I Came Back from the Dead, Quit Being a Holy Hero, and Just Wanna Shake My Hips in a Harem - Chapter 23: Zen Mode

Chapter 23: Zen Mode

The bustling trade city of Granule.

As usual, the adventurers’ guild was packed with people—

And there I was, sitting alone by the window, sipping some fancy tea.

Maybe it was the calm, serene vibe I was giving off, but…

I could feel it.

Stares.

From the female adventurers all around me.

Those quiet, lingering, longing stares.

Nearby, a girl mage I knew was gripping the edge of her table, teeth clenched.

“D-Damn it… Haruya of all people… Haruya, of all people…!!”

I gave her a friendly smile.

She immediately turned away, face bright red.

“Don’t let it get to your head…”

She muttered it under her breath, clearly flustered.

Guess I was giving off that whole cool, refreshed hero aura today.

Honestly, I wanted to bust out my usual lewd and vulgar personality…

But I just didn’t have the energy.

Because last night, I absolutely destroyed myself with too much… solo grinding.

“Red envelope quests, huh…”

Several red envelopes sat on my table—each one a mission.

Obviously, they were Filio-related.

I’d mentally prepared for this the moment she joined the party.

Compared to before my return-to-life reset, at least now I get some degree of choice.

Way better than when I was just dragged along for everything.

Not totally mandatory anymore.

It’s clear Filio’s changed a little too.

“…Maybe changed a bit too much.”

She seemed very comfortable leaning into her succubus powers these days.

And speaking of Filio—she’d officially moved into our party’s inn.

Looks like Granule is going to be our home base for a while.

Right now, she’s living in the room right next to mine on the left.

And Lily? She’s on the right.

…And the very first night after Filio moved in, through the walls—

I could hear her moaning.

“Aah… ahh… ahhh♥”

Filio’s muffled moans echoed through the wall—
Like she was doing her best to hold back.

And from the room on the other side, 

I could also hear Lily letting out a faint, breathy “…ahn♥,”

Like she was quietly enduring something.

Instantly, my brain screamed:

SEX. NOW. SEX. RIGHT NOW.

But I kept my cool…

And handled it the solo way.

Like a true zen master.

That should’ve been the end of it.

Except…

They had the audacity to start whispering the dirtiest lines imaginable—

Like they knew I could hear them.

“Lord Haruya… please, let me pleasure you with both mouths… I’ll make you feel soooo good…♥”

“Haruya… please tease me more…♥ Do whatever you want with me… I’ll be your plaything…♥”

…Thanks to that, I hit double digits in a single night for the first time ever.

Their voices were way too effective as… “self-service support.”

By the end, I was completely drained—emotionally, spiritually, physically.

The last few times?

It wasn’t even pleasure anymore—it was just straight-up stimulus overload.

Even now, hours later, I felt too numb for any new lewd thoughts to rise up.

Next morning.

Breakfast time.

All three of us sat together at the table.

Lily, as usual, wore her perfect poker face.

Filio, on the other hand?

Her cheeks were bright red, and she couldn’t even meet my eyes.

And then, she shyly leaned closer and whispered—

Sliding another red envelope across the table: “Um… I’d like to do more training with you… okay?”

…What else could I do but accept it?

Still, I’ve got this nagging feeling I’m being expertly played.

Pretty sure Lily told Filio something like, “If you lock him down with sex, you’ll have him wrapped around your finger.”

But! I’ve got an iron will, baby.

My dream of landing a guilt-free, totally irresponsible harem sexytime is still alive—

And I’m just waiting for the perfect opening.

Each of us definitely has our own agenda.

Can’t really say we’re true-blue comrades or anything.

Still…

We are connected by a sacred bond.

The unbreakable thread of mutual self-love.

Yes.
We are the legendary hero party: “The Mighty Masturbators Club (temporary name).”

“…Though this is less than I expected.”

When I got the red envelopes, I thought I’d be dealing with a whole mountain of them.

But it was just a few.

Glancing at the guild’s job board, I noticed there were barely any quests left.

A lot of unfamiliar faces around too—

Looks like new adventurers are pouring in nonstop.

They’re even hiring more guild staff right now. Must be seriously swamped.

Apparently, recent events—like the Lyra Village incident, the mess in Gosse Town, and all those high-level monster sightings—are stirring things up across the adventuring world.

Not in a bad way, though.

If anything, people are fired up and ready to move forward.

That old spirit of adventure and frontier grit is making a comeback.

The world had been stuck in limbo, all thanks to Demon Lord Chronova.

That guy was so powerful, no one—not even the monsters—knew how to deal with him.

He used to be a high priest who served the goddess, too.

So naturally, he was a total pro at holy magic (even though he can’t use it anymore).

And the dark arts that ended up corrupting him?

Yeah—he’s mastered those too.

Peak evil wizard energy.

The one who commands dark magic and has mastered every spell—

That’s Demon Lord Chronova.

And his one and only weakness?

Pure, blinding holy light.

In other words—high-level divine magic.

Back in my previous life, I had the “perfect holy affinity”…

So I ended up getting dragged into a hellish training arc courtesy of the goddess herself.

Not gonna lie—it sucked.

(And she really went overboard on the whole “education” part.)

Now that Chronova’s gone, I bet a ton of shady figures are crawling out of the shadows,

Trying to stir up chaos while they’ve got the chance.

But humanity’s not just gonna sit around and take it anymore.

I glanced at the few red envelope quests scattered across my table.

“…Guess Lily and FIlio can relax a bit. Even the raunchy red quests are still this popular—which means adventuring isn’t slowing down anytime soon.”

A new era is definitely on the way.

I’m still not sure what’s going on with the Great Goddess Church and their whole master plan…

But I doubt they’ll need a “Hero” like me anymore.

