I Hope You’re Still Alive When Tomorrow Comes - 10

Chapter 10:It’s Just Sweet

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“Kan-chan! Heading home?”

On that day, I was about to leave school when someone chased after me. A high-pitched voice that sounded a little clumsy. Her words remained unchanged since she was little. I could hear the sound of her footsteps coming toward me. 

I turned around and there was Nanami, looking slightly out of breath. 

“Don’t run. It’s dangerous.”

“It’s okay if it’s just a little bit. I’m feeling good today.”

I couldn’t stop myself from scanning our surroundings, checking if someone was hiding behind Nanami. Kiho was nowhere to be seen. 

“What’s wrong?”

Nanami asked. 

“Ah, nothing. What about Hiwatari?”

“He’s got something to do with the student council. Since it seems he’s going to be late, he told me to go on ahead.”

“But Nanami, you’re also part of the student council too, right?”

“I am but I’m just a mere staff. Taku-kun is a secretary. That’s why he’s busier than me.”

Could it be… Kiho isn’t here because of that? Maybe Kiho sees this as an opportunity to get closer to Hiwatari because Nanami is not by his side?

“….Don’t you need to wait for Hiwatari to finish then?’

“It’s fine. The direction of our home is different anyway. Besides, I need to go to the hospital today.”

Of course, Nanami who remained oblivious of Kiho’s scheme only smiled carefreely at my suggestion. 

“It’s been a while since we walked home together, right Kan-chan?”

“Well, that’s because you have become busy since joining the student council.”

I couldn’t hide the hint of resentment in my voice. 

“….So… Are you doing alright?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“Well, you know with the student council and all. You look pretty busy so I was wondering if it’s hard on you? Physically?”

“I’m fine.”

Nanami replied cheerfully. 

“In fact, I’ve been feeling really good lately. I feel so full of energy. I even participated in PE class until the end today. I played basketball for the first time ever.”

Nanami continued on. 

“Basketball?”

I was taken aback when Nanami happily shared that news to me. 

“I don’t think you should do that. What if you faint again? Didn’t they tell you it’s alright for you to sit out during PE?”

“That’s only when I’m not feeling well. I felt great today. It would be weird to sit out when I’m feeling healthy, right?”

“Isn’t it fine? There’s nothing wrong with sitting it out. After all, you already have the permission to do so.”

I sighed while scratching my head, frustrated at Nanami. 

I had had this conversation with Nanami so many times in the past, so much so that I had lost count. Nanami tended to overestimate her body. The moment she felt a little better, she would get carried away, thinking she could do the things she normally couldn’t. I couldn’t even count how many times she had fainted during physical education class because of this. Of course, I was also the one who had to carry her to the nurse’s office. 

“It was fine and it will be fine in the future. Even I want to join the others during PE class when I’m feeling healthy.”

“But what if you push yourself too hard and faint?”

“I’m not going to push myself too hard. I know my own body.”

“If you do, you wouldn’t have fainted in the first place.”

I couldn’t trust Nanami’s version of “fine”. I still remembered she insisted she was “fine” during our way to school but in the end, she ended up fainting too. 

“Just sit out during PE from now on. I can’t have you fainting again.”

“But…”

“Don’t ‘but’ me.”

I spoke firmly and Nanami pursed her lips out, sulking.

“Kan-chan, you’re acting like my dad!”

She said, leaving me baffled. 

Dad…?

The words she said repeated over and over again in my mind. 

“…..Can’t you say ‘big brother’ at least?”

“Nope~ With all that nagging, you’re more like a dad than a brother.”

Nagging…?

The word got repeated in my mind over and over again, making me feel like an idiot. 

Those words that I had heard several times before finally struck a chord. 

I guess Hiwatari is not the type to say this kind of thing to Nanami. I guess he won’t. After all, Nanami said he’s “kind”.

If Nanami insisted that she wanted to join the physical education class, Hiwatari wouldn’t argue with her. He would just nod and smile at her. That must be the type of kindness Hiwatari offered to Nanami. A sweet, unquestioning kindness. 

But Hiwatari was only able to be kind like that because he didn’t know anything about Nanami. He wasn’t there when Nanami insisted she wanted to “join with everyone else” and ignored the limit of her body. He didn’t know how many times Nanami had to recuperate for days because she had pushed herself too hard. 

I knew. I knew it all. After all, I had been by her side for years, watching her and protecting her. That was why I couldn’t offer the same unyielding kindness that Hiwatari could give. 

I remained silent, pondering over how unfair our situation was when suddenly, Nanami spoke up. 

“Oh, by the way, the results for the mock exam are already out. Kan-chan, you did great, just like usual~”

Nanami said suddenly, as if she had just remembered about the result. She showed me the same innocent smile she had always shown to me during our years together. 

“Kan-chan is really smart, huh? You’re so amazing.”

“I’m not amazing. I came in second.”

I muttered bitterly. She made me remember the thing I had almost forgotten. 

“Huh? It’s still amazing though. First place or second place, none of it matters.”

“No, it does matter. First place and second place are different.”

“Not from my perspective though. They’re the same. They’re both equally amazing.”

Nanami said such child-like words with that child-like smile of hers. 

Suddenly, a bitter feeling welled up in my throat, causing me to avert my gaze from Nanami. 

Well, maybe for you they’re the same. 

I spat out in my mind. 

In the first place, it was only natural for me to achieve a higher grade than others. After all, this high school was academically at a much lower level than the one I could have gone to originally. Looking at it on a national scale, my grades weren’t really that impressive. I was seen like a smart student merely because the other students in this school had poor grades. 

“Are you sure you want to go to that school?”

My homeroom teacher and my parents kept asking me after I took the entrance exam to this school. Each and every time, I would nod my head without any hesitation. 

“With your grades, you could go to a better high school, you know?”

They would say that but for me, I couldn’t care less about that. Back then, I only wanted to go to the same high school as Nanami. Other things didn’t matter to me. 

Looking back at it now, I realized how foolish I was. 

Why did I insist on going to this high school? I deliberately went to a school with a lower academic level and for what? For Nanami to get taken away by Hiwatari?

Ah… I want to transfer school too…

Suddenly, that thought flashed through my mind. 

Just for a moment, for a split second, I actually hoped I could transfer school in the middle of a school year just like that person. But then, I quickly put a lid to that thought. After all, processing the transfer and everything would be too much of a hassle. 

While I didn’t know the exact process, but I knew it would cost a lot of money and time. There would be exams to take, papers to do and everything else. 

But… That person was willing to go through all that trouble. All of that just to attend the same high school as me. 

Now that I realized how much sacrifice that person had to go through just to be able to watch me, my body suddenly felt cold again.

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T/N: Now I understand why Nanami doesn’t want to date MC… I need to remind myself MC is just a stupid teenager in his stupidest phase ε-(ｰдｰ)