I Fell in Love with Someone I Shouldn't Have Fallen in Love with

Painful Thoughts

Souji’s POV

I graduated from middle school and managed to successfully pass the public high school entrance exam I want to attend.

This is still the first step towards fulfilling my promise to my mother, but for the first time in a long time, I feel relaxed.

However, at the same time, new worries also emerged.

Or should I say, I have to face what I have been putting off for quite some time now.

It’s about my relationship with Ami.

When and how should I tell Ami about our true relationship? Depending on the situation, I might need to bring up what Ami’s parents did to my mother 16 years ago.

If that were to happen, I’m sure Ami will blame her parents. And as a result, I might have to leave this house.

With that in mind, I’m thinking of waiting until we graduate high school to talk to Ami about it.

However, recently, especially since I got accepted into my high school, Ami’s behaviour has started to change, and I start to feel anxious about it.

She started coming to my room frequently, sometimes being affectionate, and other times even insisting on cleaning my ears for me. We began spending more time together, and there were even moments when she held my hand.

Ami probably has romantic feelings for me as a boy.

I discussed this matter with my younger sister, Emi, and she agrees that Ami might have romantic feelings for me.

Emi is the only person I share the secret that we are half-siblings, and she is the only person I can talk to about this.

I have affection for Ami as my little sister.

Unlike my father and that woman, I have no hatred for both Ami and Emi.

I don’t want to hurt Ami’s feelings.

However, if she continues to have romantic feelings for me without knowing the truth, I can’t just let it be.

As her older brother, I can’t reciprocate her feelings.

When I consider the future, I believe it’s better to be honest and have her understand the situation rather than trying to deceive or keep a distance with her while hiding the truth.

If I do that, Ami will likely be shocked, and she might even come to resent me for keeping this hidden.

Even so, I believe it’s better for her to know than to remain to know nothing about this matter.

However, the problem is, my future depends on her reaction.

I don’t have the skills to live on my own if I’m kicked out of this house.

Naturally, I won’t even have a place to sleep.

So, for the time being, my goal is to move out and start living on my own.

To achieve that, I’ve decided to start working part-time after entering high school and save up money.

Once I’ve saved enough money, I’ll talk to my father and ask him to be my guarantor for renting an apartment.

As for my studies, of course I’ll focus on them and ensure I don’t let my grades slip.

Then once I’ve successfully started living on my own, I’ll tell Ami the truth.

I don’t know what will happen after that.

Ami may might come to hate me and even cut ties with me.

Or rather, I should distance myself from her. It’s probably better to not see each other for a while.

Thinking about the enjoyable past year I’ve had with Ami, I feel quite sad to distance myself from her, but continuing this current relationship while keeping the truth hidden is more dangerous.

However, why should we children suffer so much because of our irresponsible and insensitive father and that woman?

On top of that, the worst part is, they themselves don’t even realize it. They believe they’re living peacefully and happily in a harmonious family. It’s hard not to feel hatred towards them because of it.