So now—

It’s finally time for me to live the Harem Life I deserve—

One hip thrust at a time.

Fuhahahahaha‼

As I sipped my tea like an elegant, proper gentleman,

The adventurers around me suddenly broke into a commotion.

“Did you hear?! They’re finally bringing out Goddess Flora’s Blessing Armor from the vault!!”

“BFAAAHHHH!?”

I sprayed tea all over the table in the most dramatic spit take of my life.

Nearby, that same girl mage from earlier gave me a cold, deadpan glare—

A look that clearly said, “Yeah… still Haruya. Some things never change.”

…Which is great for her peace of mind.

Not so much for mine.

“THE HOLY REFORMATION ARMOR—A.K.A. FLORA’S ARMOR—is being released!?”

Holy Armor: Flora.

It’s armor that carries the divine blessing of Goddess Flora—

The strongest anti-demon armor in the entire world.

But… here’s the catch:

Only the pure, the righteous, and the beautiful can equip it.

And to make things worse, it constantly judges your words, actions, and even your attitude.

Start acting even a little “un-heroic,”

And the thing literally turns into a ton of bricks.

Honestly?

It’s basically cursed gear at this point.

Back in my previous life, I “accidentally” dropped it into the ocean once.

I figured, Hey, good riddance! and moved on.

But the next morning?

It was just… lying on my bed.

Sparkling clean.

Waiting for me.

Like some kind of terrifying haunted doll.

Except it was haunted armor.

By a goddess.

I perked up my ears to eavesdrop on the nearby adventurers chatting.

“That armor—wasn’t it only wearable by chosen heroes?”

“Nah, apparently anyone with a pure heart can equip it.”

…Well, technically, the real requirement is having high holy affinity,

But sure, let’s go with that.

“Why would they hand out something so rare though? What’s the Great Goddess Church even saying?”

“They’re claiming it’s ‘for the good of the world.’”

“Yeah, makes sense. With all the chaos lately, I guess it checks out. Good time for us adventurers to earn big, at least.”

Just like Lily warned,

Word about high-level monsters is spreading fast.

But then I thought—wait.

Who exactly are they planning to give that armor to?

And that’s when the adventurers casually dropped the answer.

“Sounds like they’re gonna recruit candidates from every major city.”

“But it’s armor blessed by a literal goddess, right? What if some scumbag tries to apply?”

“That’s why the Great Goddess Church is gonna use a sacred ritual to pick the right person.”

…Wait, what?

A ritual to find the chosen one?

I frowned at that just as an adventurer near the front desk suddenly shouted across the room—

“Hey everyone! They’re showing the armor candidate selection ritual on the magic broadcast right now!”

The guy was fiddling with the magic projection device near the front desk.

It looked like a huge crystal disk—about a meter wide—hooked up to a mess of pipes and runes.

One of the latest breakthroughs in magic tech.

Right up there with flying ships.

Still in the testing phase, apparently—

But man, magic science moves fast.

Back when I was born, ships couldn’t even fly.

A curious crowd of adventurers gathered around the device,

And naturally, I joined in from the back—nosey as ever.

“Alright, we’ve got a signal!”

As the guy adjusted the controls, the screen flickered from static and noise

To a clear, crisp image.

The broadcast showed the inside of what looked like the Great Goddess Church’s grand temple in Granule.

The mood was dead serious.

A high-ranking priest, stiff as a board, began to speak.

“The sacred armor, blessed by Goddess Flora, repels all evil and instantly heals even the smallest wound. It delivers divine light to all people—a miraculous gift, the embodiment of pure faith!”

Okay buddy, tone it down!

Why are you only hyping up the perks!?

You forgot to mention how it auto-returns after being tossed into the ocean…

Or how it silently creeps back into your bed like a haunted doll in armor form!

Can we get a proper disclaimer, please!?

“And now, before us is the Mirror of Revelation… A holy artifact that reflects only the worthy.”

Mirror of Revelation, huh?

Looks like a smaller version of the one I saw in the main cathedral before.

Didn’t know they had a portable model.

Guess they’re using that thing to find the next candidate now.

“Let the hidden light of this trade city now reveal itself!”

Ha! Called it.

So they’re really gonna hold this mirror ritual in every major city, huh?

Man, that sounds exhausting. Good luck with that.

Now, why was I so chill about all this? 

Well—see, to appear in that holy mirror, you need more than just a natural affinity for holy magic.

You also need a heart that’s calm and still—like a perfectly glassy lake.

That level of spiritual chill takes real discipline and training.

In other words, there’s no freakin’ way a guy like me, oozing with lust, would ever show up in that mirror!

Poor next candidate…

I kinda feel bad for them already.

Meanwhile, I was just sittin’ pretty, watching the drama unfold from the sidelines.

Stress-free.

Totally at peace.

“O light that blesses all… Show us now—our beacon, our guiding flame!”

With that chant, the mirror started rippling—shimmering like jelly.

And me?

I stared at it with total composure.

Maybe even… purity?

I mean, after pulling off double-digit fap sessions last night, I was basically in full-on monk mode.

Mind clear.

Soul at peace.

…

…Wait.

Double-digit fap sessions. Last night.

Oh crap. 

By the time I realized it, it was already too late.

“He shall be the one to illuminate the world!”

The mirror displayed… my face.

Cool. Calm. Heroic.

The entire guild turned to look at me in unison.

Every single person wore the exact same expression—

Pure disbelief.

“W-Whaaaaat?! Is that handsome dude… ME?! Woohoooo!!”

I went full goofball.

Wiggling my hips.

Throwing up peace signs.

I won’t lose!

Not to fate!

Not to destiny!!

Not to this dumb magical prank mirror thing!!!