondering her options for a while before she slowly opened her bag, which was slung over her shoulder. There, she pulled out her smartphone.

“I will give you my contact information. Please get in touch with me tonight. Just a word will do, just so I can check if you’re still alive.”

“To check if I’m still alive…?”

She doesn’t trust me that much?

I thought to myself but well, it was better than having her follow me home so I decided to amuse her on this part.

I nodded and exchanged contact information with her.

“You have to contact me. I’ll be waiting until I receive something from you. If I don’t hear from you even after the date changes, I will come to your house.””

So you already know where my house is?

I thought to myself. I didn’t dare to ask it out loud, fearing I wouldn’t be able to stomach her answer.

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