I Fell in Love with Someone I Shouldn't Have Fallen in Love with - Chapter 26

Finishing The Deal

It has been eight months since I moved her.

My life here is tougher than I had imagined.

Mama is not well-received at her family’s home, and I feel completely out of place in my new high school because I transferred at an odd time of the year.

I begin working part-time at a convenience store while attending high school.

I have already given up on going to college.

Mama started a part-time job as well, but she ignores the household chores. Whenever she is home, she drinks alcohol incessantly.

Or rather, I continue to push her towards excessive drinking.

By the time spring changes to summer, it’s clear that Mama has become an alcoholic.

By then, she stopped going to her part-time job and of course, got fired.

However, even in that situation, I didn’t take her to the hospital and continued to give her money to buy more alcohol.

Now, this situation has turned into a battle of endurance for me.

It’s a contest of which will break first, my heart as I endure Mama’s alcoholic rages at home and work part-time to provide her with money for alcohol, or Mama’s liver as it’s deteriorating from alcohol, which will ultimately lead to her death.

Honestly, I have thought about choking her to death many times, but I reminded myself if I do something like that, Emi will be labelled as a sister of a criminal. By doing so, I somehow managed to endure it.

When I confronted Mama with resentment during the winter break, I made up my mind.

I will never forgive her until the day I die.

To prevent Emi and Souji-kun to suffer any further, I decided to take care of Mama myself.

On my way back from my part-time job, I stop at a park cool off from the heat. As I sit on a bench under a shady tree, I suddenly remember that day when I went to the public pool with Souji-kun.

Perhaps, it’s because of the atmosphere of the park and the place where I ate the sandwiches with Souji-kun is quite similar.

“What am I doing here, all alone…”

Once I mutter to myelf, I can’t stop.

“I had so much fun going out with Souji-kun…”

“I wish I could have played more with Souji-kun…”

“Is it normal to have such a relationship with Souji-kun even though he is my brother?”

“I wish I didn’t know that Souji-kun and I are siblings…”

“If only I didn’t know about any of this…”

“If only I hadn’t met Souji-kun…”

“If only I hadn’t fallen in love with Souji-kun…”

No, this is not right.

I shouldn’t regret what I did with Souji-kun.

Because by doing so, that means I’ll be denying our memories together.

It will be like as if Souji-kun never existed.

I must never do that.

I hate both Papa and Mama.

And I also hate myself.

The cool breeze flows into the shade of the trees, soothing my tired body.

“I wish I can hear Souji-kun’s singing one more time…”

While sitting on the bench, I reminisce about the memories with Souji-kun until the sky turns completely dark.

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My battle of endurance ended sooner than I expected.

It’s now late August, almost the end of summer break.

That day, Mama went out in her car to buy alcohol in the middle of the night. She crashed into a traffic light at an intersection at a speed of 80 kilometres per hour. By the time she was rushed to the hospital, she was already dead.

The police declare the accident as a self-inflicted accident due to drunk driving.

Mama’s parents helped me with the wake and funeral as I wouldn’t have been able to do it alone.

They also helped me with all the money and funeral arrangements.

I bowed down to my grandparents and expressed my apologies for the trouble Mama had caused. I also thanked them for their help with the funeral.

The wake and the funeral are being held at the family home.

My uncle (Mama’s brother) takes on the role of the chief mourner.

After the wake, when I’m alone with Mama, I speak to her lifeless body.

“Mama, I’m sorry. But I’ll carry your sins from now on. So, please rest peacefully.”

The next day, I’m surprised to see Emi at the funeral.

I hadn’t contacted either Papa or Emi.

So it seems that grandma secretly contacted them.

During the funeral, Emi’s gaze towards me feels really painful.

I want to turn away from her gaze.

But I desperately hold back.

I don’t want to show Emi my pathetic appearance anymore.

During Mama’s cremation, I’m able to have a conversation with Emi.

I feel relieved and glad to hear that Emi is doing well.

Her high school entrance exam studies seem to be going smoothly, and she remembers her promise to me.

While talking to Emi, I realized that she has figured out what I had been planning and what I had been doing all this time.

‘As expected of Emi.’

I thought to myself.

I feel like Emi can see through everything.

Emi tells me,

“Let’s go back together, Onee-chan.”

I feel incredibly happy to hear that, but I declined.

I realized that someone like me who has strayed from the path of humanity shouldn’t be near Emi. Moreover, I’m the one who led Mama to her heath, so I have decided to live alongside Mama’s spirit in this place.

Emi is quite persistent about it, but in the end, she gives up.

At the shinkansen platform, as we are saying our goodbyes, Emi and I hug each other.

Remembering Emi’s nostalgic scent, tears start to well up in my eyes, but I clench my teeth and hold them back.

After I can no longer see Emi’s shinkansen, I get down on my knees and cry out loud.

I didn’t cry during the funeral or in front of Emi, but at that moment, I cry as hard as I can.