I Hope You’re Still Alive When Tomorrow Comes - 26

Chapter 26: I Liked It

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Ever since that day, I was always by Nanami’s side. I played with her everyday so that Nanami wouldn’t be alone. Drawing, building blocks, I didn’t actually like doing them. However, I didn’t mind it. 

“I like playing with Kan-chan the most.”

Nanami always said so while laughing joyfully. She looked genuinely happy from the bottom of her heart.

Nanami, who couldn’t play outside, didn’t have many close friends. She was always with me during nursery school. She would always follow me behind, holding onto the hem of my clothes so that she wouldn’t get left behind. 

Whenever I turned around, she’d be there, behind me with her cheeks flushed red and a happy smile on her face. 

“Kan-chan!”

And I loved that part of her. I liked how Nanami’s face lit up when she saw me.

“Kan-chan, thank you for everything.”

Nanami always said that every time she could after we entered elementary school. Nanami wasn’t very good at studying, so I often helped her. She was still as frail and shy as ever, so she didn’t have many friends during elementary school either. I was the only one that Nanami could rely on. 

“I’m happy to know that Kan-chan is here for me.”

Nanami would stare me straight into my eyes whenever she said that. Within her happy smile, I could see a hint of affection hidden within it. I liked seeing the slightly servile look on her face. 

Ah, because Nanami knows she’d be in trouble if I were gone. 

I thought to myself. I was happy. It felt good, being relied upon like that.

As she grew older, Nanami’s body also became a bit stronger. She didn’t collapse or fall ill as often. She didn’t miss school as much and she could play outside, just for a little bit though. Perhaps because of that, Nanami started gaining confidence. Her personality brightened little by little. She also started making friends. 

But for me… This change felt absolutely revolting. 

The growth… The independence… Nanami didn’t need any of that. 

Or so I thought. I wanted her to stay the same. Same old Nanami, just us drawing pictures together in the classroom like we were little. I wanted her to remain as she was, the Nanami who couldn’t do anything without me. I wanted her to rely on me forever. I wanted to protect the ‘pitiful’ Nanami. Forever. 

Forever.

I wanted her to keep saying she was glad I was here.

By the time I realized it, that wish became the only thing I hoped for from Nanami. I didn’t care whether Nanami got hurt or felt sad. I only wanted her to stay by my side, forever. I wanted her to keep chasing after me, to beg me not to leave her behind.

….Haaa… The heck is this. 

My throat quivered and I started laughing. A bitter laugh, enough to make me want to die. I took a deep breath and I could feel my strength leaving my body. Leaning against the railing, I crouched down on the spot.

“Tsuchiya-kun.”

Feeling depressed, I buried my face between my arms and then, I could hear Kiho’s voice reaching the back of my head. She sounded genuinely worried about me. 

“Are you okay?”

“…not really.”

I just realized it now. I was far too late. The relationship between Nanami and me… It didn’t break just now. It had been broken for a long time already.

“Is something wrong?”

“More or less…”

Because, I…

“I want to die.”

Because I didn’t want Nanami to become my equal. 

“….I see.”

Her soft voice was followed by the sound of gravel being stepped on. I lifted my head and there, my eyes were met with Kiho’s red sneakers. Those sneakers that had been resting on the railing of the observation deck finally returned to the ground. But not at the place I had expected. Those red sneakers landed on the other side of the railing, on the small gap between the railing and the steep cliff.

“….Huh?”

I quickly came to my senses and let out a dumbfounded voice. 

With one hand still on the railing, Kiho turned to face me. Behind her, the horizon stretched out. I could see seabirds flying in flocks in the distance and the sound of waves crashing against rocks kept on echoing to no end. 

“No, I mean, what? What are you doing?”

“I told you, didn’t I?”

Kiho was staring at me. Her face was frighteningly serious. This expression reminded me of that day, the day when she first appeared in front of me. 

“I will stop you from dying even if I have to die.”

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T/N: DEM THIS GIRL IS CRAZY( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)