I Fell in Love with Someone I Shouldn't Have Fallen in Love with

Grudge

In the morning, I wake up feeling cold again.

Just like yesterday, Emi has taken up the entire blanket again.

I check my smartphone and see that it’s exactly 6 AM. So I get up, wash my face at the kitchen sink and start to prepare our breakfast.

I rinse 2 cups of rice and put it inside the rice cooker.

Since there is a bit of the pork belly left from last night’s hot pot, so I decided to make pork miso soup for breakfast.

I also use the leftover vegetables that I have prepared for the hot pot.

After having breakfast together and seeing Souji-kun off to school, we decided to clean the apartment and do the laundry.

For the laundry, since there is a coin laundromat nearby, we decided to wash all of our clothes there. This is actually our first time using a laundromat, so Emi and I go there with the intention of leaning how it works.

Seeing other people, it seems like it’s fine to put our clothes in the washing machines and leave. Then, we’ll just come back to collect our clothes once they are done washing.

After putting our clothes and starting the machine, we go back to the apartment.

Since, I’m planning to go back home to take my homework and bicycle, I ask Emi to watch the apartment and take our clothes at the laundromat once it’s done.

When I arrive home, I notice that Papa’s car is not in the garage, so I assume that he has gone to work as usual.

The front door is locked, so I use my own key to quietly enter the house. Since I don’t sense anyone home, I assume Mama is also out. Then, I head straight to my room.

As soon as I enter my room, I quickly pack my school homework into my school bag, along with some spare underwear and tights.

Once I finished preparing my things, I suddenly remember that I have a summer blanket.

I know it won’t be warm enough to sleep with just that, but I figured that it’s better than nothing.

So, I take the blanket out of the closet and pack it into the largest paper bag I can find in my room.

Then, I go to Emi’s room to look for the things she asked to bring along and pack them into my backpack.

Now, the only thing left I want to take with me is my bicycle, but before taking my bicycle, I go to the kitchen.

I wonder if there is any food I can take with me, so I rummage through the fridge and pantry.

“Ami, what are you doing?”

Suddenly, I hear a voice from behind.

I’m so surprised because I didn’t notice anyone approaching, I thought that my heart would stop. But when I turn around and see it’s Mama, I quickly regain my composure.

“I just came to get some things I forgot. I’ll leave soon.”

Mama starts to scream hysterically.

“That person and you are all so selfish! You all just do whatever you want without thinking about my struggles! What have I done to go through all this alone?”

Hah, even after Emi’s confrontation, Mama still doesn’t get it.

She still believes that she is the victim here.

Even towards Souji-kun, it seems like she doesn’t realize that she is the perpetrator. Instead, she sees herself as the victim.

“You know, Emi was absolutely right. You are a rotten piece of human trash, Mama. I had a crush Souji-kun, you know? He is my first love. But then suddenly out of nowhere, I’m told that we’re siblings, and I can’t like him anymore. Do you have any idea how much of a shock that was? It was even more shocking than finding out Papa is cheating. Then, who’s to blame for all the turmoil I’m in? It’s all Papa and Mama’s fault, isn’t it? Why do I have to suffer so much because of my own parents? And what? Does Mama seriously think that you are the victim here? How much do you actually love herself? If you love yourself more than your own daughter, then why did you even decide to have me in the first place? I’d rather not have been born than make Souji-kun unhappy.”

As I’m saying so, Mama keeps repeating,

“Shut up! Shut up!”

I can hardly get her to listen to what I have to say.

She keeps scratching her head while saying,

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

So, I grab Mama’s face with both of my hands and look directly into her eyes.

“I’ll resent you for the rest of my life. I’ll never forgive you.”

I tell her so.

Mama’s eyes well up as she shakes off my hand and leave the kitchen.

As I’m alone in the kitchen, I let out a sigh and start preparing to return to Souji-kun’s apartment.

I begin putting various ingredients and seasonings into plastic bags, carry them to the front door and put everything into my bicycle’s basket.

I also decided to take our shoes with me, so I grab another plastic bag from the kitchen, put both Emi and my shoes inside, and hang it on the handlebar of my bicycle.

On the way back, I feel like wanting to cry. So, I distract myself by singing Nakajima Miyuki’s ‘Fight’ which is the song I heard Souji-kun sang.

In the end, I can’t hold my tears back, and I can’t sing as well as Souji-kun.