Chapter 19 – Excalibur!!!

A variety of dishes were lined up on the table in front of me. Fujimiya-san had made them. True to her word, her cooking skills seemed solid.

Surrounding it were the four of us, myself included. Just as we were about to eat, Watase-san suddenly brought this up.

“And so, I’ve decided to change the method of our revenge against that woman.”

I had no idea what “And so” meant here, but I guessed she still hadn’t given up.

I had to be clear about this right then. Otherwise, I felt like I’d just get dragged into it again.

“I don’t know what you’re changing or how, but I’m not helping anymore, alright?”

“I wonder if it’s okay for you to say that? If I tap this call button right now, it will connect to Wano-sensei, you know?”

When had she gotten her contact info? Her methods were like those of a third-rate villain. But it was super effective. If she did that, my sword Excalibur would surely end up sheathed in Wano-sensei’s scabbard.

But I wouldn’t yield. These feelings couldn’t be stopped.

“Since we’re on the subject, I’ll just say it: I like Ayane-san. So making her hate me any more than this is honestly a bit much.”

“!? !? !?”

Yep. All three of them were surprised. But sorry. Do your best, you three. Oh, should I eat some fried chicken?

Snap!

Hm? What was that sound?

“To think… to think she had even extended her reach into the real world… Unforgivable, unforgivable, unforgivable, unforgivable…”

For some reason, Watase-san was muttering under her breath while snapping her chopsticks in half. No, wait, those were Hidaka-san’s chopsticks.

“Hey, Takuma-kun. Don’t you want some money? I’m getting my part-time paycheck next week. I’ll give it all to you. I’ll even throw in my bra. It’s big, so it can double as a bag, you know?”

Fujimiya-san, don’t try to buy people with money! And I don’t need your bra! What do you mean, a bag!? I’d get arrested!

“Fumyu… Nooo! No, no, no, no! Fumyuu~!”

Nao-chan… regression to a toddler this time? Let’s firmly settle on a character, okay?

Good grief. Why were they trying to drag me into this?

“Sorry. Seems my ears went into dense protagonist mode for a second. Anyway, for the new plan, I’ll have you, Takuma, become my boyfriend. Then we’ll show that woman us being all sweet and lovey-dovey and smooching. A-Um… strictly as a f-fake, okay? We’re just p-pretending to date! Even if we get caught up in the moment and actually smooch, it’ll just be an accident!”

What did she mean by “dense protagonist mode”? And was she going for a tsundere character?

“T-That’s not fair! I’m doing that too! I have to make Takuma-kun my boyfriend and show us all lovey-dovey, puff-puff, bounce-bounce, and smooching! A-Um… strictly a fake, okay? Yeah, a fake. (Was today’s underwear cute…? Ah, it’s the frilly one. Perfect.)”

What did she mean by puff-puff and bounce-bounce? Also, could you stop pulling your collar wide open to look inside? What’s perfect? And again, what is puff-puff and bounce-bounce?

“N-Nao too! Nao’s gonna make Otouto-kun her boyfriend and show off us being all sweet and sniff-sniff and smooching! But it’s a fake!”

Sniff-sniff? I’d like you to stop smelling me. Also, please remember my name.

—Well then, the three of them seemed to be saying whatever they pleased, but my answer remained the same.

“I refuse.”

“I see. It’d be troublesome if we didn’t have a way to contact you when something happens, wouldn’t it?”

“True.”

…Hey, were they even listening to me?

“And so, Takuma. Give us your contact info.”

“No way.”

“If you won’t tell us…”

“W-What?”

What exactly did they plan on doing? Why were they smiling so fearlessly?

“Outside of class, I will stare at Takuma from the hallway the entire time.”

“I’ll secretly follow you home and stare at Takuma-kun’s room window every day.”

“When you get to school, I’ll rub my belly and say, ‘Right? Daddy,’ while staring at you.”

“I’ll give it to you.”

If they did that, it’d be way too scary. More than anything, my sanity wouldn’t hold out.

Well, even if they sent me something, I could just ignore it, right?

“Fufu, Takuma’s ID, get.”

“Yay♪ Ah, I should buy some new stamps just for Takuma-kun.”

“……Fuhihi.”

And just like that, three new friends were added to my messaging app.

Even though Wano-sensei’s sexy attacks were already intense enough, now I had to deal with these three… So depressing.

Feeling a little down, I reached out my chopsticks for a side dish. Right then—

“Waah! Mine hand hath slipped!”

“Cold!”

The vegetable juice from the cup Nao-chan knocked over completely soaked my pants.

Ah, geez, this kind of thing smells terrible when it dries.

“Takuma, are you okay? You’ll catch a cold. Come on, you have to take them off quickly.”

“No, I’ll be fine if I just head home right away.”

“I went through the trouble of making this, so I want you to eat it~.”

“I did eat some, you know?”

“I’d be scolded for sending a guest home in a soiled state. Allow me to wash them for thee.”

“No, it’s fine. …Excuse me? I said I’m fine, didn’t I? Wait, wait! Don’t try to pull my pants down!”

And so, right then, for some reason, I found myself in the middle of showering in the Hidaka household’s bathroom. I’d decided to let them handle it since they said Hidaka-san’s apartment’s washing machine had a dryer function and it’d be done in about thirty minutes. It was definitely not because I’d been terrified by the expressions on their faces as they tried to strip me of my pants. Seriously.

Well, the stain and smell were gone, so I should probably get out soon. Nao-chan had said she’d lend me some of Hidaka-san’s sweatpants to change into.

Though if her fans ever found out about this, I was pretty sure I’d be assassinated…

Thinking about that, I opened the bathroom door, only to find the three of them standing there for some reason. But none of their eyes met mine. Their gazes were concentrated entirely on a single point. And yet, due to this completely unexpected situation, neither my body nor my mind could move.

“…………”

“…………”

Shut.

I somehow managed to move my body, retreated into the bathroom, and closed the door. Immediately after—

“Kyaaaaaah!!! We saw itttt!!!”

Their three high-pitched voices echoed all the way into the bathroom.

“Wet muscles, oh my god!”

“Wet hair, oh my god!”

“Yabobababa!”

No, never mind that, just hurry up and get out.