I Confessed My Sexual Preferences to My Online Game Best Friend, and the Person Who Showed Up at the Offline Meetup Was the Cute Girl from My Class - 20

Chapter 20: The Uneasy Feeling in My Chest

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“I’m sorry!! I’m really, really sorry!!”

I shouted into the voice chat microphone, pressing my forehead down against the desk in my room as if scraping it. On the screen, my avatar was performing a deepest bow. There was no sound from the speakers, only a faint, quiet electronic hum reaching my ears.

“…Let me explain. Haru… I lied to Shinonome-san and told her I was ‘shopping with my sister’ because Haru’s best friend… Ichinose-san, got leverage on me.”

I spilled everything that had happened that day and the day before, after school. How I’d ended up witnessing Ichinose-san being confessed to. How I’d heard her wish to be seen for who she really was. And then…

“…She said it with that innocent smile, like, ‘I’ll tell the whole school that Sato-kun was looking at me with perverted eyes, you know?’ And—okay, yeah, it’s true that I used to talk on voice chat with you about Ichinose-san’s body lines and stuff! That’s why it wouldn’t sound like a lie, and I couldn’t refuse!!”

A desperate, clumsy confession, stripped bare. The guilt of having defiled the sacred space called “partners” that Haru and I had built over three years tightened painfully around my chest.

“…I was called out to a family restaurant in the next town as Ichinose-san’s love advice consultant. All of that is true. But the reason I wanted to keep it from you, Shinonome-san, is just… I was scared that if you found out your partner was secretly meeting your best friend, it would hurt you. That’s all.”

When I finished speaking, a heavy silence returned to the room. Would she yell at me? Or would she coldly say, “That’s enough. We’re done,” and cut me off? The worst possibilities flashed through my mind, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

If it’s going to come out like this anyway, why did you lie?

If she said that, I wouldn’t have a single word to answer with. All I could do was let time pass.

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Kazu’s desperate voice coming through the headset sounded pathetic, clumsy and yet painfully sincere. The reason I thought I was angry… I thought it was because he had lied to me. Of course, lying wasn’t good.

But as I listened to him explain why he’d met Ichinose Saki alone, a rough, hot sensation, something I’d never felt before, spread deep inside my chest, even as I understood why he’d felt cornered.

…Has Saki taken a liking to Kazu?

Saki was my closest best friend. I knew better than anyone how lonely she was, and how desperately she longed for someone who would see what was inside her.

Because I’m the same.

For three years, I’d felt like no one in the real world truly understood me, but that feeling had been eased by my relationship as “Haru and Kazu.”

But what about Saki? I believe I see the real her, and I know she feels that she sees the real me. But until now, it’s only been me. And now…

She found Kazuma. My partner. She touched his awkward kindness, and now she was trying to pull him into her own “special” circle. The moment I recognized that fact, my heart jumped unnaturally.

Thump. Thump.

A heavy, oppressive sound that echoed all the way into my ears.

What is this?

I was irritated. Because he lied? Or because, after I’d drilled it into him that we had to pretend to be strangers at school, she so easily crossed that rule and grew close to Kazuma?

…No. What made my chest churn the most was this… That Kazuma, somewhere I didn’t know about, touched Saki’s loneliness… And thought he couldn’t leave her alone.

For three years. For three whole years, I was the only one who knew about his kindness, the one who was residing on the other side of the screen. I was the only one who was his “best partner.” This voice chat room, where no one could interfere, had been my only place to belong.

…Kazuma is my partner!

The urge to scream that welled up inside me.

Possessiveness.

An emotion I’d thought had nothing to do with me dug sharp claws into my heart. The part of me that thought Saki was being unfair. And the part of me that wanted to cry at Kazuma and ask, “Why didn’t you tell me first?”

…Rin Shinonome… Why am I this shaken? At school, I can perfectly play the role of an “angel.” So why is the behavior of just one boy tossing me around until it feels hard to breathe?

“…………”

Silence. I still couldn’t put into words the answer he was waiting for. I didn’t even understand it myself. But there was one thing I knew for sure..

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How much time had passed? Dozens of seconds? Or several minutes? The silence on the other side of the headphones felt eternal. The avatar on the screen still hadn’t moved an inch.

“…Haru?”

When I called out timidly, a small, hoarse voice finally came from the speakers.

『…Idiot.』

“Huh?”

『…You big idiot, Kazu… …It’s fine now. …When that group called ‘A Secret Between the Three of Us’ showed up, I seriously almost threw my phone…』

Rin’s voice didn’t sound angry so much as drained—almost sulky.

“…I’m sorry. I really am. …I’ll do anything to make it up to you. …I can even copy every last word of your chuunibyou poems by hand into my notebook tonight—”

『That’s not an apology at all!! That just makes me want to die, so stop!!』

Rin snapped back with her usual force.

…

Ah. That was the usual Haru. I let out a deep breath of relief without realizing it.

『…But yeah. …Once Saki gets like that, she won’t stop. …You taking on the advisor role is… Well… …fine. I’ll forgive you.』

“…Seriously? Thank you… that saved me…”

『But in return… …That outing Saki mentioned this Sunday. …You’re absolutely coming, okay? I’m going too. …Don’t even think about running.』

“…Yeah. I know.”

『…Alright. …I’m done for today. I’m going to sleep.』

With that, she logged out much earlier than usual. The last thing I heard in her voice sounded like it was trembling.

“…………”

I took off my headset and stared at my phone in the pitch-dark room. A new group chat created by Ichinose Saki. Shinonome Rin’s all-too-brief “forgiveness.”

…What was this? Normally, Haru would’ve gone all out teasing me—“You’re my errand boy for life now lol” or “I’ll expose your fetishes!”—and dumped impossible demands on me. But tonight, she was far too quiet.

…Did she seriously start to despise me? She accepted my apology. And yet, there was this uneasy feeling inside my chest that refused to disappear. 

“…‘Idiot,’ huh…”

That one word she’d left behind. Every time I tried to recall its nuance, a small, restless heat flickered to life in my chest. Why didn’t she say anything more? Why didn’t she laugh like she always did? That “quiet silence” of hers stuck with me more than any insults ever had.

Tuesday night. The night my lie was exposed. I couldn’t bring myself to press send on the “Good night” LINE I’d typed, and all I could do was sit in the silent room while staring at the moonlight.

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